June 18, 2017
Dear Mr. ,
I need your help…wow, well with so many things. I am not sure I can get it all out of my head before I leave to get to work on time.
First off, let me start with what sounded like you in my head as I arrived at yesterday – this is so weird to talk in this way. What I was thinking, imagining, visualizing is the environment to be seen like a tapestry in motion. I am a visual person, and when it comes to things of this nature I usually think very big, and fill in the details later as I go. So, a tapestry in movement from the inter-woven threads level. I hope that makes sense. Weaving in and out, up and down with fluidity, ease, a natural rhythm. Something sophisticated – at least something more sophisticated than what has been taking place.
In this way, it would replace the “pet-steps”, it would replace the “don’t step outside the lines, it would replace the one side vs. the other side. You see, I know I have written this before, but I must say it again. I do not know how to exclude especially when it comes to people, different nationalities, and cultures.
Okay, back to the tapestry people moving in and out and around each other.
BTW, the reason I walk through the side is to stay away from the pet steps which has caused several bad reactions, consequences, and punishments. Also, I choose to walk past the water cooler on my way to the because it is water. Also, has the sign about not a place for returns. Because it has been nothing but frustrating to constantly make purchases only to have to return or replace them. It is unbearable to not be able to choose what I like.
Tapestry – people – movement – without fear of repercussions and weight gain. Then, there is better eye contact, freedom of expression. Gosh, I hope this is making more sense.
I was thinking along the lines of what I did for Reg our director at college, as a thank-you. David and Thomas might remember if you need more help. It went like this, the actors were dispersed around the room, as they said their lines it was not in succession, but it bounced around the room. I am not sure how to say this, other than the effect was to have the audience in movement with the actors. Make sense? Need clarification?
Also, the actors or background would be based not solely on my purchases, or food, or the clothes I wear, etc. it would be based from my writings. So, instead of art imitating life it would be a unique creation.
I am having a problem with not being able to feel rested when I wake. This has been going on for years. I keep trying to purchase the sleep serenity spray from only to be able to get more restful sleep. Not for any baby bull-shit, and such non-sense. I cannot stand not being able to have choice. My room is so hot, I am trying to find ways to be able to cool it, so I can get restful sleep to re-energize, to heal.
The Punisher, BTW, I purchased because it was shot here in Florida, in Tampa. It is also another audition I never booked. Do you know they had to take people away in ambulances because of heat stroke while waiting just to give a head-shot. The Tampa Aquarium had just opened it was July in Florida, and we were all waiting on fresh asphalt. It was more than hot, and many people showed up in black. You know black is slimming, it looks theatrical.
Talked out of vacation hotels. Did you know that I was talked out the hotels I wanted to stay at when I went on vacation. I wanted to stay at the Key Lime hotel in Key West. I believed it was a better location, I liked the idea of the front porch, the amenities and so on. But, I didn’t get to stay there. It’s hard to explain, but it is along the lines of it was the only way I could keep my job. In New Orleans I wanted to stay at The Best Western because it was a different part of New Orleans than I had been to before, but I was not allowed to stay there.
Why I volunteered, and why I choose Sunday. When I woke up this morning I was remembering volunteering at the SPCA. After caring for my mom, I thought all I would want to do is sleep since I had been sooooo deprived for soooo long. But, there was a part of me that needed something. One of my favorite lines from a movie is from LOTR. I had it inscribed on my shuffle (I am still upset that it was stolen from my house along with several other things), ‘What to do with the time that’s given you.” I couldn’t get a job no matter how hard I was trying. So, I did research on some of my interests. One of them being taking care of animals. Because helping others helps me. I signed up to volunteer at the SPCA in Lakeland. I volunteered to work on Sunday because I always felt like Sunday is family day. I wanted to give to others (in this cosmic sense) the gift of taking care of animals, so the other volunteers could be with their families. I worked with the dogs, eight hours, in the summer heat of Florida. I was drenched after every shift from sweating, and I smelled of wet dog. But, I felt in some larger way I could be there for other’s. I went to work having cleared my head of guilty care. I wanted to be that in-between person who could create stability, give positive emotional support, so they could be adopted into a forever home.
Family vs Marriage story line So, for me the family story-line is better and more interesting for me because there is not a single man I have ever dated that I am so in love with that I would want to marry. Plus, taking away my family like that should never happen to anyone. I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. Everyone needs connection. Everyone needs to have support and help.
, I left some things in my cart. I need better clarification that it is not going to be a problem anymore based on which I use, and what items I purchase. Can you help me with that, please? Do you know it is so hurtful what happens with the soap, toilet-paper, and coffee. I love café Almond biscotti. I love the flavor of it. No one else has anything that tastes like it. It is just so hurtful.
I need to come here and sort of download all the images and happenings that have taken place. Sometimes I need to get it out of my head without it being used. I would like some things to be kept private. I will try my best to make sure I write it in that it is to be kept private.
Sometime, I will try to explain my good taste and that dating experience.
Did I over-think my parking at the mailbox? I am so over this non-sense. It is so unnatural and unhealthy.
Also, I want to come away from this non-sense of what is being thrown away in the trash and recycling almost as if it is point scoring.
I have such a need for more – more than what has been happening these last few years.
I need you to work with me, and not against me.
Going back to moving tapestry. One of the things I enjoy about films is great camera work. It is very difficult work. Ron Howard did this very well in A Beautiful Mind. I’ve said before I thought something must have happened to him personally because it reflected in his work on that film. Another I recall is Rob Marshall in Memoirs of a Geisha, he captured movement so well in film. Dancers background perhaps helps. Target? Rob Marshall, We’re having a hard time selling the pink ladies, he said. Meaning the pink lady apples.
Did you know I had been ? Which is why I try real hard not to move around.
Can we please get green out of my way?
Sorry, for saying you were a bad . Someone was pushing my buttons, at least that is how it feels when I got home and my brain was returned to me. Talking like that is not me. Sorry, for calling you out poorly.
I hope this is enough for now.