I hear, and I see people. I see people, and I see their brain. I can see inside their brain. I hear people, and I see them. Sometimes I see in their brain, sometimes I see something in their life, sometimes I see talent or skills, sometimes I do not see good.
Believe it or not. Perhaps it’s real. Perhaps it’s not. I am not always right or correct. I am still not sure myself if what I see is truly real.
But, I was wondering if I wrote about what I see and hear if the world would become a different place then the one I’ve been living in.
I am prone to giving people nicknames. I have no idea why. It started when I worked at Dillard’s, I gave all the Florida State Troopers working security nicknames. My favorite was the blonde handsome trooper who was my age, I made him laugh out-loud every time we talked. Why did he never ask me out? Why do men NOT ask me out? I will never understand this.
Let me start with this first: Working at Dillard’s I was helping a woman with dark hair shopping for sunglasses. I thought she had placed the sunglasses she was trying on in her purse. I called the troopers who then approached her and to my embarrassment did not have the sunglasses. She was a wealthy woman, who then returned to the store often sometimes alone and sometimes with friends to harass and embarrass me. For how could I a lowly, hourly wage employee accuse a woman of wealth of theft when she could have easily afforded them?
So, here is my dilemma. If I truly see and hear people – I am not always right. Or am I?
Higher Power – We’ve had several conversations. I have always listened. I bring you into the light because this one conversation was important. I differed in his word choice. Because the difference of a word is delicate. It can make all the difference in the world. The exact conversation and words I do not recall. That is not what is important anyways. I differed on the word choice he used when we spoke, I showed him the difference, and he laughed at my correct choice and correction.
Silver Hair – I stopped. And, I listened. Listening is a brain place. Seeing into another dimension. A place within a place within a place. I saw this man’s brain. Real or not, I don’t know, but I saw his brain. Which was remarkable. His brain. His brain was – pristine. Pristine. Think about that for a second. All that gray matter in his brain was pristine. Not clean, not ordered – pristine. I have never seen anything like it before. There is only so much training can do. This man. This man has taken everything, everything learned, all his training, his relations, his relationships, his work, his…well, everything, and on his own…wait a second, part of it is how he is hard-wired, how he was created, the way he was born. Yet, you should have seen it. This man’s brain is pristine. Wow! Of course, he is calm while dealing with many different things at the same time. This is hardly worth mentioning given his job and career. Silver Hair is constantly thinking, not typical for every man. This is a guess. He was across the street. I was driving along and turned my head. Because something…well, the best way I can describe it is – feelers everywhere. Something got my attention, so I looked. What is remarkable is the pristine nature of his brain. I listened. I only saw him once. The man that came back the second time was NOT the same. Not for a moment. Not for a second. They did not even look a-like to me. If you are wondering why I do not call him Pristine, I can only say this. I think Silver Hair is better.
Special – this man exudes so much. Changing his shirt, I saw him. He is bigger than his body. His reach far exceeds. I saw through the black face and saw the man changing his shirt. Then, another black man walked around the corner. And, he was gone. These two men looked nothing the same to me.
Native/American – He is a good and bright man. He is educated and smart. Capable of speaking for others, a leader, capable of speaking in front of important people. I was not worried about this man. The second man I saw, has had several bad days. Not necessarily a bad man, he’s done time. He did not look the same as the first man to me at all.
Pack – This solider has been wounded stopping his career short. There is pain all over him. I see the burden of humping a pack. I see the pain of a moment of innocence. For a solider, there is not a moment of relief or let-up. While caring for my mother, I felt this way. I was not allowed one moment of let-up. The back of my mind, my mind’s eye, was constantly on high alert. I wondered if Pack had a moment of innocence that ended his career. As I see him, he is doing well and going to be fine.
Ever So – This man I will write in another post. He deserves his own.
I will not give everyone I write about a nickname. Not everyone has a place in my brain for a nickname.
Random voices in the night.
I heard a voice during the night, what I saw he might not like because I asked of him to be the bigger man. I saw him going round and round in his mind keeping his mind on something that was keeping him behind. Instead of being a bigger man than whatever it was (probably a female relationship) that was keeping him behind. It is not wrong for a woman to ask of a man to step up, be better than he thinks he can be, be better than his job or situation, and be a man beyond his circumstances. It is a purposeful choice. It is not complicated. It is not difficult. It is a choice and nothing more. Be the bigger man.
I have no nickname for this man I saw. He did not want to be seen. He did not want me to see him. This is not a bad thing. It is a way to protect himself. Nothing wrong with that. I saw in him a disagreement, my guess between a superior and himself in which both were correct. However, that might not be true. For if what I saw was real and true, then he is correct. He needs a new handler. For the outcome depends upon the handler. The experience, the results depend upon how he is handled. A lot happened to me, so trying to work backwards the most that I remember is the need for a change in being handled.
There was a dark-haired man with a laptop who looked at me with curiosity. He wanted to see my face. This man as I saw him is overly talented. He is overly talented for his position. My guess is he has asked to be promoted or moved, and he is being held back or kept in his position and job. However, I believe this man is correct. He is overly-talented, he needs to be promoted or moved or have done what he has asked for. For the whole world would benefit from his talent.
Working backwards again.
This is not something new or learned for me. I have always had this. I have just not had to show my work to teacher. It has been instinct and intuition. I worked with a man who had one arm. He was a better driver than most people think they are. He and I and another couple went to a bar and played pool. I did not understand if this was meant to be a double-date. Now, I have done a lot of mental work on myself since then, however what I saw in him was disorder. Broken-ness everywhere. Fractured pieces everywhere. Turmoil. Within myself this is where I take a step back from someone. I wanted to encourage him, not make-out with him. Perhaps it is not always a good thing to be able to see beyond people for he was a good man. Aloneness is not good for me. Living entirely alone, without friends or a man in my life in not a good thing.
Have you ever seen a person and been stopped? This is not always a good thing.
So far this has happened to me twice. I am uncertain how much of this I discern, and how much is transplanted into my brain.
I was at a courthouse, he was an average ordinary looking man. Now, let me fill you in on something, since my second Disney working experience I have been made quite anxious about sitting down. I am not worried or scared, I am anxious. It is no longer a good experience. When I saw this average looking man, I stopped. Wow! But, this was not good. I had to stand up, I wanted to pace because my whole body had become consumed with what I saw. I am the ONLY one who lives this experience. This man that I saw was behind bars for a horrible crime, and I felt it in my whole body. This man is caustic. I believe this man liked to cut people up and eat them. For me, it was like trying to breathe through toxic chemicals, then pretend I wasn’t feeling it in every part of my being. It was such a slam in the head it is difficult to think about now. Perhaps it was his brain that made me feel that way. It was his brain that was caustic. This man should never be let out of prison. Soon enough his psychiatrist walked around the corner. She tried to get my attention. I listened some, however I am so much greater than this woman I was not interested. This is not a disparaging remark. It is not meant to be disparaging. Part of it is that I’ve had my fill of shrinks getting it wrong and doing research on me. The truth is – how I see myself – I am greater.
Now, this happened a second time. I saw a man and I am walking through toxic chemicals, trying to pretend I am not feeling everything, everywhere. No, it did not make me feel dirty, I did nothing wrong. It did not make me want to shake or shiver, I was not scared. This man did a terrible and disgusting thing. I believe he hurt children. I do not know if he will ever hurt people again. However, he was disgusting. Disgusting. Gross. Disgusting. I am writing about him, although I have already forgotten how he made me feel.
I want to make a point about something to make sure it is understood. I wrote about how she could never be special as he is special. This is not a put-down or disparaging remark toward women in any way. She. This vague and no-named she I refer to is the she that has used me as a pet and a slave. Perhaps it has been a she who has used me as a sex-slave. Telling me and making me only choose her.
It better be, any person who uses another human being as an animal to be re-trained should be sent behind bars. It should never happen.