Fire James Franco!

Fire the baby boss!  Fire Jeremy Renner!  Fire everyone involved with swagtron!  Fire everyone involved with entering my home without a warrant, permission, or authority!

I have done nothing wrong!  I should never be in jeopardy!  I should never should have been pushed this far!  Nor at all!

You broke my heart!  I am so disheartened!

Perhaps you have not gotten the memo – there is no more connected drive it has been discontinued from the manufacture.  There is no more roll-up map, or navigator – it has been discontinued from the manufacture!

Mad, Mad, Angry

I didn’t want to do this.  I have been dreading writing this.  I do not like to have to yell just to be heard and make a point.

Green should be fired!

Pressure washing should be fired.

Swagtron has no business being involved and should be fired.

Do you know I used to love WaWa?  I went out of my way to mention it when working at TCS.

Jerry – I changed my location because of the effect everything I did, and everything that was involved with these last few weeks.  I fired you.  For lack of proper management, handling, and appropriate response.

Do you know it was I who showed Cleveland and TCS how to “point” in the right direction?  I taught him how to talk with just your eyes.

Do you know it was me who started the whole business of nominating people with my purchases, voting people in and so forth.  I wrote it to my computer back in December 2013/January 2014.

The truth is most of what every one believes to be the work of some other master mind is actually the work of this master mind – ME!

I do not – again – have time to share more.

Fucking Pissed As Hell

You have been lied to.  You have all been lied to.  I have been telling the same story/stories for years.  I have not changed my stories in all these years.  But, you have been fed lie after lie.

The only series I will be working will be the Declassified Files until it is completed out of someone else’s hands.  I would love to be able to tell you about Disney and Bob Iger, I would be able to share with you a valuable lesson about business.  I would love to share with you about my Twilight story and how it brought me back to David.  I would love to be able to write a million things.  However, what has been brought to my attention is something I cannot abide.  I tell it like it is, I shoot from the hip, and I will tell the truth about my feelings straight from my heart – like always.  I have not deviated or changed in this manner at all. Continue reading “Fucking Pissed As Hell”

Declassified Files: A Series Of True Events Being Brought To Light

June 18, 2017

Dear Mr.              ,

I need your help…wow, well with so many things.  I am not sure I can get it all out of my head before I leave to get to work on time.

First off, let me start with what sounded like you in my head as I arrived at       yesterday – this is so weird to talk in this way.  What I was thinking, imagining, visualizing is the       environment to be seen like a tapestry in motion.  I am a visual person, and when it comes to things of this nature I usually think very big, and fill in the details later as I go.  So, a tapestry in movement from the inter-woven threads level.  I hope that makes sense.  Weaving in and out, up and down with fluidity, ease, a natural rhythm.  Something sophisticated – at least something more sophisticated than what has been taking place.

In this way, it would replace the “pet-steps”, it would replace the “don’t step outside the        lines, it would replace the one side vs. the other side.  You see, I know I have written this before, but I must say it again.  I do not know how to exclude especially when it comes to people, different nationalities, and cultures.

Okay, back to the tapestry people moving in and out and around each other.

BTW, the reason I walk through the          side is to stay away from the         pet steps which has caused several bad reactions, consequences, and punishments.  Also, I choose to walk past the water cooler on my way to the        because it is water.  Also, has the sign about not a place for         returns.  Because it has been nothing but frustrating to constantly make purchases only to have to return or replace them.  It is unbearable to not be able to choose what I like.

Tapestry – people – movement – without fear of repercussions and weight gain.  Then, there is better eye contact, freedom of expression.  Gosh, I hope this is making more sense.

I was thinking along the lines of what I did for Reg our director at college, as a thank-you.  David and Thomas might remember if you need more help.  It went like this, the actors were dispersed around the room, as they said their lines it was not in succession, but it bounced around the room.  I am not sure how to say this, other than the effect was to have the audience in movement with the actors.  Make sense?  Need clarification?

Also, the actors or background would be based not solely on my purchases, or food, or the clothes I wear, etc. it would be based from my writings.  So, instead of art imitating life it would be a unique creation.

I am having a problem with not being able to feel rested when I wake.  This has been going on for years.  I keep trying to purchase the sleep serenity spray from         only to be able to get more restful sleep.  Not for any baby bull-shit, and such non-sense.  I cannot stand not being able to have choice.  My room is so hot, I am trying to find ways to be able to cool it, so I can get restful sleep to re-energize, to heal.

The Punisher, BTW, I purchased because it was shot here in Florida, in Tampa.  It is also another audition I never booked.  Do you know they had to take people away in ambulances because of heat stroke while waiting just to give a head-shot.  The Tampa Aquarium had just opened it was July in Florida, and we were all waiting on fresh asphalt.  It was more than hot, and many people showed up in black.  You know black is slimming, it looks theatrical.

Talked out of vacation hotels. Did you know that I was talked out the hotels I wanted to stay at when I went on vacation.  I wanted to stay at the Key Lime hotel in Key West.  I believed it was a better location, I liked the idea of the front porch, the amenities and so on.  But, I didn’t get to stay there.  It’s hard to explain, but it is along the lines of it was the only way I could keep my job.  In New Orleans I wanted to stay at The Best Western because it was a different part of New Orleans than I had been to before, but I was not allowed to stay there.

Why I volunteered, and why I choose Sunday. When I woke up this morning I was remembering volunteering at the SPCA.  After caring for my mom, I thought all I would want to do is sleep since I had been sooooo deprived for soooo long.  But, there was a part of me that needed something.  One of my favorite lines from a movie is from LOTR.  I had it inscribed on my shuffle (I am still upset that it was stolen from my house along with several other things), ‘What to do with the time that’s given you.”  I couldn’t get a job no matter how hard I was trying.  So, I did research on some of my interests.  One of them being taking care of animals.  Because helping others helps me.  I signed up to volunteer at the SPCA in Lakeland.  I volunteered to work on Sunday because I always felt like Sunday is family day.  I wanted to give to others (in this cosmic sense) the gift of taking care of animals, so the other volunteers could be with their families.  I worked with the dogs, eight hours, in the summer heat of Florida.  I was drenched after every shift from sweating, and I smelled of wet dog.  But, I felt in some larger way I could be there for other’s.  I went to work having cleared my head of guilty care.  I wanted to be that in-between person who could create stability, give positive emotional support, so they could be adopted into a forever home.

Family vs Marriage story line So, for me the family story-line is better and more interesting for me because there is not a single man I have ever dated that I am so in love with that I would want to marry.  Plus, taking away my family like that should never happen to anyone.  I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy.  Everyone needs connection.  Everyone needs to have support and help.

           , I left some things in my cart.  I need better clarification that it is not going to be a problem anymore based on which           I use, and what items I purchase.  Can you help me with that, please?  Do you know it is so hurtful what happens with the soap, toilet-paper, and coffee.  I love                   café Almond biscotti.  I love the flavor of it.  No one else has anything that tastes like it.  It is just so hurtful.

I need to come here and sort of download all the images and happenings that have taken place.  Sometimes I need to get it out of my head without it being used.  I would like some things to be kept private.  I will try my best to make sure I write it in that it is to be kept private.

Sometime, I will try to explain my good taste and that dating experience.

Did I over-think my parking at the mailbox?  I am so over this       non-sense.  It is so unnatural and unhealthy.

Also, I want to come away from this non-sense of what is being thrown away in the trash and recycling almost as if it is point scoring.

I have such a need for more – more than what has been happening these last few years.

I need you to work with me, and not against me.

Going back to moving tapestry.  One of the things I enjoy about films is great camera work.  It is very difficult work.  Ron Howard did this very well in A Beautiful Mind.  I’ve said before I thought something must have happened to him personally because it reflected in his work on that film.  Another I recall is Rob Marshall in Memoirs of a Geisha, he captured movement so well in film.  Dancers background perhaps helps.  Target?  Rob Marshall, We’re having a hard time selling the pink ladies, he said.  Meaning the pink lady apples.

Did you know I had been                                                                                           ?  Which is why I try real hard not to move around.

Can we please get green out of my way?

Sorry, for saying you were a bad              .  Someone was pushing my buttons, at least that is how it feels when I got home and my brain was returned to me.  Talking like that is not me.  Sorry, for calling you out poorly.

I hope this is enough for now.

A Smile Series

I had started writing thank you’s to people I have seen as a way of involving myself instead of passively having something constantly done to me.  However, there have been many problems for me simply for being grateful, gracious, and creatively aware.  I have endured a lot of physical, emotional, and psychological pain simply because of how I see the world and others, and I am unafraid to show and share the tough, difficult, indelicate, and all those details and things that are unpopular, and uncomfortable.

So, I have decided after much thought to end the series.  I do not see the benefit to me or purpose in continuing something that only keeps me separate from the rest of the world.

Perhaps it is because I had such a terrible day at work today.  Overtime with no work causing me to lose faith.  Bad, terrible day at work for no reason.

Perhaps it is because I am mushy brain exhausted.  I don’t know.  I want a change.  There is no reason why I shouldn’t be able to have a better paying job.  There isn’t any reason I cannot find other employment.

I am greatly unhappy for no reason or cause.

I don’t smile anymore anyway.

Declassified Files: A Series Of True Events Being Brought To Light

I believe I have already published this story, however it is not ticked off my list of stories I am taking out of someone else’s hands.  So, I apologize if I am repeating myself.

David Wolfe:

Forever Moments: FBI Profiler

By: Cherith J Gjestland

Walking in the door, our eyes met.  I took my seat in my usual place noticing his eyes went from mine to my feet which made me look at my own shoes.  Was there something wrong with them?  Did my feet look funny in my thong sandals?  Did he know I had changed shoes before I got there?  Had it not been for the test that was to take place on that day I am sure with the rest of the class, I would not have shown up for the guest speaker.

He started with a case he had worked previously.  Explaining the case was about a murder.  How they went about finding the murderer, the murder weapon, and the intent behind the murder.  I knew there was to be a guest speaker that day, but that was all.  When he introduced himself, I didn’t quite make the connection between psychology class and the FBI.

Now days there are so many television shows, CSI franchises, NCIS franchises, police shows that share the in’s and out’s of police and detective work audiences are blasé and disconnected from the real crime.  However, when he showed up at my college classroom none of those shows existed yet.  I had never seen nor had any knowledge of the process in which a person pursues a case.  I say this for a very distinct reason.  There is a world of difference between real and make-believe.  You would think this would be understood.  Yet, I believe most people are unaware on an unconscious level while watching television as entertainment the real place from which it stems.

Perhaps because it was before the times of the CSI’s, NCIS’, and Hawaii 5-0’s that seem almost too common place anymore, but nothing prepared me for what I was about to see nor its effect it had on me.  Your own personal history is something that never leaves you, it shapes your perception, and how you and the world interact.

As he spoke pictures from the case appeared on the overhead projector.  A dead woman lying naked face down in the street in front of a storm drain.  He kept talking and talking and the picture stayed up there.  He talked some more, and the picture remained the same.  Do I look at him?  Do I look at the picture?  Do I look away?  Do I doodle and pretend I am not listening?  Do I look at what he is referring to and pretend not to be effected?  Do I look at the ceiling?  Do I play with my backpack?  Do I rearrange my notebook, pencil, pen, and book again?  Do I look out the window?  I couldn’t the blinds were closed.  Do I keep looking at the person lying dead?

Then, came the photographs of the pig carcass that they used to replicate and determine the murder weapon.  Until then I would not have known the process of such an event.  Determining that a hammer was used to kill the victim.  A hammer?!  Who?  What?  How could anyone?  I would never have thought something like that was possible.

He went into detail about color, color choice, and its use in the field.  How he believed based on the evidence the perpetrator was a man closest to the victim, drove a red truck, was in the construction business, and was a domestic violence abuser.

Then, he stopped.

He went to his briefcase explaining he hadn’t eaten lunch yet took out a plain Hershey’s milk chocolate bar and began to eat it.  I sat there unable to understand what the fuck he was doing in that exact moment.  Who has a chocolate bar for lunch?  How could he possibly eat?

I wanted to run outside.  I wanted to breathe fresh air.  I wanted to leave all my things and wait in the courtyard until class was over.  It seemed to be the longest class yet, and there was still a test to take afterward.

Somewhere, I don’t remember where exactly I shut-down and stopped listening.  I heard the words, I saw the people, I was aware of what was going on, but my mind stopped.  I was in shock.

He finally finished speaking and left the classroom.

My teacher stood in front of the class.  I tried to bring my mind back to the test subject matter for which I had studied when she spoke, I have decided not to give the test today.  Relief washed over me.  I was unprepared for the subject matter our speaker was going to share today because of its nature I believe it’s best to have the test on our next class day, she explained.

Maybe she was worried if students did poorly on the test they would go to the Dean and complain about the speaker.  Or, maybe she herself was not prepared to view a real murder crime scene instead of the prettily placed fake blood we are accustomed to from television and movies.  For there is no way to truly replicate real, or the effect something real creates.

I wish I could erase those crime scene photos from my brain.  It horrified me even though I did not know the person.  When he spoke, there were moments of little pin pricks that touched my skin, my ears, all over me.  It was what he created in the room – at least for me if no one else.

There must be a fine line to walk between objectivity and callousness.  For it will be hard to forget class that day.

 

Freedom Of Speech

Just in case anyone forgot.

First Amendment to the United States Constitution.

…the freedom of speech, the freedom of the press,…

One of the things I used to do while staying up all night while caring for my mother was take it upon myself to further, expand, and increase my mind.  I realized I did not know the Constitution in its entirety, so I looked it up, wrote it down, and kept it for reference.

So Sad

My Maurice is the saddest cat I have ever known.  I have had him for over a year and he is still so sad.  My Mauritz-zi.  He has the most remarkable marking, he is full of amazing color, however he is so sad he hardly plays at all.

I am the saddest I have ever been.  Tonight.  And ever day any more.  Perhaps he picks it up from me, but I believe whatever happened before I adopted him altered his innocent spirit.

Maurice is the saddest boy I have ever known.

I am the saddest girl I have ever known.

Declassified Files: A Series Of True Events Being Brought To Light

June 16, 2017

Dear Mr.              ,

You have a very odd way of gaining a persons’ trust.  At this moment, I am so disappointed in you.  I am so very disappointed in my            too.  I felt I had no other alternative other than to purchase another mat, and more locks.

From now on you will take direction from me.

  1. Previously established rules have come to an end.
  2. This will be the start of something new, something better, something far more creative, something far more worthwhile.
  3. The days and nights of laundry-tech, or altering of my food in any such manner are at an end.
  4. Proxy’s are at an end. You may be too literal for me.  I do not see people as their skin color, or size and shape, or any other such matter, which is the very reason I was         in the first place.  For my ability to see beyond.
  5. H     d is at an end.
  6. I am the            , so I will be choosing me                                                                  .
  7.     , and    are at an end.
  8. Bloating, adding calories, causing weight gain, or water weight or any other such non-sense are at an end.
  9. United States and International will work together from now on.
  10. This is no longer a contest of US vs. International, or black and white vs. color, or men vs. women, gay vs. straight, or cat vs. dog, or horses, or babies, or funny vs. serious, or any other competing notion.
  11. There is no reason whatsoever that I should have been          up.   End of discussion.  No one       harder than me, or does more than me.
  12. From now on this will be about creativity, and nuance of performance.
  13. No longer will I                    with my            orders. From now on they will be                           .
  14. There will be no more                 in my home or at            .
  15. I absolutely hate the graffiti on my counters, appliances, driveway, sidewalks, etc. There will be no more, let me show you something, let me teach you something.
  16. There will be no more pregnancies, no more babies, no more animal shows, no more         , no more                       , etc.
  17. From now on both                       will work together, regardless of what the “labels” upon them might have said.
  18. You will fill that hole                                            .
  19. I will place my                            .  The only reason I ordered this week on                                                                                                       .  From now on there will be no more pushing, or s                for        to overcome, etc.
  20. From now on there will be no more constant change this, and fix that, and buy this, and buy that. This is what has kept me from being able to file bankruptcy for the last three years.  I will leave – at the moment – the previous two years before that out of it.  This is what has kept me constantly behind, late, and in a hole.
  21. There will be no more altering of                                               anything else I use.
  22. From now on there will not be cameras, or videoing, or viewing of me while I am in my home, or porch, or outside in my neighborhood. It can be done.
  23. From now on it there will be no difference between glass vs. can. In this way, you have taken away my good taste and left me with bland and boring.  I must have flavor and variety.
  24. There will be a “cease fire” so to speak on my                                    . This has all taken too much time and energy, and robbed me of my creative talents.
  25. You will keep that person who “played the part of a date” out of my life,      , or in any way that person has been connected with what has been going on. That person will be replaced.  Not a match in any way.
  26. I reserve the right to change anything at any time for any reason especially if it has a negative effect upon me. The only reason I purchased the                            coffee is this – I will always love cars.  I have enjoyed                  before as a brand.  I have enjoyed the taste.  I appreciate their proceeds going to charity.  I did not order the coffee because of any proxy.  It was not a purchase made because of my brother’s wedding.  It was a purchase I was already going to make before anything happened, or anything I saw               .
  27. I will not be treated as a dog anymore. I will not be beaten, punished in any way anymore.
  28. From now on this will not be a matter of                    vs. a  .
  29. From now on their will be no more painting black. It’s disrespectful, so unnecessary, and outrageous.
  30. The multi-part series will not in any way be connected to clothing and what I wear.
  31. You will fix the coffee                   without any additional cost to me.
  32. You will fix any other                I am unaware of at this time at NO additional cost to me.
  33. Don’t you see that my writing             and directing          instead is so much more creative! So much more interesting.  It is not the first time I have directed, and it is not entirely the same thing.  However, it is enough to be considered directing.
  34. Smile Series: Thank You, this will be the blurbs about who I see.
  35. Director’s Chair: Title Goes Here, this will be about the movies, shows I watch.
  36. Working Title, I haven’t thought of a name at the moment. This will be stories that I share and write.
  37. As I see it upon each of these it is possible to expand upon, build dimension and texture, add nuance to, and so forth.
  38.                      , I call you that because then you are not a     , or              , you are a man. I have been surrounded by so many childish and juveniles that I must make this distinction.  So, Mr.             it is my request that you follow through with these requests in a professional capacity –                  if you want to put a title to it – if you so desire or are inclined.
  39. There will be no more button pushing                                    .
  40. There will be no more slowing me down                         .
  41. There will be no more air-filter problems.
  42. There will be no more air effects, added fragrance, or any other way of invading my air space.
  43. From now on there will be no more connection between the background or picture on my computer and my                   .
  44. From now on there will no more connection between my                                                             .
  45. From now on this will be about story-telling, performance, creative collaboration, and me.
  46. From now on I will not have to hawk phlegm for any reason.
  47. From now on the path and route to         is set and will not change.
  48. From now on the walk path at          is set and will not change.
  49. I am not going to have time this week for any Director’s chair, however in the future I plan on writing Director’s chair notes, and stories on                     . I should be able to do Smile blurbs               .
  50. I have to be allowed to stick to a budget.
  51. Filing bankruptcy is a priority                                       , etc.
  52. I want to make sure I am understood; the performances will not be on my part. I am not a performer, an actor, singer, or even a writer.  This I have understood very well in these last few years.  I’ve simply not had a choice.  I cannot pretend.
  53. This is by no means a complete list. I know these are neither difficult nor expensive changes.
  54. I need to go back to the days about being excited about going to       like I was at       that’s where my last good writings happened.
  55. Please understand, the only reason I walk that path at                                                                  television, and no other reason. I simply have no choice, or choices anymore.
  56. I do get to come here to this computer and journal, but not everything is available for use. I will try to make sure when something is not for use.
  57. I have to be able to                 in any lane available.
  58. The             driving has to end.
  59. There will be no more growing of my body!
  60. There will be no more dressing me as a doll.
  61. There will be no more assigning meaning to my clothes.
  62. I get to wear all my clothes. I just do not have enough clothes, and the days of wearing the same jeans every day are over.
  63. I need you Mr.              to not be quite so literal, and to take things in the spirit of which they are intended and side of goodness.
  64. I need you to fix the pranks pulled on me.