I wanted to mention something about For The First Time piece I posted recently. I am glad I was able to write it in 2012 when I did because I am completely removed from all feeling, memories, details and associations from the time in my life when I cared for my mother. I find it very hard to recall memories anymore with any feeling other than extreme anger.
I wanted to write my 9/11 piece, my Master Class piece, the Rules piece, and so many others. I have bulletin boards full of story board ideas that are something I actually want to get out of myself. But, there is only so much time in the day. I have to clean my house, mop and vacuum the floors, do laundry without a dryer because some trolls came in my house and ruined the appliance, and I do not have the ability to get on the roof. So, now I have to hire someone?! Great! I have to do the dishes, clean my kitchen, get groceries which takes hours and hours – is this ok? Should it be this one? Is this cheaper? Is someone going to think something if I order this or that or the other?! And, I need variety!! Not to mention the fun of taking a shower in my house – forget being able to relax in the tub, can’t do that! Washing myself over and over and still not clean – more trolls! Washing my hair in the sink because of the trolls! Plus, I am fucking tired, spent, worn out like I am stuck on a deserted island without shelter or food. And, if it going to be used every day, then the work I do four it is not goofing around. I still haven’t been able to unplug my head and brain. And get this – ok, I was kept up instead of being able to sleep. At least once a week this happens – recently it has been more than that – where I am kept up all night, all day, and all night again. You try keeping that up after so many years!
Plus, I have cats to take care of which involves more than giving them food and water, and cleaning their litter. I have to spend time with them, play with them, give them kisses and kisses and kisses and kisses, call them by their names, so they know I am their Cherith.
I want to do this correctly and add this to the smile series, but I do not have time. And, if I do not even mention it then I am reminded of it constantly like an iron left plugged in. I think it was Crash I saw first, and from then on I wanted to see anything Paul Haggis wrote. I wanted to learn from him. Amazing.
Did you know Marc Anthony delivered my first computer?
Dwayne Johnson – what a wonderful ball of energy he is. No phony bull-shit about him. I don’t think he tolerates it around him.
Jack Black – sorry, I am so broke I cannot afford music within the last ten years or so. Thank you for putting up with my playlist.
Michelle Monaghan – due to time constraints I could not finish watching Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. However, I have seen it before.
I sure hope Neal Patrick Harris is still not gathering the carts outside The Home Depot.
Jason Segel – can I recall all the times? At Publix with a child wearing a football uniform, check-out at The Home Depot, in front of Bright House, walking with a ball cap. He is a genuinely nice and pleasant man.
Reading the newspaper are we still Robert Downey Jr.?
I have to go before my brain crashes on this desk – tired.
WE - DO NOT AGREE! 