Is This What Really Gets to Happen In America?!

November 19, 2018

It just gets worse and worse.

There is a reason Keri Russell doubled as my doctor, Dr. Cindy Kelly, and that Keri Russell played the role of an agent.  Dr. Kelly was my mother’s doctor also.

Is this what really gets to happen in America every day citizens are targeted and subjected to such discrimination?!

This is my whole life!  And, from the look of it me and my family have never been free, had freedom, or a choice!  Including employment!  Any of us!

So how many other American citizens is this happening to?!


Two Girls Now Tonight!

November 19, 2018

The note my mother wrote to me when I returned home from work about the two adult women from Spain staying as guests in our home.  Has been bothering me something terrible.

I did not know then, nor would I have guessed that a person would be able to create a stroke by ingesting something given to them.  It did permanent damage.  They would have watched her, not helped her, and did not get help for her.

I think my mother believed it might have worn off.

Not to mention my mother tried to get help from different places, different sources, different people about what experiences we were living through and received no help from anyone here.  I went with my mother to a lawyers, as an example.  In so many words he told us we were crazy.  Because how many people live as the target of your neighbors surveillance?  Perhaps more than are aware.  It feels like a standard operating procedure at the local law enforcement here.

It is so heinous.

Who those two women really were has been bothering me.

Military Uniforms

November 19, 2018


Here I am over the last few hours thinking and redesigning military uniforms.  Does anybody else do this?  In their spare time?  Redesign military uniforms?  Just me?  Oh, boy.  Cherith is a little, well it is probably a way to manage grief and anguish.

I was thinking of a way to place Kevlar into the fabric(s).  Using a material more like a durable Spandex material, and other fabrics, using Velcro closures with hook and loop fasteners to close the tops and attach the bottoms to the top.  I was thinking of ways to includes pockets everywhere.  Because I am sure there is never enough places to put useful items.

I also thought of making them less expensive to make.  Like I know how much a military uniform costs to make.  I don’t.  However, I am sure I could think of a way to make them better and less expensive at the same time.  Nobody else does this in their spare time?  Really?

I simply do not have enough access to information and information’s.

There is something significant about the belt.  About a belt.  I would need someone who knows everything about the details and reasoning behind its design of the US military uniforms and the military uniforms around the world.

There is something significant about the belts used in US military uniforms, how it looks, and what it says to people.  The shape it creates, the dimension of it, the statement a belt makes.

Sloppy is quite bad.  It is a bad look.  It is an IQ quotient.  An intellect factor, and, more.

At first, I thought the belt, or a belt was the equator.  I am not sure that is good enough.

That was as far as I got because, well, I need more information, access to more information, and research resources in order to get through the messaging.

Onward Christian Soldier

November 19, 2018


I literally don’t want to write this.  It is very disturbing.  However, my conscience compels me to share what people have probably already wondered.

When I returned here from the driving trip in 2014 all I wanted to do was write.  Write about the drive and write about my mother.  I was told in my head repeatedly to stop writing about my mother, stop bringing up my mother, stop thinking about my mother.  Does anyone really wonder why Cherith reacts in such a way at times and over the last few years?  Is there anyone in the world who must listen to a WRONG person in their head?  Don’t think about my mother?!  Of course, I was thinking about her because she was already dead, and I wasn’t there.

The only time in my life I wasn’t there for my mother.

It has struck me as to why, why is this man in the news all of a sudden back in 2015 or 2016, why am I seeing this man in the news?

I cannot let go of the feeling that it was intentional against his mother.  Medically intentional against his mother.  From a doctor, intentional.

T-shirt this night confirms it.  Yet, it is a little more sophisticated and devious than that.  Mostly what I think, and feel is; it is about – love.  A mother’s love for a son.  A son’s love for his mother.


I know there has probably been a rational and intellectual conversation and description as to why black face has been allowed.  I still find it abhorrent.  However, its true meaning is so perverse and disgusting I am not able to find the words that can convey the true nature of its purpose.


I went to Chicago with a friend I worked with and her sister.  We took a picture in a store making it appear as though we were on the set of Star-Trek.

I understand that the “disguise” and make-up they placed on him was to demean and humiliate him, and me in the process.  What is his nationality?


Real father of mine, real brother of mine, I know, and I see it differently.  Relieve yourselves of any guilt, you did not know.  I am neither worried nor upset with either of you.

In a way, it is a relief to know the reason why I was so protective of my mother.  There was always someone in that neighborhood, in this state seeking to destroy my mother and her blood.

I spend more hours here writing then I can afford.  I spend almost as many hours here writing as I get paid for in manual labor.  The hardest job I’ve ever had.

I simply cannot write anymore tonight.