July 2014 starting my shift at The Container Store, Anna Paquin as “Jamie” went over the announcements. I interrupted her, and corrected her which threw her off because I was stronger than her, more sure of myself than her, it filled the whole room. “Jamie” looked to “Sarah” for support and direction. “Sarah”said, Keep going.
You see other’s may have been able to book jobs I never got, but they cannot take away from the me that is deep within. For if I wanted to, there isn’t anyone I couldn’t “Wipe the flor with”. It is who I have always been.
Ask David Wolfe.
Upon not knowing the definition of a MILF because why would I know the definition of a MILF, I was not a teen-ager when American Pie was released, I asked everyone at Thespis to tell me the definition. I couldn’t understand why it was such a taboo topic. You don’t know the answer to a question, you simply ask, right? David Wolfe finally told me after asking and asking everyone. He had to whisper it as he walked past as if almost ashamed or embarrassed to tell me, Mother I’d Like to Fuck.
As he left I thought, ok, and…
Here’s my point to be clear: I was heavy and overweight when David spoke MILF, but as I in my previous blog described myself I am one part Mae West and one part Ruth Buzzy. Funny and sexy. As overweight as I was I could have had any man I wanted because in my mind I was not in my right body. I was not an overweight woman. I was hot as hell.
Also, much has been spoken about me seeing red before. I spoke about this with friends while I understand now I was being recorded. If I ever get to write all the stories that lead up to The Container Store the world will be forever ashamed for separating a most glorious truth. The world will forever be ashamed of taking one moment of entertainment or pleasure from the separation of something that cannot be replicated, engineered, or designed.
David Wolfe and I used to argue – every time we saw each other. Also, we used to look at each other, and the entire world fell away. PJ called it mind-fucking. We argued one time, I was so upset with him I literally saw red. He went storming out the door. It took everything in me not to follow after him to make it better. There was such a pull.
The Bluetooth knows this: Backstage David had Alisha on his lap in what appeared as a kiss, I walked in on them. She got up and left. I went charging up to David for I was going to show him what a real kiss was like! Then, the thought occurred to me, what if he really liked Alisha after all? In an instant I stopped. Because I loved David with the best of me. If he preferred Alisha over me, I had to let him be happy. Even if it came at the expense of my own heart break.
Later that day or later on in the performances, I walked backstage and David entered at the same time. The look on his face was such sadness it instantly broke me. Quite literally down the middle everything fell down. David had been speaking and spending a lot of time talking with other people in the previous days and not with me. He had been spending a lot of time talking with Stacy. But, in that moment when I saw his face all I wanted to do was make it all ok for him. I asked him if he was ok.
I will not explain the rest. I doubt he ever knew how he broke me.
There is an impossibility that has existed between David and I.
I thought it was David that smiled at me at the bar touching my knee in such a way that everything just went away. However, I no longer know. He has lost a friend for life because of what has been allowed to happen. Yet, the past still remains.
Also, I believe I was handled by a psychiatrists who did not have the same energy level as me, and could not keep up with me. So, she decided to keep drugging me to make me sleep for days. Shame on you.
There was something else I was going to write, probably about all the times I have been drugged.
Perhaps, there will be a part three today.