If you haven’t noticed, I’ve stopped playing your game, and your rules. If you haven’t noticed I am not worried or thinking about the days of the week. But, then you never notice anything.
I want to retire from show-business. I want to retire from employment that has forced, lied, manipulated, distorted truths, stolen years of my life, and kept me from having real love in my life.
Every single day I work. Every single day. Every moment of my awake life is work. While I am sleeping I am still working and being worked upon. Not a single person in the entire world lives or works in this way.
I want to retire for good.
You had to make it sexual. You had to make it about men and women. You had to make it about having to fight to prove my sexuality. How fucking dare you. How many people have died at the hands of persecution, injustice, prejudice, and hatred because of their sexuality. Which is why there are laws in place to protect all persons from being harassed and violated. However, I have been the subject of reverse prejudice because I was born straight, and not for a moment have I ever been even a tiny bit gay.
You had to make it sexual instead of it being about the art. Letting the art exist up there on the screen and on the stage where it belongs.
Often I have wondered about my Morning Star products that I used to buy and was the only one in the house – typically – to eat them. Is it possible to ingest a chemical or something which would induce bleeding? Which would make a person anemic. Because while caring for my mother I ignored my periods that lasted three weeks or longer. My long-time family doctor has come under my suspicion since the last time I went for a doctor’s visit to try to get away from all the air-spraying that goes on beyond my control. Keri Russell played the part of my doctor for part of the time. Can you possibly imagine what a violation of privacy – not to mention laws protecting doctors and patients – it is to speak about wrongs being done to you only to have another facade and actor keeping you from receiving help?!
There are laws in place.
Also, it is not possible to be allergic to women which is something that started with Alfredo and Rick at TCS. Being born straight is not the same as being allergic to women.
So, I’ve arrived at the conclusion that if my doctor is capable of lying about that visit, she is capable of lying about anything. Including the fact that I need a hysterectomy. For what reason would someone want to deprive me of being able to procreate and reproduce? Why would someone sterilize and castrate me?
Why would someone place tracking devices, recording devices, and other hi-tech equipment into my body?
Why would a dentist give me so much Novocaine I was frozen and numb for 14 hours? Why was my dentist at Smile Wright replaced? Why was I given instead of a root canal a chip or receiver in my tooth, so that my thoughts could be read?
I am so ashamed at humanity, and human kind to do this to one of God’s creatures, me.
While living in PC the X-box and TiVo, I believe had been hacked into and camera and/or recording devices placed in them. To watch me.
I have no idea why anyone would do this to me.
Please do me a favor and stop feigning that this is all about love. I know and have known there is not a man who would wait and abstain from all emotional and physical relationships with women while this forced captivity is taking place upon me.
You have emotionally starved me to death.
I am so devastated by the betrayals, by the truth that had once been between David and I lost and gone forever, by all the disguises that are not in any way clever, by the humiliations that you will never be able to heal.
An actress does not make $12 an hour.
There once was a woman named Cherith, and she lived. But, she is no longer.
I miss being able to work out the way I want to. I miss being able to cook, prepare food, and eat the way I want to. I miss being able to be a part of the world, and not locked away in forced isolation.
It taints everything.
And, I know what I look like anymore. I used to be pretty. I used to be the pretty I liked to see in myself.
No one understands the stress I feel. Taking a shower or a bath, I am constantly saying to myself, now what is going to happen? I wake up and say to myself, now what is going to happen? I drive and say to myself, now what is going to happen? Everywhere I go I am constantly having to look over my shoulder. It is a constant strain, now what is going to happen?
Can you possibly imagine six years without a home of any kind? Or a foundation? Or roots? This place is not a home, but a set. Can you imagine living in a set for six years? Every other reality show only lasts for a few months. Big Brother is only for a few months at a time, not years.
I was originally made to understand that this would only be a year or two which has now turned into four years.
I do not believe anyone enjoys or believes in my singing which I do around the house just goofing off. If someone heard my singing and believed it was good, they would have stepped forward out of the woodwork and offered me a contract and deal. They would have told me. They would have admitted to listening to me, and told me to I was good enough to be recorded, in a studio, and offered me a contract without the bull-shit coded talk of these years.
A lot has been mentioned about me not drinking when I write. I want to clear this up. I wrote about it before only to show and prove that I do not have to enter a chemically altered state in order to be creative, or write. It already exists in me. Without inducements. It has been taken greatly out of context.
While working at TCS, I should have gotten the truck promotion. I should have been hired as the sales trainer. My point being there isn’t any reason why I was only hourly. Meeting with Christina from Miami for the promotion, am I supposed to believe that was a celebrity? Am I supposed to believe that was Angelina Jolie? Because as I told Eric on our date afterwards I thought it went well. I was “coached” to be pushy, take over, and make sure I was noticed. However, the feedback I got was that “Sally” who always looked like a linebacker to me. “Sally” who I’ve said before I thought was James Franco was probably Dave Franco, “Rick” was James Franco. Just not always. Yuck! It just makes me sick!
When “Erin” got the truck promotion she called to invite me to The Seminole Hard Rock, since I was always looking for a way out of these four walls I agreed to go. However, I called Rachel and asked her to go with me because I was a little creeped out. Turns out it was a good instinct because Erin invited all her lesbian friends. It was a set-up.
Unfortunately for me, one great lesson I’ve learned from all of this is that it is not possible for this straight woman to be friends with a lesbian. Never in a million years would I have believed this scenario still takes place in this day and age. However, that is what they proved to me through all of this.
I find it disgusting, disheartening, appalling, and a down right shame that that is the lesson I had to be taught.
Harrison at TCS, they wanted him to work at TCS. He was one of “Erin’s” cronies. I am not drawn – for lack of a better word – to men who are feminine. I made the comment that I thought he was gay. It is and was not a judgement. However, no one but David Wolfe probably understood the amount of fire I held within me. Due to the screaming matches we held against each other.
Stuart Shapiro is a good example. I loved Stuart dearly. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for him. We celebrated Christmas at my house one time, he told me he thought my singing to There can Be Miracles had an extra special quality to it. We laughed all night long into the early morning hours. Laughed hysterical, unending-can’t-stop-myself-from-laughing laughter over toasted cheese sandwiches, and something about batteries. However, the thought of kissing him…no. It was not that kind of love. I still love Stuart. I still remember the Christmas present he gave me.
I shouldn’t have to prove or tell anyone about the kind of men I like.
Wouldn’t it have been better to allow me to just meet these men rather than placing disguises on them? I can only believe it was designed for me to never meet, or fall in love. It was all used to make fun of me and nothing more.
Every day its like no time off at all.
dated: 5/27/2017 01:18
The system at my is broken and does not work for me.
For instance: As I was just instructed today to add even more time to my driving route it will take me 1 ½ to 2 hours from the time I leave my house to the time I get to . Because the drive/route that I take including the bathroom trip before I are all part of for which I do not get paid for. So, in a I will now be 14 hours round trip.
Then, for I am given a chore/laundry list of things to watch or accomplish BEFORE my next . This is how my has been presented to me for the last several years. Instead of being rewarded for accomplishing tasks I was asked to accomplish I’ve been subjected to MORE , or even worse, what I have accomplished has been diminished, wrecked, and ruined so I have to start all over again – return.
I am exhausted. I am all the time exhausted from it all. From the enormous pressure and stress at , the driving, the loss of my entire family, the loss of my cats. I still miss my cats. The cats I have adopted seem more like actors than pets.
I give up every day because I am so tired. I can no longer take care of myself. I want to sleep for months.
Let’s get one thing clear. The only reason I watched Queen of the Desert was for Werner Herzog. The only reason. For the appreciation I found when watching the special features of Rescue Dawn, hearing all that he put of himself in his film allowed me to appreciate him more deeply as a human being and a director.
I wondered if that might speed things up at due to all the humongous I must build every day with one arm. I am convinced something has been done to my food or coffee to keep my wrist weak and in pain.
I am in no way now or ever have been in love or believed in Mister James Franco. I do not know this man or this celebrity, nor do I wish to. He has been proven to be a cheat and a liar to me. Making me believe there was ever anything more than a chance meeting that for some reason he set up. I do not now nor do I ever wish to see him again. No one can understand the humiliation I have endured due to this association. I wish him all the best of luck – he doesn’t need it he already has it all – I want him to leave me alone.
Quite honestly, I do not want to meet or be around anymore celebrities. Do you know how I have been deceived of my own mother’s death for years? Another reason to not listen to the radio again. You would feel nothing but anger, resentment, frustration, hurt, and humiliation too.
The worst dating experience of my entire life.
What I’ve learned at – the greatest lesson I’ve learned – as when it come to Mister David Wolfe he and I were barely friends at school. What I thought was a special connection that was shared was simply me projecting whatever I wanted, but it was all a lie. I feel nothing there anymore. That time has long ago passed.
That time has long ago passed for all on my license plate.
I feel nothing anymore.
I am tired of being tricked with words of love and marriage to complete strangers. Using the words as code or metaphors it is painful to keep repeating as it makes me feel stupid and simple.
I don’t have the option to get other e , or I would. For it makes me feel dumb, simple, and humiliated knowing it makes me look like some love-sick simpleton still in love with men who are not real, around, or available.
I need help, but no one seems to care. Worse, I go to not to be helped by my s s, but humiliated.
WE - DO NOT AGREE! 