Reading this over I can see the destruction 2014, 2015, 2016 had upon my mind. I see the difference in my writing from then to now. To me this journal entry I wrote in my computer shows a slow mind, trouble connecting, it is at a different grade level. My hope is that one day someone will take notice that listening to my mind, putting on the helmet, stepping into my brain has and is causing actual damage. Actual damage. To a real person, me.
If this was happening to your sister, mother, girlfriend, wife, neighbor, passer-by on the street would you find it entertaining? Would you want it to continue? Would you care enough to be outraged at the brain damage?
I am not an entertainer, an athlete, a singer, a writer. I have never signed a contract, or in any way permitted any person, company, or organization permission to listen to my thoughts.
How is this acceptable? To anyone?
This is written about Bob Iger, his ability to speak, to lead, to manage, to operate a successful company. I heard him. His brain, his mind has this youthfulness, not childish, youthful. No, Peter Pan, youthful.
However, as I read this what I see is an inability to write and create simple sentences.
It should be horrifying to people around the world. That a woman, by no fault of her own, has had her mind, her life taken from her. Stolen.
2/28/2016
I was wondering when I was going to get my life back.
Not that it was much of a life to begin with, but I was wondering when I will no longer look as if I will look sleep deprived, exhausted, and emotionally beat up.
I was wondering when I was going to have the light and twinkle in my eyes again.
Maybe I never will again.
It’s just depressing to look at myself.
It’s depressing to have to be in my car at all anymore.
I never want THAT Yahoo again!!!!
I never wanted it to begin with!
Someone does THAT button pushing not to make me feel better but to humiliate, degrade, and further depress me!!
So there is a person I have spoken with before we’ll call him Paul. It has always been a pleasure speaking with him. There is a quality to him that I can only call youthful thinking. Call it whatever you want the way I see people, read energy, understand people, but what I see in him or understand about him is what I call youthful thinking.
It is very interesting for a lack of a better word just to be around him even if it is over the phone. Can’t help it. There is a working of his mind that makes me take notice not in a bad way or anything terrible maybe because I have been surrounded by such bad or wrong persons, places, and things that all of a sudden I understand that something is different in a way that allows me to stop placing barriers in front of me to protect myself and allows to be to be more me in the present moment.
I remember Bob from Home Depot even with his – I’ll say funny nose – he was an enjoyable person to be around. It was hard not to smile being around him even if I didn’t believe a good deal of his stories it was the other portion of what he was telling me that was enjoyable to be around.
Which brings me to Jim – crazy, funny, old man Jim. Sorry, he was not that old. Jim with his frantic, jerky mannerisms which made me take a step back internally just as a way to take notice which is I guess something I have done several times with him. Sorry, I’m tired and I feel like I am rambling.
I am not trying to confuse the proxy Jim with the real Jim I’ve encountered in my life.
So, going back to the proxy Jim – even with his jerky, quick mannerisms there was a quality about him that was compelling. His quickness did not affect me in that it did not make me want to hurry let’s say, but it had me notice him.
I guess they do go together.
WE - DO NOT AGREE! 