You need to speak with your brother, David.
You along with everyone has failed to understand my brain.
How could I possibly understand that there are people in the world that can see into another person’s brain?
Do you remember the first time I met your brother? I do.
At your apartment both you and he came prepared with alcohol and liquor. The point, I guess, was to get me drunk. So, you could bed me and dump me which is your M.O, and I knew it. That is why I never allowed myself to get drunk-sleep with you.
Ironically, isn’t that what Edison was? A way for you to dump me after having “slept” with me. I will never see it that way.
In less than a blink of an eye I knew.
Your brother has never approved of me.
Did your brother actually help you with braces because he believed you had poor self-esteem mostly in part because you were so affected by me?
Me, an over-weight, fat woman no man would want to present in public. This is how he saw me.
That is how your brother Tim Wolfe saw and sees me.
You have no idea how hard I tried to win his approval. You will never know.
He disliked me instantly. Before he met me. He disliked me, and that has not changed.
He was never going to like me.
I have tried for years to get away from you, David Wolfe.
I will never be able in truth – to ever be a part of your family.
Anyway, at best I was nothing more than a funny side-kick to you. The friend who never gets to be the leading lady in her own life, have a man who will cherish her above all else, or a sex goddess a man is willing to wage battles and wars in order to protect her honor and reputation.
Just a friend. At best – a best friend, a person easily replaced by others.
You have no idea how humiliating it is to have to walk under your legs every day. It is so disgusting, to have to walk under a married man’s legs, and if I don’t than I am stuck with endless hours of puppy/dog training pads. Because you are unable to allow me to wash myself properly.
Yeah, you really know the way to a woman’s heart – to this woman’s heart.
You have the perfect trophy wife. Every man would agree she looks better on you than I ever could even if it was possible for me to ever have feelings for you again which it is not. I will not allow myself to ever get near you like that again.
You knew it when you invented Edison. It would never again be possible for the world to stop and start just by looking at your face.
It was wrong of me in college to hold you with my gaze. I dismissed Tim. I dismissed his opinion of me and you and me.
I should have ended our friendship after meeting your brother the first time.
I held you in my eyes because I could. It was wrong of me to do so. Your brother is right, you are better off with the picture-perfect Courtney.
They forced weight gain on me – again – with my groceries this week, they have no idea the harm they do in doing so.
Hard enough as it is to not be allowed to be clean, then I am forced to gain 5, 10 or more pounds in a matter of a couple of days by eating less than 1,000 calories a day.
You have no idea how women think if you believe this to be acceptable.
It is bad enough I have a patchwork stomach, stitched so you can monitor me, then proceed to humiliate me.
You knew better David. You knew better than to allow that Alabama/Mississippi woman dressed as a man near me.
Any good idea or belief I ever had in you has long since been replaced by these years I’ve had to live.
Your brother, Tim, if asked will cleverly avoid and deflect any confrontation or acknowledgment of my assessment. And, you will believe him.
Let me go.
Let me live without you.
Let me live without you and your family.
Let me finally have a man I can spend the rest of my life with because it will never be you, Edison, or James Franco.
Your epic failure – Edison.
Your epic failure – was not believing in me to begin with.
I will never be able to fully write my feelings in regard to having/being forced to live here has done to me, my brain, and my faith that there could ever be a man I find sexually attractive who would want me in return.
A man or woman that does not allow a woman or person to wash properly is a pervert. Her vehicle should never come into play – at all. Ever.
Brain work is harder than it looks. Then, try years of being starved, deprived of food, force fed calories and weight gain, not being allowed to wash properly, forced to sweat, soggy crotch, not allowed employment that I can live off of by myself, not being allowed proper nutrition, being experimented upon by being drugged over and over and over again. How is it I have a varicose vein in the shape of a Y?
How could I ever think or feel the same way about you or your family ever again?
You have laid be bare, exposed me to be shamed, ridiculed, humiliated, laughed at, spurned, scorned, and left for dead.
All because I have a special gift that allows me to see more in others than ever before believed possible.
There is no fix to this problem. There is no solution. There is no remedy.
In placing me in this housing complex you have lied to the entire world. It is not possible for either direction to ever be possible.
No way can I ever be a lesbian/black, or a woman’s baby.
No way can I ever allow myself to feel a part of or want to be a part of your family. Talk to your family. They have never liked me.
I thought you knew.
All these years I thought you knew.
I am not fit emotionally or mentally to detail the event that took place Tuesday night April 24, 2018 that caused a complete shut-down of my brain. You knew better than to allow that to happen and whomever was responsible for my hand – for I know it was not me.
Tim Wolfe and others may be able to control and predict outcomes of circumstances, however you have failed to understand they cannot now nor ever predict or control feelings or emotions. They cannot predict or control my emotions.
However attractive South Carolina may have been to me I will NEVER allow myself to EVER believe that COULD ever be a possibility. I will NEVER believe you. I will NEVER believe those voices you place in my head that are not my own.
I am not as naïve as you believe me to be. I simply have not had real choices.
I will NEVER allow myself to BELIEVE South Carolina.
Tuesday night was exceedingly harmful, yet despite that I still gave of myself. I don’t have to. You never acknowledge my hard work that is harder than what I get paid for.
David Wolfe, the thought of you is so disgusting.
Tuesday night was a fracture. A separation of myself. How much longer do you think that is possible to continue?
How long until I plow my car into a streetlight in hopes of ending the light and vastness of my brain?
Until further notice, my blog and writing is stopped and shut-down.
WE - DO NOT AGREE! 