Head Spa

Let me sleep.

Let me lie here longer.

With eyes closed.  Dreaming.  Visualizing.

Placing my head and mind in order.

Let me sleep.

Let me sleep longer.

Sitting on a lounge chair wrapped up to my neck down to my ankles in an oversized white terry-cloth robe watching the landscape and scenery outside.  The trees gently sway in the breeze, the sound of water nearby, the temperature is cool in the overcast daytime.

He wants to get next to me, hold me.  I send him away.

I cannot deal with his impatience at this moment.

Because if it was up to me everything would be different.  We would see each other face to face, body to body, being allowed to touch in person, grabbing him, pulling him closer as there can be no amount of space between our bodies, no matter how close he is pressed against me, I am still grabbing him closer to me.

Yet, that is not the way it is yet…

So, I send him back to working, nearby, downstairs, below ground, where he has a whole floor if not several floors he works.

Food?

No.

Watching the scenery.  Feeling the outside air, and not forced air-conditioned air on my face and exposed skin.

I am trying to order my brain.  Clearing away.  Creating serenity.

Wide spaces.  No neighbors not for miles and miles.  This is a house, or a spa retreat all to myself and the staff he has for me.

In a room with a bed larger than my own home, I lie down.  I see a window I can look out at the scenery if I want.  He has set about a personal staff to give me what I need.

I ask for tea and a biscuit.  Herb tea with honey.  Arrowroot biscuits, not to sweet or dessert like, just a taste.  It is all I can manage to imagine in my mind.

I miss coffee and breakfast.  I miss lunches and dinners.

However, I cannot.  Yet…

Closing my eyes.  I am still processing.  I am working through.  I am working through more delays.  It feels like more delays as soon as my brain and body, as they both need to work as one, repair damage done.

Weeks away still.  As those with access and means create damage, havoc, obstacles, and interference.

Weeks away in delays.

I wonder if I am good for him?  To be around.  I question the difference in our careers and economic backgrounds.  Would we be good together in real life?  Would we as a couple be accepted by his peers?  By his family?  Or, can we only exist in a different reality?