Upon my usual approach – mind you, I would have been on time, but the train held me up – I was stopped – this is how it works for me, an unseen, a feeling, an instinct, a pull, gravity, all of these it is not one specific every time – by a man at a table.
Let me paint this, so you can see too. I see guns, I see military training, I see heavy concern. It is as if he is wearing another layer of clothing over him weighing his shoulders down. His whole being says worry, concern. As if he just stepped out of a meeting where national security on a personal level was being threatened.
This is just a glance.
As I continue, I see another man, similar in job and training to the man at the table. Yet, well below his pay-grade. He places a water bottle – the connection being my favorite brown-eyed man who helped my mind heal and rest one morning – by his ear. This man was wearing an orange-ish t-shirt.
While in the restroom I changed placement of my water bottle because I heard the White House guard days previously, and I saw his ear spliced together in something I was looking at.
Because I have become concerned, worried about my safety, and worried about the level of publicity my blog receives.
There was a lot of code last night. It was like an automated computer, or program feeding ideas into my head.
I stopped.
It was too much.
I wanted to sit and watch the scenery.
Brain-tired.
I will never understand the code for shopping. Only buy this coffee, only buy this soap, only buy this t-shirt, only buy this and that.
It’s unnatural.
You would go crazy too if you were only allowed to walk a certain path, I can’t even think of all the ways they kill my creative thought process with what has taken place since 2012.
All I wanted to do was write when I moved here. I have never been allowed to do that.
I saw Jeremy Renner on a motorcycle last night.
I saw James Franco last night, so I was made immediately unhappy.
Truth be told all these years of surveillance have squelched any desire I once had for acting.
Puzzle Pieces:
They want to know why I watched Don’t Mess With The Zohan. This is a father memory or connection. My father told me he thought I should be a hair dresser. Not President, or an executive, or a powerful woman capable of greatness. He thought I should be a hair dresser. There is nothing wrong with being a hair dresser. It is the fact that I saw him as he saw me in that moment. Menial. It is heart-breaking to see your own father not believing in you.
One of the greatest presents my father ever gave me was a necklace with my name misspelled in Hebrew. He replaced it with another necklace spelled correctly. I have since had to pawn these items just as I had to pawn items when I was living with a man. So, that I can be used as a documentary subject rather than being able to live my life.
The present was not my father’s idea, he had help.
Going back on a diet since it appears that I wrote about weight-loss, so now I have to prove I can lose weight again. I’ve been buying diet pills, fat-burners, and laxatives to combat the weight problems being delivered and altered after the fact.
This has not been enough to correct the weight problems I have for no reason.
I am overwhelmed already, and it is only Sunday.
Where is my worker’s compensation?
Where is my paid leave?
Where is my help getting my brain back healthy?
I went to a roller derby – unlike any roller derby I’ve ever seen before – where I was being talked to through another person. I was sitting next to Stephanie Cruz because there was something odd about Kat that night. He said through Kat, I looked nice. That he liked women dressed casually as I was. Wearing my favorite ball cap (Disney) because it fits my head the best, my Portland t-shirt (because its vintage) and jeans.
This is also the roller derby where David Esposito was disguised or dressed as a woman. Does David Esposito = ed? Education? Because David Esposito at The Container Store seemed lazy to me. I was trying to get promoted so I could afford to live on my own, the way I want to live.
As a birthday gift I gave David Esposito organic chocolate stout by Samuel Smith. Because it had exceptional flavor.
I hear this in my head every day. I messed up. I = I, messed = me, ss could be secret service or stazi ss or something else, ed as in education, up = PU, as in stinky.
I believe people think there was a connection made to me viewing Star Wars and my favorite brown-eyed man. It is not in my mind. Because that man was similar but not the same.
Heavy head and doubts fill me.
Great unhappiness is my life.
WE - DO NOT AGREE! 