Robert Frost – edited

May 29, 2018

Robert Frost,

 

Also, did you remind me, or did I remember myself about the Beach Boys?  I don’t know how else to refer to them.  Wasn’t this the test drive in Tampa, I forgot the dealerships name, there was a bright orange Dodge that I did not drive.  I asked for a job.  They told me to bring back a resume, when I returned another day the manager was eating a Cuban sandwich.  It was early morning around 9ish, so it was unusual to see someone eating a Cuban for breakfast.

Ok, so this is painful to see.  I do not understand a drug brain.  I just don’t.  It doesn’t compute for me.  I heard his voice a younger child (relative) of the Beach Boys.  I saw the older Beach Boy sibling who has done a lot of work tidying up, coming behind a problem and having to deal with it.  It’s a wear on him.

When I heard the younger, I don’t know why I say this in my head.  It’s either real or not.  It’s either true or not.  He sounded like he was in rehab.  Pretty quickly after saying rehab in my head, I said he needs to get out of there.  That particular rehab.  In my head I heard, is he getting drugs.  I responded, you already know the answer to that.  If they were asking me they knew he was getting drugs from friends, he was there with.

I saw him the next day, worry and concern filled me because he was excited.

A red flag for me.

I am grateful to be able to share this privately, hopefully there will actually be help for those who need it.  Since, it seems my blog has attracted – I don’t quite know how to call it, something’s that are harmful.

It broke my heart to see him.  To see the older too.  So much work the older has done without praise or glory.

What broke me a little is the younger’s heart is closed.

His heart is closed.

His heart’s mind is closed.

I don’t know how you can reach him.

I cannot offer a solution or plan.

But, it filled me with empathy and compassion.  As, I am writing I placed my hand on his heart.  I placed his entire family’s hands – palms – on his heart.

I don’t understand his addiction as I cannot see his pain.  If he is in pain, he should let all the ugly out.  There is no shame in being ugly or being in pain.  However, there…it seems to be something else.  Is he just trying to get back at a family member?

This fills me with humility.

I hope they placed him in a rehab without the glitz.

I hope he opens his heart.  So, he can hear.

It is a great sadness for me to look at.

Broken family relationships.  There is love there.  Do they know how to talk to each other?  Not talk at each other.  Do they know how to talk to each other where each person is able to respond in return?

There is a difference in talking to someone so that you can reach them inside.

Sadness for me.

Visionworks – I don’t know why this is so important.  No, I don’t feel comfortable sharing this on my blog at the moment.  Weighted Vest?  God, you are so demanding!

I used to work at Visionworks.  I moved 7 times in two years during these years.  It goes faster in my head than I can type, especially with these nails.  Yuck!  Got to go, nails.

So, who actually owned that house where I rented a room?  I gave rent money to Amy Heinz it seemed odd, but who could question her name.  She was a real estate agent.  However, the house always seemed odd to me.  Who designs a house where the garage door that opens into the house opens into the Master bedroom?

AH, he is not a smoker?  Or…there is something there.

Do you know, I used to lie awake at night staring at that window that was above my bed?  Scared out of my mind.  I blamed it on Michael and tried to rationalize there was no way he could get in.  Perhaps it was someone else who was looking from the other side.  Dunno.

I found that rental house from a penny saver ad.  How did that happen?  Seems like too many puzzle pieces.

Yeah, a second bottle of wine with April Clayton the roommate (don’t remember her name) and her boyfriend.  I woke up naked in my bed, thankfully the door was locked.  Was that you?!  Stupid.  All you had to do was ask me.

Lance from Wisconsin came to work at Visionworks, he was from Wisconsin he owned a convertible.  I remember driving in his car singing, More Than Words.  I remember telling him I was exercising.  He said something nice about my body.  I said, I wanted to have Gallagher thighs – just something I thought of in the moment – thighs strong enough to crush a watermelon.  Ha-ha, you should have seen his face as he tried to picture that in his head.

I set Lance up with Nicole who had let me sleep on her couch as I tried to find a place to stay.

I never thought dark-haired Lance liked me like that.  I think that is something I did for myself after Michael.  I was trying to protect myself.

I remember a man came into the store, his job was behind schedule.  They gave it to me to do.  I was not worried I knew it would only take a few minutes.  His glasses were real glass not Poly.  I whistled while he stared at me through the glass while I worked.  It didn’t take me very long.  I got his job done.

Not sure if this was the same man, I cleaned his old frames (gunk in the grooves) in the ultrasound.  It changed the metal of his frame.  They were pretty greasy before.  Anyway, they comp’ed a new frame for him because he was so angry.

Brian Huber?  Was that his name?  The manager of the store who was going though a divorce.  He approached me in the lab one time, backing me into a corner telling me I reminded me of his mother (creepy) and that he was learning to speak Russian.

I reported it as harassment that went nowhere other than me speaking to another man above my manager.  I reported it after I quit.

There was a little girl that used to return to the store every six months.  You could have your lenses replaced every six months for free.  I thought of it as a nuisance at the time.  Perhaps it was a compliment.  I am uncertain.

No one taught me this, I learned it myself when I saw and asked the others why they were using different finishing pads when grinding the lenses.

Anyway, I was able to make lenses thin enough so that there was no lens that stuck out of the frame, yet still at safety thickness.  They don’t do that anymore.  Handcraft lenses for glasses.  No one else in the lab made lenses as thin as me while still keeping the safety parameters.

BTW, what’s with the Sharif look-a-like?

Somehow someone must have told my mother where I was working when I was at Visionworks.

Cannot believe it has been nearly a week since my 2-day cleaning that kept me up for 2 days.  It feels like yesterday.

Oh yeah, I did forget…also, I thought TRUMP PENCE could also be names.  They could be names of persons being held.  POW’s, journalists or reports, American’s held aboard, spies – if such people actually exist.

Is this true, the picture of the man on the Miami balcony in the WP had he been detained or held overseas?  He looks like he has been locked up without cause.

Is this true, the African-American secret service man with the bad skull cap and ‘stache is he a thinker?  Deep in thought.  Way back in his brain thinker.

Of course, when someone – me – is locked up unable to do things freely like go outside, or sit by the water, or go for a run I am bound to yell at someone.

How many more years like this?

I don’t understand the apology storylines.  There is a lot of news I don’t understand.

I don’t quite understand the Roseanne Barr story.

Is this true, is that the little girl from Visionworks in the Ivanka tone deaf story?  How would you be able to track her down if it was true?

Is this true, is that the son of the man of one of the townhouses I canvassed in 2012 over by Symmes rd?  He looks just like him.  He owned a barbershop he told me.  He was a handsome man, well-groomed.  I remember he seemed to know me before he opened the door.  He sorta charged the door as a way to get a reaction from me.  He said he was going to vote Obama.  I remember there was this something else in the air that changed the air for me – it is the only way I can describe it.  My guess, there was someone else present somehow.  Hard to have a conversation with three people if only two are present.

When I returned to the trailer Aubrey made some mention of how that man was attractive.  Yes, he is a handsome man I told her, all the while I am in the back of my head trying to figure out what that something else is…must have been another person.

I get to thank you for calling me fat?!

Then, making me heavier and fat?

I am supposed to apologize to people who make fun of my weight call me fat and ugly?!

I want another job.