May 30, 2018
Robert Frost,
STOP TRYING TO CONTROL ME!
STOP CONTROLLING ME!
I and my face find you disgusting.
Stop using the President and the Presidency! I find it revolting to see you use the President of The United States as a game piece!
You are disgusting!
Stop pretending!
Stop pretending there are any sincere or real feelings!
Relationships do not WORK in this manner!
I don’t know how many years I must keep saying the same thing. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP PERSONAL OR ROMANTIC WITHOUT ACTUALLY BEING THERE!
You simply cannot phone in a body.
If this is a working relationship you should be fired. You are a terrible leader, manager, or go to person.
There is no structure, no set definitions or guidelines.
Please, stop pretending you care or are interested.
You stole my eyeliner sharpener.
Why would I ever find you attractive again.
The way a man treats a woman says a great deal about himself and his character.
All you have shown me is that you are incapable of great feeling and feelings. That you are unable and do not see me as worthwhile, attractive or desirable.
I find you gross.
I don’t believe any of these news stories. Probably about 97 or 98% of what I read is not real and nothing more than misleading. That is a huge margin to shift through.
You continue as if you do not realize I am extraordinary.
My head is in the clouds thinking above you. I am not on the ground sifting through the rubbish – this is how you make me feel.
My mind is meant for other things other than your game.
Stop telling me what to wear!
Stop telling me how to dress!
Stop telling what I like and don’t like!
It takes a small man of mind and spirit to impersonate and use the office of the Presidency as a game, as a means of control!
To go back to the day where I saw the woman driving a trailer of horses wearing a hat, I thought she looked like friends of the woman who was in the picture at the White House with the man wearing the glasses, she wore a grey dress. She is a genuine friend to her. How nice that must be to have real friends. I wouldn’t know anymore. Genuine.
2:31pm – If this is Wednesday, and it is, then it is worse than I thought. I am in worse condition than I thought.
Why do you not allow me to get better?
You constantly hinder me. 2:32 pm
2:56pm – What I do not understand if the events of 4/24/2018 were not real at all and only a simulation why go to all the work of bringing down people from the White House?
Greatly distressed. 2:57pm
7:55pm – Self-harm. Self-harm, dreaming of ways to hurt, maim and injure myself has happened – ONLY – since moving here. It is a terrible side-effect of being listened to, plugged into my every thought and movements while in my own home. Self-harm and thoughts of suicide.
It was Jared Leto in my head at work who told me I went too fast. Faster than anyone could keep up with.
What else was I supposed to do?
I’ve lost all heart. I don’t have the same desire anymore.
So, disgusted with this brown-eyed man at the moment.
Of course, when I went to TCS I said I was an insomniac. I never had a problem sleeping before, however YOU FAILED to realize the effect it would have on a person when they were living in a house that is alive. It is not the same as a reality-show like Real World or Big Brother because THOSE people enter the house with the KNOWLEDGE of the camera’s and AGREE to live there.
I DID NO SUCH THING! I HAVE NEVER AGREED TO LIVE THIS WAY! I HAVE NO CHOICE!
Lambert loves the smell of lavender like it is cat-nip. He goes goofy.
You know this needs to stop. You know you need to end this soon. It has been too many years like this already.
The movies that you had intended me to see and set me up for I am refusing to view on moral grounds.
8:21 pm.
9:00pm – Yeah, I used to baby-sit for a family who had a little boy named Trey when we lived in the apartments at Oldsmar. Weird the memories your mind holds onto. Why do I remember so much detail? One time I – I never quite understood the relationship between that mother and father, husband and wife, I never understood why she was so stressed out unless her husband was not taking care of her the way he was supposed to or she needed him to – I was holding Trey, she was trying to give me his bottle (I don’t know why she did this) she stuck the bottle in my cleavage in a hurry and was off. I never though anything of it. Because I was so overweight.
This is also the time I went on the Bahamian Diet, went to the racquetball courts with my tennis racquet and balls and hit the balls until I felt better.
Once, when I was playing “tennis” – BTW, Andre Agassi was very popular then, I was watching tennis on the television – I worked myself so hard I threw up. Then, went back to playing tennis. I would get blisters, they would pop, and I would still play.
Did you know MWB was a driver for Michael Chang at the Davis Cup on Davis Island? Am I never to be free of MWB? Ever?!
This was always true and always the case when I baby-sat kids and kids and children in general. They would reach for me over their own parent. True. True story.
I think I have a picture me picking up Trey while I was involved in the Living Stones.
Time and time again, the children would always reach for me to hold them and pick them up.
I am so sickened at having to live here.
I am so disgusted at having to live here and this life.
Am I to believe that David Wolfe was a set-up and nothing more?
Am I never to have a man of my own?!
Are you to constantly pretend to play match-maker?
Please stop lying to me. My heart cannot take it anymore.
I am truly sickened by your lies brown-eyes. 9:12 pm.
9:15 pm – Why did this happen? Is this because of David Wolfe or someone else? I was told in my head some time after I adopted these three cats that “they” did not like animals in the bedroom or on the bed, so I had to close the door when I went to sleep. I never did this before. I always felt it was important in my relationship with my animals to belong to me. This is how animals think, cats live in dens, they need to smell like their owners to know they belong it is a bonding thing and experience that was taken away from me because of a voice in my head or whoever was in my home at that time.
How does this happen to a person? How did this happen to me? Why is it that married men are allowed to play pretend with me in my own home against my will?!
Sickened and saddened again as I feel I have been passed around from man to man to man like a plastic vagina and nothing more.
9:21 pm.
9:40pm – Is that Monique Mantha’s (maiden name) mother in the picture with Barack Obama?
The photo of the contractor Security (I don’t know what else to call him) in the dark green shirt, glasses and beard looked to me like the photo was taken without his knowledge as he was walking the grounds. IDKW I say that, but it is how it looked to me.
So sad. You have no idea, nor is there anything you can do or in your power to make me feel better.
You would have to end this charade once and for all.
9:43 pm.
10:00pm – Odd, I don’t know what makes me say this. I have nothing to base this off of other than a instinct, gut feeling, unless there is something else in this house or how you stage the news that makes me believe this. Is that Will from Disney that I used to work with in a police officer uniform and badly tinted face? I used to call his partner Grandpa because he was so much older than Will. I never understood Will. He was often times, partial to lying, telling untrue stories that felt like the was trying to divert me.
I do not understand this ABC, Roseanne Barr show story other than I do not feel it is wise to see Infinity War or go to the movies.
You have no idea how sad I am. How unhappy. How sick and tired of cleaning I am.
10:05 pm.
11:40 pm – How can you not understand this from my point of view?! You are too hard and too rough on me. So, the time in question was soon after my bankruptcy hearing. It was in the day-time, how can you not understand I need more than my own hands?!
You used David’s name, although I knew it was not David.
I will not apologize for saying in my head what I need and needed to say in order to keep people from messing about in my head.
This section has been removed because it was not written concisely enough. So, I removed it – permanently.
So, I will not apologize for saying what I needed to say in my head to keep people out of my head.
Now, I am made to believe that…that the brown-eyed special conversation man I saw on the side of the road is the man that was looking with the glasses in my bed after the bankruptcy hearing. If this is true, I would like to have been able to say yes. Rather than have it done to me. I do not believe that is unreasonable. I do not believe it was him – ever.
It is not the same on one side alone.
I do not get to experience his skin, his touch, hold him in my eyes.
BTW, I never had that experience with Edison. There was no connection or connecting. None.
How can you not see how overwhelmed I am in my circumstances, my losses, my grief, years of my life taken from me?!
The truth is I have no idea who was on the other side of the glass until someone finally admits it.
Do you not actually see and know that I am not happy, have not laughed or smiled in years since 2013?!
I feel I am not a fit anymore for human companionship because of these years, this house, and the experiences I had to live through here.
I am not certain if I am made to believe that the brown-eyed man is pretending to be Trump or if that is who I want it to be?
If Trump is being used as the brown-eyed special conversation man than I am embarrassed about myself, my body, and having to be seen in this way.
I do not understand why this has been done to me.
Why have I been segregated from the rest of the world?
There is no measure for my sadness.
12:29 am
WE - DO NOT AGREE! 