Two Presidents

Let me paint the picture of the events that took place on April 23, 2018.  I am a real person and not a machine.

Pulling up to the gas station, I park at the number eight pump, I do this for my blog – for this reason alone.

A woman in front of me with blonde hair touches her left rear pocket.  This means nothing to me.

To my left a non-descript vehicle of a hunter-green color.  Reminiscent of the hunter green phase in the nineties.  It is facing the opposite direction from me with no person around it.

I feel I can step out of my vehicle.

Looking around I see no one else other than a vehicle parked in a parking spot with no persons near it in sight.

There is only one door to enter the gas station.  Nothing on the doors, walls, or cameras that read to me.

Up to here this is pretty much in real time.  I am writing as the events and my eyesight took place.  For you to understand my brain, how my eyesight works you will need to imagine these next few minutes – as it is only a matter of minutes – as stop motion.  As though the world as I see it stops in time, in place as I view them.

Buckle up.

I walk into the gas station, male gas attendants behind the counter – stop.

Turning my head to the right, I see two men and a woman pretending to browse the store by the hot dog machine and cooler doors – stop.

Walking ahead, I approach the men behind the counter – stop.

Immediately a man with glasses and a beard of brown skin takes me to the other register without speaking – stop.

As I walk to the other register, I look at the men I am walking away from and the look in their eyes as I walk away – stop.

I pass a candy barrier the shape of a barrel where you can take candy items from either side or from the top.  In the display is Swedish Fish – stop.

I avoid the Swedish Fish because the last time a Swedish female actress rung me up at a gas station I was sent into months of sickness and illness.

Now, I am standing in front of the brown-skinned man, wearing glasses and a beard and I must speak to him, so I can purchase my gas, however there are other people talking – stop.

To the left appears a person almost solid in form, ghost-like, without the flowing, floating effect, I see talking.  I see talking to him the man I am trying to purchase gas from – stop.

Words appear in my mind – stop.

Another person on the right appears – stop.

More talking – stop.

The gas attendant is looking at me – stop.

It is hard to start speaking with all the other talking around me going on – stop.

To listen and speak at the same time – stop.

This gas man is different from the moment I see him – stop.

Besides not being the man, he appears to be – stop.

I tell him my gas order – stop.

Talking and talking and talking all around him – stop.

Worry, concern talk, talking, trying not to stress him, the gas man too much with how they talk to him, while stressing the great importance of doing the job well, concern, worry, talking and talking – stop.

I am trying to understand why there is all this worry and concern speech and talking surrounding this man – stop.

There were six men behind the corner now there are five behind the counter – at least one is wearing a moustache – because the man I am speaking to has walked to the other side – stop.

Worry, concern talking – stop.

Why is there so much worry and concern talking, I am wondering – stop.

The two men and the woman are moving around – stop.

I shift my gaze to check them – stop.

The transaction is taking a little time to go through, so I take the time to unload a grievance by saying, dumbest thing I ever had to do to get to a gas station.  Make left hand turns.

The gas station attendant says, I am trying to process that why would you have to make left-hand turns?

This is where I see you.  This is where I know I am speaking to Barack Obama – stop.

However, it does not appear to me in that moment who the person is, I simply knew in that moment I was not speaking to one person – stop.

I am looking at the gas station attendant because he should already know the reason for this.  For left-hand turns.

I am looking at him and I am not seeing anything that would answer my question – stop.

Why are the two cons in the corner still walking about – stop.

The two men in the convenience store with the woman are cons.  Now, just because they’ve done time doesn’t make them bad people.

I ignore the missed acknowledgment of left-hand turns – stop.

My mind’s gaze is on the cons – stop.

The brown-skinned gas attendant rolls his neck backward toward the wall of cigarettes – stop.

This is something, a move, a behavior my Lambert does.

Yes, please I would like a receipt.

I give the gas station attendant one last look before I leave – stop.

I look at the two men and the woman still shopping before I leave – stop.

I look at the men behind the counter before I leave – stop.

Real-time again.

I go to my car and pump the gas.

Then, before I am finished pumping my gas one of the cons walks to the parked car and stands at the back of it.

Backing up away from the ex-con, I exit the gas station.

Making sure I get to work on-time I park in the closest parking spot that happens to be, Red.

Not every time I see a person in disguise creates a stop-motion effect.

An African-American female walks past who is taller and looks different than the woman she is trying to disguise herself as – this is one of the Obama’s daughter.  I will not guess.  I do not access to enough accurate information to say with certainty.

When I arrive at work I am assigned a station to go to.  There is already someone in the station I have been assigned to.  I will never understand this thinking.  Go someplace to go someplace again.  I never know what to say to people who are already working there.  So, I say, are you leaving?

I imagine the person already knows they are leaving the station because I am trying to find a logical explanation as to why I am assigned a work station if someone is already working there.

The reaction of my co-worker when I asked her is she was leaving – stop.

This is where I see Michelle Obama.

Now, due to time constraints I will need to condense the events.  This has taken several hours to write so far.  Fact, this writing is not as simple as it appears to be.

Also, muddling has occurred in my mind and memory for many reasons.  I am up against corporations, companies, and hundreds and hundreds of employees, people and money.

I am only one person.  I have feelings and emotions.  I am still grieving.

Speaking with Michelle Obama about immigration and the need for private companies, not just government policies and involvement, but private companies and private and public citizens to take an interest in the benefit in the welfare of Mexico and Mexican citizens.

The need for grassroots involvement with people, face to face conversations and involvement.  It needs more than merely throwing money at a problem.  Because the problem is not about immigration.  The problem is much bigger and greater than immigration or crossing the border for an American life.

Then, the yelling happened.

Hearing what I believed to be this attractive man on the side of the road, I gave him a bit of my what for.  You know the saying, chewing ice is a sign of sexual frustration?

There is not enough ice in the world that could amount to the depth of my frustration and dissatisfaction with this life.

I told him to speak to me face to face.

Unaware that there were other people in the room, or I would have responded differently.

Yes, Mr. President, I heard you.  Yes, President Trump I heard you.

How many conversations can you listen to at the same time, President Trump?

I am unsure how many I can listen to.  It is not as easy as it appears to be.

You said a number, that I will not share.  You said a number for a reason.  For me to be able to connect and make a connection.

Due to the events of April 24, 2018 that number has less of an importance to me.  For more than one reason.  Certain displays have come under my scrutiny.

A dishonesty has been allowed, I believe.

I was asked that night if I would apologize knowing I had been in the room with the President.

This is a trick question.

It gets asked – a lot.

Face to face conversation are different.

This head-speak, they think is a clever way to create a real conversation when it is not.  It never can be.

Of course, if I knew who I was speaking to I would respond accordingly.  Most people do.  Of course, if I knew I might have offended or given away a confidence the man on the side of the road had in me, I would have spoken differently.

However, I do not apologize for speaking direct or bluntly.

Stand on my level, work in the way I must, work with the barriers, soggy underwear, then see if your speech and work is the same.

Stand on my level.

Now, you ask me former President Barack Obama why at a gas station I must make left hand turns?

Then, I have no idea how they got you to participate in the first place.

Let me share and explain to you how my “re-training, teacher training” has been done.

There have been many different variations shown, told, and “taught” to me.  Star Wars, court-case, black and white, men vs women, on and on.  However, if I was a person connected to any of the franchises that have been used to educate and retrain me I’d be more than upset.

What has been my education since electing you as President, since having to leave my job at The Container Store in 2014 is atrocious bordering on criminal behavior.  As I do not have the same rights and freedom as every US citizen.

I am not allowed to be outside in the daytime.

I am not allowed sun.

I am only allowed to be out in darkness and night.

I am not allowed to have men in my life.

I mean, honestly, I could go on for pages and pages of retraining I have endured that means nothing more than a means to control.

When, I, Cherith Gjestland, saw Sean Penn, on the left and Robin Wright, on the right standing side by side their son, Wolfie while you spoke through him.

Either that is real, or it is not.

It is one or the other.

It is possible that since on a lunch break I had a conversation with Sean Penn.  He told me he had a temper too.  I disagreed.  Mine is not a temper.  It is justifiable emotion.  Not exactly the same thing.

Robin Wright rang up a gas purchase for me at Thornton’s.  Also, I saw her at a park with kids while I was staying in Key West.

Perhaps because I had more communications with these persons that is why I was able to see them.  Or, I guess it is nothing more than a trick to fool me.  Either way, there is no excuse whatsoever to re-educate a human being into an animal or baby of any kind.

I am an intelligent woman, I deserve to be treated as such.

So, does every person, of every color, of every size and shape, of every economic level and background, regardless of their sexual orientation, or religion.

I who have had to endure being spoken to in my head over and over, nigger lover, the n-word over and over while I scream back in and out of my head, you are not allowed to use that word.

Ask Denzel Washington, he tried to say it in my head, playing around-like.  I told him, no.

What could have been a grand event, gesture, or writing has been permanently damaged with potty-training, diapers, rape, unwanted attentions, that is just to name a few.

I, who have seen two African-American women, knew they were related, and seen how they behave toward one another.  The anger, biting, bitter, mean, nasty, hurtful, terrible words and deeds they have done to one another.  One woman is a police officer and she has tried, really tried to be a better person in her family, yet she is not blameless.  The other woman, they try to play it off as a form of communication, this is how we speak to one another, laughing on the surface, full of rage, anger and bitterness underneath.  And, it is such an ugliness and vileness I cannot stand to see it in my head.

What I see has nothing to do with the color of their skin, their economic background, their jobs, their clothes, or anything else.

It hurts me.  It literally, physically hurts me when I see such things.

It is a family in hurting.  They are mean to each other and hurt because of it.  It has nothing to do with their skin color.

I, who see a young man walk by and can see the great things he will accomplish and do in the world.  I who see the careful, purposeful planning his parents have done.  How his parent fought, disagreed on his purpose and direction, very few times he has had to interrupt and say his mind to his parents.  How much work his parents have done to make sure he is a good steward, humble, such good work he will do.  I have no idea why he is still here when he should be doing important work.

What a great man he will become.  I call him Ever So.

It has nothing to do with the color of his skin, his education, or his background.

Either these things are real, or they are not.

It is not the first time I have seen greatness.

Or, I wouldn’t have voted otherwise.