Day 1,542 – this is how long it has been since I have been segregated and separated from the human population and world. I calculated it from April 1 of 2014 that is approximately how long I’ve known this house; my life is a complete sham and charade. I discovered this because of that worst dating experience of my life.
And, everyone involved knew how I would respond and react and that it would send me into a life of complete separation from men, my family, and relationships.
I want my life back.
Talking is important.
Hands are not enough. My hands are not enough, they never have been.
People – men and women were not created to live alone, or God would have stopped when he made man. He created men and women, so they could have each other.
I have been a subject of heterosexual discrimination since before I moved here, or I would be allowed to have male relationships and men in my life.
I am not interested in reporting or writing about what I see every night. I want a real life with a real man I can really talk to, make love to, and be provided for.
A Theory
A theory: if you are to take the show Electric Dreams and use parts of it as real, then here is my theory. A person or persons – who had no business whatsoever to do this as I have never lied about my sexuality, orientation, or anything – with their own agenda could not “read” me one way or another. Because there is a difference between me caring about a person’s sexual orientation and it applying to me.
No, I am not going to go on a writing rampage about seeing that woman who is not my grandfather or that woman on a motorcycle.
So, with great cruelty and degradation they set a trap to permanently injure, harm, sever, my sex, my sex-life knowing it would forever change me.
It is so very hurtful, harmful, and cruel I can barely write about it.
Remember I have been followed and surveilled for decades. They know who I am. They make excuses for their actions – nothing more.
What could be the purpose of placing a man in a skin-suit to date me and have sex with me?
I will only ever be able to see it as a rape since they defrauded not only the website that I used to try and meet men, but also the persons who participated.
They knew I was aware of things without complete knowledge.
They knew how I would react once I discovered the deception.
They knew that once I realized the person was not the man he said he was that his penis was not real that I would never want to have sex again.
That I would never want to have sex again.
They knew it.
They did work on me.
I believe they did the work so that I would never want to have sex with a man again.
To shame, degrade, and humiliate me so thoroughly that I would never want to have sex with a man again.
It can be the only reason.
The woman walking in front of my house with a motorcycle helmet on pretending or trying to be a man this morning is another example of it. This is also why I will not write about the hate crimes you tried to make me believe.
I am not gay.
You cannot create, make, or force a person to be gay.
It would be the same as telling a gay person they are only able to have sex with straight people. Or, trying to turn a gay person straight. It is the same thing.
It is so hurtful that any person would go to such great lengths to injure me, my sex, my sex-life, and my sexual orientation – I am beyond words.
This includes every person involved with it – including David Wolfe, including that man on the side of the road. Because that man on the side of the road has been playing against me. Please stop lying to me.
A man like that on the side of the road would never be interested in a woman like me.
I am attracted to a man like that, but he will never be attracted to me.
Please stop lying about love and marriage.
A man does not meet a woman, then plan separation for years and years. A woman does that. A man will always choose flesh. A man does not hold out, a woman does that. A man will always choose a younger, thinner, prettier woman. Always.
To clarify: The woman/madam in Sherlock Holmes, in that episode – this confuses people because not every bit, not every detail is exact, they did not believe I would be able to create the connections or puzzle pieces – when John Watson says, I am not gay, and she says, well, I am – this dialogue line is my brother. So, confusing to people not to me.
In that instance, I am John Watson, she is my brother. My brother is gay. I am not. It is a here and there bits and pieces. Since, there is this mind-set of neither confirming nor denying rather than verifying facts, I am constantly having to correct faulty and wrong thinking and arrangements.
They used my brother and his phone to speak to me. My brother was constantly getting calls from a Sebastian, I did not want to pry, but it did not seem real.
To clarify: If anyone is interested, I am not concerned or allowing days of the week, or numbers, or any electronic devices to rule, govern, or decide anything for me – just like everyone else in the rest of the world.
Your rules no longer apply, they never did.
WE - DO NOT AGREE! 