From Birth Male Born Men Beards Only.
July 26, 2018
Day 1, 577.
If you hadn’t noticed I am not changing my wardrobe, attire, or clothes anytime soon.
If you hadn’t noticed or been reading, I’ve been saving people before anyone here showed up. How many more stories must I write to prove and give evidence to that fact? The truth is real-life is not a Hollywood set or a set at all. Real-life and real-life rescues, saves, and removals of threats happen, more often than not, in such a way as to not be noticed. It is not a dramatic blow-up, argument, or fight. It is skill. There is nothing wrong with that.
How many more stories must I write about me saving, rescuing, and removing threats that will be enough to satiate?
If you hadn’t noticed, no I am not interested in making brother, sister comparisons. I got it. I got it faster than you.
How is it that an order of a pizza is able to dictate and control my surroundings? Or groceries? Or gas? I ordered my pizza first on purpose. I have had more than enough. There is a constant wrong-way slant that is always incorrect. They try to make me see things the other way around when it is always one-way only.
No, that order will remain unfulfilled as always.
What I want to know is why people are willing to participate. Even-flow as I understand it only represents women. Even-flow always being women. How is this at all possible? When if you think about it and apply reason and logic even-flow is a representation of water. How is this possible? Water is my name. Other women are not me, I am the only me there is. Why has such gaming and teacher training been allowed and been allowed to continue?
There is a negative connotation that is added and given to every male experience and interaction that I see or would or could possibly like or enjoy. Look at what they’ve done to my hair. Look at what they’ve done to my face. Look at what they’ve done to the size and shape of my body.
Correct, I don’t. It is more important to give kisses to men so that they will know joy. Because that ripple will be felt by the whole world. If you didn’t know, there are others that did and have known, I didn’t wash my floor for several months after I got the news about Tuesday and Thursday. I could not bring myself to take the tear-stains off the floor. The grief and devastation were too much. It still is.
Correct, Elijah sat by the Brook Cherith and not at a house of one color. For more than one or two colors.
My work is more than hard, it is more than difficult. Hayward, hard way. It is harder than it looks. It is not achievable by just any person. I believe I deserve my life back. I have done more than my share. I have given more than enough time.
Here is what happened to me on the night of July 24, 2018 while at work. If you have seen or heard otherwise it is not the truth. My mind and body are spent, tired, depleted. I started to sing to myself in my heard where no one could hear. Where no one should hear me, but me. I started to sing.
Praise the Lord….
Praise the Lord…
Praise the Lord…
…For the chains that seem to bind you
Serve only to remind you
That they drop powerless behind you
When you praise him.
When you praise him.
When you praise him,
When you praise the Lord…
Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat…
Over and over singing in my head to myself to reach the end of the night. When I feel someone in the back of my head unhappy with my singing. Unhappy with me singing this song to myself.
Well, if that’s true, I am going to keep singing, I thought to myself. So, I did.
When…
My manager whose name is Angel – doesn’t this make her a false angel – abruptly interrupts me working to tell me that I have fallen below, I am being verbally coached. I believe I was verbally coached because I was singing a gospel with specific words and wording – in my head.
Who was standing behind me at work while I was singing at work? While I was singing in my head at work. An electronic arts proxy and a child/baby actor from Close Encounters of the Third Kind wearing a Vader t-shirt.
…For the chains that seem to bind you
Serve only to remind you
That they drop powerless behind you
When you praise him.
This is not a dramatic moment. This is an abuse of power and nothing more. Drop, Dr. Operation. In other words, not pregnantable. It is my head first. If I choose to sing a song to get me through the night and it bothers other people, they need to vacate the building never to return.
Who has illegally placed devices and implants in my body, so they are able to hear me thinking? Not me. My response is still the same, I am looking for another job. How could I not.
I am not reading the news on purpose. Sick with grief. Sick with loss. Sick of loneliness and aloneness. Sick of not being able to live my life the way I want.
How many more years must I give?
Why is there not more outrage for an end to this?! To all of this?! This is not real life. I am not really living. For I am not able to have the life I want to live. What about what I want? What about what I want in life? I want a real physical relationship with a real man where I get to see him in body and not just my mind. Because it is never real vision in my head.
If you hadn’t noticed I am not an actor, singer, performer, musician, spy, or secret agent, nor am I interested. Nor have I been interested. My answer remains the same as it has for years since before this house.
They do not need my help. I do not do anything better or differently than any of the real persons working real jobs. They are all better skilled and trained and paid because of it. I am just a factory worker.
No, my friend those days and times left me years ago. It is not code name Irene. You do realize David Wolfe played a Rene at The Container Store, right? There are only so many auditions that you don’t get before you stop wanting. More importantly, I do not want to. It does not give me the experience or an experience that I want to continue. If I did I would have auditioned.
I understand it. I understood it. I don’t want it. How could I? Look at what they’ve done to me.
I just want a real life.
Sick of alone.
The same answer I have given for more years than most people know.
Sick with sadness and grief.
WE - DO NOT AGREE! 