From Birth Male Born Men Beards Only
July 28, 2018
Day 1, 579.
Code Name: Praise
He used this word specifically when he spoke to me, I in turn write it with specificity. Code name: Praise.
I have never seen Blazing Saddles in its entirety, now I know why. If you haven’t been paying attention I am not interested Hollywood. That is why they had to dupe me into a fake set. I am not interested. I haven’t been for decades. Why would I be look at what they done to my hair. Look at what they done to my face. Look at what they’ve done to my body.
What was the purpose of eradicating my bloodline? It is not because it is inferior in any way. I will never again believe it was for any real reason. Could have cancer, not that I did have cancer – it is different. I never did have cancer because I never needed surgery – ever. I will never believe what they say about it ever again. Since, the set seems set on not keeping me employed, I want and am looking for another job. How could I not.
- If you haven’t been paying attention cutesy-time is over.
I used to be a cinephile, it has been ruined for me. Why? Now, a movie poster plays a bigger part, has more importance or meaning than any moment that I might enjoy from watching a film. If they tried to use a program or expert people to understand me in any way from the movies I watched it would have failed. Cinephiles, or at least I am or was interested in films to find moments. I am no longer able to be a cinephile. For instance, in Mission: Impossible – Fallout, was that Paris I saw? Yeah, yeah there are cars and motorcycles, but was that Paris? Did you see the stone? Did you see the color of the stone on the buildings? Is it like that all over Paris or only in certain parts? Did you see how the color of the stone reflected the light? Reflected the light from the sun? How it complimented each other? How the color of the leaves of the trees are of such a color it created a specific palette? How magnificent! Was it designed and engineered like that on purpose? Wow! How it created natural lighting before artificial lights were invented. The rest of what I might have enjoyed has left my spirit. Because I am no longer allowed to be a cinephile anymore.
Code Name: Praise.
Holding my driver’s license in my hand looking at the photo I remembered why I started myself on a path of my own life away from being a caregiver. I had stopped smiling. The photo was taken in 2010 and it is plain all over my face how difficult it was to take that photo. The corners of my mouth barely moved at all. I have been spotting people for decades. I have been recognizing marks for decades. It might surprise some people with my memory of how I am able to remember who was in the driver’s license office that day and who was there to watch me. I am disinterested in sharing anymore. I am just as disinterested in sharing wobbly chins. They are surprised I didn’t give them the information in my head. Wonder why that is? I know the answer. How many years has this been already?!
They placed a t-shirt with angel wings on a man’s back, then purposefully placed debris in the roadway knowing where I would drive and be on the road causing damage to my right wheels. I am not able to afford to get it fixed. Why would they do that to me? Why would they do that to me at work?
Reach much?! Living is dangerous. Being alive is dangerous. I have been chewing gum long before I bought a pair of shoes.
All these years for what?!
Before any of them showed up I had been electing presidents, giving my mother a better life than she could have had in a nursing home – I still remember the look on her face when I went to visit her not too long after I placed her in a nursing home crazed, detached, wandering inside her own mind for the exit, keeping animals safe and off the streets until they found a home, keeping people safe from harm without them knowing it. No, before you ask I am not a super hero, nor do I pretend to be or think I am. Aren’t paramedics, firemen, and every day people capable of great things?
Now, my life is reduced to buying a product because someone wore a shirt or said something before I was able to buy the product. Because usually it is something I was going to purchase but had to wait for my paycheck or something. I do not really have a choice if I go to a grocery store, then they start talking over the loudspeaker using the music to control my purchases. It is the equivalent of completing a Ph D. only to be made to repeat kindergarten every day, then asked to pretend that you are happy.
Note the lack of creative food writing, writing, and stories as very serious. A very serious problem.
I wrote about a fruit – Code name: Praise.
Every day I am still alive you should consider yourself lucky. I am so aggrieved.
Code name: Praise
WE - DO NOT AGREE! 