This is who I always have been, the family boss, the one who made all the decisions. It was the only way I was able to keep the family functioning. I did all the driving because I was the only one I could trust to do it correctly. Driving is something that has been taken away from me in all of this, I no longer have that ability anymore because of the Bluetooth, because of the driving game, because of the damage that has been done inside my brain and head.
Running man, you are in the rightful place. You need to understand that. It is time. You knew it when you started and allowed all of this.
Running man, please do not tell me that what I saw slim brother was the truth. In so much as he did not have a choice or option of Universities. It makes me sick.
Running man, I want to know why I am still these days later – still sick in my stomach?
Running man, running men, let me tell you of the loose town. First there is nothing wrong with going along with a request that is being asked of you. It is not the same as being in agreement. There is not now nor will there ever be country in my family. It is not who we are. If you understood west coast thinking you would already know that. I knew with absolute certainty he would not be happy there. I was correct. In a few months, he began to unravel. Please do not tell me who to blame. I am already too upset.
There can be no les. No lesbian. No lesbians. That is all the proof I need to give, however, there is so much more.
The arrogance of the people I met in loose town were pathetic to me. The real estate agent who said he was glad I made the trip since I was the family boss. He was of no help. I found the place for my brother to stay that should have been his only residence. The head of his department whom I was immediately dissatisfied with. Immediately. Here is a man who is supposed to be intelligent, and what?! He doesn’t even like my own brother?! I wanted to punch him in the face and in the balls within seconds. It was all I could do to remain civil in his workplace. A man who offered my brother a job yet doesn’t even like him?! I wanted to punch him in the face and in the balls. There is nothing wrong with that. The professor who we had Christmas dinner with – this is difficult to put in words – I wanted to leave immediately. She is a person who places all her work, thinking, credibility on the test scores, GPA, her degrees and diplomas, then does nothing with her thinking afterwards. It is vulgar and disgusting to me.
They knew I was not happy in loose town this is why my brother tried to tell me of the Country Club and such places there. How could I be happy when what I saw were people hiding behind the bushes, talking civil to your face then saying something else once your out of ear shot.
Let me tell you what I’ve been seeing because I do not know how else or who else to escribe this problem. Code is meant to be communication. Code is meant to be a way to speak, give information, to talk to specific persons only. Code is not meant for every person. Ah, duh. What I have been seeing in my brainwaves has been a convolution disguising itself as intelligent intellect. It is not. There is such a redundancy it is maddening. It is the stuff of pencil pushing when it is action that is best and required. It is the stuff of asking and demanding for a book report when bending at the waist is the call of the day.
Running man, running men, I do not believe anyone understands how these years have worn my sharp mind to a nub. How would any person be able to continue and live with a governor placed within them limiting the vastness of imagination and possibilities?
I understand the muse concept, I disagree 100% with it. If only for the fact of how it has damaged me. I understand food choices find itself in a movie, masturbation finds itself in a love scene in a movie, word choices with the writing on the wall finds its way into a movie.
However, there is no excuse for making me live all alone like this. None. I am living the life I wanted to get away from. So, why am I not living in my own home? Where I had already made a home. It is not possible to make a home in this place. You know why.
There is one thing I will not comment upon, too easily for it to be misinterpreted, misread, misunderstood, and turned into something it is not.
I found nothing useful in the news today.
Why is that?
I think it is important to share this, for some reason when writing my Coffee and Breakfast’s I had been imagining a place, a house, a property with land and expanse because I saw myself with a large family. I didn’t see myself alone. I created a main house in my head with other buildings such as the kitchen/entertaining building in part because I wonder if it is more cost efficient to heat and cool smaller buildings rather than a massive estate, in part because I felt it would help to have separate places with so many people about. I don’t know why I think that, but I have always been surrounded by people before. When I lived on my own before I had friends and people. It is a terrible crime to keep someone all alone as this. Like a hostage. Like a slave. Like a prisoner.
Depressing.
WE - DO NOT AGREE! 