If You Want to Know

Disclaimer: Men Born Male Only, No Gays, No Skirt Wearing Fairies, No Transgender, No Tires, No Women Allowed!

 

Truly, are you fucking kidding me that it was thought so impossible that a woman, that I, a woman, would be able to have skills and abilities that I do in being able to understand, know, have instinct, and skills?!  Paul Newman, said once that he believed women could not be race car drivers, that only men could be race car drivers.  Please do not – this cannot be the actual reason and truth behind the removal of my reproductive organs.

If you want to know, the taxi cab dispatcher job that I turned down despite the interview, the office, the parking lot, there was a moment at the coffee pot that I cleaned or something in the break room that made a moment in time for me.  A something that I could not understand, I guess because some people do not know where their boundaries lie.

What is so special about me that for decades I have been followed, monitored, spied on, and most important of all left all my life without ever being allowed to be loved by a man?!

I knew for years that my neighbors used their children to relay messages back to their parents or other elders.  I always found it disgusting and perverse.  I thought and think children should play, have fun, enjoy their life, and not grow up before their time.  I know a little something about growing up too quickly.  It happens to a lot of children, and childhood once gone is gone.  Children should remain innocent as long as possible.  I rationalized that parents were training their kids to be weary and careful.  I gave them the benefit of the doubt.  Still, I found it disgusting and perverse.

Why spy on me all these years?  Why watch me from the cameras in stores?  I remember the “mother” who supposedly lost her child at Target.  I had no emotion hearing her yell for her child.  It was not my child.  I have no training about what to do when a child goes missing.  More importantly, she was making it up and pretending her child was missing.  Or it would have sounded differently.  I would have read her differently.  I had not one moment of uncertainty, her child was not missing.

Did they actually want to catch him on an underage rape charge since I was 17?!  A few days away from being 18?!  I was basically 18 years old.  Did I surprise you and them with my cleverness?

I would have to go back and work in my head to remember the exact timing of this, I went to the post office at the airport.  It was on my drive home, the reason I went to that post office.  Walking in and walking out, when…what is that?!  A school bus in the parking lot.  It was dark.  It was the middle of the night.  Why is there a school bus in the parking lot?!  You cannot tell me that an actual school bus driver would or could or should be out at that time of day.  Plus, and here’s is the tip-off, why are all the windows blacked out?!  WTF?!  At the time I thought it was a way to bring in something like a SWAT team inconspicuously.  Why somebody wanted to show me that, I have no idea.

I need it to be understood that day-shifters and night-shifters are creating a disturbance and problem in my home.  People who are watching and monitoring me while I am at home and what they do while watching me is creating a problem and disruption in what I would normally do.  For instance, as soon as a food arrives, there are people who are pushing, pushing, pushing for me to eat all the food as soon as possible.  There is also, the alcohol.  As soon as I am finished drinking coffee, there is the push, push, and push on me and my head to drink.  I would not normally do this.  I would wait until it was my dinner-time before I would consume alcohol.  But, they failed to realize that it transfers over in a way.  So, if someone is on a day-shift and they start drinking or thinking about it – it transfers over into my head making me not able to do things correctly for me and myself.

I do not understand this food problem.  You failed to help.  You failed to help me.  You only created a problem out of cruelty.

What has happened before is if I had done as told to do then they use an air-fan that is a weight-loss spray.  Would anyone be able to imagine such a thing as spraying the air to lose weight?  I wouldn’t.  I defy everyone in doing what I am told to do rather than what I believe I should.

It needs to be written again – going inside to pay for gas is teacher training.  I never had to do that before 1, 2, 3, and the teacher.

I have decided since people are controlling my food making it excessively heavy my creative stories, Coffee and Breakfast are on hold until you figure it out I am not able to go back to those men who have hurt me for so many years!

I want it known, it is important that what I wanted, planned in my head, thought through as to the cost, benefit, and greatest need, I had an exact order that I wanted to proceed.  I wanted my A/C first, then my car, then the appliances.  Because they have a way of manipulating and controlling things – they and what I decided was best for me is now out of order.  Again.