I was just about to write I hate having to “report” my life and goings on, but I dislike using the word hate – it’s cheap and common in writing. However, time – my time, more importantly – being what it is cannot afford at this moment to write the way I would normally if I had a private brain, private home, and private surroundings.
My mom kept it, Dave. How many years later was it? 10. 11. 12 or more years later she kept the bear. She had packed it away because we – my mom and I – were going to move away. We were going to leave my father. My father – whom I speak very little of and write even less of is a story for another time. We were going to move back to California to start a new life.
Do you remember Halloween, David? I am sure you do. Halloween hanging out at Alisha’s house, way out in the woods drinking the night away. I had fun. I had fun with you. I don’t remember you ever making me laugh, but I remember having fun with you all night and I didn’t want to go home when the sun came up.
We all decided, as a group to go out for breakfast. I am going to cut this short because I do not have time to story-tell, or make this an interesting read at all. You cut me down. In an instant you took the entire night I had spent with you laughing, and made fun of me in such a way as to make me feel worthless in your eyes. Like you snapped your fingers, and poof – you cut the connection.
I steeled myself on the drive to Denny’s – not wanting to appear as though you effected me at all I was still going to continue with the plan, but I was not going to let you in my heart anymore. I walked up to Denny’s and you were playing with that stupid game. *Cutting it short* You handed me the Halloween teddy bear that had bats on its feet. I couldn’t let you hurt me again because surely it was a trick – after what you said to me. I didn’t take the bear. However, several days after it was backstage at the theater, and I allowed myself to believe that you may have been trying to make up for hurting me so. I took the bear home.
When I unpacked it all those years later, I took a photo of it sitting in a wooden chair and I used a purple filter on it and posted the picture. I was just trying to let you know I still remembered.
I remember the date with “Gerry” at Bahama Breeze on Halloween night. He got there before me and ordered me a water which was sitting at the table when we sat down. I panicked, I started freaking out because I had never met this man before, and having some previous experience with being drugged, date rape drugged, I quickly ordered an alcoholic drink. I couldn’t think of anything else to order at the time, and probably I was thinking – alcohol is an antiseptic.
Why didn’t you allow me to date men for real. I am so lonesome. I bleed pain and unhappiness every day living this way.
And no, I will not wash my hair simply because someone told me to, you should suffer having to look at me in this way! It is a reflection upon you, your management, and your treatment of me.
I am not going to the DMV again and have my license changed – again – because of YOUR mistake. David Wolfe, you and James Franco are most assuredly both married or as good as married it is a shame on you both for string me along in such a manner! How dare you hurt me so!
No, I will NOT clean my floor because you placed dirty paw prints on my floor! Yes, I saw Benedict Cumberbatch on the television while I was at a bar in New Orleans. No, I will not wear my New Orleans shirt because of it.
I want privacy on my doors! No one should be allowed to enter my home or premises – AT ALL!
You pay me too little! You work me too hard! The rate is too high! I want to move on! I want to have a life! I want a real man in my life who loves me! I do not want any ghosts anymore or ever in my home!
You know nothing of art! That is a subject for another time!
I never want to see you, David Wolfe or James Franco ever again! All these years that you have LIED TO ME!
WE - DO NOT AGREE! 