Author: Jgd

From the first time I used WEN, I believed.

Hope, that is exceptional.  It is beyond exceptional.

True story, I gave WEN to a friend of mine to try because I believed in WEN so much – years ago.  She gave me back the WEN, telling me she didn’t like it or think that WEN was any good.

She was wrong.  100% wrong.

There is not another product in the world like it.  It is a travesty that I was made to have a phone conversation in my car returning a product when in truth it was not the manufacturers fault.  My product was opened, altered and tampered with then made to appear otherwise.

Of course, I am going to return a product that is not 100% pure.  It is not my fault.  It is not the products fault.  My orders, products, and mail should not be able to be tampered with.  No persons should be tampered with.

She was wrong.  100%.

You may think it is just my opinion, however I am correct – 100%.

Being told what to do and believing in something are different things.  I have only done what I’ve been told to do going on five years now.  How would I be able to believe in events and happenings any longer.  When the feedback, instructions, direction, comments, and everything else has been counter-productive, counter-intuitive, the very opposite of positive reinforcement – a principle and foundation for management, communication, and understanding.

I did not have a choice, I had to wear shorts to work because my pants are ripped to shreds not suitable for wear.  I did not want to wear shorts.  I do not want to wear shorts because of that woman on her motorcycle.  How many years does it take?  How many times, how many ways, how many years do I have to say – NO.  No, you are not allowed.  How many different times and years must I text, I do not want to go to the movies with you!  No, I do not want to work with you.  No, you were never valid.  No, I do not want to be your friend.  Also, no you are not my grandfather.

This is not discrimination.  I have a right to my own body.  It will not now nor ever, ever, ever, ever be a woman.  There is nothing wrong with being straight.  It is discrimination against me for being straight, daring to say I was born straight will always be straight.  I mean it is so beyond dumb, moronic, and stupid that I am still writing about this.

This person was never valid and should never have been allowed – EVER.  If they ever were.  It is a crime against me and I will not see it any other way.

I know who I am.  I have not lied about my sexuality, ever, or wanted anything other than straight men – EVER!  There is nothing wrong with that.

I heard him say he was sorry, we will be having coffee in a bit.  I understand you better than you think.

They tore my pants apart because they have the name David on them.  Because they are jealous of David or believe they have a right or claim to me when they do not.  Whoever they are.  I believe my hair loss was done in part because David laughed with me, enjoyed me, thought I was fun and funny when I placed the sticker on my head.  There was nothing wrong with what I did.  I have done it for so many years since I was a child it is just a part of who I am.  Why would someone want to destroy something that brought light, fun, happiness, and joy to another human being?!  Because he was a man?!  It is beyond shameful.  Men have rights just as women have rights.

When you love someone, they become a part of you.  When you love they become a part of you whether it is a pet, animal, or a person.  It should never be taken away or severed like my mother, or my cats, or my family, or my past.

When time moves on feelings and circumstance might change however when love was once a part of you it stay with you.

It is hurtful and disrespectful to me and David as human beings being capable of moments.

Day 1,555

Too tired.

If you followed the logic with kids doing business that would mean the toilet, the bathroom on the green side is open for business.

How absurd.

Guess what I learned at work today?

No, it is not my job to tell a campaign worker, administrator, or former staff member that she does not belong in a room.

This is what happens when you create associations, they stick around after the person is no longer in the room.  This is what I learned from Michelle Obama, her proxy, and former staff:

What I learned is that the story my mother told me about the House of Orange was something that was told to her to see what I would do with the information and not based on fact.

Guess what I associate Coors Light with?  My mother’s fake funeral.  My mother who I no longer have any feelings about concerning all those years I spent.  Gone.  Nothing but sadness for my loss of life.

While at an ATM, a Hispanic man in the line with me, there is never a line at the ATM, yet this day there was a line.  He started to make conversation.  I didn’t like it.  There wasn’t anything to dislike, he was well-groomed, clean, hair-cut and clothes, but nothing added up, nothing made sense.  Soon after he started talking to me I left, went to my car where my mother was waiting, locked the doors, and left.  He had a tattooed tear under his right eye.

So, nothing is real.  No person I’ve met is real.

Too many cooks in the kitchen.  Not one man.  Not one man in how many years has been real?!

It’s all been a lie.

What reason does that than give a woman like me to want to continue.

I wish I had never moved to Florida.

That man at the side of the road is to be removed immediately!  I want him gone!  He was not outside!  I want him gone!

I will not be returning to the same number – The White House has proven to me to be a complete sham and fake.  That is what I learned last night.

I will not be coding anything else for you anymore!  I am beyond disgusted!  Look at what Michelle Obama did to my face and hair.

I am blaming someone.

The wood-burning stove in a Coffee and Breakfast post is no longer there or allowed in any way.  I will not mention it again.  Beyond disgusted.  They did this to my face and hair.  I will not be returning to the movies anytime soon until this fake fat is off my body!

They care more about that damn car than me, or what I want.  I do not want to live like this.  I want another job.

I am not removing my belt or changing my pants.  Fuck off!  You will have to suffer!  Fuck off!!!!!  My Velcro belt is no longer suitable to wear, I am not buying another.  I will blame the teacher from last night.

I am going back to driving in whatever route I want!  Fuck off!

Nothing in my head, no person ever in my head have I EVER reciprocated any feelings for.  Both the outside voice and my inside voice, or in my head, are me.  Fuck off!

Not my job!

I don’t have to talk to anyone!  I don’t have to say anything!  FUCK OFF!

I will not be buying any more clothes until this fake weight is off my body!  FUCK OFF!

What I learned last night is the events including gas stations were not real, the information was planted in my brain and other tricks, or they would not be working SO HARD against me, disproving me every time I am correct.  This is the reason for art because those events were a complete fake and sham not real in any way.

Before moving here, I used to get Grounds for your Garden from Starbucks.  Every bag they had, I would take and put around my yard.  Then, reuse the bag in some way usually as a trash bag.  It is just smart to reuse something when possible.  This is something that the teacher has taken away from me.  Creating greater waste and hurting the environment.  Let alone not allowing me the freedom of choice.

Not my job.

Day 1,554

I can disinvite you as easily as I can include you.  So, guess who is out of past and future Coffee and Breakfasts?  Persons and a franchise.  Gone.

I want my flat stomach back!

I do not have to write about you or talk about you because I hear you or see you.  When you create bad, ill-feelings, and make me feel bad about myself, I do not need nor have to include you.

My face and body are NOT a canvas.

I want the man on the side of the road gone.  I am done.  Any thinking, reasonable, logical person would do the same after what has been done to my body and mind…for what a game?  To keep a finger score?  He is not real, not to me, not for me, I want him gone.  And, his partner.

I want him gone.  Forever gone.

Coffee only for me.  Have whatever you would like and want.  I have spent too many years like this only being allowed certain foods and products to…I can’t finish this sentence.  I am too upset.

A flower bouquet is what I am making for this Coffee and Breakfast.  I have a pitcher that is a light green from a time before this house, so it was simply a pretty color.  It is made of ceramic, it looks a little shabby-chic.  In this I will place plumbago from my garden and yard, some native fern, a white flower perhaps daisies, red hibiscus – not just a red flower, red hibiscus is red everywhere, the stems and leaves are a burgundy color it is a flower I could take a cutting from stick in the ground and it grows, and my favorite rose, cottage roses, pale pink they are my favorite color for cottage roses.

My laptop knows this as I did research, I found a company that took cuttings from old abandoned properties of cottage roses.  Roses that had been left to themselves and thrived.  A company in Texas.

Roses need room.  Roses will not grow well if they are crowded.  Roses need to have air around the stalks, they cannot be watered at night, a lot of different things are required to grow roses well.  Therefore, they lend themselves so well to formal gardens.

Before moving here, I used to get Grounds for your Garden from Starbucks.  Every bag they had, I would take and put around my yard.  Then, reuse the bag in some way usually as a trash bag.  It is just smart to reuse something when possible.  This is something that the teacher has taken away from me.  Creating greater waste and hurting the environment.  Let alone not allowing me the freedom of choice.

Pale pink cottage roses, old-fashioned, simple, unfettered, dainty, delicate, so pretty.

This is what I give to you, a bouquet.

Day 1,553

What I had planned for Coffee and Breakfast today will have to wait.  I was going to do something different and include all the PK’s – preacher’s kids, turn it around and you get KP’s.  My real father is a PK, a preacher’s kid.  It is a difficult job and you are only a child.

Coffee and oatmeal for me, have whatever you want.  When I am dieting, I do not dream of food.  It is placed out of my mind.  Always has.  Organizing my brain.

Roses and flowers and beer bottles will have to wait for now.

However, time constraints being real, I cannot today.  Look forward to it hopefully, soon.

It must be so nice for you to know that your program works enabling you to predict the shows and movies I will watch next.  It must be so nice for you that I am so predictable, so that you do not have to get to know me in person.

Be aware how very unhappy I am with that man on the side of the road.

Tell me, was the whole purpose for him to “play” against me, to see if he could get me to change fundamental values, views, and beliefs I have such as God and men?

Then, he is a giant loser.  I will say no more on this.

You let every and anyone have access to me?!  Whose brain is it to begin with?!  Mine.  Not yours!  Passing me around from person to person as though that would not have an impact upon me!

Try having one person stay with me for a whole shift and see how exhausted they are at the end of it.  A person does not go to a gym and workout for 10 hours?!  Your thinking is wrong!

What else am I supposed to learn or understand from the ladders being opened other than there has been a breach of security within my home.  Am I supposed to believe it was only in my head?  When upon return to my locked home I discover illegal entries into my home.

What else am I supposed to learn or understand from the events in April other than it was all staged, none of it real, and entirely faked except the damage it did to my head and wanting.  You place items in front of me that connect to each other, then a voice or something, then I think I believe I know the truth when it is possible that it was merely put in on the other side making me believe when it was nothing but a falsehood.

I do not have to prove my writing.  This is not a dissertation; my writing is not a dissertation or a thesis paper that I have to prove!  How many ways to Sunday do I and must I continue to say no or the truth?!

What else am I supposed to understand and learn from the experience.

If I was any good.  You wouldn’t do that.

I am too mad to continue this for now.

Day 1,552.

Just coffee for me.  No time today to talk or share what I had in mind.  Have whatever you want.  I did not get anything done these last three days that I wanted to get done.

No, I will not be going to the movies at this weight.