Author: endthefalselife

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April 25, 2019

Move my brother and his partner as far away from me as possible.  I don’t want them near me at all.  Change my brother’s address so it is no longer in Winter Haven, on Bates Street.  I am more than pissed.

That woman who parks her car in the driveway next to mine – the one with the garage code – does not live where she parks her car.  Take your own damn trash out bitch!  Or, are you completely incapable?!

Creggan they sent it up to bring a man to you that you would like to try and get at me.  To upset me.  Because every other person in the world is allowed to have love, be loved, have real sexual relationships and love – except Cherith.  Cherith is never allowed to be loved – all her life.  Because they want me dead.

I do not want for anything other than your happiness.  With what they have done, they have made your partner appear as though he is only interested in you because of me.  Because he gets a famous association, he is only interested in the fame and television.

Move my brother, send him and his partner away.

Keep my father near me, do not let him move – at all.

You stupid fucking people are allowing yourselves to be played and you don’t realize it.

You do not understand.  I am more than pissed.

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April 24, 2019

Cherith doesn’t just like the red man, she loves the red man.  And, no I do not believe that is a derogatory statement at all.  It doesn’t live in my heart, no matter how hard they’ve tried, Cherith loves the red man, it is evident, it shows, and it lives in her heart.

From the news story of John William King it tells me you had a very real threat that the building was not secured, the building I work in was not secured on April 23, 2019, and you had a white nationalists, a skinhead, a man who loves with death to kill anyone even whites who love with love, who, most likely, would have escaped.  It looks preplanned.

You have at least one person, the white lesbian who poses as a black man who is terrified of the real Hannibal Lecter and the fact that he is near me who look responsible for the set-up and preplanning.  There are several people scared out of their minds and it shows all over the place, I see it everywhere.

Get this through your head, I am not in the least bit worried or concerned over the presence of the real Hannibal Lecter, Cherith is very good with very dangerous men.

It looks preplanned.

Did you actually allow that lesbian who pretends to be my manager, Nick, plan an escape of a very dangerous white nationalist – for ratings? 

Gross.  No wonder I do not want her to be my manager or have anything to do with her.  Would you?

They want to blame me by putting me on suspension at work when I have done nothing wrong.  And, I do not appreciate my brother’s partner being the person to walk ME out of the building telling me I need to be on a fit leave.  There is damage done there.

I don’t think you understand the message that will send when people read it was my brother’s partner, a gay man, who was responsible for walking me out of the building.  It is as if to say, he is responsible for taking the chunk of hair from my scalp.  I did nothing wrong; you people have, by how you treat me.  It is more than a poor choice of words.  I am more than angry.  It could actually be read by some people as my brother wanting to be seen and choosing to be removed from our family tree, being a relative of mine, and having protection by being my family.

I work on a level most people are unaware of.  Is that the message you wanted to send?  Does my brother and his partner truly not want to be a part of my family?  I would think about that – seriously, if I were you.  There are more people in the world than US citizens and their culture does affect how they think and view problems, words, and associations.  It could be read by some people that my brother does not want to be my family.  It could be read by some people that my brother’s partner does not want to be my family or have anything to do with me.  He chose the words, walk me out of the building.  I am more than angry.

They told me I must go see a doctor to determine if I am fit or well enough to work in the building because I have said – words, out-loud – and not just in my head.  They mention this over and over, I supposedly said with several witness’ that I said something about blowing up and using the f-word.  What is so scary about that?  Just because I called them out the only way, I know how anymore by placing the sign of blubber on my belly.  I more than do not appreciate being placed on leave when I am the one who has done nothing wrong.  I am still more than pissed.  I am still more than angry.

If you are actually asking about my opinion of parole for Leslie Van Houten, from what I have seen the answer is, no.  Everything about her says, no.  She probably really is sorry and does not understand why she has not been allowed parole.  It reads all over her as no.  I would ask her why she thinks she has been denied parole and why she should not be allowed parole.  It is not a quick answer; she will need time to think about it and she might not know the answer.  I might have to work the case.

Charles Manson, Sharon Tate these murders have been bothering me for some time.  Not because someone has been thinking about them, not because of any other connections to movies, or people, I believe it has been asked of me, by a higher power, God.

This has been shown to me at work, I have yet to see it anywhere in the news.  I have not written it before because I despise having to be the one to tell people what I have done, the work I actually do.  I wrote before I did not believe that Heath Ledger’s death was accidental.  What has been shown to me at work is a man literally turned himself in, giving information to the death of Heath Ledger as a murder, not accidental.  It makes a big difference.  His family, his child, will now have the truth because of Cherith Joelle Gjestland, not the police.  Murder and accidental overdose are worlds away and seen completely different.  He was not just too tired, he fumbled his medications, Heath Ledger was murdered.

Do you want to know why a man would turn himself in rather than allowing a lie to persist?  He was more afraid of the men I know, and who in truth, literally follow me.  Let that be a lesson.

It’s a brain thing, I do not believe other gay men have the means to scare pedophiles.  Gay men do not necessarily encourage them, but they will not frighten them.  It is neither good nor a bad thing, it just is the truth.

It appears to me that I have been days ahead of you by breaking up with my FBI man.  The white nationalist who was placed in that church, proves it to me.

Cherith always writes and tells the truth, so if you are not able to read what is not a literal that is not my fault.  It shows I am more clever, careful, and aware than you are.  Sometimes Cherith must write, and sometimes Cherith must think a certain thing or way, to tell someone something.  To get someone’s attention, to show alarm, to shake someone up, to show and say what a person needs to know.  That is not the same as saying a statement that is a truth for me, about me, my intentions, or anything else.  Duh.

I get really tired of people showing me their ignorance.

I placed those kisses on my chair outside and humbled myself before those prisoners.  Why would Cherith do that?  Why would Cherith do such a thing?  Cherith doesn’t need to humble herself in front of prisoners.  Cherith doesn’t need to show she is on the same level as a criminal, as a prisoner.  Why would Cherith do such a thing.

Someone said in my head, I was being an example of Jesus.  I don’t see it that way.

What happened as was walking out of the building for the day at the end of my shift, another man walked past me, and I saw something, I saw a need, I saw a hurt, I saw a sadness.  Cherith had her Coke-a-Cola water bottle in her window with a display of anger over her weight on it.  Cherith saw a black man who as it has been shown to Cherith accepted Christ Jesus as his Savior.  I put the kisses on the seat with me, so they could see.  I gave a man a memory he will have for the rest of his life.  It cost me nothing to do so.  It did not hurt.  I hope he gets to see it.

Do you know why this man accepted Jesus as his Savior?  And it does look genuine.  Ask the real Hannibal Lecter.  What I see, what I saw was a revolution he started and wanted to continue, a revolution within the prison system, to – clean it through and through.  Wow.  It is really remarkable.  If you are not affected by that, shame on you.

You should be affected by that.  The real Hannibal Lecter wanting to do good within the prison – for good.  He would probably say it’s because of me.

Yeah, I am more than pissed.

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April 24, 2019

The photo of the Irishman in The White House tells me he wants to be brought over just from what he has seen in the last few days.  Looks like you will get good from it.

Honestly, I do not mind at all having the real Hannibal Lecter with me at work, with me at home, with me on the drive, or around – at all.  He does not bother me.  I do have a problem with people wanting to manipulate, push his buttons, or create any interference between him and me.  I would not do that to him.  I am not interested in manipulating him.  I don’t have to.  I know him, through and through.  I see him.

I do not believe that people who use manipulation as a form of “spy work” as skilled persons.  It tells me they are not able to do the work themselves.  That double-agent at the gas station has no real talent, no real skill, not really, not if you really look at what she has done.  She is flat.  She is blubber-belly.  If she could do the work, she wouldn’t need tricks like “air”.

I am an exception to him.  He will out-think nearly everyone.  He really does like a few men who work with him.  He really does.  I exceed in his eyes, by a lot.  That sentence says a great deal with very few words.

The real Hannibal Lecter and David Wolfe as it has been shown to me really look a lot alike.  This would be why some people thought it was necessary for me to never have a relationship with David.  They knew I am a mirror, I loved David for what I saw in him, and yes, his looks ares a factor into that sexual attraction, duh.

From all the movies that reference the real Hannibal Lecter it looks as though many people are of the opinion that he, had it not been for his crimes, would have been a natural (fastest way I can write that) lover for me.  He would have been a provider, doting, protective, and something more that is an unspeakable thing that exists between man and woman between partners that thing that creates relationships.  The very reason people marry.

No, he does not bother me.  I see him.  Cherith restores the heart.  This is not who you really are from the movie Moana, tells me more people have seen this from me than I will possibly ever know my whole life.

He will not.  He listens to me.  He listens not just to me; he listens to people.  Tell someone long enough they are not good, usually people will start to believe it.  Except Cherith.  That’s why I am being punished?

And, yes, you bother me from the movie Point Break looks like a real interaction that happened from a man in very high authority to a woman with clearance or a badge about me, and the handling of me.  The real Hannibal Lecter does not bother me in the least.  Considering what I have seen in other men’s minds and women’s minds, his mind – does not bother me.  It just says again that his crimes could have been prevented.

With my mother’s car accident, the Judge that sat to my right in the courtroom, all the lawyers involved, and a juror that was not selected, yet attended the trial because he was not selected, I think should be investigated.  The juror tells me he thought something fishy (fastest way I can write that) was going on.  The Judge and the lawyers when I took the stand had me believe that I said something that made it sound the opposite of what I was supposed to say.  Who gets to question the authority of a Judge when you are just a small town nobody?!  All their eyes tell me now is, the whole thing was staged – just because I defeated brain research.

Why am I being punished?  For speaking the truth?  For writing my truth?  For believing in myself?  For not following you like a mindless nothing?

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April 24, 2019

It is much faster, more efficient, and better to communicate and talk face to face – without hearing aids and ear pieces.  It’s pretty obvious, the time delay in me writing what I remember and see – takes precious time.  That is why there are – rooms.  Where people work in a room.

Learn this about me, I take after my mother.  No one could calm my mother down when she was angry or upset.  She would just lock herself in her room.  It would often concern me because I had no idea if she was really okay, or not.  I have yet to meet a man who has the ability to help me when I am beyond rage, obviously a woman will never do.

My mother never liked the taste of coffee.  She told me she had tried it and did not like the taste of it and that was that.  The timing of it would have been in Canada.  Something happened with a badger when she lived in Canada.  I believe she thought – at least the badger she encountered – badgers were mean and vicious.  It could have another meaning in the movie, Thunderheart, as I have written so much about Thunderheart it should be obvious that movie is very full of intelligence.  It could have another meaning about a man and/or woman with clearance, a badge.

I drink both coffee and tea; I prefer coffee in the morning.  Tea is more of a luxury to me.  Unless it’s green tea, and well that’s just good for you, antioxidants.  I started drinking coffee regularly when I was with – my one and only boyfriend I am ever or allowed to have my whole life?!

Jimmy Looks Twice from Thunderheart, didn’t they make vehicles that were named Jimmy rather large, take a lot of gas to fill up and not very good gas mileage?  Again, it is taking about conservation, solar power, wind power, natural resources, it is really well ahead of its time.  Its timing is Al Gore; however, as I see it, the thinking behind it is more, well it goes as far back as the fifties, and it is both US and Native American, working together, a lot.

Look what they did to my underpants from the movie The Rescuers, could have a meaning and reference about my brother and being abused.  As it pertains to me, it is the Coopertone ad.  It says beach, family, fun, sunshine, happiness, frolicking, water, saltwater, and – surfing.  Intelligence, strategy.  When I look at it in my head the Coopertone ad shows no malfeasance.  It happens in the surf, it happens at water parks, no one enjoys losing their bathing suit.

It’s in the coffee can, use the coffee can, the key is in the coffee can from Thunderheart.  Well, doesn’t this seem like a lot of dialogue to anyone?  To me, it is not a literal, door lock and key.  The key is my brain, Cherith’s brain.  Can to me, says at most, penitentiary, not bathroom or toilet.  This is intelligence so it is possible to have more than one use with different people.  They key is in the coffee can is about love.  The key, or what actually works in Cherith’s brain and mind, is love.  That is how you get work, and work done, love.

That Mexican restaurant in LA, I had a real handler with real credentials, and skills because I still see it.  I still see him, and he would have really liked to have been my boyfriend for real.  Especially after the results.  There is another man who was in a vehicle riding along with the people who were driving me around who really thought I was someone pretty and attracted to me – for real.  I still see them.  These two are worlds away from most of what has happened to me in Florida.

Medical messaging, it is a female MO, I think I’ve read this before, to cut, use a knife instead of a gun.  You have to be very close to stab someone, it says female.  The cyst removed from my right knee, I have cysts on my head, the cysts that caused my hysterectomy…it says to me double-agent, subversive, someone with clearance who found out I helped cause the greatest defeat to Al Qaeda, and I’ve been punished for it.  When the student doctors look at my stitches after I woke up from my surgery, the first thing one doctor said was, look how straight it is.  As if I was being punished, yet again, for being straight and being born a straight woman.

Why am I now still being punished?

People get to abuse me over and over, hair loss, air-weight gain, and I am never allowed to speak out against it, or display it?  I just have to take it like a slave?  How else am I supposed to respond?

Why am I still being punished for being straight, my mother helping with intelligence, and my brother being born gay?

Why?

I work on my days off writing most days more than ten hours – for free, I don’t get paid for it, yet it is a requirement of my employment.  Do you know how much I am actually getting paid per hour if you incorporate the hours, I spend writing?  What about the hours I spend driving?  That’s is work also.  What about the hours I am in my home, thinking?  That is being used in my employment too.

My father just spoke to me in my head, and that tells me that lesbian needs to get over her addiction to me.  I am not her personal savior.

My mother’s death was hidden from me for years!  I am hurt.  Obviously.  How do I get to heal?

Why am I being punished?

Medical messaging, the rash that was on my face and an intelligence man spoke to me at Clackamas Mall tells me being sent to Oregon and the medical research was not supposed to happen, not supposed to happen to my family.

I threw up as a child just after me and my family walked out of a restaurant for breakfast.  I was standing at the hood end of the vehicles.  My mother was upset by it because it was money wasted, I did not get any nourishment from the food.  My mother grew up very poor, with very little food.  She told me a story once of being so hungry after getting home from school she put black pepper in a glass of water and drank it because that was all that was in the house.  I was not worried or concerned, I am still not upset by the incident, so that tells me it was not completely a bad thing.  The planter’s wart, I did not like.  Moles, it’s difficult to distinguish because they seem naturally occurring; however, if done purposefully, that malicious to me.

This Chinese man from last night tells me that coffee can from Thunderheart is about snow falling in Florida, December 1989 or 1990 causing so much need for electrical energy that it caused blackouts throughout the county I was living in.  My fiancé and I went to McDonald’s for breakfast because it was the only place with electricity.  He also tells me he was completely unable to read me before, Barnes and Nobles.  Now, with the show you have, he can read me along with everyone else.

Coffee can could also be intelligence for any breakfast type of restaurant, and Sunday morning breakfasts in restaurants that I’ve seen many people reading the newspaper and having breakfast as a routine.

I have no idea what you people want from me, and I am tired of being punished.

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April 23, 2019

You break it, you bought it.  If it was ever thus.  From the movie The Bourne Legacy is about me.  If you break Cherith, if you hurt Cherith, you bought it.  Bought it – Dead.  If you break, hurt, or harm Cherith, you will die.  It is as if to say, if it was ever thus – so, sayeth the Lord.  Historically proven, someone will die because of how they have treated, hurt, harmed, or in any way caused grief to Cherith.

Break, the word break is code for the movie Point Break and the gunshot to the lawn mower.  Let that be a lesson to everyone.

I don’t know what you want from me, man.  I don’t like being spoken to as though I am some dumb girl.  Some stupid Community College student who is too poor to go to a State University even, and the best she could manage is Community College.

I don’t like being spoken to like I am some stupid abused woman, some dumb, ugly girl who was too stupid to not get involved with a man who abused her, hit her, and made a domestic violence victim out of her.

I don’t like being spoken to as though I am your prisoner in an interrogation room who is withholding evidence or information.  I have been helping you, have I not?  So, what gives you the right and authority to speak to me as such?  This is how you look to me when Chris speaks to me, and others.

Everyone in that building tells me everyday they are not my friend.  Everything I write about, their whole mission is to disprove, disagree, and try to get me to believe what I believe is untrue.  Would you like working in such conditions?  How many years has this been?  This has been since Edison.  That is going on five years now.  How well would you be able to stand up to such pressure?  What would you write and think in response to such pressure, abuse of power and authority?

My brother sounds stressed all the time whenever I hear him.  Of course, I am not going to want him involved with my work if it stresses him.  He is not me.  Of course, I am not going to want his partner there either, who is not Roy Campbell.  I said, that’s better when I saw him, and what happened?  Because I said that’s better out-loud at work, they took my hair away.  What?!  What sort of workplace is this?!  It places them both in danger because that is all that happens in that building.  People die.

I am so disgusted with you people.  What else am I supposed to do?  I see a problem, I know how to stop it from going nuclear, and you people want me to feel ashamed and like a whore?!  I saw the real Hannibal Lecter who has taught himself to go – the best word for it is – nuclear.  I calmed him down just by placing items to my chest.  What do you want from me?!

I am at my end of understanding with what you people do there.

You want me to feel ashamed, disgusted, and like a whore because of the real Hannibal Lecter?!  What about all those hundreds of men you sent in my home through virtual reality that I do not see, know about, allowed, or gave permission?!  You people think that is okay?!  I never agreed to that, you forced me to do that.  I never gave consent, you forced me to do that.  I never agreed to reality television, you forced that upon me.

Jacob Black from Twilight is not David Wolfe, he is my dead grandfather.  Wolf, a really big dog, dog, God.  The reason Sam finds Bella in the woods is about me, and what happened after the relationship where my boyfriend, hit and kicked me.  After, what happened in LA, where the greatest defeat to Al Qaeda happened, you people here in Florida handled me in an abusive relationship to cause my brain to stop working in the way that stops terrorism from happening, and military strategy.

Do you people still not get it?!  It made the real Hannibal Lecter so upset – inflamed, inflammatory – he escaped and gave Pelvic Inflammatory Disease to prove to your agency people, you were wrong.  So, upset about hurt and harm that was caused to me.  He knew, in his mind, he knew I would be treated without further harm happening to me because of it.

I talked out-loud in the building and I get sent to HR.  I talk out-loud outside my home and I get sent to HR.  I don’t like that.  I don’t like any of that.  You people have gotten me to the point that I don’t like talking to people face to face anymore because it is not REAL!  I don’t know how to play pretend.

No, I am not interested at all in speaking to female subversives or prisoners.  The way the brain-thinking works, if you’ve actually read anything, I’ve written a man needs to do it, or a lesbian, it’s a brain-thing.

That psychologist you showed me at bankruptcy is not a people person.  Does she live alone?  What she told me just by walking by is she is unhappy, chronically depressed, and not interested in people.

That was a subversive, a double agent, you had in the back of the gas station this morning, the same one who sent me to HR before.  She is not that interesting.  Did you actually send me to HR just because I did not write about her?!  There are so many hours in the day, you have all failed to realize the deficit you are working in.  How many years is this?!

I said, send her away.  Send her to Virginia, it should scare her.  She is afraid of losing contacts.  People she can use, people she has used, her empire she believes in her mind she has created.

I’m not afraid of them like you are Mr. Snoops from the movie The Rescuers, Snoops, like a private investigator, or detective, is me.  Cherith was not afraid of dogs after a dog bit her.  Bit, bite, vampires.  Cherith knew it was not the dog’s fault.  The reason there is a diamond has a connection to South Africa and my intelligence men, and me wanting to marry an intelligence man – for real.  The diamond is in the skull because it is about my brain.  Two mice, mom and dad, my parents, not some other woman to use me without my parents knowing about it.  You, Miss Bianca, a woman, that’s my mother, she had co-agents that were men, it looks like more than one.

It is a perfectly normal and logical response to shut off all communications when I am treated the way I am treated in that building that you think is a job.  That is why I stopped reading the news.  News agencies like CNN have blocked me from getting access to their news site.

It is not possible for me to go back to one, David or Edison.  It is logical, all that has happened since Edison is breaking and entering into my home.  Damaging the food, I brought into work and the break room, so that I could not eat it – just to destabilize and damage my metabolism.  The kisses I bought were ruined the moment I left my home for work.  Is there anyone who would want to live this way?

My coffee creamer, my soap, my laundry detergent, my clothing, my furniture, my glasses, my glasses case, everything I own has been ruined the moment I leave my home and sometimes while I am here.  What do you think would be the normal response to this pattern of abuse?  What do you think it says about the people doing it?  What do you think it says and shows when Cherith cannot walk her garbage to the curb without having to lock the door?  No one, no person is safe in America.

I never loved Edison, I never came with Edison, I never even liked Edison.  I believe you people have no idea who Edison’s proxy is supposed to be.  How this information got into the hands of a lesbian double agent in Spain, I have no idea.  He is supposed to be a royal Spaniard.  Princess Bride.  He is not a con, not a con-artist, he has never spent time in prison or jail, and he has royal blood.

This is the reason for my mother’s quasi-stroke with her writing to me, two girls now tonight.  Somehow a lesbian Spanish double-agent got ahold of this information and she thought she knew what she was doing.

There really is a royal male Spaniard who is just a few years older than me, very attractive, and a clever mind.  He has actual intel; he doesn’t know it yet.  He actually has intel given to him somewhat different than the way they gave me intel.  He is fascinated with me; he doesn’t quite know who I am.  It is probably the reason we had a relative of the real Dali as an exchange student.

It doesn’t look like he needs protecting yet, he needs to know he has intel.  He needs to share and give his intel.  I would want to know what was so interesting and upsetting that they sent lesbians, to hurt my mother.

I don’t know why you people have me write this when it appears you already know all this information.  What is the point of my existence anymore?

Do you understand you have ruined my ability to appear normal anymore with this reality show?  It is just not possible for me to not be who I am.

I am more than upset about my weight not being 109 as it was before.  I did say I am not buying anything, anymore.  I am more than upset about my weight.  No more special requests like a hustler would do because that is how it makes me feel as though I am being hustled for money.  As soon as I get my weight to where it looks like it is going to go under 120 pounds you have that lesbian white female who poses as a black man to break into my home and force weight gain on me.  I am more than upset about it.  Obviously, I do not want anything to do with her.  I am more than upset.

I am beyond hurt, beyond anger.

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

 

April 22, 2019

Listen up FBI, consider this your final warning!  We are broken up; you are not my FBI man anymore, you never were.  I only said it because I believed it was needed.  I am at my end.  Consider the chunk of hair on my window, your final warning.  We are through.  Do not use me, or work with me again.

I am not reading your news anymore.

I told you not to bring the real Hannibal Lecter around and you did it anyway.

You have brought people from the US military in my workplace to kill me.  I more than do not appreciate that.  Consider this your final warning and lesson; we will not be working together again.

Lesbians; consider this your final lesson; you will never have my protection – ever.

You have lesbians putting their weight on me through the air at work, I more than do not appreciate that.

I am more than at my end with that stupid white female lesbian who poses as a black man who is petty, and does not know anything about leadership, honesty, or decency.

I am at my end with the stupid walkways at work.  I do not have to walk on the weather-side, or anywhere else.

I cannot stand Chris speaking to me anymore.

You have the real Hannibal Lecter speaking to me dismissively, with meanness and jest trying to mimic how my father says my name.  I do not appreciate that.  He does it to show how little he thinks about my real father.  I do not appreciate that.  I do not appreciate having to work with a serial killer.

You have the real Hannibal Lecter doing nothing but trying to manipulate my feelings.  I am more than sick of it.

You people have shown me nothing but ingratitude, meanness, and cruelty since working at The Container Store.

I never want to see or talk to David again.

I never came Edison, you never entered me, I never want to see you again.

I will not stop putting the heavy stickers on the smile until Chelsea’s picture is removed and I am not changing my arms for her.  You will have to kill me instead.

I never wanted to be on “television.”  I do not believe it is a real television show or reality show.  You do not pay me for it, and you certainly do not pay me to be abused.  Like ripping my hair from my head, and heaviness.

You have people in that building who are addicted to abusing me.  I would rather be dead.

I have gone out of my way time and time again for other people while I do not get to grieve the loss of my own mother.  I am not allowed to know what happened to her and how she was murdered.  I would rather be dead.

You will have to kill me next time.

I would rather be dead.

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

 

April 21, 2019

Do you know why I sign ASL with my left hand?  I feel like I have written this or told this enough people already know; however, I sign ASL with my left hand because my right hand does not have full function in that I am unable to sign the letter Y.  My ring finger does not close to make a Y.  Do you know when this happened?

In Oregon, we had a hallway with a coat closet on the second floor.  It had a handle not a knob, one afternoon as a teen I was walking from my bedroom down the hallway – brain-thinking – my right hand hit the handle leaving my right hand with a bruise that covered my whole hand.  I did not think much of it at the time.  Maybe I am just clumsy, although I know that wasn’t true.  I have to tell myself all the time now, don’t walk into things.  Brain-thinking.

The character that kills her and himself if probably based off of a real person who – this is what it looks like when I look at it quickly – wanted to impress a real serial killer by harming someone that a real serial killer liked.  It could be in connection to the real Hannibal Lecter, or someone else.  I haven’t been able to work it or study it.

It is the most I got from the movie Patch Adams as I was not able to watch much doing housework.  I think it is probably obvious people thought of me as Patch Adams.  Me, trying to understand the proxies who are talking to me, and, well, laughter does reveal beautiful inside a person.

Larry, the name has been mentioned in other movies, I have not worked it yet, he is a character from television.  It the most I have gotten so far.

I know I have been therapy to people before, people watching me interact with children.  Watching the children light up being around me, the movie poster for Lion is from a real photograph of me in a Christian theater group with a little boy I baby-sat for nearly running up to me on stage, Nullah from Australia.

Grateful, he could still be included.  Wouldn’t he be?  I saw him in her as I started to watch the film.  Pain, loss, and sadness are hard to hide.  Clown noses from me at Circus World being chosen from the audience as a teen-ager, thirteen, maybe I was, just walking and climbing up the ladder of the trapeze like I belonged there owning the entire tent making the audience laugh.  There is never enough laughter in the world.  The good honest laughter, the laughter that is so good you don’t want it to stop.  I always used to see if I could get someone to the point of laughter, they would forget the world around them.

Jimmy Looks Twice from Thunderheart is me, it is why he gets away.  It is why his back is turned to the camera as he gets away.  Looks Twice, a mirror.  Me as a mirror of other people.  It almost looks like a ravine he jumps into, brook Cherith, and jump, looks like a – break.  Like a code to disperse.  Break-apart, been spotted that sort of thing.

I have been working with intelligence persons all my working adult life, and it started when I was just a child.  My be married dress, brushing my hair seeing that this neighbor was really an intelligence man and lethal, sometimes they have to kill us from Thunderheart is not referring to killing Native Americans, seeing he was a good man who took care of our country for all the world.  It’s why there is a little girl in 12 Strong because that’s me, you need to learn Spanish Daddy, that’s Mexican Vanilla.  Ice, Ice Baby, Vanilla Ice, does this look like the Russian in The Spy Next Door to anyone?  It’s probably what someone, a former felon, thought of me, this little girl who could understand Russian.  For some men it would have felt like home, made them homesick in a way.  To be able to speak their native tongue.

All the time my mother was in a hospital or nursing home nearly every single nurse – every single nurse – had a packet of cigarettes in her pocket.  I think people just have not understood that the Oracle and Neo from the movie The Matrix are really the same person, and the kitchen is just a brain-palace, brain-thinking and so on.  The cigarette smoking is just a measure of time, slow, methodical, like fog, brain-space.

If anyone thought showing me props, would actually get me to thinking, I am well beyond my years with such small thinking.  It’s like asking someone if they’ve noticed in the nuclear explosion their standing in, if a piece of lint was out of place.  It is the closest comparison to show the differences of importance, meaning, and depth of understanding.

Who was that SOB last night?  Trying to manipulate my feelings and emotions with virtual reality?

After the incident at the church in Damascus, Oregon we went to (his MO is to mess with people heads from the movie Thunderheart is not a Native American this is a white male who worked nights with my father who also went to that church) I hid in my closet one Sunday morning therefore escaping going to church that day.  My mother soon changed churches we went to, we started going to another church that was much closer to us.  I really can make things happen.

It really is subversive work having us move from California to Oregon, my father working nights, so that I never got to spend time or know my father growing up.  I never saw him.  I have very few memories of him, I think it is probably why they’ve placed him in a lot of movies.  Like they were trying to make him – disappear – that’s subversive.

Wanting to take away the American DREAM from the fifties.  Home-ownership, buying stocks, this is some old thinking that still has roots here.  The American DREAM.

To me it just looks, moronic, not skill, or skillful, moronic.  Dumb.  There is a flatness to it, to them, in their eyes, in their thinking, in their person, in their personality, flat.  As if that could hide their thinking.

I’ve written for an hour, it never seems enough, and it never feels complete.

My mother was like a super-hero to me, I really never knew my father growing up.  Hasn’t every child looked at their parent at least once and wondered, how did they do that?

Such sadness.  When happiness is really not that difficult for all to have and achieve.

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

 

April 21, 2019

Phillippe Park, Safety Harbor, Fl – planters’ wart, right foot from the women’s locker room at the outdoor swimming pool at Mt. Hood C.C. before shower shoes were something to wear in public.  Truth gospel, Christian singer bought shower shoes from me at Dillard’s.

Was that really the purpose of this evening’s work?  See if Cherith will get so mad she will not want to work with the FBI ever again?  Or the military?

All you did in my opinion is make it appear that no one in the building neither understands nor is able to create and do the work that Cherith does.  Does he feel like a big man for making me – HEAVY?!

Anybody else see that the real Hannibal Lecter is probably Joe Black in Meet Joe Black?  Wow.  Has no one written an original story – ever?

BTW, blubber belly is not a good, scary Russian.  It does not prevent nor deter pedophiles.  Blubber belly says – weak.

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

 

April 20, 2019

I used to weigh 109.  David has no penis.  Are you really so surprised that someone put a hit out on you David?  After they’ve seen how you’ve treated me?  I am really not a difficult person, and you allowed these dumb cops to tell you what to do rather than be who you are.  David has no erections and no penis with me.  It is obvious.

You stupid people have allowed a serial killer to be more decent than nearly anyone in these years since this house.  Wow.  All he did was listen to me and respond accordingly.  Of course, he was approved from the movie The Bourne Legacy this would have been very early after his first capture.  Of course, he’s not gay, it is again a reference to my brother’s accident.

Have you people really kept me in the dark, worked so hard to stop me from believing in myself, denied me the work I have done – just to make money off of me in movies?!  No wonder there have been so many celebrity deaths.  You quite literally would have criminals so upset by me not receiving recognition – for lack of a better word – they have killed people for it.  They have also sent planes into building because of it.  You people are morons.  I am not.  Unfortunately, it really is that simple.

I gave you people the answer – for free, willingly, as a teen-ager.  History has proven you did not have the decency to respond with intelligence.

Brother of mine, they really have tried all these years with that stupid Roy Campbell to try and make me believe you are a criminal and deserve to be in jail.  Does it look like it worked?

This stupid notion of nothing but a black female over and over all these years, is nothing more than an attempt to get me believe I am nothing more than a con-artist.  They probably think I should be in jail.  This has been done only to appease someone else’s guilt over what they have done to me and my family.  I ain’t black.  Wow.  I really don’t think it is anything to be ashamed of to demand I be – ME.

I do not like the profile of Emin Agalarov.

I do not trust nor like the profile of Nadler.

I have been busy, or I would have written about those two before now.

You people really need to get over the tucked in shirt or untucked shirt.  The message has nothing to do with a shirt being tucked or untucked, fashions change.  The message was and is, obviously Cherith is straight, you, especially lesbians because there really is a school of thought, a line of thinking that men use sex as power over a woman, they do not see it as love, are compromising missions and work because sex really is in the brain, it really starts in the brain first.  It is really is not that difficult to figure out.

The messed-up hair from Sherlock and The Spy Next Door really is me, I cannot believe these people have followed me so closely they’ve watched me in hair salons all these years.  I really have done that from the hair stylists chair after they’ve finished with me.  It’s really not a big deal, I can’t believe they’d put it in a movie.

David is not Jacob Black, they just used what they saw.  There is a reason he imprints on a baby, I am not the baby. I am Bella – Duh, shield, protector, duh.  You people look stupid to me.  It’s basic human psychology.  David has treated me as nothing more than a Neanderthal man.  I am not a woman who would be interested in such a man, obviously.

David has no penis.

Edison has no penis.

The skier profile picture you put in the news is completely inaccurate.  The real Hannibal Lecter is not a boy who has just discovered what else happens with his penis.  You people look stupid.  This person is a terrible reader and completely biased and judgmental with regard to their own beliefs rather than actual intelligence.

I used to weigh 109.  David has no penis.  David has no erection.