Author: endthefalselife

July 20, 2018.

Day 1,572.

I will not apologize for being selective on purpose.

After drinking a full pot of coffee, I should be bouncing off the walls from all the caffeine, yet I am not.  It is as if I have not had any caffeine at all.  So, this is going to take longer because yet again the order that I placed has not been received by the correct and proper persons.

Extremely tuckered out – spent, tired, and miserable.  It is so overwhelming, so much work, so unenjoyable, I don’t want or feel like writing.  It is a brain-stopper.

Wonder why on my days off what I want to do first is relax and not more work?  Wonder why?  Physically worn-out.  Mentally worn-out.  Financially drained of resources and help.

There is too much, I will not be able to get everything written before tomorrow.  I will not be able to get everything done I need to live.  It is too much.  What I understand – it is too much to write it all out in one sitting, in a day, it would probably take years.

Settle in.

This will be a long night, as this work is normally done by persons who have a staff.  I need a secretary, an assistant, a staff to accomplish this work.  There is a story being asked of me to write, I am choosing to write the better story.  Because Ethan Hunt – He – was placed in front of me, she needs to be dismissed.

Here, I am unable to get employment elsewhere, go any faster than I already do, or do more unpaid work than I already do.  You have been warned.  Whose initials are those anyways?!  They are not yours.

It feels to me as though inappropriate persons have been allowed access to notes, videos and so forth of the surveillance of me.  Person who do not have the proper clearance, level of skill, or training.  Therefore, creating inappropriate and inferior storylines, scripts, and work.  Yes, I will be repeating the same words on purpose.  I am out of my mind tired of persons of inferior training, skill, and age being over me, managing me, in charge of me, handling me.  I know the difference.  Age matters.

Yes, I will be writing this and take it personally.  Because it is personal to me.  I used to be pretty.  I used to be cute that is until that black woman showed up.  This is not in any way about any specific black female or woman this is about the gay teacher.  Do not get it confused.  I have spent more time, money, voting, and writing defending the rights of all persons.  I have no other way to write it because that is the way it has been presented to me.  It is beyond disgraceful not just to African-American women – to all persons in the ENTIRE WORLD!

I used to be able to go in to stores.  I used to be able to shop the bargains and deals.  Because I have expensive taste.  The only way I have been able to afford items of such quality and unique style is by going in the stores.  Therefore, brick and mortar stores are still important.  Why they will not be going away any time soon.  I write this – purposefully.

We will be dining for dinner, food I prepared in my kitchen building, then we will eat in my outside dining room.  Because I so miss the outside, feeling the air and breeze on my face, having it blow through my hair.  It is possible I am more of a romantic than I ever thought before.  This will be taking place in the Fall, my favorite season.  As much as I miss daylight, sunshine, and the beach Fall is my season.

It is nighttime, so the lights are on lighting the night.  The fireplace is lit for the light, coffee logs are used it is not so cold that the fireplace is used for warmth.  But, this is fall so the night is cool allowing me to wear boots with jeggings yep, with a thong, a camisole either a knit cardigan, an Irish cardigan or shawl, or a scarf worn over my shoulders and to one side.  My hair is down and finally decent make-up on my clean skin that I used to have before 2012, this house, the set, and the co-existing gay teacher – that is not my brother.  Do not forget I can be devastatingly glamorous although it is a casual setting.  Or, there would never have been so much attention paid to me before.

Make this correction in my physique because I have never in my life been sloppy.  Not at any time in my life has my appearance been sloppy.  It is gauche to be so.  I will write no more on the subject because she is wrong, will always be wrong, I am correct.

There are several options to dine on as I have been thinking of new ideas for the usual fare.  I have been brain cooking.

Dinner:  White garlic sauce lasagna with spinach, turkey sausage with sage, perhaps tarragon – I’ve forgotten what tarragon tastes like – sliced on the diagonal into medallions and layered, some Asiago and parmesan cheese on the top cooked until it has formed a crust around the edge.  A light salad with a light wine dressing.  A round loaf with rosemary and Kosher salt on top, butter breadsticks – what does mustard seed taste like?  Would that be any good in a breadstick?

And/or, tomatoes boiled, the skins peeled, then the middle cut-out placing pasta noodles at the center.  There are several versions of this have whatever one or as many as you want.

Spaghetti noodles that have been cooked al dente, then in a pan EVOO, and paper-thin sliced garlic.

Spaghetti noodles and spaghetti meat sauce.

Spaghetti noodles and spaghetti sauce.

Served while the tomato is still warm.  Parmesan cheese to top if you would like.

And/or, the boiled, peeled tomato placed in a small cast iron ramekin, EVOO drizzled on the sides and bottom, then cooking the tomato until it has a sear.  Then, your choice of spaghetti noodles.

I wonder what that tastes like?  I wonder what one tastes better?  Maybe they all taste good.

And/or, another idea I had if you are still hungry for burgers.  Macaroni and cheese hamburgers.  Take macaroni and cheese it needs to be cheesy and a specific cheese that will crust well place it in cast iron mold pan with a cast iron press on top and bake it.  What does that taste like?  Would that be good as a bun or another dish?

Have what ever one you want or taste them all.

In my kitchen building I’ve had a permanent water-filter fixture tap placed.  Have still water if you’d like, or any of the wines in the wine cellar, or any beer in the beer fridge, or any mixed drink you’d like.

Taste.  Enjoy.  This is a long night.

Dessert: Fruit soaked in a liquor, perhaps coconut, some sort of pudding perhaps, whipped cream.  Part of my kitchen building has a coffee bar, have whatever coffee you desire. Or a pot of tea.

Tonight, there is staff waiting on us.  It’s about time.

All right.

Think about this, my painting was chosen.  I am writing this story again because this story has been known by several persons.  Written by me several times.  It is a significant story.  My painting was chosen, mine was the only painting from my class that was chosen.  Third grade, perhaps.  And, my painting was the one chosen.

On the last day of school before a winter break the teacher told us to create a picture that would be selected by the local frame shop – Beard’s, I did not know the name at the time – to hang upon their wall.  What did I choose to do?  I painted.  There were pens, crayons, pencils, and paint.  I painted.  What did I choose to paint?  Mt. Hood.  A landmark that can be seen from nearly every place, angle, direction, everywhere you look in Gresham, Oregon.

I choose an image as a child that was a representation of the community, the town, the state, and the people.  The teacher made fun of my painting acted as though she had no idea what the painting was.

What is this?

Mt. Hood.  See the mountain tops and trees.

The teacher gave praise to another student’s picture that was a very good drawing.  I went home feeling as though I had failed.  It wasn’t until the last day of school before summer break that the teacher gave me back my painting that had been framed.  Acting as though I should have known all the time it had been chosen and had hung upon their wall.  I had no idea.

It is significant.

My painting was chosen not by the teacher, but by the people who had asked for the school’s help and participation or had organized the event.

It says a lot about a very small child’s brain.  It says a lot about me.  I could have painted or drawn a toy, or a Christmas tree, or a flower, or anything that would have been typical for a child of my age, however I chose to paint an intelligent thought as an image.

On my ceiling, in a faux fire alarm once you take it apart there is a message that reads, do not paint.

Why would that be?  It is something that should never have been allowed to happen.

This Norse blood running through me, these conquerors, conquered for knowledge as well.  The Norse believing there was more to the world than themselves or they wouldn’t have travelled to discovered it.  I do not quite know where I get it from because I have not seen an example of it in my family of my own ferocity.  My parents fought, but whose hasn’t.  I do not know where I get it from.

I will be one man’s one and only, I will have it no other way.  Then, to be anything other than one man’s entire world and universe.

All the He’s in here, can be so because they do not have to be bothered by such trivialities, nonsense, and idiocy such as, searching through descriptions, wording(s), and brand names.  This is not correct coding, it is idiocy, it is of a design by persons incapable of great thinking.

All right.

• Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus.
• I believe in divorce. What house did this take place?
• Killer eyes? Do not get this confused either.  It is because of the interaction between David Wolfe and myself that gave if not one person several people the idea of my great ferocity.  Why else would I have received an invitation?!
• How sports became JUGS, I have no idea because the truth is my first real boyfriend was a hockey player, older than me, tall and thin, very good-looking, self-possessed, and sought me, admired me. I am uninterested in filling all the sports references.  For several reasons.  Do it yourself as you read.
• Thomas Edison’s swimming pool in Ft. Myers – FM – Fl. It is significant; however, I am unable to get to the information.  Because it is about the construction of the pool and not the date that it was built that matters.  She is wrong.  I am correct.
• S – My last name G-j-e-s, 4-t-l-a-n-d.
• My name.  Cherith: water, a refuge, a safe place, biblical meaning where Elijah – SAT – by the Brook Cherith, the last prophet in the land being sought by the King to kill him, hid from the King until it was safe to return, the ravens fed him being significant because Ravens are carnivorous birds also, the meaning is probably specific to the culture of the time the event took place.
• My last name, Gjestland – guest in the land.
• Be quiet, father.
• The t-shirt had nothing to do with it. It was the neon sign.
• No, I am not Johnny Mnemonic.
• I am not an emotional wreck. We turned that television off.
• Quite honestly, I do not get the tire references at all. The only thing I can think of is that it is of no consequence and mattered not to me.  If something does not, is not, cannot apply at all, it will never be able to regardless of the time, or how long it waits.
• If you think I am going to wear the incorrect sized clothing for my body and shape, you are mistaken. Leave the building at once!
• Waxing is better than shaving.
• I looked cock-eyed at him.
• I picked this man, they are surprised I didn’t give this to them ahead of time, up off the floor because I was worried that he was ok. This man who I saw in his eyes disagreed almost immediately and 100%, he told more than one she so, disagreed not only with the gay teacher, but with what was going on, on set.  With the direction, with the knowledge, with my capabilities, with how I could be used, I could go on an on.  He tried to show them so by flirting with me – he’s pretty good at it – while on set, however, it is not set-up as so.  He almost didn’t want to send me into the building when we were talking outside, I saw the hesitation.  This man is in no way a baby of any sort, he never could be.  He is quite interesting.  I remember.
• The movie Philadelphia, this is known, I spoke of in complete disagreement on one specific point. Do not get this confused, all person have rights regardless of age, race, sex, or sexual orientation.  However, there is a part of the script in Philadelphia that implies that every person is capable of being gay.  Or, is gay.  It is known that I disagreed because I spoke about this with a person I used to be friends with.  Look at animals and the animal kingdom some animals partake in same-sex sex, most do not.  Some animals mate for life never taking another partner after their partner has died.  Again, most animals do not have same-sex sex.
• 12 Strong, Michael Shannon, MS, Mississippi – my brother is not truly and legally married – sucking chest wound.
• My mother talked to me about going to military school. Where did she get this idea from?
• Thongs are the proper name, flip-flops being the vernacular. I own a pair of thongs I still wear, where did I buy them from?  What store?    Publix.  It is known.
• While working at The Container Store, after it was known that I knew everything was faked, a supervisor asked to see a ring I was wearing. It was my mother’s ring, with a green gem in it.  When the supervisor gave me back my ring it was not the same ring.  It was a cheap replacement.  A fake.  How could I possible say anything in response?  What could I possible say when I knew everything was a fake set?!  How could I have possibly responded?!  I have yet to have my mother’s ring replaced.  Or, acknowledged that the magic trick took place.  It was no magic.
• Replacement, we had dinner together. It’s embarrassing given my surroundings.  Why anyone would want to do so, I have no idea.
• I know, right. This is to say, Cherith knew, Cherith was correct.  Right is not the direction.  Right – grit as in a backbone, determination, etc.  Grit, no H.  No Honda.
• Misuse of the Obama office. DO NOT GET THIS CONFUSED.  It Is a proxy.  This is where the allergy story came from.  A co-worker had allergies to dog’s meaning cats.  She couldn’t be around people who had cats on their clothing.
• WTC call theory that the call had been routed to me specifically. No more on this yet.
• My mother took me to see Platoon, what?! I remember looking at her as she bought the tickets.  Why did she do this?  It was specific.
• Told a supervisor – helmets – at work that I was a writer. That I would use what was said to me in my writing.
• S – I will not be taking away the pictures of my cats that should never have been taken from me any time soon. I understand.  I disagree.
• Second tire happened at Tampa University, where my brother had gone to school. Should never have happened.
• Staples knew Moonlight Sonata. That music spoke to me.
• Staples knew I was prepared and planned to go to Canada. It was known I would have gone into BC – CB, Frequency.  I had renewed my passport.  There is so much here it is difficult to get it all written, mother, grandparents, Sherlock, Artist Row, vegetarian, International, age – 25 or 26, I’d have to go and look it up, most important of all it is not about the employer or employment it is about the type of work.
• Black Hawk Down, the timing of the events.
• Black Hawk Down, if the movie is truthful at all in telling of the events that took place, I have a harsh criticism of the US military. The finest military in the world, and that happened?!  Avoidable casualties and losses?!  This gets me upset.  Finest military in the world.  Or are we not?!  Antiquated methodology, preparedness, planning, systems, communications, organization within the military.  Either this is real and true, or it is not.  This is what I got from watching Black Hawk Down.  It is maddening and disgraceful. If this is still taking place, you do not want me in charge.  I would create better paths through the chain of commands.  I could go on.
• Why is it so easy for other groups to spend, disperse, and drain US funds? Why is it so easy to spend, disperse, and drain US funds for so many decades?
• 2 N’s are a square with an X.
• An N is a Z.
• An N is a 7 with a tail. I could go on.
• 5 is a U with an L.
• Mission – 7
• Impossible – 10
• Fallout – 7
• Mission Fallout – 14, David Wolfe’s birthday.
• Possible – 8, IM – 2. This is not a possible.
• Fallout – L, L, left and right feet, left lane, form an L in each hand it turns into a rectangle, a camera viewfinder, a window, a transom, on and on.
• Mission Impossible Fallout, half a 12.
• IMF, I am family. I could go on and on, and on and on, and on.

Honestly, this is just a small portion of all of the information I have and am aware of, however, it is now…

July 21, 2018.

Day 1,573.

Coffee as this has taken all night.  In a bowl sliced banana with cream poured over, cinnamon sprinkled.  Fat-free cream for me.

When Thursday was still a kitten I had taken him for a check-up at the vets.  There was some problem with his neck from before I adopted him.  He told me so in certain ways.  The assistant went to take him and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck.  I was torn as to what to do.  I should have told the assistant I would hold him.  There was no need to grab his neck.  He would not have bitten, or attacked, or anything.  When they were done he told me, why did you let them do that to me?  I had no answer.  I did not let them, or anyone do it again.  He was grateful I listened and heard him.  It is a simple thing that meant a lot to him.

Barney was a great cat.  Sometimes I called him Mr. Barnes.  He was a gentleman if ever there was one.  A pure white cat wearing a coat draped over his back from his head to his tail.  He was most sophisticated, he would have been a Lord, or Landowner, a man of some distinction.  I left home before he passed.  He lived to be 21.  How I would like to write him into a story, so you could see him for the distinguished man he was.  I had always thought of him as an English gentleman.

It matters.

There is a big difference between just being fast and being correct.

What is the point of being fast if it is at the expense of being correct.  For instance, a crime has been committed, a person charged and convicted, locked in jail, sentenced and executed.  Then, upon closer examination discover the real facts were committed by another person and escaped penalty of the law.

Where is the justice in that?!

What is the purpose of that?!

To be fast and inaccurate cancels each other out.

It must be correct and accurate.

Time matters.

Day 1,571.

This is for all those men who believe with me that this co-existing teacher house never should have happened, been allowed, or made possible.  There is no excuse whatsoever for these alone years.  None of the work I have done was of such a nature that they had to be done with me in seclusion and absolute aloneness.  None.  There is no excuse for it.  None.

If the only way a parent is able to manage, handle, control, give instruction, or deal with a child is to sedate them, keep them in bed, locked in a house, and again constantly sedate them, they should have their extended access revoked immediately.  It should never have been allowed.  100% revoked.

No, people I am completely unable to pretend to mingle, have conversations with co-workers as though I am not completely aware they are being told in their ears what to say and do as if it is real, in a false, pretend, and fake environment.  This is not in any way the same as believing there is good in people that the possibility exists for great good things in people.

There will be no cage matches.

I will not be responding to gay haters.  I will not be responding to haters at all.

For, I am too physically worn out.  Mentally exhausted from the mental and physical work to write much else.  I had written in my head several pieces of importance while getting my house in livable order, cleaning and what not, however both are a drain on my physical and mental capacity, especially after so many of these years.

We are at a beach.  I am in a hammock swaying in the breeze under the shade of some trees.  Listening to the sound of the ocean feeling the salt water air on my face.  Wearing a thong and coverup with thong sandals.

Because I saw through the weighted disguise and she was wrong.  She is the one in disguise, with black face, pretending to be a man.  She is wrong.  Not me.

I was correct.

Have a hammock with me, or sit on the sand, or wherever you feel comfortable.  Stoli on the rocks, maybe pineapple juice, or beer.  But, there must be water as well.  To not have water is to die.  I am too worn out to imagine food.

Swaying in the breeze in a hammock, I will tell you of the adventures of Maurice the Handsome, Lambert the Good, Murphy the Magnificent.

And, Barney.

Day 1,570.

Worn through.  Too tired to eat or write.

Otherwise, it would be a fried egg sandwich with some tomato slices, parsley, salt and pepper.  Some fruit.  Freshly ground coffee and brewed with cream and sugar.

I remember the man who told me sitting was no longer allowed.  I do not know who was speaking through him, but that person needs to leave the building never to return.

Perhaps another day I will be able to tell you more about the Gjestland family.  How Leif was the one to whom the family would go to for help and so forth.

Too tired.

Help me find another job.

Tell me because I am unable to understand why this happened and was allowed to happen to begin with.

JB.  Whose initials are these anyways?!

Ethan Hunt.  Why was he placed in front of me if not to see him, so tell me why I was reprimanded, written up for again doing a correct thing.

I have given up trying to figure anything out.  I am unable to go any faster than I do.  I am unable to do more, give more, see more, understand more…I am so depressed.  I need another job.  Unhappy am I.

To Whom It May Concern:

I would like to introduce myself, let you know some things about myself, what you can expect from me, and what I expect in return.  I want to make absolutely certain and understood what I will not tolerate within the workplace, in my free time, in my home, in my life, and in any other way that I may not yet have mentioned within the context of this letter.  I want to make clear and certain what the spirit of this letter intends if there is any room for doubt, or unmentioned specifics.

In applying for this job, I will not be playing a key role of any kind or sort.  I am unable to pretend I am anyone other than myself.  I will not copy myself after anyone.  I do speak English rather well.  Also, if you want to know what I am thinking, ask me, I will respond out loud.  You will not have to go so far as the recesses of my brain for any knowledge about me.

I am not a spy, or a secret agent.  I am not a dog, or a cat, nor am I any other kind of animal.  I am a middle-aged woman, so the time I was a baby has long since expired, therefore, I do not need to be housebroken, or toilet-trained at all.  It has no place whatsoever in the work place to begin with.

I am not a detective, or an investigator, or a police woman.  I am not a guinea pig, or a lab rat to be researched and tested upon.  I will not need to be told what to eat, when to eat, how much to consume, when to drink, or in any order by management, or by any other means.

I have a very good brain, so I am not in need to be told what food, clothing, or supplies to purchase.  I do not need to be told how to spend any of my free time, my days off, my vacations, my sick or personal time, or any other time while not on the clock.

Understand this, no person of any sort will be allowed permission into my home while I’m at work, or while I am at home.  Furthermore, no person of any sort will be allowed remote access into my home virtually or any other means – at all.

Good thing for you, I will never be able to be pregnant.  It is an impossibility.  Again, I am unable by any means to become pregnant, carry a baby, or by any other means have a natural child.  I have lost a lot of weight in my life, so you will see I will remain quite slim and healthy.

When driving to work, I will choose the fastest and most cost-effective route.  I will not zig-zag, or choose specific lanes based on anything other than the fastest means possible.  I will not be playing a driving game or any sort, nor change lanes for any other reason other than the fastest route possible.

Competition that creates division, hurt feelings, and in any way alters a person’s normal bodily function is unacceptable in the workplace.

While I have a light-hearted and good sense of humor, the workplace is not a place for pranks or tricks or any sort.  If humor is at the expense of a person’s feelings either financial or mental it does not belong in the workplace.  If humor causes humiliation, shame, suffering of any sort, embarrassment, or creates ill-will, or sexual harassment it does not belong in the workplace.

I see great and wonderful things within people, places, animals, and the environment.  I will not allow any good, kind, and wonderful things that I see to be taken from me, turned against me, or in any other way perverted.  Even if someone calls it art.

My vision is unique.  My mind is unique.  As I am – for no one else can be me, but me.

I am a wonderful employee.  No one works harder than me.  I can say this with certainty because no one in the entire world works the way I work.  There is not a single business that wouldn’t profit from my employment.

I don’t have to eat anything ever again because some women think I am able to live off of air?!

Day 1,569.

No, Hollywood I will not be responding again, how can I help.

Video conferencing or a monitor, how many miles and miles away does a person have to be to be heard?  On the other side of the globe?

I know what was being asked of me this morning, let me respond in this way instead: Jesus Take the Wheel is a true story for me.  A literal and true story that happened to me.  It was a bright and sunny day after it had just rained.  Get ready for this.  I was driving a Bronco, the vehicle hydroplaned.  I literally closed my eyes.  While driving, I closed my eyes.  There was a response.  When I opened my eyes, I had made it to the side of the road in between two light poles.  With my eyes closed.

There is a famous trial about a murder, and a former football player in California.

A news story about blow jobs.

A school newspaper photograph of my brother while attending school on campus.

A newspaper photograph of my brother playing Jesus at a church Christmas pageant.

The View, a certain host spoke about an affair with an African-American man.

My real father has a saying in response to how are you.  Four words.

There is a better way to keep wrinkles off a woman’s face, she does not have to be shrouded in cloth for protection.  Call something for what it is, do not propagandize it.  Believe me I will tell you so in the appropriate setting.

No, I am not Marilyn Monroe in Bus Stop because thinking in this way does not get me excited, I get calm, mellow not quite serene, but close in manner.

Enterprise – Star Trek, ten-ER-rise.  President – dent, resident.  Side of my vehicle.

Now, I have always been of the understanding that items, movements, clothing, placement of people in movies has been taken from me first.  The parking spot I parked at, or the exit I took, or the way I did something and not the other way around.  It is the abuse of power and information turning it the other way around that I am then made to believe I should follow after I’ve seen a movie.  When it was me all along.  I believed the intention was to make me feel involved somehow.  The problem is, it has not.  It has had quite the opposite effect.  It could have something to do with the amount of time this is taking secluded from the entire world.

It is a matter of scale.

Very valuable information has been too easily placed in the wrong places and people.  I am keeping my writing as specific as possible within the allotted timeframe.  Those who know and understand are the only ones that need to be concerned or involved.  I am at an end for spelling every detail out.

Want to eat something?

Next to my outdoor dining room, I have a separate building with a kitchen I use for making big meals, parties, or trying recipes.  A place where I can make a new meal, or dish and I can feed the leftovers to the birds, or the animals I have on my imaginary property.  The kitchen has a great island that could have seating, or they can be taken away depending on the function.  There is a television, and the assorted gaming, X-box, Wii, what have you.  Just like I used to have.  There is seating, a covered patio that tables and chairs could be placed depending on the function.

Let me preface the meal with how embarrassed I feel about my lack of knowledge and exposure to different food, combination, and cuisines.

This is a more relaxed and casual dinner for lethal men.

Veggie burgers, turkey burgers, beef, perhaps buffalo, portobello mushroom burgers, chicken burgers, your choice cooked however you want.  Made to order.  I have homemade pretzels, and buns.  The buns are of specific proportion.  I dislike hamburger buns with so much bun at the top.  It is too bready.  I am thinking a better proportion will have a better bite of ingredients ratio.  Grilled vegetables.  Artichokes, squash, onions, assorted grilled vegetables drizzled with olive oil and seasonings.

At the island are all the accoutrements for the burgers.  Lettuces, sprouts, turkey bacon, avocado, onion, tomatoes, apple slices (chicken burgers?), and cheeses.  Sharp cheddar, Vermont white cheddar, Jarlsberg, Swiss, and Bleu cheese.  Somewhere in here is some truffle oil either with the burgers or something.

Homemade chips with rosemary, thyme, perhaps truffle oil, and kosher salt.

There is a bar area separate from the island, stocked with an assortment of alcohol for mixed drinks, and this is a beer night.  Beers from around the world, your choice.  Whatever you want, feel like, and want to enjoy.

You can take your meal with you outside to the dining room, or a few small tables have been set up in the covered patio.  There are places to sit in the kitchen building, but not real proper table and chair.

Dessert is homemade cherry cobbler with homemade vanilla ice cream or real whipped cream.  Sprinkle some cinnamon or chocolate shavings.  Coffee, espresso, or lattes.

Enjoy.

For me I feel the only way I get to do things the way I used to, or feel better, or good at all is to remember or imagine it.

While mingling let me tell you how Lambert talks to me.  Every morning when I walk through the door he starts talking to me.  Any time I go to the garage, Lambert says, I’ll go.  Once in the garage, he inspects everything saying to me as he jumps on my car, what is this?  Paw-paw.  Is this why you are gone so long?  Paw- paw.  Is this the front end or the back?  Paw-paw.  This thing must be important if Cherith is in it.  Paw-paw.  Wonder why it takes so long.  Paw-paw.  Placing his lion paws all over my car.  Then he and Maurice roll around on the cement.  Rolling their loose fur off just like brushing their fur.  Murphy doesn’t believe he needs to do that.  He is not as interested in the garage, he is a bit of a city boy.

Another one.  Pebbles and Bam-Bam.  Here I am trying to talk to David Wolfe and it feels like bam, bam, bam, bam.  This is how I felt he communicated back to me, bam.  Bam.

Because Thursday, who was my brightness, had separation anxiety and stress I purchased a cat product, a spray to help him.  As a way to move it through the air rather than simply spraying I, I would walk and spray at the same time.  Also, as a way of him associating me with calm and help.

There is a reason why I talk to my cats and animals in a certain way and tone.  For my cats they will be able to discern and understand when I am talking to them or someone else.  If they hear their tone they know I am speaking just to them.

I believe one version of this story-telling is better than the other.  Better, more interesting, involving, and better.

Running.

Complete darkness.

My eyes are closed. 

Running.

Panicked breathing and breath.

Up and down.  Jostling.

I am being carried while they are running.

I open my eyes.  Blood runs in my eye.  Darkness.

Open my eyes, an Emergency room.  Lying down on a gurney.  People around the gurney.  Then, the doctor lowers toward my face.  Darkness.

I couldn’t have been more than four or five playing in a neighbor’s yard with my brother and the neighbor.  They had a Great Dane.  While I was playing on the swing-set my brother and the neighbor were off talking, playing with the dog.

I could see the dog was unhappy.  They were talking to each other and the dog.  Either I called the dog over or he walked toward me, either way I knew I could talk and play better with the dog.  Talk to him and make him feel better.  I went to put my hand out to pet him when he bit me.  It is surprising to me that I passed out from it.  It shouldn’t have been so much trauma that I passed out, but I don’t remember anything else.

It was not the dog’s fault.  Him biting me.  This is how I saw it at that age and now.  My mother felt I should be frightened by dogs.  It didn’t faze me.

It might not have been the boy’s fault entirely either.

Poke a stick at an animal long enough it will eventually react.

I felt the dog was agitated and didn’t understand me because of how the boys had talked to him.

This is why boys need kisses.  Lots and lots of kisses.  They already have that tough stuff, boy stuff, they need to know kisses.  So, they will learn about joy.

Here is the other version.  The quick version.

A dog bit me when I was a child.  I didn’t think the dog understood.  Now I have stiches.

Which is the better version of events and storytelling?

I believe my way is better.

They have messed with the natural organizing of my brain.  For instance, I preferred to use the very most left hand turn near my home.  It has been taught out of me.  Just as my driving has been taught out of me.  My car being more important than me.  It is just a short distance, and if I am already in the correct lane then I do not have to zig-zag or change lanes in traffic.  This leaves my brain available for more important things because I have already prepared my path.

I’ve noticed recently, that I’ve stopped listening because there has been too much interference.  Wrongness.  Not to mention the amount of work and work load.

Whose fault is that?!

It was known that my destination was not going to end in Seattle, I wanted to go to BC.  It was known.  Interference was involved.  In this home, in my devices.

No, I am not going to exercise to DVD’s to make my lack rate.  It is an abuse of power and management to do so.

Abuse.

Overloading.

Overloading on stimulus.  Mental stimulus.  And physical stimulus

Overloading.

Shut-it-off!!!