Author: endthefalselife

Hurry up, get this done.

This has been my life since 2014, it started in 2013, however 2014 is when this went into effect.

1. Do this household chore.
2. Clean this.
3. Do this household chore.
4. Do this task.
5. Clean this.
6. Buy this product.
7. Buy this.
8. Hurry and get this done.
9. Do this task.
10. Get this done.
11. Now, do this.
12. Buy this, and only this.
13. This is the only thing you are allowed.
14. You can only buy this.
15. Do clean this.
16. Do this task.
17. Do this.
18. This is your chore.
19. Do this household chore.
20. Do this household chore.
21. Get this done.
22. Don’t sit.
23. Don’t stand.
24. Don’t think.
25. Do this.
26. Do that.
27. Do this task.
28. Get this done again.
29. Do it again.
30. Clean it again.
31. Now, do it again.
32. Do not sleep – ever.
33. Do not eat – ever.
34. Do not drink – ever.
35. No, do this, not that.
36. No, do it this way only.
37. I don’t care how you think or what you want only do it this way!
38. Now, do it again.
39. Do the whole list over again!
40. Now, do it again!
41. Do it again!
42. And, again!
43. Again, and again.

I heard United Artists was going to remake an old movie.

Well, two eyes are better than one.

Is there a door other than the keyed doors that can be locked into my home?!

Through my attic and/or washing machines?!

Seal them at once!

In my mind, I still have five cats.  My cats should never have been taken from me.  My family, my mother should never have been taken from me.  It was done, denying me my animals, my mother, my family with such malice I simply am unable to correctly write with enough emotion in which to speak to the horribleness of such an act.

Do not read into anything further as far as God is concerned.

I saw my brother at work.  I saw how much he did not want to be there and in such a way as he was used.  I saw my father at work.  He didn’t seem to mind as much, but then things were different at that time.  He was not being used in such a way.

I will be writing more about this – let it be known quite clearly, I am the mother.  I am the mother who can no longer become pregnant or impregnated. 

Men are babies – this is a saying.

Murphy, when I am dishing up food for my cats, who in my mind are the closest to children I may ever have in my life, Lambert and Maurice love to clean the utensil and lid.  It is as though they’ve lived where people fed them out of a can.  When I give Murphy the lid to sniff and see if he would like to clean it.  He looks around, then looks up at me and says, in a dish.  I need it in a dish.  The food goes in a dish, Cherith.

How very true that is, food belongs served on a dish or plate that is the proper way to eat.  See what is there in the story that just happens to be true.

Speaking about properness, it does not require money or fortune to do things properly.  There is no shame in being poor.  People will surprise you if you let them.  Having been down on your luck, making decisions out of desperate circumstances, or simply not the best decisions does not mean that a person and persons lack in ability, wanting-ness to help, be a help, change the course and actions of criminals and criminal behavior, bring justice, and make the community, and therefore the world a better place and a better tomorrow.

I saw them.  I see them.  It is a very difficult thing to be seen knowing I will see people the way I do.  Give them a chance.  Listen to your own instincts, yet do not micro-manage them to the point where they will want to not do what you ask of them just to be rid of you and spite you.

Give them a chance.  Let them see in you the possibility that can exist in them.  See if they don’t surprise you.

Spell check above.

Goddammit!

Can we please finally get rid of King Kong?!  It is more than disruptive.  The state of size – disgusting.

If you wondered why this wasn’t written until now see the title.  What’s my job?

There was a man who stood out like a sore thumb to me, my everything stopped.  I had to let it go after that.  I have a limit.  When multiple hours everyday are required of me to work for free at my paying job, then things change, beliefs change, credibility gets lost.

It was just a look, it would seem as though he’s average in appearance when he is not.  Since, my eyes are not fully restored and in working order that was all I saw.  I cannot write or say anymore because I was not able to see anymore.

Get rid of prison porn immediately!  Not a request!

Happy I didn’t use certain devices with Henry tonight.

Ate, eat, tea.

Act, cat, tac.

CE, EC, easy.

And…

What’s the question?

Day 1,548

I am beyond tired this morning, emotionally drained of all energy, stiff and sore – tired.  It is done with intent as a way to force me back to one.

I would rather be seen with hair loss, skin peeling off my face, enormous circles under my eyes, looking like a homeless person than give in to a lesser.

I would never degrade another person as a means to control them it only speaks to their inability to grasp the larger picture.

Yogurt with fresh fruit and Melba toast for me, order whatever you want or feel hungry for.  The pressure on my stomach has forced me into lack of desire and imagination for food variety and creations.  Honestly, would like a proper cup of tea and coffee, and it is important to cleanse the palate with clean, good, clear water.

This is being asked of me, I saw him yesterday, normally I would like to write this in a separate piece so that you can see the organization of my brain.  However, priorities, it is more important that I get this written than anything else.

What is the question?

There is a difference between me feeling someone in my brain and it applying to me or feeling reciprocal in return.  There is a difference between me caring about a person, or idea, or thought, or agenda, or issue, or way of thinking, or anything else, and having that apply or being applicable to me.

There is a difference.  So, what is the actual question?  What is being asked of me?  Did you want to know something?  If so, then what is your question?  Believe me I am in no shortage of opinions, beliefs, or ability to speak.

What is the question?

There has been an ill-planned design and thought process of – a competition.  I am putting an end to it.  Freedom of choice is one of America’s greatest virtues.  I would not deny another individual the right to choose it will no longer be done to me.

All the stories will have to wait as this is more important.  They will all understand.  When they read this, they will understand, I’ve seen them.

There is a picture of the utmost disgusting, degrading, filthy, and criminally suggestive that is displayed to me while at work.

A girl in a blow-up pool filled with water and other children, her arm down out of view making it appear as though her hand is in the water suggesting something sexual while an adult woman with brunette hair in a red swimsuit, exposed cleavage supervises the children with the verbage rainbow ring play center.

I am beyond words at my disgust.

This my friends, fellow co-workers, employer, former employers, family, friends, people I have seen and heard, and people of the entire world has been my homework for so many years.

This is extremely difficult for me as it is so upsetting I can barely manage words.  This picture is a copy-cat.  This picture is a deception.  This picture has been my re-education, teaching, and training.

This essentially has been my homework.  I do not accept it.

Murphy, my stout-hearted boy who has not had the same life as Maurice and Lambert, I have seen go out of his way to make sure Maurice learned or discovered play.  Running around the house together, I could almost see Murphy saying this is play now your turn.  Maurice said, wow, this is playing it is so much fun.  Let’s do it again!  Lambert is grateful to Murphy, as well as, it gives him a break from having to be ever-vigilant.  Lambert works so hard.

Buckle up.

Beautiful = U Be At U Fil.

I love you.  I will only use the v for this example.  V = turn it upside down.  It can be a symbol.  It can be an ear.  It could be a gem.  It can be one half of a diamond.  It can be a directional indicator.  I could go on…

I am not in a relationship of any kind.

There is no man in my life that I am seeing, dating, or involved with.  A real man does and says so in person.  I am under no understanding of being in any relationship with any man whatsoever.

Here I am running a race against time, yet again.  No wonder I deleted Washington Post.  Any thinking person would choose not to work 5 or 6 hours everyday for free in addition to the 12 hours I already work.

This will have to wait.

A hard-boiled egg and an apple is what I used to take with me every day to work.  Protein and fiber.  Until, I discovered my car was being illegally broken into and my lunch was being tampered with.  I had to stop eating lunch all together.

Two things of the utmost importance: I was being emotionally beaten to death last night while at work.  Draining me of energy.  They lost their fucking mind when I said out loud and, in my head, I want my employer to succeed and business to do well.  Lost their mind.

Know this: I will NEVER disrespect the office or position of any First Lady or Former First Lady by peeing.  Do you understand this thinking?  I verbalized, spoke out-loud when I was being forced and made to use a particular bathroom stall.  I am not a peeing dog, cat, or animal.  I will not stoop so low as to disgrace not just First Ladies, but EVERY single woman and female of my sex, and yes, men too, by allowing such a thing to happen.  It is more important that criminals are caught and locked away than being a peeing animal.

I paid for it with my hair.  Hair they took from my scalp and broke off my long hair.  Michelle Obama, I paid for it with my hair.

I would do it again.

Yes, I was correct in my voting.  It was a good well of truth.

Still keeping secrets, I have worked with Maurice since bringing him home.  He used to walk with his tail tucked under between his legs.  This is not a good thing for a cat.  I’ve talked with him, petted him, told him how much I love him, made him feel special.  Now, he is the boy who plops down on the floor smooshing his face against the door jam and says to me, Cherith what are you doing now?  Are you doing the dishes?  I love my house.  It is so much better than being on the street.

Predictive Program – stop pretending that this is anything more than a program where you use Cherith’s likes and interests enter them into a program to determine what movie or show she is likely to watch next.

This is not personal to anyone or any man.  It is their job, their j-o-b and nothing more.

I am nothing more to any of these men.

Day 1,546 of my imprisonment and separation from the world and men.

No, you can fuck right off, I am not going on the Master cleanse.  If you thought about it, you would understand.

We are going on a diet, so it will be coffee for me.  Have your coffee your way, I will take mine how I like it sugar and milk.  Fat-free and artificially sweetened for now since my way of thinking about food is off the table.

Rice cakes, with peanut butter and grape jelly.

And, all the water I can drink because every day I am denied access to water and food while working leaving me dehydrated and my metabolism off.

We will not be speaking.  Look at my hair line.  I am beyond words with any of you.

I who have done NOTHING but defend the rights of all people and persons and THIS is what I get in return?

Deal Breaker.

I will be dreaming of new men.

Try that for a story, a man trying to earn back the faith, belief, and love a woman gave him.  Good luck with that, all the he’s will need it.  Oh right!  But, they were never real to begin with or I wouldn’t have to live this way!