Author: endthefalselife

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July 5, 2019

I used to make aerial maps, it’s a bit disheartening.  I used to make aerial maps, it’s in the movie, The English Patient in the character Count Almasy.  I know this man.  And, I would have loved him truly.  I would still love him.  Somehow, he was involved either in the filming or production or with the actor who plays Count Almasy.  Because I see him.  If he was involved at all in the casting of the actor, he would have done it intentionally for me, and not for my brother.  Ralph Fiennes would have been cast for me because of what I did for my brother in removing the brain research.

It’s disheartening because I made maps, and then I am in the line of dialogue with Hana saying, I don’t know anything.  I didn’t know anything anymore after my relationship with my former fiancé.  It’s more than a loss, it’s painful to look at from my mind, let alone others.  How they saw I was no longer worked with correct handlers, and the effect was drastic.

It’s almost like an apology.  The English Patient reads almost like an apology, he would have loved me better than my former fiancé, and it was almost painful to look at me, after my fiancé.

Ownership is referring to my engagement, everyone was opposed to me marry him.  It doesn’t mean anything else, really.

I played capture the flag at sand dunes in Oregon at a youth group church weekend retreat.  They would have been watching to my left as I stood at the top of one of the dunes, I still have the picture in my head.  I remember thinking at the time, they have no idea what they are doing, these kids.  I tried asking them questions, and they just kept running about.  They were not organized, and had no plan, really.  So, I was not completely interested.  They didn’t know what they were doing, that is how it felt to me then.

After that retreat the youth leaders asked me to go my correct age group, youth group.  I was with my brother meaning I was with older kids than myself because I didn’t want to leave my brother, there would have been a man who lived near the church for me to feel this way, they wanted me to go to my grade youth group because – I flirted with the boys.  I always thought that was stupid, stupid reasoning.

The frescos in the movie were painted on walls at a restaurant in Orlando when we first moved here, it would have been in the late eighties.

I was so excited when I saw I made maps, it fun.  It was fun to do.  It’s referenced in Indiana Jones in the map room scene with the staff and the sunlight with the explanation they do not have the other side, too short, I am the short, the short person, the other side meaning, he brain-spoke to me.  That is how he made his maps, and it was fun.  Hardly stressful.  Child’s play.  Like playing hopscotch.

Then, I turned into a woman who knew nothing living in my family’s home, taking care of my mother.  I never liked the overdose scene, I still don’t.  It doesn’t look very intelligent.

What you thought was a black hole or a sink hole in the movie, This Is the End, is really just Hell.  At my command, unleash Hell, from the movie, Gladiator.  The fires in the street outside James Franco’s home, is really about Mt. St. Helen’s erupting.

The street is yours, from the movie, The Quick, And the Dead, is my street in Gresham, Oregon.  That’s me walking to and from school.  The house party at Franco’s house, are the block parties my mother organized in Gresham, Oregon.  It means, I spotted and spoke with adults as a child at certain homes.

There are windows in James Franco’s (this is not a house, it is a brain, mind metaphor) that tell me a man followed me, I must have been with my mother, in Gresham, or Portland, Oregon, to a mall, and I do not like this man.  He is still alive.

The demon possession in the movie, This Is The End, is just brain research.  It looks like nearly if not all zombie movies, demons, Devil’s Advocate, is really talking about brain research.

The line of dialogue in This Is the End, you don’t care about us, is referring to me not caring that celebrities were actually dying, it is intelligence.  A bit difficult to spot.

The cum scene in the movie, between the actors made me laugh because it is dudes just being dudes.

The ax scene with Emma Watson, made me laugh.  This tells me this is a read of me, of what someone thought I would do.  It’s a fireman’s ax, it references Thor and 9/11.  All the firetrucks photographed at The World Trade Center on 9/11.

The code would be in Emma Watson’s body size in the movie This Is The End, as an English actress in reference to what my body size as code was supposed to be, and Almasy giving the maps to the German’s in The English Patient, meaning there was a double agent, and the food references in This is The End meaning America had gotten it wrong with my body size.  And, people knew it.

Katherine giving Almasy her paintings to put in his book is a mirror, this is actually this man that I would love, this man who, this is true, it is how I see him, is as straight as they come, it is to show the intelligence that was given to me when I was born.  It is why Hana has the book at the end of the movie.

One rule that kept us safe, from the movie Moana, has nothing to do with going beyond the reef.  It is in the Old Testament.  One rule is referring to piercings, and specifically, ear piercings.  My mother never had her ears pierced.  One rule that kept us safe, meaning my mother’s ears kept this country and people safe.  An old rule because we live in New Testament times, biblically speaking.

You should know this profile in the news about a woman who loses her fetus, this profile picture of a black woman is of a man I would never give the time of day or any attention to.  He looks sad as in pathetic, looking for attention, he looks disgusting.  Normally, I would just ignore him.  He is not worth me talking to.

David looks like he needs to learn how to be on his own.  I feel he has used me for too long.  I don’t know what he is doing here.  Why does he want to be around or involved at all?  For money?  It doesn’t look like police work to me.  If he wants to show me, he is moving on, that’s great.  I would prefer to never speak to him again or see him anymore.

Honestly, I have no idea why people find me so interesting.  Why people show up, why Hollywood people show up, I have no idea why people are so interested.

Something is wrong, and I am not quite sure how else to explain that.

It looks like the rain is working in Washington, DC.

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July 4, 2019

Here you are again making the same mistakes, again.  After Community College, I was going to go on to complete my bachelor’s degree at the University of South Florida, in theater.  Do you know what program they have at the University of South Florida?  In theater?  A British program, in the Spring.  This is California, all over again, and you denied me access to it, for what reason?  Again?  Scheduling.  Scheduling conflict.

I had enrolled at the university with a student counselor whose name was Merry, like Christmas, and I could not manage or afford it in the Fall semester.  Ironically, I was in the student counselor’s office with a student I had gone to community college with, and I still remember her email address, rainbowspice420@.  I remember it because it is in an opposite or in opposition to my email that meant, without fear and unwavering faith.

I got another job during that Fall semester, in December at Disney, I had planned to take off a year to try and save money for college to go back.  When I got to Disney, they did not allow any flexibility for students in their schedules.  I always felt it was a mistake.  Why wouldn’t a company like Disney want employees to go to school, have degrees, when they would only continue to work within the company, after their degrees were completed?

What did I accomplish at Community College that would have only continued had I been allowed something as simple as a work schedule?  Here you are doing it all over again.

Whose brain matters more?  Whose mind and brain is of the utmost concern?  How many times must I write the effect overnights have on my mind and brain?  I am – again – beyond upset.

This is the pattern you play at work, the first day of the week we get Cherith a little bit mad, then the next day we make her angrier, then angrier again, and then angrier again, until, Cherith feels nothing anymore.  Do you not understand the importance of a reader to be able to feel?

Here I am, been up for hours, and really nothing has been done, little chores have been asked of me and it has taken hours.  I work seven days a week, with no time off to relax, or repair my mind, or allow my mind – to think.  What the hell do you think you are doing?

I give you everything I have every day to other people and get nothing in return for it.  Not really.

You have a problem, you cannot manage because you’ve created a reaction that is beyond your control, you should not be surprised.

I miss my mother something terrible.

Worse, I miss my cats Tuesday and Thursday in a way that is beyond grief.  This tells me something terrible happened when you allowed my cats to be taken from me, and you’ve placed blame on my brother where it doesn’t belong.  I am concerned there aren’t intelligence men being held hostage just because – you’ve taken my cats from me.  You’ve implicated a black woman, a gay white woman documentarian in the process.  It is of extreme concern to me.

I know there is a threat.  You have shown me very little, other than so far; he is unwilling to work with the United States and her allies.  I’ve seen he wants recognition, that is all.  That is not very much.  What do you honestly, want me to write when you’ve given me so little to write?

From what I’ve seen I would bomb the shit out of this motherfucker until he cannot see the light of day.  However, in all truthfulness, I believe I have not been given enough information.  Information about him, location, and his person other than he is not telling the truth to people about compliance.  So, that is why I would bomb the shit of out this asshole until he realizes, I am who I am.

The day is not yet done, so that is all for now.

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July 3, 2019

If anyone wants to know; these people need to be separated.  Separated from the goings-on in these last few years, separated for their own good, and separated for them to grow up, and move on.

I would send Brianna somewhere like a working ranch, a dude ranch, a youth ranch, somewhere like Wyoming or Montana where there is nothing around for many, many miles.  She needs to be separated from David; it destroys David just being around her in a lot of ways.  Like whittling away at him, deep within him, whittling at his soul.  He has been her everything and she has not learned how to be her own best self on her own.  She needs to be around men.  She needs to work, like taking care of big animals, like horses, cows, work a farm and so on.  She needs the physical work of it to help her work out her emotions.  Working on a farm is many, many hours of work, it is not a shift, it is up before the sun, and working into the evening.  It would be best if it was a Christian ranch.  It will take her awhile; it is not a short-term goal.  It will take years, probably.

I love David.  People do not have to stop loving another person to be able to move on.  Love does not have to turn into hate or anger to be able to move on and love another man.

If this is actually true, if you used Edison as a code name for die, son, and used me to see if I was responsible for a death threat to the FBI man, I cannot believe how dumb you people are.  The whole world knows that cannot be true of me.

Edison would be better if he was also, someplace else.  He would do better in a hot and dry climate like Arizona or New Mexico.  He should also work at a youth ranch; he has not done any work as long as I have known him.  He doesn’t need as much physical work as Brianna to get to his emotional work, however, he needs to work.  He would do better if he was mentored with Native Americans.  He is too familiar with a Latin lifestyle and peoples.  I believe he would do better being mentored by a Christian, Native American man.  He has more than a lot of work to do in his mind and brain.  He needs to grow up.  How old is he?  He is no where near being a man.  Also, not a short-term goal.  He needs years.

Courtney should also be separated.  She will not like that, she will be most reluctant to go, that is a big tell in and of its own.  She has been living too high off the hog, quite literally, for too long.  She needs some intense counseling.  I don’t mean, she needs to be treated harshly, she needs to be able to come to grips with her actions.  She would also do better in a more secluded location for some time.  To me, she looks wishy-washy.  No well of truth, no real identity, no core of her being.  I don’t write that to be unkind, I write it so people will take action on her behalf.

It is difficult to stay mad at James Franco, isn’t it?  That is not a bad quality in a human being, it is not a bad characteristic of a man.  The difference is I’ve known David before, I’ve never known James Franco other than virtually.  He is a smart man, obviously.  To me the reason he left the production of all the filming tells me he is more logical.  It is only logical that projects like filming, end, have a timeline, have a finish date, to plan for, to be able to set goals and so on.

If I actually did date James Franco and made him laugh it tells me he needed emotional support, relief, in a cerebral way.  Was he stressed?  Family stressed?  In a cerebral way.  Hollywood bullshit and nonsense are boring to continue to deal with after a while, aren’t they?

Be careful not to confuse the emotional toll these years have had on my person.  Be careful in your reads.  There has been an emotional toll upon my person just by living in such a way, let alone dealing with governmental concerns.

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July 3, 2019

When you go into a store and speak with a person working as an hourly wage employee, what do you say?  The way my parents raised me, the way it feels most truthful to me from my heart, the way that I have gone out of my way for others in so small a way as for someone working an hourly wage, is to put on my Sunday best with sincerity.  That is to say, my Sunday best is a way of saying, on Sunday’s when people and families go to church, they put on their best clothes, manners, and person out of respect for our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

It’s such a small thing, why wouldn’t everyone do it?

I would like this, please.  To me that is a little crass, it is not unmannerly; however, it is not the best English.  To me, the more proper English grammar is to say, May I please have this.  Say it out loud to someone if you cannot hear it in your own head.  Say it differently to someone and then ask them how each sentence makes the other person feel.  Do you know how difficult, and mind-numbing an hourly wage paying job is?  Sometimes you never know how saying something so small can make such a big difference.  Who else is watching while you are talking to someone?

Today, I was about to leave my house when a familiar feeling creeps into my mind.  Something’s wrong.  I didn’t want to leave.  Not afraid, I wanted to protect my home by not leaving it.  I feel this man who wants to harm me, in fact wants to murder me, has a sick, sadistic mind that is not bothered by watching someone like my mother suffer a stroke and not feel compelled to call for help.  This man has lived near me for many years.  How many times I have felt him before is too numerous.

How foolish you would all look if just because you placed this man in front of me in a vehicle, I went into a store and spoke with an hourly wage employee and spoke, I would like…as a way (someone else thinks) of speaking code about a man’s life.  She looks ridiculously dumb to me.

Foolish, dumb, unsophisticated, crass, I cannot begin to describe how dumb and foolish you all look by placing importance in all the wrong places.  Where is the greater threat?  Who is the greater threat?  You look like beggar children hoarding around a foreigner because they look like money and you are asking for a handout rather than doing intelligence work.

Please stop this nonsense.  I cannot abide intelligence looking a fool.  Especially, my own.

Stop being a knit hat.  Where is the source of the communications?  Straight from the heart?  Or, are you using straight people to speak the words because you should not be working in such a way with me at all?  And, everyone knows it.  The world has seen the difference now.

Live are at stakes, intelligence lives are at stake and you playing silly twaddle.  That is not a good look.

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July 3, 2019

The real President of the United States asked for it, and he got it.  Short.

I SEND OUR ENEMIES AND THE ENEMIES OF OUR ALLIES – TO THEIR GRAVES.

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Somehow this post did not get posted competely, so I am reposting it as the original completed work.  If this was hacked and done intentionally to not include the complete text, I am not amused.

July 2, 2019

There is a difference.  Yes, I got mad at David, it’s perfectly logical.  How many decades have I known him?  I’m upset by things that have happened.  This is a big difference.  David, you upset me, so I let you know, I told you.  Yes, I flipped off David because I am upset by things he has done.  It’s reasonable, logical to let the person know whose upset you, that, they’ve upset you.  I am hurt by his actions, so I told David.

Here is the difference.

What Courtney did by telling me I am on a final written warning – there must be audio of this – she was using me, hurting me because she was mad and upset with herself about her own sexuality problems she hadn’t admitted to yet.  She was not standing up for her man by writing me up.  She needs more counseling.  I am not interested in that woman, I never liked her to begin with.  I am not interested in being friends either, she has already proved she does not possess the powers to be considerate.

All these years you’ve had the Weapon of Mass Destruction and what have you done with her, me?  You’ve tried to chemically induce sexual arousal in me with another woman?!  How is this appropriate in the workplace at all?  You people are disgusting!

You would have to be the world’s worst reader if anyone thought or believed that when I dated that man, I was doing anything else other than making someone else feel better about themselves, again.  He is not an honorable man, he is not a respectful, or a respectable man.  He has been riding in my glory without having done any work all these years, and it shows.

I actually am a reader better than most people have given me any credit for.

Here’s the difference, FBI man, if you were placed in my life it was for me to see in you that where your real happiness is, is not in the line of work, such as, FBI.  Don’t get me wrong, he does good work.  He won’t like to read this, so I am sorry if this stings, as in hurts to read, he has a stopping point in him.  I see it in his brain.  He goes so far, and then his brain stops.  Not that he purposefully does anything to prevent work from happening.  He stops himself in his work.  It looks to me like he has never really been loved, and that saddens me.

If you were placed in my life, it was for me to read in you that you would be happier in a line of work, such as film production.  He is very creative.  Things like having him, and David, and my boyfriend lying down so I could not see them, in a vehicle as it drives past me, knowing that I would know they were all three in the vehicle, is very creative.  He was trying to have fun and be funny, it’s not work, it’s very creative.  There is nothing wrong with that.

What they wanted me to see was that I was in the movies, by reading you.  No big deal.

Have I thwarted today?  Then, no wonder I am not happy.  Have I made a military map or planned strategy today?  Then, no wonder I am not happy.  Have I interpreted any languages today?  Then, no wonder I am not happy.  Thwarting probably is my favorite.  Military strategy is fun.  Fun.  This is not stressful to me; strategy is fun to me.  How many people say thwarting is one of the things they like to do most?

There wasn’t really a sort of non-violent protest going on in prisons and detention center around the world for me was there?  I heard it.  I see them.  The shirt is now changed.  Do you know why, these men want to only talk to me.

I’m bad fucking news, this line of dialogue from the movie, Zero Dark Thirty, this is how it reads to me, this is the FBI man, and people could not tell the difference between the FBI man, and that police officer you showed me today.  Meaning that police officer has subverted the works of others by harming my mother.  Is he actually responsible for watching my mother suffer a stroke, and NOT call 911?  That’s a serious mistake.  He had no idea who was watching him.

That police officer is a real piece of work, a slime ball, and that’s being kind.  I would never trust that man, I would never put that man in charge of anyone, I would never allow that man to work in any law enforcement, he is a disgrace.

I’m bad fucking news, I am not your friend, the bad news is a reference to the 9/11 attacks, I am not your friend, could just mean that stupid policeman who cannot see them they way I see them.  Genocide is not an answer.  And, he looks sick.  Mentally deranged to do something like placing weight on me because of my brother.  He is unwell.  Cruel.  I would consider not letting him live.  I don’t have time to write everything he has done.  I do not take kindly to subversion.

Who ordered the code red?  From the movie, A Few Good Men, and the comment about the general’s underwear being a state secret is about my former fiancé, it is a clue, is all.  About the damage that relationship did to my head and brain.  It is referenced in the movie, The Green Mile, with Percy Wetmore torturing a man at his own execution.  It basically reads, look at what this man did to her head, mind, and brain.

The two girls that John Coffey is sentenced to prison for killing in the movie, The Green Mile, is a real crime, a real murder of children, I’ve seen this man, it is truly gross what this man did to children.  Really gross.  Really upsetting.  Gross.

If I haven’t written this yet, I have written this in my head for quite some time, Michael Clarke Duncan’s death was supposed to tell me, send the message to me, that I should not have my hysterectomy.  The timing of his death is too close to the timing of my surgery.  Do you know what the doctor told me after my hysterectomy?  If I hadn’t had the surgery, I would have been in an Emergency Room in a year.  This is subversive-speak.

If anyone wants to know.  I worked in my garden today.  I cutback the crotons along my path because they were not proportionate.  It is basic gardening design, the plants in front should not be taller than the hedge behind them.  I removed some of the other plants because they are a plant – what’s the word again? – that sends runners (actually what they are called), runner roots, creating more plants.  It is better to remove them so that you don’t have plant on top on plant.  It was too crowded for the plants; they were so crowded they were on top of one another.  This is the difference between a gardener and lawn maintenance.  A gardener weeds, cuts back, reorganized if necessary and so on.  Lawn Maintenance just cuts the grass.  What people have a gardener?  Wealthy people.

If you go through my phone calls from when I worked at Disney the first time, it shouldn’t be that difficult to go through the reservations I made that had the dining plan, it would be in the word choices, probably in the notes.  It is something I started doing after problems, I wrote in the notes everything a person in Guest Services told me to either tell the guest, or what the policy would be, Guest Services most often did not take over phone calls, they relayed messages.  Word choices.  I was consistent with word choices.  Not as a copy, look at it more like policy.

The bomb strapped to the leg of the man in the movie, Zero Dark Thirty, what does this tell anyone?  Do you think it is a bomb?  Code: socks, argyle socks.  Not a joke, this is what it tells me and reads to me argyle socks.  Pastel colored, subdued in tone.

If you think a man had more than a crush on me (this is different from the movie in Leap Year) it would be from the photograph that was taken of me, my mother, my brother, a French tour escort, and some exchange students.  I wore white shorts, a mauve-ish short-sleeved t-shirt, sunglasses, and shoes that looked white however, they were metallic, a light silver, that looked like spun metallic thread, I got them because no one else had something like them.  They were a Ked knock-off style with a pointy toe.  This photo was on the key chain that had the key to our safety deposit box.

My mother bought honey in New Zealand, different types of honey, one of them was a powered honey.  They pulled my mother aside at the airport, I think she had to mail the honey.

Santiago, from the movie, A Few Good Men, his name is code: S, like an S hook you hang plants from, AN, my father’s initials, TIA, Tampa International Airport, go, as in go, it can also be crossed out it is not always used.

Has a little thing for her, bless him, he has learning difficulties, from the movie Leap Year, this is about the man that is also in the movie at the airport in the beginning sequence of the movie, Love Actually, he is referenced too often for it not to be true, as in he believes in me, believes I do good work, he reads people, and they read in ways that is not always something that can be described in words.  My reaction to him without watching the movie again is pretty close to how I would have responded to him in real life, it is seen in the movie, The English Patient, between Hana and Kip when he lets his hair down.  Isn’t it in a church?  When he lets his hair down?

The English Patient, I mean honestly where would the movie industry be if they did have me in everything, The English Patient is about the burn I got on my leg that my cat Barney (the most proper, dignified, and respectable Englishman if ever there was a cat) healed, or at least helped me, after I sat down in a chair after my leg was wrapped in gauze and he sat in my lap with a knowing and almost like a timer went off in his head jumped down off of my lap, and I never had any pain from the burn.

Don’t confuse the storytelling of movies with actors’ real lives.  When Almasay tells Katherine Clifton his favorite body part is at her neck, and places water there – this is a cup, like the holy grail.

I feel our talks have become a burden to you, from the movie, The Remains of The Day is about me wanting to – again – change shifts from nighttime to daytime.

I am tired of writing, at present.

If anyone wants to know, Joe Biden is the winner, obviously.  I have known it since they first put it in the news.  He is obviously the winner.  I’ve heard no audio or videos, I have only seen the photographs, and he is obviously the only person that reads as able to be the next President.

I love you, David.  I am not in love with you.  I believe I deserve to be loved by a man who loves me in return and doesn’t just use me or manipulate me.  I am not sure your being here is doing you any good.  You do better in person without any disguises.  Childhood, you have always read to me as your childhood is a source of much pain, hurt, discomfort, and abuse.  David will never hurt or harm a child – ever.  He has something of a thinker in him, he prefers a more relaxed atmosphere, that is a thinker.  He doesn’t quite know it yet.  Affection, David.

I don’t know how quite to describe this, I have seen this often in David, it is almost as though David gets overcome by emotion, and he turns away, or shuts down, he stops talking, changes the subject.  I have always given him the time to work through that emotion, I wonder if he’s had too much time?  When you see that much hurt and pain it is difficult to not allow someone the time to work through that.  Affection, David.

I will not unlove David.  I do have a boyfriend.  He has done amazing work, my boyfriend.  You’ve seen it David.

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July 2, 2019

There is a difference.  Yes, I got mad at David, it’s perfectly logical.  How many decades have I known him?  I’m upset by things that have happened.  This is a big difference.  David, you upset me, so I let you know, I told you.  Yes, I flipped off David because I am upset by things he has done.  It’s reasonable, logical to let the person know whose upset you, that, they’ve upset you.  I am hurt by his actions, so I told David.

Here is the difference.

What Courtney did by telling me I am on a final written warning – there must be audio of this – she was using me, hurting me because she was mad and upset with herself about her own sexuality problems she hadn’t admitted to yet.  She was not standing up for her man by writing me up.  She needs more counseling.  I am not interested in that woman, I never liked her to begin with.  I am not interested in being friends either, she has already proved she does not possess the powers to be considerate.

All these years you’ve had the Weapon of Mass Destruction and what have you done with her, me?  You’ve tried to chemically induce sexual arousal in me with another woman?!  How is this appropriate in the workplace at all?  You people are disgusting!

You would have to be the world’s worst reader if anyone thought or believed that when I dated that man, I was doing anything else other than making someone else feel better about themselves, again.  He is not an honorable man, he is not a respectful, or a respectable man.  He has been riding in my glory without having done any work all these years, and it shows.

I actually am a reader better than most people have given me any credit for.

Here’s the difference, FBI man, if you were placed in my life it was for me to see in you that where your real happiness is, is not in the line of work, such as, FBI.  Don’t get me wrong, he does good work.  He won’t like to read this, so I am sorry if this stings, as in hurts to read, he has a stopping point in him.  I see it in his brain.  He goes so far, and then his brain stops.  Not that he purposefully does anything to prevent work from happening.  He stops himself in his work.  It looks to me like he has never really been loved, and that saddens me.

If you were placed in my life, it was for me to read in you that you would be happier in a line of work, such as film production.  He is very creative.  Things like having him, and David, and my boyfriend lying down so I could not see them, in a vehicle as it drives past me, knowing that I would know they were all three in the vehicle, is very creative.  He was trying to have fun and be funny, it’s not work, it’s very creative.  There is nothing wrong with that.

What they wanted me to see was that I was in the movies, by reading you.  No big deal.

Have I thwarted today?  Then, no wonder I am not happy.  Have I made a military map or planned strategy today?  Then, no wonder I am not happy.  Have I interpreted any languages today?  Then, no wonder I am not happy.  Thwarting probably is my favorite.  Military strategy is fun.  Fun.  This is not stressful to me; strategy is fun to me.  How many people say thwarting is one of the things they like to do most?

There wasn’t really a sort of non-violent protest going on in prisons and detention center around the world for me was there?  I heard it.  I see them.  The shirt is now changed.  Do you know why, these men want to only talk to me.

I’m bad fucking news, this line of dialogue from the movie, Zero Dark Thirty, this is how it reads to me, this is the FBI man, and people could not tell the difference between the FBI man, and that police officer you showed me today.  Meaning that police officer has subverted the works of others by harming my mother.  Is he actually responsible for watching my mother suffer a stroke, and NOT call 911?  That’s a serious mistake.  He had no idea who was watching him.

That police officer is a real piece of work, a slime ball, and that’s being kind.  I would never trust that man, I would never put that man in charge of anyone, I would never allow that man to work in any law enforcement, he is a disgrace.

I’m bad fucking news, I am not your friend, the bad news is a reference to the 9/11 attacks, I am not your friend, could just mean that stupid policeman who cannot see them they way I see them.  Genocide is not an answer.  And, he looks sick.  Mentally deranged to do something like placing weight on me because of my brother.  He is unwell.  Cruel.  I would consider not letting him live.  I don’t have time to write everything he has done.  I do not take kindly to subversion.

Who ordered the code red?  From the movie, A Few Good Men, and the comment about the general’s underwear being a state secret is about my former fiancé, it is a clue, is all.  About the damage that relationship did to my head and brain.  It is referenced in the movie, The Green Mile, with Percy Wetmore torturing a man at his own execution.  It basically reads, look at what this man did to her head, mind, and brain.

The two girls that John Coffey is sentenced to prison for killing in the movie, The Green Mile, is a real crime, a real murder of children, I’ve seen this man, it is truly gross what this man did to children.  Really gross.  Really upsetting.  Gross.

If I haven’t written this yet, I have written this in my head for quite some time, Michael Clarke Duncan’s death was supposed to tell me, send the message to me, that I should not have my hysterectomy.  The timing of his death is too close to the timing of my surgery.  Do you know what the doctor told me after my hysterectomy?  If I hadn’t had the surgery, I would have been in an Emergency Room in a year.  This is subversive-speak.

If anyone wants to know.  I worked in my garden today.  I cutback the crotons along my path because they were not proportionate.  It is basic gardening design, the plants in front should not be taller than the hedge behind them.  I removed some of the other plants because they are a plant – what’s the word again? – that sends runners (actually what they are called), runner roots, creating more plants.  It is better to remove them so that you don’t have plant on top on plant.  It was too crowded for the plants; they were so crowded they were on top of one another.  This is the difference between a gardener and lawn maintenance.  A gardener weeds, cuts back, reorganized if necessary and so on.  Lawn Maintenance just cuts the grass.  What people have a gardener?  Wealthy people.

If you go through my phone calls from when I worked at Disney the first time, it shouldn’t be that difficult to go through the reservations I made that had the dining plan, it would be in the word choices, probably in the notes.  It is something I started doing after problems, I wrote in the notes everything a person in Guest Services told me to either tell the guest, or what the policy would be, Guest Services most often did not take over phone calls, they relayed messages.  Word choices.  I was consistent with word choices.  Not as a copy, look at it more like policy.

The bomb strapped to the leg of the man in the movie, Zero Dark Thirty, what does this tell anyone?  Do you think it is a bomb?  Code: socks, argyle socks.  Not a joke, this is what it tells me and reads to me argyle socks.  Pastel colored, subdued in tone.

If you think a man had more than a crush on me (this is different from the movie in Leap Year) it would be from the photograph that was taken of me, my mother, my brother, a French tour escort, and some exchange students.  I wore white shorts, a mauve-ish short-sleeved t-shirt, sunglasses, and shoes that looked white however, they were metallic, a light silver, that looked like spun metallic thread, I got them because no one else had something like them.  They were a Ked knock-off style with a pointy toe.  This photo was on the key chain that had the key to our safety deposit box.

My mother bought honey in New Zealand, different types of honey, one of them was a powered honey.  They pulled my mother aside at the airport, I think she had to mail the honey.

Santiago, from the movie, A Few Good Men, his name is code: S, like an S hook you hang plants from, AN, my father’s initials, TIA, Tampa International Airport, go, as in go, it can also be crossed out it is not always used.

Has a little thing for her, bless him, he has learning difficulties, from the movie Leap Year, this is about the man that is also in the movie at the airport in the beginning sequence of the movie, Love Actually, he is referenced too often for it not to be true, as in he believes in me, believes I do good work, he reads people, and they read in ways that is not always something that can be described in words.  My reaction to him without watching the movie again is pretty close to how I would have responded to him in real life, it is seen in the movie, The English Patient, between Hana and Kip when he lets his hair down.  Isn’t it in a church?  When he lets his hair down?

The English Patient, I mean honestly where would the movie industry be if they did have me in everything, The English Patient is about the burn I got on my leg that my cat Barney (the most proper, dignified, and respectable Englishman if ever there was a cat) healed, or at least helped me, after I sat down in a chair after my leg was wrapped in gauze and he sat in my lap with a knowing and almost like a timer went off in his head jumped down off of my lap, and I never had any pain from the burn.

Don’t confuse the storytelling of movies with actors’ real lives.  When Almasay tells Katherine Clifton his favorite body part is at her neck, and places water there – this is a cup, like the holy grail.

I feel our talks have become a burden to you, from the movie, The Remains of The Day is about me wanting to – again – change shifts from nighttime to daytime.

I am tired of writing, at present.

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

July 2, 2019

If this photograph is real, if this house explosion actually occurred it looks like the homeowner did it.  It was not an attack.  Not that anyone is asking me, I am just telling you.  It looks like the homeowner did it themselves, and they are looking for sympathy.

Why they feel they need sympathy, I have no idea.  They don’t look like they need sympathy to me.

Did this actually occur after I left the building?  If so, then it is a knit navy hat, again.  They did it to prove a point, if this is true and correct.

I told you so.

Did you just make this up?  Or, is it real?

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

July 2, 2019

What the fucks her problem?!  Said the same black man that had me written up in HR because I believe people have a right to know when others around me are cheating by using air tricks.  He’s the problem.

Then, a white woman with dark hair told me I had to wear a safety vest when I came back to the location where the bathrooms are.  These two are the same person.  There the problem.

The agency would like to rescind their job offer.  This voice they spoke over and over to me after I wrote about how much I do not like my job.  THIS IS A PROBLEM.  I was again being truthful about how a night of work made me feel, and they are punishing me for it.

They have refused to give me a dayshift at Amazon, and I cannot get another job any place else.  Unemployed, in Greenland, from the movie, Princess Bride.

I refuse to stay alive in this way any longer.  I want to be up during the day and asleep at night like a normal person, again.  I’ve had enough.

That FBI man does not know how to work with me, and I have no feelings for him.  I have no respect for him.  I cannot love him, anymore.

Why they have been using me as a therapist and counselor to David, Brianna, and Courtney, I have no idea.  I know how to add one plus one, does that mean I should be working as an accountant?!

They want me to believe Courtney finally admitted to being gay, it would be the reason why David has never truthfully loved her.  I never liked Courtney, I never liked Brianna, I have no idea why I am being denied a dayshift.

What a waste of years of your life David, I am sorry for you.  They would have read it in Courtney that she had underlying lesbian problems she hadn’t admitted to, and they were using you to get to me by placing you two together.

I would rather die than be untruthful.

I am beyond upset about being denied a dayshift again.

Better to be dead than work as someone’s therapist that I do not like.

I’ve made my decision.

Good-bye.