Category: Uncategorized

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May 23, 2019

Dearest Father,

Dad.  Norman.  Father of mine.  The truth is, I am a failure.  I am a complete failure; it is the truth.  The truth is I tried my very best to keep my mother alive.  I tried my very best to keep our mother alive.  I tried my very best to keep your wife alive and well, I have failed.  I tried my very best to keep our family together and happy, I have failed on all accounts.

There is no reasonable and logical explanation for me to not be allowed the freedom of every other citizen of the United States.  There is no logical explanation for any of these deceptions, none.

We have been spied on as a family, in reference to compromising photographs from Sherlock that is our neighbors spying on us in our own home, for no logical reason whatsoever.

Mother is dead.  My mother is dead.  My mom is dead.  Momi is dead.  Your wife is dead.  I have failed most miserably.

I trusted people.  I trusted the nursing home to take care of her.  I trusted our doctor to take care of her.  I trusted my doctor to tell me the truth, I was lied to endlessly.  The scar on my belly is the evidence.

There is no logical explanation for me to sign for things on a phone that appears to be people’s personal phones and not a business device.

David used his profile picture on Facebook as himself in a French fry costume.  Either done intentionally or not it was done for me to look at him – and die from grief and heartbreak like Friday died from grief over Sunday’s death, our cats.

I have never been loved in all my life.  My life is a failure.  I failed you, and mom, and Creggan.  I should never have stopped caring for Momi.  When a person dies you never get them back in any way.  I have failed.

There is a correction for me to make about my headshots, one when I was fifteen, the other when I was 32 not 42, not many fifteen-year-old’s look like thirty-year old’s.

I have failed to have a career.  I have failed to be able to live a free and independent life.  I am a failure.

You need to know what I have done, I believed I was doing what was best for everyone in our family above my own needs, wants, and desires.  I have loved you the best that I could.  And, I have failed.

The truth is just too difficult to bear.

Good-bye.

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May 22, 2019

I am really angry again; I do not appreciate the problems.  I am really angry, and it is not a good angry, there is a difference.  Obviously, I am angry at having my life taken, stolen from me – that is not a good angry, or a good reaction.  It is not a good reaction.

Once discovering that The Container Store was not real, that everything and everyone was “acting” my reaction was to leave there – immediately.

Why did David never approach me, talk to me, ever again walk to – me?  There is no other logical explanation other than to make sure I would be miserable, and unhappy.

There is absolutely no logical explanation for filming me in this way – none.  Who does it benefit?  It does not benefit my family.  My real father wants me to be able to live and have a normal life again.  He is upset that I am having to live in this way.  There is no logical explanation for using me and filming me in this manner.  There are thousands, if not millions of people who want to be actors, I am no longer one of them.  I would have been going on auditions if that was still true.

I am really furious – that is not a good reaction.

There is no logical explanation for me not to be allowed to be loved.  Virtual reality will never be real love, there is a difference.

The only reason that is logical to maintain this illusion that filming me is just for entertainment is just to have me be miserable for the rest of my life.  I will never be allowed to be loved until you release these false notions of reality television, documentary, etc.

I am exhausted.  I am beyond angry, that is not a good reaction.

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May 22, 2019

If you haven’t figured it out already, I am exhausted.  I am – still – exhausted.  There is a great deal I could write about what I’ve seen in films, but I am exhausted.

If you believed that I wore my Norway t-shirt because of my last blog post, you’d be wrong.  I was thinking about a man, so I wanted to wear my shirt.  I was thinking about a man, it should be pretty obvious, I am not following you people, I never have, and I never really did.

The earrings, in the movie, Leap Year, I’ve already written about, they are the little silver earrings I bought at a mall in the early nineties.  I wore them all the time, they were classic, timeless, they were not trendy, or fad-y.

The movie, Sleepless in Seattle, is about my mother, his wife dies, and he is an architect.  Probably they were putting plans in place to change my mother’s career, and they ruined it, took it away from her, breaking her piece by piece, by never allowing her to be loved.

Obviously, the brain-thinking-talking was used to protect civilians from being exposed to secrets, truths, information that they did not need to be aware of, for their protection.

You think he’s an audacious criminal mastermind, from Sherlock is about my brother.  Not every detail in the description that Sherlock gives is about my brother; however, he really did have halitosis when he was a teen-ager in Oregon.

The car that makes a noise, in Sherlock, is about my mother’s car accident, it makes it appears as though the people who were involved in hitting my mother’s car from behind have a connection, people thought they were talking to people in the police, it makes it appear people believed they were working together.

Giving up the camera phone, from Sherlock, is about my mother, quitting working for Disney because my mother’s life depended on it, in a manner of speaking.  I really cannot believe you people allowed my mother to be killed.  I doubt I will ever get over my mother’s death.  I had felt it was important to start living my life, get married, have a family of my own, I feel I should never have given up being her caregiver.  It feels like one of the worst mistakes in my life.  I have never wanted to live like this.

How well would you be able to manage having company 24 hours a day, 365 days a year?  That is close to what it feels like living here, constantly in front of television cameras.  It is not a close comparison.  The pressure is enormous.

Be careful here, this has been taken out of context, when people have referenced, a quick set, working fast, working quickly, for instance, when filming on a set, it is a business move and decision, film sets are very expensive.  Also, wrapping a film-set quickly allows everyone to have more time off.

Did they actually test the real former policewoman, who talked through my former family friend in California yesterday, and did she actually fail?

It is the equivalent of sending a newborn that was born prematurely, a newborn that was born in a hospital, a prematurely born baby and sending it to the county dump to see if it will survive rather than giving it care in a preemie-wing at the hospital.  The Berlin wall, these events were happening rather quickly, and I did not have a lot to work with, nor did my mother because of what the female said through a female family friend it sent me back to a – straight, white man, the closest approximation of love I had available.  She wouldn’t have known it was going to have that effect, she wouldn’t have been able to see into the future; however, it is what her brain told me because it sent me to a straight white man who wanted to marry me, get it?

It makes it appear that many people are – terrified.  You people look absolutely terrified of me being able to have a life without television cameras, to be a real person, and to get married, have a husband, a man to love me, and for me to love.  You look – absolutely terrified.  There is no reason whatsoever for me to continue living this way.  I will never be able to be truly loved, and do you know the difficulty he had, it was not to run away, the real Hannibal Lecter was having a difficult time not just walking over to me and start talking, he wanted to.  It’s only normal.  He’s a man, he is not a misogynist, he wanted to talk to me, he wants real.  It’s only normal.

When my mother, brother, and I were vacationing in San Francisco, I was pre-teen, my mother and I stopped at a shop in Chinatown, looking at bathrobes, my mother got one, I still have it, and I got a shorter one.  The woman in the shop tried to get me to buy a different color, she was talking up a turquoise colored cotton robe.  I still have the memory because someone else was there too.  So, something else happened in San Francisco, it appears it happened – when we arrived at the airport.  It just tells me, you have gotten good intelligence and work from me, when I’ve travelled.  Travelled, that is not the same as driving.

I am exhausted.

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May 20, 2019

Why are they so afraid of letting me live my own life without any television cameras?

Why are they so afraid of letting me be a person without other people talking in other people’s ears?

I am – angry – again.

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May 18, 2019

You understand if anyone has watched Leap Year, David is meant to be a portrayal of the character Declan.  The actor’s name looks like it is code for General Motors, a vehicle my father had before.  In the movie Leap Year, Declan doesn’t take the money, David did, David took the money, he has taken the money every time.

He has helped his own family with the income he has gotten from following me while my family has suffered, my mother killed, and I’ve been unable to be – me.  They read him correctly, they knew he would take the money, they knew it was his motivator, it is not mine.  I would never do what David has done to me.  They, “they,” did it to hurt me.  They used David, knowing he would be the sort of man I would love, fall for, see as a potential husband, and they used him to hurt me, not him.  They have been using him all along to hurt me, not him.

There is a reason the opening scene in the movie Love Actually opens in an airport.  Have I told you enough yet?  It’s not actually Heathrow airport, it is the airport in LAX, and not because I was leaving LAX it is because of what I did before I departed LAX, at a Mexican restaurant – again – being the greatest defeat to Al Qaeda.  It is my motivator, it is pure, like God’s love, a pure motivation.  Got it?

It will all work out, from the movie, Leap Year, is for my father to know and take notice.  People wanted him to be aware there is a really good reason why Cherith gets upset, does things, takes control and charge of situations.  My father used to say, this too shall pass.  No, not always.  Somethings, and a lot of things I’ve been given information to, and well, actually done, have happened because I did not just wait for the moment to – pass.

It is a little upsetting in the movie, Leap Year, when the house, “house, “ and yes, it really is a reason why there was a television show with a British actor who portrayed a doctor who was in constant pain because of my mind, my brain, and the car accident they put my mother in that caused her fibromyalgia, when the house gets repossessed on Christmas Eve, that is referring to my maternal grandfather’s death.  Remember, a house is a metaphor for a brain or a mind, so working for a place that organized houses, or places in a home and house, was saying a lot.  He died, Christmas Eve’s Eve.  I believe he was killed because someone wanted me to travel to Canada.  It snowed at my grandfather’s funeral.  I believe I didn’t go because of the people who were working security at Dillard’s, I believe I didn’t go because I didn’t want to give someone something they wanted.

You people are still asking all the wrong questions.  Why have I never since moving to Florida, why have I never met a man while getting a coffee, or at a store, getting groceries, at a restaurant, at a bar, at the movies, while working, or anywhere?  Why has that been allowed to happen?  Love Actually.  Have you all failed to realize what actually will happen in the world if I was to truly be in love with a man I would see as a husband?  Love Actually.

She stages apartments,  in the movie, Leap Year because it is an American thing, or a European thing, or however you what to look at it, it has nothing to do with stages, or staging, or apartments, most housing, this might not still be true, most housing in Europe, cabinets, appliances, items like cabinets are not – always – including in the price or sale of a home or apartment.  It also, means I would have worked with a British cabinet member in the early nineties, one was good, one was bad, the bad one is gone.

The special relationship referenced, in the movie, Love Actually, is again referring to me, Cherith not being allowed, love.  To be loved by a man who would love me, who would not be using earpieces, or hearing aids to be told to speak or think.  Think about it.  There is a lot that is not making any sense whatsoever, including, the deception for a documentary.

What was the real reason for the deception in all of this?

It is a little disturbing, why is it that the real Hannibal Lecter – the way it has been presented to me – has been the only man who has used virtual reality to show me – love?  Real, mature, love.  Why is that?  How am I supposed to feel about that?!

The news I have received about my brother is disturbing.  There was no reason for the deception, and he is caught in it.

I’ve been allowed to feel for a change.  I have just been allowing myself to feel.  And, yes, something is still wrong.

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May 16, 2019

This movie is so old now in terms of code could it possibly be interesting anymore?  It does look possible, doesn’t it?  That something like, if not just as it happened in the movie WarGames, could actually happen in real life.  It looks and feels plausible, doesn’t it?  One reason why it was popular and made money.

This is what the movie tells me, something very similar really did happen in real life.  The simulation really did occur, most likely with a day’s timeline and not hours where it was believed we, the United States, were under threat and to be attacked.

If I am the only one who believes in me, I believe in me.

When I was at Garden Grove Elementary school in Simi Valley, California, or was it pre-school?  No, Garden Grove.  There was a class activity where we, the students, did some sort of dance that was done outdoors.  What I remember is, I was dressed in a plastic grass skirt, and I had sticks like wooden dowels that were about an inch thick and about a dozen or so inches long that were painted a bright turquoise.  I did a hula dance, I was in the first row, with my class.  It is insignificant, I wouldn’t still remember it if something hadn’t happened.

It looks like a man was sent, rather quickly, he appears in the tree line around the perimeter of the school, they might have set up a barrier on his sides to allow him to work since it was a elementary school, a barrier like blinds because there were houses that were facing the school.  He would have been far enough away that any parent or adult watching the hula would not have been able to quickly spot him.

It means he was sent to ask me something.  It appears he used, Morse code, probably using a small mirror and the sun to ask me a question, and it appears I responded, yes.  Either with binoculars they read my face and/or with blinking my eyes, yes, I responded, yes to the question.  Yes, it is not real.  Yes, it is a simulation.  Not real, yes.  Fake, yes.  Whatever the question, how I responded was, yes.

How many children do you know have averting nuclear war?  Put an end to a war?  Without looking for recognition, fame, wealth, or anything else.  How many children?

WarGames appears to – again – have intelligence reports, chatter, and communications that our intelligence did not quite understand.  Why?  Because Cherith had moved from California.  They would not have understood it because how could it make sense that grown men were concerned with the whereabouts of a small child, and they would have used a code name for me that they would not have placed – still – in connection to me, about me, because of me.

Probably the real reason I have never officially worked for an intelligence agency, casualties, acceptable loss of life, this line of thinking does not exist in my mind.  It never will.  I do not accept the loss of life, the loss of intelligence officers and agents in the field as acceptable.  I will not allow myself to have it in my mind-set.  It doesn’t belong.  Guess what?  You have computer programs that are used still today within intelligence agencies that – require it – as part of their program and programming.  That means that they feed or input information about a person, such as myself, and allow the computer to give a percentage profile as to the compatibility, the workability, the success-rate and ratio of a person within the field.  It probably gives a mortality rate, along with other factors.

This machine, this computer program would fail me, or not give me a passing grade simply because I do not allow casualties to exist in my mind – at all.  Ask someone if the field, ask a real agent who would they rather work for, a computer program that factors into account the acceptable loss of a life, or a woman who does not allow it to exist in her mindset?

The answer should not be that surprising.

Did he actually have a female family relative die of something such as cancer when he was in his thirties, and they were in their fifties?  If so, that would have been a message sent, it says to me it would be about the hometown she lived in and the connection would have been to him.  There is man that is still alive, he would be in his seventies, living in the same hometown where she died that should be questioned.  He will be able to figure out the name of the person.  It appears it is a sort of “active cell” of messaging simply by him still residing in her hometown.  God job on figuring that out already.  Although you people have been working longer on this information, and I just received the information and been working on it in the last few minutes.

Did you see the look on his face?  Is that one thing that changed your mind?  Doesn’t he just say without talking or using words, look what she can do?  Isn’t her mind amazing?  Look what she can do?

Yes, people do not age in the way, they have made me age.  I have photographic evidence.  My headshots.  I have a headshot of me when I was just 15, and one taken in my backyard against our fence when I was either 41 or 42.  I look nearly identical, it is in my family genes.  Does he really think it was the idea of the “General Manager” when I was working at The Container Store whose famous proxy is not a real doctor to turn me into this haggard, old woman for entertainment?

You have a picture in here that says, there is someone conspiring against another person, if not to kill them.  By the picture it is an unconfirmed connection, to whom is the threat and from whom?

You have a picture in here that says, there was a man’s death that happened.  The man who died would have been in his fifties when you, he, with a pen mark, were in your thirties.  He has wondered about it, like something did not quite settle when hearing the news.  Of course, a death would be unsettling; however, something did not seem correct when he heard about the death.  There is a famous prison connection.  Is it in the Pacific Northwest?

The news story of the living rabbit sculpture tells me that the psycho cop continued to give this serial killer who wanted to kill me information about me while he was in prison.  He is still in prison, and it appears you people allowed this serial killer in prison the ability to cut me open, give me a hysterectomy, and disfigure me for life.  Not to mention, denying me for the rest of my life, children of my own, natural-born children of my own.  This cop would have purposefully given this information to the serial killer with the intent to harm me by way of another person.  That is very serious if it is true.

Neo, from the movie the Matrix, following the white rabbit was meant for my brother to know, he was supposed to listen to me, and follow my instructions.  People see it now in hindsight.

The mention of the wildlife photographer in the movie, The Lovely Bones, has to do with a t-shirt that was probably my father’s, a size medium and from a wildlife conservation park in Oregon.  I still had it when I moved out of my former home.  I don’t have it anymore.

Want to know why I am really angry with the real Hannibal Lecter?  They put him in a vehicle, in a PT Cruiser, in the back seat as I was driving by.  I already had made a purchase of coffee and creamer.  What was delivered to me was lesbian thighs and a black bubble-butt.  I don’t believe in the real Hannibal Lecter.  I am not amused.  I am really angry.

I only believe in the numbers on my scale.

Also, everyone should learn from me and my experience, do not help or give any information to any intelligence persons, they will only get you killed, or worse, years and years, and decades and decades of absolute misery and torture until you die of loneliness, sadness, grief, and loss.

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

 

May 15, 2019

Someone want to explain to me what the fuck is going on around here?!

I believe in the numbers on my scale, and that is all I am concerned about at the moment.  I am not your fatted pig.  I am not your girlfriend, I am not engaged, I am not married, I am not exclusive to any man.

Someone wants the real Hannibal Lecter to stop working with me.  That is why they are adding extra calories to every product I own.

Weighed the third one down from the movie, Silence of The Lambs tells me a man entered – illegally – our home and added pounds to my soap or other products I would use in my shower to make me fat.  Just like they abused my brother by balding him.

I am not actually telling you people anything in the clothing that I am wearing.  I am actually just wearing the clothes that I have, and I am going back to the person I was before Edison ever existed in a skin suit.  I am done with wearing the bracelets unless I feel it goes with an outfit I am wearing.  I am really sick of your fatted calf people laying fat on me just to make yourselves feel better.

I told you that girl who had been raped who has been seen in the Amazon building is not doing well.  She needs to be on a diet, and her head is not in a good place.  I will not allow her to look to me for protection or guidance, she needs someone else.  I am not it for her.

I have no idea why you have some woman over here who looks like she used to work for a private investigator agency walking a dog.

No, you really cannot replace my dead mother in my mind with any woman, or man.

No, I will never love David again.  You people made sure of that.  I am looking at you and I don’t want to see you, from Sherlock, that’s me looking at David being driven past my house while I was doing yardwork, and that was a correct read of my reaction to seeing him.  I didn’t want to see him anymore.  I didn’t want him calling me at work, I didn’t want to be his friend anymore.  That changed when I read something in a book and had a moment – that moment is gone for good.  David has never, in all the time I’ve known him, done well by me, he has always done nothing but go out of his way to hurt me and my feelings.  And, he has done it for nothing more than money and a paycheck!  Guess what?  That will never make me gay or want to be around women instead, you people are stupid.

No, the real Hannibal Lecter, I do not care if you are sorry anymore.

No, I am really not interested in proxies of the real President.  Nor, am I following any of them.

I have already written this more than once, after Edison, I told my brother in this home before the cameras were covered up, and I knew he and others would hear this information, I would rather have been beaten within an inch of my life and left in the street for dead than to ever have had that experience with Edison.  That will never make me gay or want a lesbian lifestyle ever – DUH!

All it did was ruin every last bit of feeling I had for David.  It is probably the cruelest thing a man could ever do.  Worse than having an affair or cheating on me if we were a couple.

If anyone thought it would be a way to get me and David together, talking, you couldn’t be anymore WRONG!  It is really not that difficult to see that was not the objective.

I have no idea what is going on with my scale and why it is ever increasing.  I am on a diet.  I am not ever going back to the fat person I was in Plant City because that was NEVER who I was before.  That was the reason I bought cigarettes at Publix.  All it tells me, these escalating numbers on the scale is that I am never going back to work.

No, I am not really interested in only having my groceries at one specific time, that is that stupid black woman teacher training, and I am NOT DOING IT ANYMORE!

I have stopped reading news from agencies because it is MY LIFE, NOT YOURS!  AND I CHOOSE AND DECIDE HOW I FEEL!

You want me to believe that my brother must be under the real Hannibal Lecter’s protection.  I don’t believe it.  I don’t believe in him.  I believe in me and myself if I am the only person to believe.

I have already written about this more than once, I spent of my own personal money close to $30,000 over the years at my former home.  I was investing it, it is how I looked at it, I was investing it for my brother because my brother always told me he was going to retire in Florida.  So, I didn’t mind the expense and debt because my brother would have a home for the rest of his life.  Then, all of a sudden, he is not interested in staying in that home?  Because of what?  Some stupid documentary?!

No, I am really not interested in having you people parade in front of me and me reacting to any of you at ALL!  THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING IN THE WORLD!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  IT IS STUPID!

No, I really am not interested in any sort of competition or figuring out any sort of “problems” with anything I purchase, you can all go to hell!  I am done with you!  I am done with all of you!  I am done!  You are no teacher to me, not any of you!  Fuck you!  You can all got to hell!

I am really not interested anymore in deciphering everything in the movies that I see either!  I am done!  I am 47 years old and I have never in my life ever been loved!  Fuck you people!  Kiss your prison ministry good-bye, I am not helping you or any of you anymore.

I will be living my life without any of you!  I am not watching you or anyone – I never was!

Yeah, I am really, really angry at the real Hannibal Lecter.  Go fuck yourselves, all of you!

Jesus Christ!  Take it into context!  I have been deprived of male relationships, companionships, and the very existence of men in my life, nearly all of my life, most recently since 2012.  Of course, I am going to give a man a blow job in my mind, or think about kissing men, or imagine their body, and skin, and how they will feel against me.  I happen to think the penis is a glorious creation God created.  I happen to love the penis, and heterosexual sex.  Fuck you people!  You people are sick!

Guess what?!  Not one single man – you people are so fucking sick for this virtual reality television show – in all the years has ever tried to make me feel they actually loved or cared about me, it was nothing more than a quickie or sex to any of them.  Wow.  Doesn’t make me gay, all it does it not love any of them.  I don’t care if you are sorry, the real Hannibal Lecter.  Read the above.  I am really angry with you.

Up Close & Personal, this movie, Reno is code for No, ER, No emergency room, no dog bite.  Miami is code for, I’m MIA, this makes it look as though Cherith helped in rescuing persons who were Missing In Action.

The focus group is about my mother, I believe she really had that job in the mall where they get people together talking about products, and no my mother had nothing she had to learn.  If anything, she needed to understand she was helping intelligence and was not fully aware of the consequences of that.

Who would want to help intelligence and intelligence men now?  All it has taught me is that it will get you killed, slowly over decades, and you will never in your life have the opportunity to be loved – EVER.  Why would I or any person want to help intelligence persons?  Either the FBI, CIA, or any other agency?  Why would I?!  All I have been taught is to never allow them near you – EVER!

Sally Atwater, this is code for Saul from The Journey of Natty Gann.  Tally Atwater, Tally the votes, it is a White House connection.  Atwater, Ta, thank you water, thank you Cherith for what you’ve done, perhaps that was the intention.

I really did see vultures, several of them, on the roof of the church that was used as a polling place.  The vultures would have been meant as a death threat to the Presidency to be used at another time.  Not that anyone around here actually cares, is actually sorry.  If they cared, if they were sorry, they wouldn’t manipulate the scales against me!

FUCK YOU PEOPLE!

DON’T HELP ANY INTELLIGENCE PERSONS – EVER!  THAT’S WHAT I’VE LEARNED!

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

 

May 15, 2019

Someone want to explain to me what the fuck is going on around here?!

I believe in the numbers on my scale, and that is all I am concerned about at the moment.  I am not your fatted pig.  I am not your girlfriend, I am not engaged, I am not married, I am not exclusive to any man.

Someone wants the real Hannibal Lecter to stop working with me.  That is why they are adding extra calories to every product I own.

Weighed the third one down from the movie, Silence of The Lambs tells me a man entered – illegally – our home and added pounds to my soap or other products I would use in my shower to make me fat.  Just like they abused my brother by balding him.

I am not actually telling you people anything in the clothing that I am wearing.  I am actually just wearing the clothes that I have, and I am going back to the person I was before Edison ever existed in a skin suit.  I am done with wearing the bracelets unless I feel it goes with an outfit I am wearing.  I am really sick of your fatted calf people laying fat on me just to make yourselves feel better.

I told you that girl who had been raped who has been seen in the Amazon building is not doing well.  She needs to be on a diet, and her head is not in a good place.  I will not allow her to look to me for protection or guidance, she needs someone else.  I am not it for her.

I have no idea why you have some woman over here who looks like she used to work for a private investigator agency walking a dog.

No, you really cannot replace my dead mother in my mind with any woman, or man.

No, I will never love David again.  You people made sure of that.  I am looking at you and I don’t want to see you, from Sherlock, that’s me looking at David being driven past my house while I was doing yardwork, and that was a correct read of my reaction to seeing him.  I didn’t want to see him anymore.  I didn’t want him calling me at work, I didn’t want to be his friend anymore.  That changed when I read something in a book and had a moment – that moment is gone for good.  David has never, in all the time I’ve known him, done well by me, he has always done nothing but go out of his way to hurt me and my feelings.  And, he has done it for nothing more than money and a paycheck!  Guess what?  That will never make me gay or want to be around women instead, you people are stupid.

No, the real Hannibal Lecter, I do not care if you are sorry anymore.

No, I am really not interested in proxies of the real President.  Nor, am I following any of them.

I have already written this more than once, after Edison, I told my brother in this home before the cameras were covered up, and I knew he and others would hear this information, I would rather have been beaten within an inch of my life and left in the street for dead than to ever have had that experience with Edison.  That will never make me gay or want a lesbian lifestyle ever – DUH!

All it did was ruin every last bit of feeling I had for David.  It is probably the cruelest thing a man could ever do.  Worse than having an affair or cheating on me if we were a couple.

If anyone thought it would be a way to get me and David together, talking, you couldn’t be anymore WRONG!  It is really not that difficult to see that was not the objective.

I have no idea what is going on with my scale and why it is ever increasing.  I am on a diet.  I am not ever going back to the fat person I was in Plant City because that was NEVER who I was before.  That was the reason I bought cigarettes at Publix.  All it tells me, these escalating numbers on the scale is that I am never going back to work.

No, I am not really interested in only having my groceries at one specific time, that is that stupid black woman teacher training, and I am NOT DOING IT ANYMORE!

I have stopped reading news from agencies because it is MY LIFE, NOT YOURS!  AND I CHOOSE AND DECIDE HOW I FEEL!

You want me to believe that my brother must be under the real Hannibal Lecter’s protection.  I don’t believe it.  I don’t believe in him.  I believe in me and myself if I am the only person to believe.

I have already written about this more than once, I spent of my own personal money close to $30,000 over the years at my former home.  I was investing it, it is how I looked at it, I was investing it for my brother because my brother always told me he was going to retire in Florida.  So, I didn’t mind the expense and debt because my brother would have a home for the rest of his life.  Then, all of a sudden, he is not interested in staying in that home?  Because of what?  Some stupid documentary?!

No, I am really not interested in having you people parade in front of me and me reacting to any of you at ALL!  THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING IN THE WORLD!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  IT IS STUPID!

No, I really am not interested in any sort of competition or figuring out any sort of “problems” with anything I purchase, you can all go to hell!  I am done with you!  I am done with all of you!  I am done!  You are no teacher to me, not any of you!  Fuck you!  You can all got to hell!

I am really not interested anymore in deciphering everything in the movies that I see either!  I am done!  I am 47 years old and I have never in my life ever been loved!  Fuck you people!  Kiss your prison ministry good-bye, I am not helping you or any of you anymore.

I will be living my life without any of you!  I am not watching you or anyone – I never was!

Yeah, I am really, really angry at the real Hannibal Lecter.  Go fuck yourselves, all of you!

Jesus Christ!  Take it into context!  I have been deprived of male relationships, companionships, and the very existence of men in my life, nearly all of my life, most recently since 2012.  Of course, I am going to give a man a blow job in my mind, or think about kissing men, or imagine their body, and skin, and how they will feel against me.  I happen to think the penis is a glorious creation God created.  I happen to love the penis, and heterosexual sex.  Fuck you people!  You people are sick!

Guess what?!  Not one single man – you people are so fucking sick for this virtual reality television show – in all the years has ever tried to make me feel they actually loved or cared about me, it was nothing more than a quickie or sex to any of them.  Wow.  Doesn’t make me gay, all it does it not love any of them.  I don’t care if you are sorry, the real Hannibal Lecter.  Read the above.  I am really angry with you.

Up Close & Personal, this movie, Reno is code for No, ER, No emergency room, no dog bite.  Miami is code for, I’m MIA, this makes it look as though Cherith helped in rescuing persons who were Missing In Action.

The focus group is about my mother, I believe she really had that job in the mall where they get people together talking about products, and no my mother had nothing she had to learn.  If anything, she needed to understand she was helping intelligence and was not fully aware of the consequences of that.

Who would want to help intelligence and intelligence men now?  All it has taught me is that it will get you killed, slowly over decades, and you will never in your life have the opportunity to be loved – EVER.  Why would I or any person want to help intelligence persons?  Either the FBI, CIA, or any other agency?  Why would I?!  All I have been taught is to never allow them near you – EVER!

Sally Atwater, this is code for Saul from The Journey of Natty Gann.  Tally Atwater, Tally the votes, it is a White House connection.  Atwater, Ta, thank you water, thank you Cherith for what you’ve done, perhaps that was the intention.

I really did see vultures, several of them, on the roof of the church that was used as a polling place.  The vultures would have been meant as a death threat to the Presidency to be used at another time.  Not that anyone around here actually cares, is actually sorry.  If they cared, if they were sorry, they wouldn’t manipulate the scales against me!

FUCK YOU PEOPLE!

DON’T HELP ANY INTELLIGENCE PERSONS – EVER!  THAT’S WHAT I’VE LEARNED!

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

 

May 14, 2019

My Thursday, my Thursday cat loved to be in the garage, in my former home, the garage, was more of a home office with a television, it had vinyl flooring, built-in cabinets and counter, a built-in closet, built-in storage for tools, shelving, it was more of an office than a garage because no cars were parked in there, there was a wall in front of the garage door, and Thursday loved it there.  Thursday loved the welcome mat I have in my garage, he used to roll around and around, scratching and brushing his fur on the welcome mat.  He used to sleep there, he used to ask me to keep the door open from the garage to the house, so he could be in the garage and sleep there.  It was also a place where he could find his friends, the tree frogs.

It should have been a warning sign.  It should have been a really big warning sign in 2014 when I started giving away every possession I had.  My hope chest, I gave away, my hope chest that I had since I was a child, I gave away along with numerous furniture including my headboard, articles of clothing, I gave away nearly all of my clothes and I did not have much clothing to begin with since changing in size.  Numerous beauty products, I left clothing in hotel rooms when I drove to the West coast, I threw away jackets and other clothing along the way – IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A VERY BIG WARNING TO EVERYONE INVOLVED SOMETHING WAS VERY SERIOUSLY WRONG – and no one listened.

There are a lot of reasons why a vet after having served military service does things that perhaps he might not have done before he served his country.  This man who was a lookout for some of the murders, from the movie The Lovely Bones, looks to me as though he served in the seventies.  Veteran’s health care – hopefully – has changed since then.  He would have been upset that he was not seen or recognized and that has nothing to do with praise or recognition, awards or honors, it has to do with going to services, such as, veteran’s medical facilities and not being treated as a human being, an individual, or a person.

This man looks depressed, probably chronically depressed, and mentally unstable, not that he was unable to care for himself, get to appointments on time and so forth, mentally unstable.  He would have been able to hide himself enough to be able to feel he had fooled the veteran’s health services.  He wanted them to find him.  Like a criminal will always leave a tell or a clue because they want to be found and caught, he would have said things and done things as a way of asking people for – help.  Let that be a lesson for everyone.

Sometimes that is a way of asking for help.  Sometimes it is not always appropriate to do for others, they must do for themselves, but sometimes, decent, honest people, such as a man who has served his country have no other way of asking for help.  He needed counseling, he needed to be ordered as a part of his health-check to a group-session of other vets who have served.  He needed to see it in other people, as they talked, he needed to see himself in other people.