Disclaimer: Men Born Male Only, No Gays, No Skirt Wearing Fairies, No Transgender, No Tires, No Women Allowed!
Orange is not to be briefed.
Tell me why would I do something or anything just because it was a celebrity who said it?
You are mistaken, I will not be writing about a him just because I spoke with him, I have my reasons.
Do not misunderstand me, Lambert and Murphy would also make excellent husbands. I would write them very well. He is still Lambert the Good. Murphy is still Magnificent. But, someone is keeping me from being able to write and be creative. Because they believe the greatest of my abilities is to clean. And, nothing else.
You did not understand me about the military and David, this is not the White House, no longer am I able to want anything to do with David. Human relationships do not work this way. You have denied me male physical relationships for more than six years now. All these years amount to nothing more than abuse and being abused. I want nothing to do with my abusers and those who have deceived me, used me, lied to me, tortured me, for money.
For my own reasons that I will not share I threw it away. This is an impossible place for friendship and love to exist. Sometimes for my animals also.
This started because I dated men? Because I wanted men? To date men? To be loved by men and a man?! Because once I dated 1, 2, 3 then everything I ever did before had to change?! Because I dated a man I had to be re-trained by an African-American woman?! How could that ever make any sense to anyone? I do not understand it.
Even my animals had to change.
I want it understood the amount of work they went to creating such disastrous trauma in my head, brain, and environment. Because if they had not the illegal means of basically hurting me, my brain, and my thinking this never would have be able to happen.
When I returned from the driving trip December 2014, January 2015 I was in such a bad, bad way and it was known by those who were monitoring me and listening to me. I spent days and weeks here with my blinds closed. Not good. I had no clothing left. I had given away or thrown away everything I had including my clothing because I was so devastated and did not understand the altering of my clothing.
Do you understand how they tried to make me believe others believed I was nothing more than a pervert and deviant because I dated a man?! And men.
I had a nervous breakdown at a store December 2014 or January 2015 trying to buy underwear. I had less than a few pairs of underpants. I no longer owned a bra. I had so little and so few clothing items.
However, when I was in the store it was so traumatizing to look at new, clean – and because it was underwear or something personal and intimate I was not able to touch it. To pick it up. Or to purchase it. I ran out of the store, crying. Ran home, slammed the doors, and tried to figure out how to get back to normal.
Traumatized. By those who are, in actuality, in my employ and not the other way around.
They had no idea what they were doing.
Educated people, but they had no idea what they were truly doing and creating.
Because of how they turned it into me having to prove my sexuality – James Franco was apart of this, I remember many instances of him talking in my head, torturing me – because of how they used the experience of me dating a man. It created great damage. Permanent damage, and they knew it then. I would go to my computer and write about it. It is only normal when something is so wrong, so bad, you must tell somebody, and I’ve been allowed, no one. Except to write, and not even then. Yet, my writing was never given to the people it was supposed to go to.
When I was driving on that trip in November 2014, I told them in my head how bad it was. It was like playing the game Operation at over 200 miles an hour while trying to talk and drive at the same time. That is more than making something difficult or hard – it is abuse and torture and nothing more. I would stop at rest areas and I was still not allowed a moment. People shoved in front of me. On and on.
If you are able to imagine it was like the walls were screaming at me, the ceilings were screaming at me, the trees were screaming at me, the cars were screaming at me, the sky was screaming at me, everything in my surround was screaming at full volume 24 hours a day. Torture.
The damage done was and is so severe that when I drove to Key West in 2015 and went to the Dolphin research place I was still not able to eat fish. They wanted me to order a fish something. I had seen Werner that day. But, the trauma was so severe I could not. I could not. I could not order fish to eat. So many years later, and I could still not eat fish. I ordered turkey something.
How do I get to go to a therapist and get counselling for something like this?! Well, you see I am unable to eat fish, or milk, or cream, or cheese, or alcohol because it means women and dogs and on and on, stupid nonsense.
It is beyond hurtful.
No one. No person will ever be able to understand the damage it has done because it will not be able to heal. I do not see it being able to heal. Even if all this ended and I was able to return to normal, it would not heal.
They want me to write that the code for flow is Florida, ow. It isn’t true though.
Men are men and women are women. A man is not able to be a woman. A woman is not able to be a man. They are not interchangeable. In the past, at work they have placed women in front of me, I am supposed to know that it is a man in my head with a woman in front of me “acting” out the part of the man. WTF?! How is this acceptable?! How is this acceptable in a workplace environment?! It is like having women come on to me at work and I am not able to go to Human Resources and file sexual harassment.
Something bad has happened that I am unable to figure out. Once this oppressive heaviness has been added to my scale and workload like a burden there is something in my brain that is causing a problem. Besides what they add to my food without my consent. No person should have food given to them that is chemically altered or with any extra ingredients. It is causing something in my brain. Or perhaps it is just because I am not allowed to go outside anymore. A lack of vitamin D, and E. Or, what they have done to the air filters in my home. Or who knows.
Whatever they are doing to my food and products it is keeping my varicose veins in worse condition.
No, my job is not to clean to a white glove inspection before I go to work or leave my home or while I am at home every day. Who do you think you are?!
It has been made completely understood to me this week that no person will ever be able to understand the complete damage and trauma that these years here have done to me.
When I took care of my mother I used to watch certain shows just to be able to hear people talking. Because I had forgotten what it sounded like, what it looked like to be able to talk to another human being. Another woman in my life will never be what I want or need. It will always be a man. A man who isn’t afraid of me because I am a lot of woman. Not in size. My spirit is greater than most.
All because I wanted to be loved by a man.
And, still am denied being able to be loved by a man.
Denied my constitutional right to pursue happiness.
WE - DO NOT AGREE! 