Category: Uncategorized

No means, I am not changing or altering my programs or games or what computer I have them on.  No.

No means, I am not throwing away a household item because Jared Leto with black make-up on delivered it to me.  No.

No means, I am not going to stop giving my cats the comfort I can give them while I am away.  No.

No means, you do not have a right to me, my house, my car, my cats, or anything else.

“You’re the first person”, but he was tired now.  He sounded tired from medication and the unending battle he fights to live.  Yet, when I saw him earlier in the day my heart immediately went out to him.  Something amazing too, he was happy.

I was rushing past as this life that has been contrived without advice or help from me.  Trying to make up for lost time as I am constantly running with no end.  Yet, he was happy.  I don’t mean he was glad to be sick or struggling.  Somehow, he’s found a way to live with all the pain.  Something he’s decided to just be happy.

It was nice to see.

I imagine a truck driver I passed on my way in had something to do with it.

The star is his, not mine. Continue reading “Nightmares”

Nope, the license plate and the driver to that vehicle were not a match.  I know the difference.

What I saw yesterday:

• The pain of a woman who had taken from her by force something she will never get back.  An event she will have to live with for the rest of her life.  An event that should never have happened under anyone’s watch.  An event that should never have happened to any of our good men and women who serve this country.

A woman has a right to refuse.  You will see it plain as day across my chest for all persons rights to their own bodies.

What I heard yesterday:

• The ethical voice of a man speaking for the head of a man whose mind does not exist in the world of tabloids, sound bites, media frenzy, or sinister bullying.  A man unwilling to allow the degradation of a business, of a government, of an institution whose very function is meant to serve and protect not seek and destroy.  It is a huge distinction.  Seek is not the same as serve.

I will caution you in the year.  This is 2018, not 1950, not 1960, not 1970.  Bring us all out of the dark ages with responsible journalism, reporting, and governing.

The real problems in the world are not being heard, not being shared, not given the light of day to bring justice, clarity, or insight.

Is that truly the world in which you want to live?

One that allows the lives of innocent’s around the world to be unheard, unseen, and unspoken?

Give them back their voice.

Write their stories.

 

Fuck off!

Fuck off every one of you!

I want to get away from DKW for the rest of my life.

I never want to see DKW, James Franco, “Edison”, ever again.

How is that One Mississippi was allowed access into my home?!

One Mississippi should never ever have been allowed to be in disguise or talk to me at all.

One Mississippi MUST BE FIRED!

Female father MUST BE FIRED!

I do what is asked of me.  I am asked to drive down Dick’s Sporting goods because then the beards will NOT have access into my home.  You lie!

I will not DO what is asked of me again!

I want another job!

I want to be able to get away from the worst people I have ever known in my entire life!

I wish I was DEAD!

University speaker – What a popular guy you are.  Well liked with lots of friends.  Comfortable and easy you are in front of people.  This you already know.  You have a long career ahead of you.  Here is what I say to you, don’t let University be your greatest destination.

Enjoy yourself.  Have fun while you are in University.  Make every moment count.  Once you’ve graduated, don’t live in the past.  Don’t allow those memories to be the last you create.

You’ll go along way, I am sure.

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Denzel Washington – I just wanted to clarify something as when I speak in my head about my cats – who are living characters for books yet to be written – I am speaking kitty-cat talk.  Of course, I must speak itty-bitty, cutesy cuddly in my head.  It is how I speak to them in person.  However, if I got to write about them I believe the voice would change.

Also, I believe Maurice would not be a bad decision for you – that is if I ever get to write about it.  I write this because I heard and felt your discomfort.

People make such a big thing because your last name is Washington.  So, I take a risk in writing this, you should know that.  As I am treated to urine, wet, and sweat in my panties and underwear because of it.

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Bluetooth lies – While watching 12 Strong I was thinking to myself what was the real reason we were in Afghanistan?  Did we actually need to be there?  Was it just a political move?  A power play and nothing more?  Why were we in Afghanistan?

What I heard in response by an audience member making it sound and appear as if this is what I was actually thinking is, yeah, and we didn’t even have to be there.  With a scoff and a huff.  As though I was undercutting our presence there, the military, the men whom the story was about and on and on.  That one sentence alone is far reaching in its imprecise, muddled reiteration.

Creating a negative reaction within the audience let alone whomever else this person then spoke this misinformation to.

What I wanted to know was an answer for I have yet to see a reason other than a politician drawing a line in the sand.

What I want to know is more.  I want to know more about our presence in the middle east.  It is not at all the same thing to say, we didn’t even have to be there.

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Puzzle Pieces – I went to a workshop/seminar at The Embassy Suites at USF by a Trump organization where I received a copy of his book on real estate.  I remember it because the speaker seemed to be focusing on me, speaking mostly to me.

Asking, are we in a buyer’s market or a seller’s market?  To which I answered correctly that we were in a buyer’s market since there were so many houses for sale.  It seemed to impress the speaker.

They wanted to sell more classes to learn to sell or some such thing, I walked away from that.

What I took away from the seminar was how to take apart a grand house.  Trump had bought a famous estate for which he would not be able to recoup the financial gains if he sold it in whole, so he sold it in pieces.

It broke my heart.

I understand the decision, however there was a part of me that wanted the history to remain intact.

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My mother – was a tea drinker.  She never drank coffee.  It didn’t agree with her, she didn’t like the taste.  It’s a British thing.  She was a tea drinker.  She made great concessions for me, however when I grew up to be mainly a coffee drinker.

When we would go to restaurants she would make a point of asking me if I wanted to have coffee.  Again, very well aware of our limited income.  I usually ordered coffee.

We ate once at The Embassy Suites at USF, it was probably when my brother was going to school there, I had a dessert coffee with Gran Marnier.  It was a special treat, so much so, I have not forgotten it.

A small thing.

A coffee.

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Chicken soup – why are you sick?  I have not poisoned you or given you anything with mushrooms.  Mushrooms are not my favorite, they are slimy.

I could not order the Caribbean Cooler, I was uncertain it would not be tainted.

If I made you chicken soup, I would make the broth.  I have yet to do so, I wonder how different the taste would be.  With egg noodles, mirepoix, and white meat chicken.

Are you sure you wouldn’t like chicken and dumplings instead?  Have you ever had real chicken and dumplings?

Simmered chicken in stock, cream, mirepoix, fresh peas from the garden barely cooked so they are not mush, with fluffy dumplings (not doughy or sticky) on top?  It is wonderful on a cold day to bring warmth and comfort.

You would eat it.  I believe you are not that picky of an eater.  Doesn’t mean you do not enjoy good food.

Depending on the temperature of the day would I serve you apple cider with cinnamon sticks, proper hot tea, or your choice of beverage.

I have yet to write your favorite meal.

Perhaps you have yet to eat it.

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Election 2008 – I knew when Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton met that Barack Obama was going to offer her another job that she would accept.

It was a good political move.  Creating some distance while keeping the Democratic party intact.  Seemingly cooperative.

The Bluetooth knows this, the surveillance knows this, the fire alarms know this.

I knew it was going to happen when I saw the news feeds.

It’s what I would have done.

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I had no choice tonight – I didn’t want to go to the movies, it is something I am made to do.  They soiled my laundry soap, body wash, body poufs, body scrubbers, and beauty products as a way to punish me, hurt me, degrade me.

It is NOT training.

That is why I did not stay.

They care more about that car and my driving route than they do about me and my brain.

It was not the movie I was most interested in, however the way this life is I am no longer comfortable anywhere other than at home.  And, I am not comfortable at home.

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Audition at Forum – I am not certain where the journal entry and writing is where I wrote about my experience of auditioning at the Forum.  It seems to have been deleted from my hard drive.

However, I went to a meeting at The Forum at the Amalie Arena. A-Ma-lie.  Because I was supposed to be employed there, however I never received a paycheck because they never scheduled me a shift.  So, I received an email about a meeting that I was not going to miss because I was going to tell someone about my bad experience of working somewhere when I never received a shift.

I have no idea why this happened.

I have no idea why I was hired there to never receive a shift.

I was also working for Disney – the second time – while I was employed with Amalie Arena.  I had access to websites that looked real.

Wearing my jeans, a navy t-shirt, no coat as soon as I parked the sky opened.  I opened the trunk to discover I had left my umbrella behind.

I ran to the entrance.  I believe it was Taylor Swift who shared her umbrella with me.  She also interviewed me at Ann Taylor’s.

When I walked inside – early, not on time, early – I was drenched.  Soaked through.  I may as well have swum in the ocean.  My bra, my underwear, my clothing, my shoes completely drenched.

Then, there was no meeting.  No one around.  No other people.

So, I asked.  It was delayed.

That time came and went.

So, I asked.  It was delayed again.

That time came and went.

So, I asked.  I was delayed again.

All the while in air-conditioning that was pouring freezing over my sopping body.  I shivered the entire time.

It was nearly two hours past the scheduled time before “a meeting” took place.  Where nothing was said of any importance.  I could barely keep from passing out due to the cold.

But, I waited because I was going to speak.

When, the meeting was finally over with, I spoke with my “supervisor” telling him I wanted to have a private meeting.

You should have seen this “office” what a set-up.  I felt hidden camera’s everywhere.  I felt I had to audition.  Set-up like a police station situation I let him have it.  He did not get the best of me.

When we left the office, he told me he felt I attacked him.  Big man scared of a little woman.  Eyes roll.

I still have no idea what that job was.  I “quit” sometime afterward.

They made me wait so long as a means to punish me for not being able to accomplish all of “their” tasks at “their” appointed time.

It’s amazing I did not get sick.

There was a man there someone said, he does all the lighting.  Whoever the lighting man with the beard was is gone from me.

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Car Accident – The staff ball for the Obama inauguration was given to me by invitation.  Soon afterward, a car crashed into my front driver’s side wheel sending me by ambulance to the ER.  I was given a citation, however, I swerved out of the way.  The other driver swerved toward me.

I believe this “faked” car accident was a contrivance to keep me from going to the ball.  To keep me within the state.

I went to the inauguration.  I maxed out my credit cards to do so.

How could I miss something I will probably never get another chance to go to?

Wearing knee-high black boots, black tights, a grey knee-length pencil skirt, black turtle-neck, a grey cowl-neck knit blouse (I believe it was by Champion), and my double-breasted pea coat, my hair and make-up done, I set off for Washington DC looking less like a Floridian and more like I belonged in DC.

I can write more about my travelling and experience in DC if anyone is interested.

My point being the car accident was meant to cripple me, emotionally, financially to keep me within this house.  Also, to keep me from exercising and running.

I refused, I ran.

Broken arm and all.

Nancy Pelosi?

Hillary Clinton?

Sarah Palin?

Are these really the only women in the United States that are interested and capable of running for the Presidency?

You got to be fucking kidding me?!

In the entire United States is there not one woman if not several thousands of women who are more capable and electable than the current line-up of women in politics?

Guess what, I hate to break the news to you, but men and women are different.

Shocking as that may seem to people.  I say it for a reason.  So, I will say it again, men and women are different.

Of course, men and women should be treated equally under the law.  I am not going to waste your time discussing this any further.

If you are really interested in a woman becoming a President, you would listen to me.

Focus groups do not work.

Opinion polls do not work.

PR and publicists do not work.

We women.  We are really tough.  We are hardest on ourselves.

If I were to run for President, you would never see me in a pantsuit.  Ya, gotta be fucking kidding me, women.  Pant suits?!

If I were to run for President, you would see me just as I am.  I am not a carefully polished candidate.  Jeans, t-shirts, shorts, thongs, skirts, evening gowns, flip-flops, cardigans, make-up on and make-up off, great hair days, and wind-blown hair.  It happens.  Get over it.

I believe it would be a more accepted version of a woman President.

The Kennedy era is over.

The era of picture perfect over substance is over.

No wonder there is such dissatisfaction in this great country of ours.

I have met Americans face to face.  I have gone door to door, shared stories with neighbors and brought them to the polls.

I have gone door to door, canvassed neighborhoods, in the middle of summer in Florida.

Well, every day is practically summer temperatures in Florida.

I have gone door to door, sweat dripping out of every pore, stitched straight up my stomach, stitches rubbing on my clothing, sweat corroding my delicate newly-pulled together skin, walking up and down the streets without available toilet facilities as my bowels and intestines had been newly redirected, cut, cleansed, re-maneuvered, and emptied of its original design – the uterus I was born with.

I have gone with water bottle in hand, sunscreen on my skin, sunglasses and hat to have the face to face conversations that are the most important tool in politics.

The President is one person.

America is made of many persons.

Business skirts and boots, knit dresses and sandals, denim and cardigans I worked 10, 12, sometimes longer hours in a trailer with one bathroom used by the public as I and my body tried to recover from an unrecoverable loss, my brain was tired, my mind was weary, my body struggled to recover.

Some days I barely got to use the restroom more than once or twice.  Some days I lived off the left-overs people brought into the trailer.

Some days I had to lie on the sofa to make phone calls because I was in too much pain to stand.

Some days I stood for hours without a break speaking to a never-ending line of people within my county looking for freebies while I convinced them I needed their help.  Because Barack Obama needed their vote.  Because Barack Obama needed to be President.  Because Barack Obama was the President who would consider every person rather than a select few.  Because Barack Obama running for President had nothing to do with his skin color and everything to do with his decision making.

Barack Obama’s skin color was only an issue for the media to get coverage and sound bites and nothing more.  Do want to know why I believe so?  Because I have spoken with the American public.  All on my own.  Without pay.

I walked the streets, I worked the phones, I worked the long hours most of the time for free, and the last few weeks for less than would imagine.  The hours worked divided by the wage.  For less than you would imagine.

How many Presidents have spent more than a few minutes on their campaign trail meeting and talking with real people trying to live off of the real wages?!  On their own without the media?

I believe the days of public speaking as the means of politics are over.

The days where we voted for a candidate because of their speeches – are over.

The President must no longer be a figurehead alone.

The time for a President to take action and make decisions is long overdue.

Point, don’t point, look this way, blink, don’t blink.  Fuck off.  No one gives a shit.

Polite dinner parties as the means of creating a Presidential platform are long gone.

It’s about time politics listened.

This news story about Syria, I believe, is nothing but misleading.

What I believe is going on in Syria is far from what is actually being reported.  This is my gut reaction upon reading information about this story.

Here is what should actually happen.  We, the American people should not know about it.  We, citizens of the world should not know about it.

There is something else that is going on.  Very sinister.  Very far-reaching.  I have seen it.

Sometimes, news reports are not the truth.

What is going on in Syria should happen in the world of classified information, closed-door meetings, secrets, and the men and women we may never meet in real life.

War and crimes should not be happening in real-time.

Then, after the fact.  After the dead bodies are buried.  After dead bodies are buried at sea should we, the American people, know parts of the story.

President Trump: you should be reading what I write.  I already have more experience at this than you do.

That is why I did not open that door.

Stay away from me.