Category: Uncategorized

July 30, 2018

Day 1, 581

From Birth Male Born Men Beards Only

I got it, however I will be protecting it from faster than necessary deterioration until it is needed or required.

A few weeks ago, I am standing there looking at the false angel as she is verbally coaching me, but all I see is anger at my writing and defending my Maurice as she is speaking.  My Maurice, Maurice The Handsome – the best behave-ed boy in the whole house who follows me from room to room when I am home.  I will be working look up or around the room to see Maurice has followed me, made a place, fallen asleep or is watching me blink, blink, so glad, so happy he has a person.  Telling me I am his person.  It is important to belong.  And, Maurice has never had a person before.  I was verbally coached because I stood my ground by not allowing others to attack Maurice and turn his image into something he is not.  What are you going to do about that?

You misunderstand something, I remember looking at that man as he said, I love you.  Turning and contorting my face trying to get the man to look as I heard it.  Because it was David Wolfe who said the words, and another man spoke them.  It does not work that way.  Feelings and emotions do not transfer from one person to the next.  I will never love David Wolfe ever again.  He has himself to blame for that.  I have no idea why they did that if not to ruin and destroy that friendship and acquaintance.  I will never love David Wolfe again.  The longer this takes, the more time this goes on and on the worse it gets.  I will never love him again.  He has only himself to blame.

The made me urinate in my pants at work last night because I saw a Keanu Reeves movie.  Basically, calling Keanu Reeves – soft.  What are you going to do about that?

Shutdown last night.  Boom, boom, boom, doors shut, boom, boom, boom, shutting, locking doors nearly all night last night.  Why?  I do not have to write it.  They were surprised I didn’t let them in last night.  Call it instinct, intuition, skill, knowledge, I shut it down before they had the chance to create and cause a problem.  What are you going to do about that?

I do not have to explain this next part in detail.  In my head I start to say, I hate women.  This is not about a charitable organization.  I say in my head, I hate women.  Buzzers, alarms, banging, noises everywhere start to go off.  In my head, I hate women and I catch them.  This is a constant for me every night supporting blow jobs.  I want to know why they do not support blow jobs.  Constantly telling everyone in my head it is his business after all not hers.  What are you going to do about that?

Do not be surprised by the truth.

My authority is here.

My underwear is not a set.

No, that’s a no.  Nopes.  No, I am not dressing like a man.

There is nothing wrong or sinister about tongues, lips, and mouths.  It is the best way to kiss or give blow-jobs.  I am quite skilled with both.

From Birth Male Born Men Beards Only

July 29, 2018

Day 1, 580

Very, very, very serious problem going on if you have not been reading, thank the teacher for that.

No, I am in no way interested in show business, nor have I have been for decades all you have to do is look at my face to understand why, thank the teacher for that.  If you are wondering why I am not writing about stories, food, my cats, or my family, thank the teacher for that.  If you are wondering why my feelings and mind about David Wolfe have turned into ugliness, thank the teacher for that.

If you in any way wonder, why I do not stare at the television it is because I disagree with the purpose and numbers of rate.  In my mind the numbers are too high.  In my mind it does not need to play a part at all.  Why?  Because the numbers are made up on purpose.  It could go away without ever having to be discussed or mentioned again.  Therefore, eliminating a role.  Other co-workers go to the bathroom, take additional breaks, saunter around the floor as if they have all the time in the world, leisurely walk to and fro, all the while I am sweating, breaking my body, killing myself for numbers that fluctuate at the whim of random persons.

The fact that I must sit here and write this next is beyond maddening to me.  Be careful in reading here.  Do not mistake my calm demeanor, and careful wording for complicity.  In what other business is the employee responsible not only for their work, but the work of every person around them?  In what other business is an employee responsible for their supervisor’s work?  It is my job to go around account for every minute and moment of time off task to make sure that what a supervisor or other personnel should be doing?  It is my job to make another person’s job like the water spider’s – easier?!  By doing their work for them?!

I disagree the television should be taken down immediately.  Based on the number alone if you have not been reading otherwise.

I am so beyond at the moment.

If you want to know why my drive-head speak-thinking is not changing, thank the teacher for that.  If you want to know why my t-shirt is not changing, thank the teacher for that.  If you want to know why my shoes are not changing, thank the teacher for that.  If you want to know why my in-head speaking is not changing at work, thank the teacher for that.

If you do now want to know, you should still thank the teacher for that.

I should have been a linguist.  What person doesn’t speak the language, yet knows someone is speaking with a poor or improper pronunciation and accent?

It has been X-small and XX-small for a long time now.  Not small.

Replacing someone with the same person is not appreciated.

From Birth Male Born Men Beards Only

July 28, 2018

Day 1, 579.

Code Name: Praise

He used this word specifically when he spoke to me, I in turn write it with specificity.  Code name: Praise.

I have never seen Blazing Saddles in its entirety, now I know why.  If you haven’t been paying attention I am not interested Hollywood.  That is why they had to dupe me into a fake set.  I am not interested.  I haven’t been for decades.  Why would I be look at what they done to my hair.  Look at what they done to my face.  Look at what they’ve done to my body.

What was the purpose of eradicating my bloodline?  It is not because it is inferior in any way.  I will never again believe it was for any real reason.  Could have cancer, not that I did have cancer – it is different.  I never did have cancer because I never needed surgery – ever.  I will never believe what they say about it ever again.  Since, the set seems set on not keeping me employed, I want and am looking for another job.  How could I not.

• If you haven’t been paying attention cutesy-time is over.

I used to be a cinephile, it has been ruined for me.  Why?  Now, a movie poster plays a bigger part, has more importance or meaning than any moment that I might enjoy from watching a film.  If they tried to use a program or expert people to understand me in any way from the movies I watched it would have failed.  Cinephiles, or at least I am or was interested in films to find moments.  I am no longer able to be a cinephile.  For instance, in Mission: Impossible – Fallout, was that Paris I saw?  Yeah, yeah there are cars and motorcycles, but was that Paris?  Did you see the stone?  Did you see the color of the stone on the buildings?  Is it like that all over Paris or only in certain parts?  Did you see how the color of the stone reflected the light?  Reflected the light from the sun?  How it complimented each other?  How the color of the leaves of the trees are of such a color it created a specific palette?  How magnificent!  Was it designed and engineered like that on purpose?  Wow!  How it created natural lighting before artificial lights were invented.  The rest of what I might have enjoyed has left my spirit.  Because I am no longer allowed to be a cinephile anymore.

Code Name: Praise.

Holding my driver’s license in my hand looking at the photo I remembered why I started myself on a path of my own life away from being a caregiver.  I had stopped smiling.  The photo was taken in 2010 and it is plain all over my face how difficult it was to take that photo.  The corners of my mouth barely moved at all.  I have been spotting people for decades.  I have been recognizing marks for decades.  It might surprise some people with my memory of how I am able to remember who was in the driver’s license office that day and who was there to watch me.  I am disinterested in sharing anymore.  I am just as disinterested in sharing wobbly chins.  They are surprised I didn’t give them the information in my head.  Wonder why that is?  I know the answer.  How many years has this been already?!

They placed a t-shirt with angel wings on a man’s back, then purposefully placed debris in the roadway knowing where I would drive and be on the road causing damage to my right wheels.  I am not able to afford to get it fixed.  Why would they do that to me?  Why would they do that to me at work?

Reach much?!  Living is dangerous.  Being alive is dangerous.  I have been chewing gum long before I bought a pair of shoes.

All these years for what?!

Before any of them showed up I had been electing presidents, giving my mother a better life than she could have had in a nursing home – I still remember the look on her face when I went to visit her not too long after I placed her in a nursing home crazed, detached, wandering inside her own mind for the exit, keeping animals safe and off the streets until they found a home, keeping people safe from harm without them knowing it.  No, before you ask I am not a super hero, nor do I pretend to be or think I am.  Aren’t paramedics, firemen, and every day people capable of great things?

Now, my life is reduced to buying a product because someone wore a shirt or said something before I was able to buy the product.  Because usually it is something I was going to purchase but had to wait for my paycheck or something.  I do not really have a choice if I go to a grocery store, then they start talking over the loudspeaker using the music to control my purchases.  It is the equivalent of completing a Ph D. only to be made to repeat kindergarten every day, then asked to pretend that you are happy.

Note the lack of creative food writing, writing, and stories as very serious.  A very serious problem.

I wrote about a fruit – Code name: Praise.

Every day I am still alive you should consider yourself lucky.  I am so aggrieved.

Code name: Praise

It never has been nor ever will be quick way only.  This has never been me nor ever will be me.  Quick is where mistakes happen.  Quick is not where artwork that is chosen happens.

Quick is just a teacher not an educator.

No, FSU I am not interested, I haven’t been for decades.  No, I am not choosing a mission nor have I ever.  Why would I.  If you hadn’t noticed my drive thinking and talking in my head will not change.

I am beyond willingness.

Wonder why that is?!  Look at my hair.  Look at my face.  Look at the size and shape of my body.  Why would I want or choose anymore of that or this life.

What has been the point of all these years?!

This is not a life I want.

I’m done.

Cruise is the name not the product.  Stop turning it the wrong way around.