February 7, 2019: READ: There Is No Love Here

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February 7, 2019

I simply cannot continue this charade and lie.  It is not true this 1, 2, 3.  It’s not true.  It is a lie.  It includes that terrible short man for whom I cannot say anything good about him.  I cannot do it.  I cannot pretend.  I am real.

I loved David.  He did it for money.  He continued to call me and stalk me only to make me believe he had feelings for me when there were none.  He did it for money.  I was sincere he was not.  It has been more than proven to me.  I cannot recover from this deceit.  He did it for money.  He does it for money.  There is no love in that.

I would rather be dead than continuing living a life without real love.

 

 

February 6, 2019: READ: I HATE THAT JOB!

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February 6, 2019

Wow!  How about you people stop using me to write stories – AUTHOR – IZED.

Wow!  Tally the votes of what underwear I wear, what shirt I wear, what food I eat, what make-up I wear, and worst of all FINGERS – I HATE THAT JOB!  I-Tally, Italy, I-Taly.

Wow!  I will never love David again!  I will never love David(s) again!  That includes Edison and the FBI guy!  Wow!  I don’t think it was a smart idea to place death threats on the FBI and its government agencies!  However, I will never love him!  I will never love David again!  Go home to your wife and put your black hands there!  Wow!  Black hands!  I will not be protecting you!  Black hands because you want me to be a fan of my mother’s death and murder?!  Go to hell!  Stay away from me!  I do not have an option as to my parking, make no mistake there is no love for you anymore!

Wow, David who never found me sexually attractive!  Wow, David, or whoever this is that never believes I am good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough!  Wow, David who only did it for the money!  He was paid to call me, paid to play a part, paid to call me!  All David cares about is money and looks!  I will never love David again!

You want me to write the story about how Medieval Times got me to Dachau, how I helped create a map?  Go to hell!  What would be the reason why I should continue anything at all?!  You want me to tell you how many people I helped capture by seeing them in Los Angeles at a Mexican restaurant?!  You want me to tell you about my sixteenth birthday?  I am too mad, sad, angry, hurt, upset, and so very, very unhappy!

There is someone or a company or organization that has an insurance policy on me, someone gets money when I die, and it does not look like my brother.  It looks like they will be getting money soon!  I have no plans for the future.  I would rather die than continue living this life, that horrible job!

Wow!  You think I am going to stop and write down the license number of the vehicle that is making me belch and puke?!  That is not who I am!

Wow!  I had to hit my hand while driving to work tonight to try and recover the sensation in my hand!  I had no feeling in my hand for hours while working!  It’s abuse!  They are still doing it!  I WANT THEM TO STOP!

I read people as classical literature!  The fantasy and science fiction reader of books is my brother, not me!  Classical literature!  It is a world of difference!

You stupid woman took me, who was seen by several people because I’ve seen it from them, from their perspective, as the Daughter of the President and put me in an abusive relationship – to train me?!  An abusive relationship and exposed me to drugs – to TRAIN ME as a cop?!  I was catching terrorists, planning maps, spotting people!!  It’s is such a huge difference!

My mother was seen as the President.  Whatever my mother did it was before she was married and it was so good with such good intel and capture, most likely, that she was given the Presidency as communication, and you killed her and had her killed!  Wow!  I hate that job!

Publish the names of every person who has used virtual reality that I never agreed to or have ever given consent to!  EVER!  Publish and name every person and every time it occurred!  There are celebrities and actors getting killed!  Publish their names!  No more secrets.  Knowledge is power!

I unscrewed that light bulb for a reason James Franco it is getting pretty bad.  I would suggest you make a public declaration about what you knew before this all started.  Because you are James Moriarty to someone(s).  Unless you have no problem with death threats and possibly getting killed for it.

Someone wants me to believe they planned my surgery as revenge.  As a way to listen to my thoughts while I was having sex.  It’s nonsense.  The tooth was there before the surgery, there is no reason for it whatsoever!  There were cameras in my home!  Based on what behavior?!  None!

They obviously mistranslated a lot of my facial responses.  It is possible to think about someone else while responding to spoken words.

Miserable!  Sad!  Unhappy!  I HATE THAT JOB!  SOMEONE APPROVE ME TO GET ANOTHER JOB SOMEPLACE ELSE WHERE NO ONE IS SPEAKING IN THEIR EARS!  SINCE I WAS A TEENAGER!

I WAS MEANT TO BE MARRIED, I SEE IT!  I WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO LIVE A LIFE OF ISOLATION!  YOU WERE WRONG!

I HAVE NO PLANS FOR THE FUTURE!  I AM DONE!  I PLAN ON KILLING MYSELF BECAUSE I HATE IT SO MUCH!  YOU PEOPLE ARE NEVE GOING TO END THIS UNTIL I DIE!  SO, I AM ABLE TO END IT ON MY OWN!

MOST IMPORTANTLY I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS OR THIS LIFE!

I HATE THAT JOB!

February 4, 2019: READ: EMERGENCY EXIT!

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February 4, 2019

Over a goddamn fucking door!  Fuck you!  Fuck you people!  Over a fucking door!  Wow, I hate that job!  I hate that lousy fucking job!

Fuck you people!  Blow up the whole goddamn world!  What the fuck do I care?!  I am better off dead!  You tell me so every day I go to work!  Every day I wake up to this lousy, miserable life because I AM NOT ALLOWED TO BE A REAL PERSON!  FUCK YOU PEOPLE I AM BETTER OFF DEAD!

JUST KILL ME INSTEAD!

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SPECTRUM MOBIL PHONE?!

Coke Zero and orange juice in a wine glass, you people should all be very worried!

Contacts and glasses because it DIDN’T HAPPEN!

I HATE THAT JOB!

February 3, 2019: READ: Sick Belly

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February 3, 2019

I feel compelled to write this before I get to work tonight.  As I had to turn back to my house while driving to work today.  I thought I was going to puke on the side of the road.  Perhaps people thought it would be funny.  It looks like people thought it is a literal copy of Dumb and Dumber.  I would really like it if people would start thinking for themselves instead.

To me Colorado started a problem.  My mother had allergies in Colorado.  Hay fever she said.  What I see when I look at it is people went out of their way to make her sick and miserable.  Sniffling all the time.  Congested.  Unable to breathe.  She was miserable there.  She had no desire to return to Colorado.

When I worked at the call center at Disney, there was a Nicole, stage name Fallon, who worked on my team.  When I had a good day of selling – Read, selling – thinking I had made a good amount of money, she and her numbers were 10, 20, 30, 40 thousand dollars more than me.  It just never looked good to me, looked right, looked Kosher, it was not possible.  It made it appear that calls that were going to book vacations were sent to her alone.  She was never written up for numbers, she never had to worry, she won every award they had.  It was not jealousy from me, it just didn’t look good.  She talked to me about her husband who had no sense of smell.  That she wore yoga pants around her house, odd conversations from her.  Yoga could be India.

When I lived in Oregon, I got Bronchitis at least three times every year.  I thought it was from the weather conditions in Oregon; however, if does not look that way now.  Farrell’s ice cream, Ampicillin, Amp, I had a reaction where I could not breathe.  Anymore it looks now that there were people, most likely subversives, working on ways to create health problems, therefore creating the perfect murder weapon.  A stroke being a murder, a heart attack being a murder, and so on.  I got sick in Germany also, similar conditions to Bronchitis.

Tired, and sick.

February 3, 2019: READ: FBI Building

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February 3, 2019

Is that really an FBI Building I see in Downtown Tampa, or another office?  What I see, wow, you people think I might enjoy writing this, but I don’t.  It is the whole building.  The whole building is lit up for me.  Wires.  I see wires everywhere.  Devices like phones.  Lit up for sound.  It is the best why I can describe it.  There are several buildings, if you saw the map, I made tonight that just – PROBLEMS, sounds, bad people.

I have gotten this for years, people unable to understand my music choices.  Because I am so obviously a choir girl, a prim and proper girl above the slut of the streets, however, I have had such a need to get it out of me.  The reason I took to the racquetball court with my tennis balls and tennis racquet playing until I puked when we lived in Oldsmar.  For those who still cannot comprehend; to be able to keep it calm and centered requires – A LOT.

My brother, I appreciate the energy; however, if I am honest, he is better suited for a more, is it analytical?  Or, removed from the rush of the capture scene.

How is father, brother of mine?  I am no longer allowed to know about my dad since they created these false health scenarios for actors in disguises to play in documentaries.

Universal Studios in California, I was only thirteen, I am sure it was a famous actor that I took a photo with.  He had a mask on his face, yet, my whole person was different almost immediately.  I tried to take his mask off.  Was he the same man in San Fran in 2014?

How I enjoyed San Francisco in 2014 just walking the city, what’s this, what’s this?  A big city, yet still able to be a neighborhood.  Did something really good happen?  Is that why Roy took off in a cab in the afternoon by the ice rink?!

I wondered why he worked so hard to age himself, to place dirt and age in the creases tonight.

I am still thinking.  He had been very prepped.  So, I see the need, still thinking, nonetheless.

How kind of them to place empty Papa John’s pizza boxes in front of my house tonight with the lingering of room-temperature, once warmed cheese, and pepperoni smell.  That is sarcasm.

Equalizer – liez, lies, raq, rack, EU.  The European Union rack or busts lies.

Broome – room, to be a room, work a room, EB – E, a comb like in The Rescuers, Capital B, my straight back and what’s in front of my back?

I am going to refute the White House claim in connection to that Hampton Inn, Disney and White House is closer since it is Hilton that misunderstood my importance at their business.

February 2, 2019: READ: Better Off Dead

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February 2, 2019

What happens when I die?!  Who gets money?!  Someone has been plotting to get money when I die.

You should have been surrounding me with hundreds of attractive, single men!  Men for me to flirt with, talk to, date!  Men!

You should all be afraid for your lives.  I am better off dead than working for any of you.

February 2, 2019: READ

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February 2, 2019

What the fuck happened?!  Why is it so tense outside?!  Just because of the movie?!

You people act like none of this actually HAPPENED TO ME!  IT HAPPENED TO ME!  IT DIDN’T HAPPEN TO YOU!  IT HAPPENED TO ME!

All I did was go to work everyday only to discover recently, they had not only been working me at an agency level it looks like one of our own hit my mother, repeatedly.  My mother who probably had been an asset and didn’t really know it since before she was married.

WTF happened?!

Yes, it does look as though my work was so significant it could not go unnoticed.  Jesus Christ, you have my name – EVERYWHERE!  I AM TALKING ABOUT STRATEGY, SPECIFICALLY!  I would say you should have recruited me and given me clearance instead.  What eighth grader grabs a seventh-grade boy’s arm, flips him over her back, landing him on the other side of me – unharmed.  What would that say to a agency man?

Do you understand they’ve bid on me as property?!  The surgery, the dental implants.  This happens to an American citizen!  BID!

Yeah, they cloud cover over the Pacific Ocean, the one further out, not the one closest to shore, looks good.

Now, I am going to go back to bed!  You fucking assholes have made me so fucking sick!  What the fuck is wrong with you!  Who the fuck delivers contaminated food to a government employee!  FUCKING FIRE THEIR GODDAMN FUCKING ASS RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!

BID!

February 2, 2019: READ: Daughter Of The President

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February 2, 2019

Man, I don’t feel good.  I am sick beyond belief.  I am so very sad.  I am so very hurt.  I am so very depressed living in these four walls.

Wow, I’m sorry you got your feelings hurt.  I’m sorry you people got your feelings hurt.  Have you spent the last more than thirty years unable to meet people, have sexual relationships with people you find attractive, have family, have a life?  I haven’t.  The message simply wasn’t meant for you.

Of course, the message and messages were meant for all to enjoy.  Yet, there are many, many messages that have a very specific audience, being me.  Again, the very fact that I have not allowed myself the self-satisfaction of such an honor only proves several if not many persons were correct in their belief in me.

This is so very disappointing to me that I must do this thinking for people and others rather than having them think this through themselves.

I will remind you I was the peacekeeper in my family.  I’ve written this more than once.  It is possible that strife could have been created between my mother and my father to watch, see, listen, and understand both Creggan’s and myself in how we handled ourselves and our reactions.

My parents no longer loved each other.  They deserved to have love.  They should have been allowed to divorce.  I wore my mother’s wedding ring on purpose while washing my car that is seen by many as a representation of the President and White House.  Do any of you really think this 1, 2, 3 years, these teacher years have had anything to do with entertainment?  I don’t.  There have been subversives at work, employed by our government attempting to destroy me to get to the White House.

I defeated them by saying no.  I defeated them by saying no.  What you have done to my body has allowed people to take that work away.

The wrong message that was sent while I was in the kitchen of the home I was staying in California?  Drugs.  They sell drugs on the corner, that is what she said to me.  Well, I wanted nothing to do with that.  However, it turns out she brought me back to Florida to try and get me to work with them busting drug dealers.  It is the equivalent of sending a PhD to preschool after they have graduated and received Presidential honors.  The PhD. in this instance is in fact, me.  Not my brother.

Do you know when I worked at Visionworks they tried to get me to go work in a strip club as a dancer?  The notion was ridiculous to me, I already have a job.  Me, in a strip club dancing?!  It is so blaringly obvious that is not who I am.  These, by the way, the people who thought this through were lesbians cops, mostly.  Do you know if any of their informants, or work assignments found out that – THAT – is how they were working me and trying to use me would and could have done in response?!  I’m talking about Russian mobsters who ran or owned the clubs, the people above the ones these cops, or Feds could have been working?!

It would appear to them that the cops and Feds were incompetent.  They could have gone out of their way to ruin their work simply because they wanted to use me, as a for instance, as a strip club dancer.  Would you ever see the daughter of a United States President working as a strip club dancer?  You don’t send the daughter of the President to a strip club.  You don’t send lesbians to take the daughter of the President to a strip club.  You people had no idea what you were doing.  You people should be worried for your lives.

The box at the gate out front does not work with my phone.  It does not mean I am not the code breaker.  Press 9#.  It doesn’t work.  I spoke the truth.  I cannot help you.  It doesn’t work.  Why they installed a remote gate system here, I have no idea.  It doesn’t work.  No, I am not going to step out of my house to open the gate.  You will bring it to me.

I hear this out there, people are so happy that it will appear I am devastated because David Wolfe never found me sexually attractive.  I am nearly fifty years old.  I have spent nearly all of my sexual years denied men I find attractive and denied male relationships.  More than thirty years I have been denied men and male companionship, and people are happy that David – whoever this person really is – never found me sexually attractive.  Wow.  That says more about them than me.

Then, they want me to believe that the FBI man never found me sexually attractive.  Wow.  You people are sick.

If you are a subversive working in our US government and you receive intel and the messages are connected to the White House and my family, you keep seeing messages to my family, to the White House, you will do anything in your power to destroy us.  Like killing my mother, taking sex away from me, not allowing me to have children of my own.

Again, this is disappointing I must do this thinking for people.  If you thought it was a literal a sexual lifestyle for Sherlock, and the Sherlocks who do this type of work, you’d be wrong.  As I see it from the writer’s perspective, it is storytelling.  It is important to show Sherlock is not married or has a relationship because that actually happens.  Do police men and women wear wedding rings, or bring their husbands, wives, and spouse to work with them?  No.  They do not invite their personal life to be seen by criminals.  To protect them and their private life.  Think it through.

This is a bit sophisticated for me to completely believe.  If Jim Brady was shot as the real target and not President Regan it would then mean it was a message that the Secret Service was vulnerable.  It could then be seen as a reason they attacked my brother.  They could have also misinterpreted a message also.

The casting of the actress in The Journey of Natty Gann, as to her upper lip specifically, I have always found odd.  An odd choice.  To me, it just looks like plastic surgery.  Not that the actress had plastic surgery.  The idea that plastic surgery was going to be big in future years.  To me, it looks like nothing more than a conversation.  That’s all.  No secret hidden message or code, just a conversation.  A conversation for me.

Tefiti in Moana is my mother, before she us children in the 60’s.  Honestly, the demands upon my time, the health problems you deliver to me, the emotional and mental strain this life has placed upon me, I have not been able to really brain-think it all and write about it.  It is all I can do to not think I would be better off dead, most of the time I don’t make it.

If you thought you could study my movements, my clothing choices, and then figure out the intel, you obviously cannot and are inept.  You should have brought me in and employed me, but now I am nearly fifty years old.  Your thinking here is messed up.

I was in a parade as a child in California, I twirled a baton.  I was supposed to receive an award.  Years later after we had moved to Oregon while vacationing in California, my mother took me to the studio where I would have been connected to baton twirling and demanded I receive my award.  There is something much bigger there as to why she did that.  It was of no importance to me.  However, it looks as though she wanted to make sure I was acknowledged.

I played a death scene in high school in Oregon, sprawling myself out on the choir steps.  The teacher started to tell me how bad my acting was when another student stood up for me and started either a real or pretend fight about it.

When my mother was in her car accident here in Florida, my father was so enraged with the lawyer, he wrote him a letter.  The lawyer quit because of it.  It says a lot about my father to get so angry at the handling of the court case.  I was reading the book, Princess Bride while my family went through the trial.

What would this image have done in all these years, me surrounded by big, tall, buff military men in uniform.  Did you want to do business with the United States?  Then you have to deal with her.  Her, being me.  What did you say?  Those men won’t deal with a woman?  Really?  With a woman who looks like me?  Really?  Cut them off then.  Cut them off and tell them unless they want to do business with me and talk to me as the representative of the United States, they get nothing.  We are more powerful and important than that thinking.  The United States and the United States government is more important and powerful than allowing a government in guise of religion to dictate terms.

No, I am not helping a robotic contact lens.

If you want to be really frightened.  The real truth.  The real work is not done in the rooms with computer screens, monitors, people in suits, working frantically, yelling orders.  The real work is done by an older woman, in a quiet house away from the view of neighbors, giving kill orders.

It makes it appear that there is a serial killer amongst the entertainment industry.  It makes it appear as though there is a serial killer who would be the head of a production company.  There are too many murders and killings to be otherwise.

That would be my mother in reference in Skyfall.  The man dying from poison, the one with the camera in his home with a black bird in the home.  The man dying from poison with the phone in his hand looks to me as though they poisoned my mother when I took an unscheduled break just because he didn’t want to wait.  It is more than poor manners.  It is the reason Javier Bardem was cast being Spanish from Spain.  I suggest the Spanish government go out of its way to cooperate and turn people over as the originator obviously is not from Spain.  I want this dealt with.

If you ever heard the code POD, and thought it was whale pods in reference to me you got it wrong.  Daughter Of President.  If you ever heard DOT, as in the ladybug Dot in A Bug’s Life, Daughter Of The, it is just code for me, connecting me to the White House.  It would just be how someone saw me, how I worked in their mind.  My brother would be seen differently.  We have different brains, that’s all.

If that stupid, little man is in any way responsible for allowing Russia and Russians access because of a t-shirt, I want him charged and jailed for Treason!

You don’t take the White and the Presidency and turn it into a gay marriage, and adoption!  You don’t do it!  TREASON!

I am going back to bed to deal with the atrocity you’ve placed in my stomach.  So very unhappy and disgusted.

Too sick to move basically.

I am nearly fifty years old.