Category: Uncategorized

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May 15, 2019

Someone want to explain to me what the fuck is going on around here?!

I believe in the numbers on my scale, and that is all I am concerned about at the moment.  I am not your fatted pig.  I am not your girlfriend, I am not engaged, I am not married, I am not exclusive to any man.

Someone wants the real Hannibal Lecter to stop working with me.  That is why they are adding extra calories to every product I own.

Weighed the third one down from the movie, Silence of The Lambs tells me a man entered – illegally – our home and added pounds to my soap or other products I would use in my shower to make me fat.  Just like they abused my brother by balding him.

I am not actually telling you people anything in the clothing that I am wearing.  I am actually just wearing the clothes that I have, and I am going back to the person I was before Edison ever existed in a skin suit.  I am done with wearing the bracelets unless I feel it goes with an outfit I am wearing.  I am really sick of your fatted calf people laying fat on me just to make yourselves feel better.

I told you that girl who had been raped who has been seen in the Amazon building is not doing well.  She needs to be on a diet, and her head is not in a good place.  I will not allow her to look to me for protection or guidance, she needs someone else.  I am not it for her.

I have no idea why you have some woman over here who looks like she used to work for a private investigator agency walking a dog.

No, you really cannot replace my dead mother in my mind with any woman, or man.

No, I will never love David again.  You people made sure of that.  I am looking at you and I don’t want to see you, from Sherlock, that’s me looking at David being driven past my house while I was doing yardwork, and that was a correct read of my reaction to seeing him.  I didn’t want to see him anymore.  I didn’t want him calling me at work, I didn’t want to be his friend anymore.  That changed when I read something in a book and had a moment – that moment is gone for good.  David has never, in all the time I’ve known him, done well by me, he has always done nothing but go out of his way to hurt me and my feelings.  And, he has done it for nothing more than money and a paycheck!  Guess what?  That will never make me gay or want to be around women instead, you people are stupid.

No, the real Hannibal Lecter, I do not care if you are sorry anymore.

No, I am really not interested in proxies of the real President.  Nor, am I following any of them.

I have already written this more than once, after Edison, I told my brother in this home before the cameras were covered up, and I knew he and others would hear this information, I would rather have been beaten within an inch of my life and left in the street for dead than to ever have had that experience with Edison.  That will never make me gay or want a lesbian lifestyle ever – DUH!

All it did was ruin every last bit of feeling I had for David.  It is probably the cruelest thing a man could ever do.  Worse than having an affair or cheating on me if we were a couple.

If anyone thought it would be a way to get me and David together, talking, you couldn’t be anymore WRONG!  It is really not that difficult to see that was not the objective.

I have no idea what is going on with my scale and why it is ever increasing.  I am on a diet.  I am not ever going back to the fat person I was in Plant City because that was NEVER who I was before.  That was the reason I bought cigarettes at Publix.  All it tells me, these escalating numbers on the scale is that I am never going back to work.

No, I am not really interested in only having my groceries at one specific time, that is that stupid black woman teacher training, and I am NOT DOING IT ANYMORE!

I have stopped reading news from agencies because it is MY LIFE, NOT YOURS!  AND I CHOOSE AND DECIDE HOW I FEEL!

You want me to believe that my brother must be under the real Hannibal Lecter’s protection.  I don’t believe it.  I don’t believe in him.  I believe in me and myself if I am the only person to believe.

I have already written about this more than once, I spent of my own personal money close to $30,000 over the years at my former home.  I was investing it, it is how I looked at it, I was investing it for my brother because my brother always told me he was going to retire in Florida.  So, I didn’t mind the expense and debt because my brother would have a home for the rest of his life.  Then, all of a sudden, he is not interested in staying in that home?  Because of what?  Some stupid documentary?!

No, I am really not interested in having you people parade in front of me and me reacting to any of you at ALL!  THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING IN THE WORLD!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  IT IS STUPID!

No, I really am not interested in any sort of competition or figuring out any sort of “problems” with anything I purchase, you can all go to hell!  I am done with you!  I am done with all of you!  I am done!  You are no teacher to me, not any of you!  Fuck you!  You can all got to hell!

I am really not interested anymore in deciphering everything in the movies that I see either!  I am done!  I am 47 years old and I have never in my life ever been loved!  Fuck you people!  Kiss your prison ministry good-bye, I am not helping you or any of you anymore.

I will be living my life without any of you!  I am not watching you or anyone – I never was!

Yeah, I am really, really angry at the real Hannibal Lecter.  Go fuck yourselves, all of you!

Jesus Christ!  Take it into context!  I have been deprived of male relationships, companionships, and the very existence of men in my life, nearly all of my life, most recently since 2012.  Of course, I am going to give a man a blow job in my mind, or think about kissing men, or imagine their body, and skin, and how they will feel against me.  I happen to think the penis is a glorious creation God created.  I happen to love the penis, and heterosexual sex.  Fuck you people!  You people are sick!

Guess what?!  Not one single man – you people are so fucking sick for this virtual reality television show – in all the years has ever tried to make me feel they actually loved or cared about me, it was nothing more than a quickie or sex to any of them.  Wow.  Doesn’t make me gay, all it does it not love any of them.  I don’t care if you are sorry, the real Hannibal Lecter.  Read the above.  I am really angry with you.

Up Close & Personal, this movie, Reno is code for No, ER, No emergency room, no dog bite.  Miami is code for, I’m MIA, this makes it look as though Cherith helped in rescuing persons who were Missing In Action.

The focus group is about my mother, I believe she really had that job in the mall where they get people together talking about products, and no my mother had nothing she had to learn.  If anything, she needed to understand she was helping intelligence and was not fully aware of the consequences of that.

Who would want to help intelligence and intelligence men now?  All it has taught me is that it will get you killed, slowly over decades, and you will never in your life have the opportunity to be loved – EVER.  Why would I or any person want to help intelligence persons?  Either the FBI, CIA, or any other agency?  Why would I?!  All I have been taught is to never allow them near you – EVER!

Sally Atwater, this is code for Saul from The Journey of Natty Gann.  Tally Atwater, Tally the votes, it is a White House connection.  Atwater, Ta, thank you water, thank you Cherith for what you’ve done, perhaps that was the intention.

I really did see vultures, several of them, on the roof of the church that was used as a polling place.  The vultures would have been meant as a death threat to the Presidency to be used at another time.  Not that anyone around here actually cares, is actually sorry.  If they cared, if they were sorry, they wouldn’t manipulate the scales against me!

FUCK YOU PEOPLE!

DON’T HELP ANY INTELLIGENCE PERSONS – EVER!  THAT’S WHAT I’VE LEARNED!

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

 

May 15, 2019

Someone want to explain to me what the fuck is going on around here?!

I believe in the numbers on my scale, and that is all I am concerned about at the moment.  I am not your fatted pig.  I am not your girlfriend, I am not engaged, I am not married, I am not exclusive to any man.

Someone wants the real Hannibal Lecter to stop working with me.  That is why they are adding extra calories to every product I own.

Weighed the third one down from the movie, Silence of The Lambs tells me a man entered – illegally – our home and added pounds to my soap or other products I would use in my shower to make me fat.  Just like they abused my brother by balding him.

I am not actually telling you people anything in the clothing that I am wearing.  I am actually just wearing the clothes that I have, and I am going back to the person I was before Edison ever existed in a skin suit.  I am done with wearing the bracelets unless I feel it goes with an outfit I am wearing.  I am really sick of your fatted calf people laying fat on me just to make yourselves feel better.

I told you that girl who had been raped who has been seen in the Amazon building is not doing well.  She needs to be on a diet, and her head is not in a good place.  I will not allow her to look to me for protection or guidance, she needs someone else.  I am not it for her.

I have no idea why you have some woman over here who looks like she used to work for a private investigator agency walking a dog.

No, you really cannot replace my dead mother in my mind with any woman, or man.

No, I will never love David again.  You people made sure of that.  I am looking at you and I don’t want to see you, from Sherlock, that’s me looking at David being driven past my house while I was doing yardwork, and that was a correct read of my reaction to seeing him.  I didn’t want to see him anymore.  I didn’t want him calling me at work, I didn’t want to be his friend anymore.  That changed when I read something in a book and had a moment – that moment is gone for good.  David has never, in all the time I’ve known him, done well by me, he has always done nothing but go out of his way to hurt me and my feelings.  And, he has done it for nothing more than money and a paycheck!  Guess what?  That will never make me gay or want to be around women instead, you people are stupid.

No, the real Hannibal Lecter, I do not care if you are sorry anymore.

No, I am really not interested in proxies of the real President.  Nor, am I following any of them.

I have already written this more than once, after Edison, I told my brother in this home before the cameras were covered up, and I knew he and others would hear this information, I would rather have been beaten within an inch of my life and left in the street for dead than to ever have had that experience with Edison.  That will never make me gay or want a lesbian lifestyle ever – DUH!

All it did was ruin every last bit of feeling I had for David.  It is probably the cruelest thing a man could ever do.  Worse than having an affair or cheating on me if we were a couple.

If anyone thought it would be a way to get me and David together, talking, you couldn’t be anymore WRONG!  It is really not that difficult to see that was not the objective.

I have no idea what is going on with my scale and why it is ever increasing.  I am on a diet.  I am not ever going back to the fat person I was in Plant City because that was NEVER who I was before.  That was the reason I bought cigarettes at Publix.  All it tells me, these escalating numbers on the scale is that I am never going back to work.

No, I am not really interested in only having my groceries at one specific time, that is that stupid black woman teacher training, and I am NOT DOING IT ANYMORE!

I have stopped reading news from agencies because it is MY LIFE, NOT YOURS!  AND I CHOOSE AND DECIDE HOW I FEEL!

You want me to believe that my brother must be under the real Hannibal Lecter’s protection.  I don’t believe it.  I don’t believe in him.  I believe in me and myself if I am the only person to believe.

I have already written about this more than once, I spent of my own personal money close to $30,000 over the years at my former home.  I was investing it, it is how I looked at it, I was investing it for my brother because my brother always told me he was going to retire in Florida.  So, I didn’t mind the expense and debt because my brother would have a home for the rest of his life.  Then, all of a sudden, he is not interested in staying in that home?  Because of what?  Some stupid documentary?!

No, I am really not interested in having you people parade in front of me and me reacting to any of you at ALL!  THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING IN THE WORLD!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  IT IS STUPID!

No, I really am not interested in any sort of competition or figuring out any sort of “problems” with anything I purchase, you can all go to hell!  I am done with you!  I am done with all of you!  I am done!  You are no teacher to me, not any of you!  Fuck you!  You can all got to hell!

I am really not interested anymore in deciphering everything in the movies that I see either!  I am done!  I am 47 years old and I have never in my life ever been loved!  Fuck you people!  Kiss your prison ministry good-bye, I am not helping you or any of you anymore.

I will be living my life without any of you!  I am not watching you or anyone – I never was!

Yeah, I am really, really angry at the real Hannibal Lecter.  Go fuck yourselves, all of you!

Jesus Christ!  Take it into context!  I have been deprived of male relationships, companionships, and the very existence of men in my life, nearly all of my life, most recently since 2012.  Of course, I am going to give a man a blow job in my mind, or think about kissing men, or imagine their body, and skin, and how they will feel against me.  I happen to think the penis is a glorious creation God created.  I happen to love the penis, and heterosexual sex.  Fuck you people!  You people are sick!

Guess what?!  Not one single man – you people are so fucking sick for this virtual reality television show – in all the years has ever tried to make me feel they actually loved or cared about me, it was nothing more than a quickie or sex to any of them.  Wow.  Doesn’t make me gay, all it does it not love any of them.  I don’t care if you are sorry, the real Hannibal Lecter.  Read the above.  I am really angry with you.

Up Close & Personal, this movie, Reno is code for No, ER, No emergency room, no dog bite.  Miami is code for, I’m MIA, this makes it look as though Cherith helped in rescuing persons who were Missing In Action.

The focus group is about my mother, I believe she really had that job in the mall where they get people together talking about products, and no my mother had nothing she had to learn.  If anything, she needed to understand she was helping intelligence and was not fully aware of the consequences of that.

Who would want to help intelligence and intelligence men now?  All it has taught me is that it will get you killed, slowly over decades, and you will never in your life have the opportunity to be loved – EVER.  Why would I or any person want to help intelligence persons?  Either the FBI, CIA, or any other agency?  Why would I?!  All I have been taught is to never allow them near you – EVER!

Sally Atwater, this is code for Saul from The Journey of Natty Gann.  Tally Atwater, Tally the votes, it is a White House connection.  Atwater, Ta, thank you water, thank you Cherith for what you’ve done, perhaps that was the intention.

I really did see vultures, several of them, on the roof of the church that was used as a polling place.  The vultures would have been meant as a death threat to the Presidency to be used at another time.  Not that anyone around here actually cares, is actually sorry.  If they cared, if they were sorry, they wouldn’t manipulate the scales against me!

FUCK YOU PEOPLE!

DON’T HELP ANY INTELLIGENCE PERSONS – EVER!  THAT’S WHAT I’VE LEARNED!

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

 

May 14, 2019

My Thursday, my Thursday cat loved to be in the garage, in my former home, the garage, was more of a home office with a television, it had vinyl flooring, built-in cabinets and counter, a built-in closet, built-in storage for tools, shelving, it was more of an office than a garage because no cars were parked in there, there was a wall in front of the garage door, and Thursday loved it there.  Thursday loved the welcome mat I have in my garage, he used to roll around and around, scratching and brushing his fur on the welcome mat.  He used to sleep there, he used to ask me to keep the door open from the garage to the house, so he could be in the garage and sleep there.  It was also a place where he could find his friends, the tree frogs.

It should have been a warning sign.  It should have been a really big warning sign in 2014 when I started giving away every possession I had.  My hope chest, I gave away, my hope chest that I had since I was a child, I gave away along with numerous furniture including my headboard, articles of clothing, I gave away nearly all of my clothes and I did not have much clothing to begin with since changing in size.  Numerous beauty products, I left clothing in hotel rooms when I drove to the West coast, I threw away jackets and other clothing along the way – IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A VERY BIG WARNING TO EVERYONE INVOLVED SOMETHING WAS VERY SERIOUSLY WRONG – and no one listened.

There are a lot of reasons why a vet after having served military service does things that perhaps he might not have done before he served his country.  This man who was a lookout for some of the murders, from the movie The Lovely Bones, looks to me as though he served in the seventies.  Veteran’s health care – hopefully – has changed since then.  He would have been upset that he was not seen or recognized and that has nothing to do with praise or recognition, awards or honors, it has to do with going to services, such as, veteran’s medical facilities and not being treated as a human being, an individual, or a person.

This man looks depressed, probably chronically depressed, and mentally unstable, not that he was unable to care for himself, get to appointments on time and so forth, mentally unstable.  He would have been able to hide himself enough to be able to feel he had fooled the veteran’s health services.  He wanted them to find him.  Like a criminal will always leave a tell or a clue because they want to be found and caught, he would have said things and done things as a way of asking people for – help.  Let that be a lesson for everyone.

Sometimes that is a way of asking for help.  Sometimes it is not always appropriate to do for others, they must do for themselves, but sometimes, decent, honest people, such as a man who has served his country have no other way of asking for help.  He needed counseling, he needed to be ordered as a part of his health-check to a group-session of other vets who have served.  He needed to see it in other people, as they talked, he needed to see himself in other people.

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

 

May 13, 2019

The profile picture I’ve seen of Sheriff Alex does look like the psycho cop who handled me in so much as he created a scenario that would have made me to go the Largo Police department in Largo, Florida, giving me over to a serial killer to kill me and my then fiancé.

Also, be careful of the profile picture of Tammy Duckworth, my maternal grandfather was killed while I was working at Dillard’s, I didn’t believe I should ask for the time off for his funeral.  Also, true, I didn’t believe I could get the time off to go on the cruise to South America with my mother and brother because of the job I had at the time.

Does he actually think I am the same girl he knew me as in Oregon?  Within?  Only he understands me better now?

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

 

May 13, 2019

Film appreciation.  I told my brother while I was my mother’s caregiver that I wanted to start a blog about film appreciation.  Not a critique, an appreciation of films.  I appreciate, I do not tear down, and say this was bad, I didn’t like this, I wanted to write about – what I saw in films.  I saw in my brother; he had no idea what I was talking about.

Is tonight a danger night from Sherlock?  Well then, I never am, from Sherlock, that is my real brother.  Not really sure, about danger.  The danger would not be drugs, the danger would be actual threats and danger.  It’s a brain-thing.  It’s not that difficult.

The character Skip from the movie Dead Presidents is actually meant to protect the actor who portrays Skip.  If anyone is able to follow what I have already written about the Vietnam war, other movies, and Jesus Christ.

This here is your living, Sherlock, from Sherlock, about John Watson blogging about the crimes is meant to be for me.  Reading and writing are not always, reading and writing.

If anyone wants to know this is what I saw when I read:

Rev. Dr. Colin Brown this profile news story looks like a murder of a prison minister that happened in the sixties.  I got it.  Do you want it solved?  They have assembled a working group from what I’ve seen.  This was my only advice, I would say you need a person that when they walk down the row the prisoners take notice, stop and look, and don’t just ask their second to tell them what it looks like.  I would say you need someone that commands the attention.  If you want an example, like the attention I command from the real Hannibal Lecter.  It has to be real or it doesn’t read the way that will garner the respect you need.

Arnie Wishnick this profile news story looks like the real prison warden that is portrayed in the movie The Silence of The Lambs – who looked to me like he was in a little trouble – wants me to work a cold case.

Did you want male ministers in male prisons where the men need help, guidance, to learn of God’s love, peace that passes all understanding, to learn of redemption, and the importance of God’s creation?  Something started that has real hope of being something powerful and important for many years – as I see it now – and it has to do with men in ministry in prisons.

This seems unreal.  Did Brian Wilson truly pass away?  Has he really died, or is this something else?

Did that 2-bit hustler actually get put away longer?  Did they actually press charges on him because of what he has done to my hair, or is this also just misdirecting, and misdirection?

Served – elbow – black-long-sleeved shirt, this makes it appear as though this prisoner got my phone number and information all the way back in 2016.  This makes it appear as though he had access to a lot of personal information including my cats, Tuesday and Thursday.

I am finding a lot of news stories difficult to believe.  I am finding a lot of things difficult to believe anymore.  This has been a long time.  Misdirection, and misdirecting too often and for too long make it difficult to believe people are sincere and real.  For instance, giving me a timeline of this recorded televised life will be over in one or two years, that was in 2014 before I drove to the West coast.

It is just not possible to relive past events as though they are the present, to be documented that they are the present, they are not.  The past is the past.  Often times how you feel, see, and like about the past, changes.  What remains certain is the truth and facts, they do not diminish with time.

I still miss Tuesday and Thursday.

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

 

May 11, 2019

I am reeling.  If anyone had wondered.  I am reeling at the moment.  There is no other way to describe how I am feeling.  Did you want the Vietnam War to go on forever?  Did you want a resolution to the Vietnam conflict?  Or, did you want it to end?  I am reeling from this information.

I don’t know how else to explain it.  I helped with the resolution to the Vietnam War and conflict as a child.  Who would believe such a thing?  Yet, there it is, for me in a movie.  While watching the movie Dead Presidents, there I am in my living room in Simi Valley, California, with company, in my be married dress, my nightgown, giving information to intelligence men about how to get our troops home, and end the Vietnam War.

It means I would know locations that would be classified information, that has never been released to the public for the public’s knowledge, but I would know it.  I would still remember it.  They asked a question of me, at least one man asked it of me, and I showed them, as a child, how to do it.

This journey will it ever end, this song lyric from The Rescuers, to me it says, peace, will we ever have peace in the world?  One reason would be the Vietnam War, tell ‘nam stories from the movie Point Break, this means people had information like the Vietnam War when I was a teenager and adult, and did not understand what it meant or how it pertained to me.

They asked me a question and I told them an answer, brain-speaking.  If you thought I would be excited or elated or proud of myself, you’d be wrong.  It feels like a loss as great as the loss of my mother.  It feels as painful a loss not being able to work with these men, know these men, like they were my own family.  So, I am reeling from the loss, and the revelation that I brought about peace as a child by helping to end the Vietnam War.

I am a classical reader.  As a child, not yet old enough to read classical literature, I was a classical reader of people and intelligence.  It is a huge difference being able to give a classical read rather than an APB description of a suspect.  A classical read does not change, the appearance of a suspect can change, in an instant.  A suspect can put on a coat, or hat, change their hair, and then the “scan” of the individual no longer applies; however, if you look at an individual and see them for who they really are, that doesn’t change, not really.

I am just reeling from the information.  If no one believes me, I still know it is true.

He loves me, you know.  He loves me like he has never loved another woman before.  The real Hannibal Lecter loves me.

Jesus loves me, this I know.

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

 

May 9, 2019

Yes, I did have salmon dinner at the Radka’s when I lived in Oregon.  We sat at a dinner table, my family, and their family.  If you look at the dinner table in the movie Meet Joe Black, I was seated where Allison sat, Bill Parish sat where their father sat, their mother sat where Death sat, and I could see the back of my house from where I sat, our backyard, our back porch, our windows.

In my bedroom, I had a television as a pre-teen and teenager.  When President Reagan was shot, when the Space Shuttle with the first female teacher aboard was destroyed my television was on the wall opposite to the window, allowing anyone looking and spying through my window to see what I was watching on television.

Their daughter Shanda was my friend, her brother was a few years younger than her, is his name Chucky?  When your 8 or 9 years old, a few years in age is a big difference.  If you are nine years old, do you want to hang out with a five-year-old?  You don’t.  He will probably not like to read what I felt about him then, alarms went off in my head when I first met him.  Alarms, this boy was younger than me, and he was already gone.  What happened to him that allowed such a thing to happen?  Alarms.

Their father was a lighter-skinned African American man, tall; however, all I remember until I was in my twenties, was he was very tall, and had very curly hair.  I never remembered the color of his skin, I only remembered he had very curly hair.  True story.

It is most odd considering we had a picture of their family in our hallway in our Plant City home, I walked past it every day, I looked at it all the time.  I only understood that this man was not a white man like their mother, the daughter, and their son when my mother spoke about them somewhere around my early twenties.  Nothing unusual, just conversation, yet she mentioned his skin color and I couldn’t believe it.  I still can’t believe it.  I never remembered him that way.

Their father worked for an airline, was it Northwest?  The only explanation for my memory would be I saw past, Larry.  Their father’s name, is it Larry?  I saw past him and saw the man who lived down the street, he would be a white male.  It might not have been his mailing address, or residence, but he lived down the street from them.  He would have worked with their father at least for a few months.  In appearance, he would not be the same-looking man that worked with their father, and the man that lived down the street.

When their father, as we were all seated at the dining table said we were having salmon for dinner, when he said the word salmon, it was like hearing a flat note that did not go away, a sound like a key on an organ.  Someone holding a key down on an organ.  And, it sounded flat.  Not melodic, or musical – flat.

I must have made a face that would have looked as though I did not like fish, or salmon, and that was not what I was thinking about.  Most likely, there was not someone spying from another house through mini-blinded windows to watch the dinner.  Most likely, they would have placed cameras in the home and the occupants would not have been aware.

Their father leaned over me, for some reason while I was at the dining table, probably passing the food or something, and I remember, this is a really tall man.  When you are a small child something like a tall man leaning over you feels differently than as a grown adult.  I thought, wow, he’s really close, and wow, he’s really tall.  They would have been working me and using me without the occupants of the house knowing of other intentions, and that is okay.

I would have really liked this man that worked with him and lived down the street, I would have thought he was funny too.  As a small child, I was more comfortable having conversations with adults than children.  My mind, my brain, was that advanced, and adults saw me this way.  There was more than one man who lived down the street from them, they would have had men change, yet having the appearance that the same people were in the home.

When I first met Shanda, their daughter, I was standing at the edge of our vegetable garden and she was in her back yard.  It took me several times walking around our vegetable garden before I said anything to her.  It was my intention when I saw her to greet her, then as I got nearer to her, and I didn’t want to speak to her.  There were other people, probably talking out loud in, most likely, the house next to hers.  I wouldn’t be able to hear them as they were in a house, but I heard them because I stopped wanting to speak to her.  Most likely, they were working a case, or talking about possible leads, and so on.

They lived catty-corner from our backyard.  They did not live there very long.  When we moved to Plant City, Florida, my mother emailed or communicated somehow with their mother.  It was as an adult the information got to me that their daughter was a lesbian.  When they moved from their home catty-corner to ours, when they moved out of Gresham, I stayed over-night at their new home, and that was the last time I ever wanted to be her friend.

You should ask the son about the house or houses across the street from theirs after they moved from Gresham, across the street and at the corner, if you are looking out their front windows of their next home from Gresham, to the left, ask him about the home and their occupants, you will get something from it.

The house, her, whatever it was, I was no longer interested in maintaining a friendship with her.  I am a person that does not just allow every person to be my friend, nor do I allow every person to be a co-worker.  I believe every person is like that.  Otherwise, every person would be friends with every person.  Life and people do not work like that.

Their son emancipated himself from his parents and family when he was very young.  I had never heard of such a thing before.  Was he thirteen?  He was in juvenile jail a lot.  It looks like he has spent time in jail and prison.  Did he hurt that dog?  Did he torture that dog that lived next to me, Pinto?  Did he yell, poke things at him in his cage?

Did he come forward – it’s just a figure of speech people, get over yourselves – just because of what I wrote about The Lovely Bones?  There would have been remotes, camera’s, in that gas station on undeveloped land.  Undeveloped, someone owned that property.  Unlikely, the man that built that old-fashioned gas station did not own that land.  How did that arrangement happen?  Or did he just build it without the owners of the property knowing about it?

Did their son come forward because he wants to help?  This is what he looked like to me, humbling yourself, a woman, not a criminal or ex-con, before prisoners and other ex-cons is a huge thing in the prison world.  It is something that is more than words.  He is not the same boy he was when he lived near me, yet, he has not worked through all his crimes and done the head work, worked through the emotions and analyzed himself as to what got him into jail, and apologized sincerely, felt real and true remorse, and allowed himself to be seen as a man who understands the consequences of his actions.

I would suspect he’s done drugs before, several drugs.  He’s clean now, and not interested in drugs anymore.  He must have stopped when he was fairly young.

Nearly everyone sees the former convict and the veneer they wear to protect themselves, not many have I seen understand the difference between the façade and the truth in the depth of their own personal well of truth.

All is not lost on this man.  Does he want to help, or did you just want to walk him in front of me?  There is a difference.  If he wants to help it looks like he would be able to help.  He would have to realize, if he wants to work with me and help, I demand a lot from people, and he has work to do.

He would not be a man who would believe or want to hurt children.  He has been not always kind as a boy to animals.  Be careful here, most serial killers start with killing and hurting animals.  I do not believe he is or will be a serial killer.

Again, be careful here, my brother did hurt our family cat Barney – Barney, who if he was a man was the perfect English gentleman – by closing a desk door shutting him in the desk and chopped off the tip of his tail when we lived in California.

I will always demand that the people I know, and love are better than they think they are.

I am Death.

I am relentless.

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

 

May 8, 2019

Just to remind people, I am 47 years old.  If I use what I actually have available to me to water my plants that is what I am doing watering my plants.  The container I have used is bigger requiring fewer trips to refill it, and nothing more.

Absurd that I had to buy a watering nozzle.

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

 

May 8, 2019

I have no idea what is going on anymore.  As soon as they placed me on a leave of absence at work, I have no idea what is going on anymore.  Nothing makes sense anymore.  I have no idea what is going on, or who is actually in charge anymore.  What is going on?

Things were going mostly well, getting things done around my house, then all of a sudden, I must be evaluated and not allowed to work anymore.  I see no reason why I should not be able to work.  What is going on?

No, I am really not interested in talking to myself, in what appears like I am talking to myself outside of my home.  Especially, when I have nothing to say or talk about.

I have called and had messages taken down every day this week, and no one has done anything to correct the situation at work.  I am most unhappy.  I am most upset.  What is going on?

People were almost begging me to watch the movie Oz the Great and Powerful.  Well, I watched it.  There really isn’t anything there.  If there was it is gone now.  The only unusual thing is the headpiece that Glinda wears.  I had a faux emerald that was on a piece of yarn that I used to wear on my head like the headpiece Glinda wears as a child playing dress-up with kid’s make-up, the kind made from wax.  Not that unusual.

The teapot town, I’ve already written about, my mother.  The two sisters, I’ve already written about, that is my mother’s stroke when I was working at Disney while the two Spanish women were guests in our home.

How that could be allowed to happen, I don’t know.

What is going on around here?!

I believe I have made it very clear I am not interested in Oz.  It’s basic human psychology, this is too many years living like this.  A sane person doesn’t hold on to some fantasy about a famous person.  I don’t understand any of you people anymore.

I am most unhappy about the situation at my work.  This “case manager” is lying about calling me and leaving voice-mail messages.  What are you people doing?!

I am not romantically in love with that FBI man, how could I be?  A sane person does not take a Virtual Reality conversation and fall in love or believe it is real because it’s not.  Duh.  I think you people are confusing things, confusing issues, and confusing real people.

I am not romantically in love with any man, how could I be?

Real love is real love.  Real love is talking to a man, spending time with a man, dating a man, and so forth.

Now, I receive a phone call and am told that they need to speak with HR at work, and they used the word suicidal.  What?!  Underlying medical conditions preventing me from working?  This is most absurd.

Because of heavy stickers?  Suicidal?  Medical conditions that need treatment?  What?!

Be evaluated to see if I am fit for “duty” to place products in a box, tape it, and place it on a line?  What?

Cigarettes have nothing to do with the military.  Someone confused this and got this wrong.  What is going on?!

I am not able to think about it any other way other than it is absurd.