WE – DO NOT AGREE!

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July 9, 2019

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July 7, 2019

Ok, because I am so not interested in dragging this out any longer than these years already have, before anymore fabricated news stories, before one more day goes on, I guess, I am just going to write what people are trying to have me believe.

I, myself, cannot understand it at all.

Why anyone would want me to believe Prince Harry is involved at all, I cannot understand.  The notion is beyond absurd.  Are they married or not?  Then, go away.  Is it a cover story or is it real?

If Prince Harry dated me as Mark, here is the tell: while having a picnic at a park by the water one sunny afternoon, drinking beer and sushi, sushi that I bought, the conversation and chemistry was just not there ever with Mark, nor would it be since I am a mirror, proxies will never be able to display – true.

There were seagulls that were more interesting than Mark.  Not really a good sign on a date that the wildlife was more interesting, talkative, and had more in common than your date.  There were seagulls at a trash bin trying to get to someone’s take-away food that had been thrown away.  So, I decided to help them out.  I went to the trash and opened the Styrofoam take-away and placed it on the ground and told the birds they could eat it.  When it looked like they were done, I closed the lid and threw it away properly.

Mark said, this is who you really are, when I was playing and talking with the birds.  I thought to myself, he has no idea who I really am.

It is about the equivalent of I know what you would like instead, instead of a typical date, instead of the boredom and drudgery of formality, let’s sneak away around the corner for a few moments of private spontaneity that only us two people will remember in our lives.  Because a private moment like that is of greater importance and more valuable than can be expressed.

If this is true, if Prince Harry has used virtual reality with me, I am aghast.

Brandon at work, shook my hand, David was in the virtual space while Brandon was talking to me, and Prince Harry.  They did this stupid nonsense, of using Brandon to tell me I am on final written warning at work when I spoke out loud about remembering, you’re fucked (figure of speech) because I remember everything now.

The smart thing would be to deny it ever happened.  I guess that is what everyone intended on doing, including David and James Franco.

The picture in the news of Prince Harry and family reads, true.  The read of the people reads: true.  True as in admitting, and true as in truthful.  Truthfully, as in they’ve all talked about it, about me.  Truthful as in not in opposition to me as a person.

I am aghast.  It is quite literally, inconceivable.

I am not sure as to why people are trying to place blame on Englander’s when it has been displayed at work they’ve used an American woman as the point of blame for my weight gain, and the decline of my person from who I was when I worked at The Container Store.

I honestly can’t imagine any royal man would be interested in a beach blonde who would always enjoy a spot of tea, and beer.  Beach blonde is the component that would upset the system.

Why you have allowed Brandon to deny me a day shit makes no sense to me at all.  I’ve removed my awards from my computer because I am so upset.

Don’t be a knit hat is in specific reference to Sherlock.  When I was hired at Hilton, a man hired me, then the story circulated that they hired a woman, not me, and this woman then showed up at work dressed as a man going through sex-change surgery into a woman.  This person oversaw the floor, meaning every person, including me, where I worked.  Then, September 11^th, 2001, happened, and they fired me.  Fired me due to lateness because I was in such a daze over the loss of David.

David, please don’t use me as a way of getting revenge on the women in your life.  Please don’t upset my boyfriend in this way.

Don’t be a knit hat because they used the same playbook when they hired me at Disney, they’ve been using it too long now.  It was a woman who hired me, and it was the FBI man speaking through her.

When the attacks on September 11^th happened, I went to school, it was closed, I went to school anyway, when my theater teacher got to me near the parking lot as though, he had been instructed to talk to me.  I could not go home yet; the threat was not there.  I went to a bar with a girl I went to school with to what would be considered a sports pub, Brandon Ale House, this is the sports reference in Sherlock.  It is not a literal sports reference.

Where I was needed was working with the men in Tampa.  No one used me or worked with me.

It is interesting that the only comfort I got from watching the news about the attacks was from watching BBC America.  Unemployed in Greenland is just a reference to my brother’s favorite color.  How unhappy you people make me.

It is possible to allow me to have a day shift without having to go through HR – again.  There is no reason – anything – has to be done through HR, as it turns out it has devasting consequences for people around the world.

Honestly, I have no idea why you use my workplace as a place of combat against me, to demean me, hurt me, insult me, harm me, just to create and make my life – miserable.  I live in the confines of my home, and the confines of my employment and that’s it.  What a miserable life.

I am too unhappy to continue writing.

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July 6, 2019

It would be really nice if you would remove this life-sucker from me – forever!  You have a life-sucker who has been allowed to use virtual-reality to come to me in my bedroom and speak to me.  It would be really nice if you would all stop experimenting on me.  I am a real person.  I am not a machine.

Since, all of this started happening in 2014, I don’t think people have truly understood the depth of my grief and loss.  You have taken from me the means of being able to recover by isolating me.  Removing relationships from me, friendships, my boyfriend, and my family.

So, you can run right back to the ocean, from the movie, Moana, this movie was made after my mother had died.  The meaning of running back to the ocean is referring – this is what it says to me – using me, Cherith as emotional support for other people while denying me basic human needs such as love.

David, you have work to do, in your head.  Please stop using me as a way of feeling better about yourself.  I feel you only use me as money.  It is not sincere.  I find it difficult to believe you were married, not only that, married to a woman who is supposed to have now come out as gay?!  I find it difficult to believe.

I have zero energy.  I have only been to work for a month, and I am already so exhausted I had to take vacation time, to recover.  Isn’t that a little much for $15 an hour?

I would not transport this Russian man that is a life-sucker anywhere near me, people will die in the process.  He is worse than you understand.  Not very likely that he will admit to all the crimes he has done as a brain researcher.

It is possible to get China on our side against these brain researchers, if anyone wants to do anything about these manipulators, liars, and double agents.

This brain researcher and life sucker makes me want to take an ax to his face.

What happened in Mongolia?  Why do I love this place?  I remember watching something on HGTV when I was taking care of my mother and feeling the same way.  I must have read this place on a man, a much older man, when I was a child.  Something.  I can’t quite explain it.  I love this place.

The only way I get to travel or see the world is through others, since I have no means of being able to do so on my own.

There must have been a British Royal family connection made in the 90’s when I had high tea at Disney’s Grand Floridian.  My mother made the reservation and we went with a neighbor.  There is no way that Devonshire cream was made at the resort.  I believe it was sent, delivered, when my mother made the reservation.  It is why Sherlock will have the phone at the end of the episode.  It is one of the reasons he takes the phone.

My mother was too upset when Princess Diana died.  Worried, and too upset.  She literally was looking to me when I got home from work while watching the news asking me without asking me to explain to her what happened.  She was too upset.

I am so hurt that no one paid enough attention to me to stop my hysterectomy from happening.  Do you understand what that means?  Can you see what they really allowed to happen with my hysterectomy?  You allowed subversives and double agents to succeed, and win.

They would have read it in me.  I would not allow it.  I absolutely will not allow it.  I will not allow a relationship to a man when he will never be able to have an heir, since he is a Royal.  I won’t allow it.

They must have had another photograph.  They must have placed another photograph, probably in his wallet when I worked for WORSHIP, for Paxton communications.  I think his last name was Hagen, he was like my work husband, that’s what they call it, he was a married man, so I did not see him as anything other than a friend.  But I used to sit and talk to him every day I worked.  He was my favorite; it was not that difficult.  We could talk about anything.  Then, my brother had his car accident.

Monty was another man I liked at WORSHIP; he would have been a local intelligence.

I mailed Hagen a Christmas card after we were laid-off, I had put metallic Christmas confetti in the card, I phoned Hagen after Christmas, he told me when he opened the card the confetti landed in his lap, and I had a familiar reaction.  Why did he just tell me that?  In so much as, why did he tell me that?  What a turn-off.  I had no interest in him whatsoever, certainly not in that manner.

He also, blew me a kiss once.  Driving home after our shift, he was in his car in front of me at a light when he blew me a kiss in his rear-view mirror.  I dismissed it.  I dismissed his action and kiss.  In my mind, I thought, obviously he has no idea what he is doing.

After I was no longer employed by WORSHIP, I went to a Christian concert with my friend who had also worked with me and Hagen’s wife, she drove us to a church in Lakeland, she happened to be extremely busty, and overweight, I never phoned or wrote to Hagen after that concert.  I thought she was a lunatic and dumb.  I wanted nothing to do with either of them after that.  I have no idea what they thought they were doing; it doesn’t look good.  Meaning, it looks like intelligence had no idea what to do with me because they did not believe in me, certainly not enough to do it officially.

I have no idea why people are asking of me to write about this agreement.  It is absolutely absurd to me.  Especially considering the state and condition of my body, absurd.  If he dated me as Mark, there are disturbing details in the background while I dated Mark, such as a woman in a wheelchair trying to look like my mother.  And, my mother is now – dead.

Everything has become tainted with the death of my mother, I cannot experience things with any amount of joy, not really, anymore.  I had known she was dead, and they hid the truth from me for years.  Cruel.  Such cruelty.  How can a plant grow in molten lava?  It can’t.

He is bright, isn’t he?  Happy?  It’s one reason he is so popular.  It’s a shame, I am not that person anymore.  They’ve taken it from me in 2014.  Along with all the other brain-cuttings such as not being interested in writing about food or coffee, or enjoying talk about cars, or watching cars.

I watched the season of The Grand Tour out of obligation.  I don’t enjoy cars anymore.  It no longer has any lusty talk for me.  What a dreadful thing to do to a person, at $15 an hour.

The notion is absurd.  Absurd.  I literally cannot wrap my mind around it because it is so absurd.  Honestly, it makes me feel like, what do they really want from me?  It makes no sense whatsoever.  None.  Absurd.

One rule that kept us safe, and you’ve been using a nose piercing’s, it again, shows me you have no idea what you are doing.

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July 5, 2019

Boyfriend, what the hell do you think you are doing?!  I want you around because I think of you as my boyfriend, I don’t want to be worked by you!  Do you want to be dumped?!  Do you want to break up?!  Or, is it that someone thinks they have found a way they could try and sneak back in no matter how many signs I have on my doors, or how many locks I change to keep them away?

Have you found another woman you like more, is that it?!  If you’ve found another woman, you can go.  I’ll have nothing to do with you.

I find it a little much that I am debilitatingly tired.  Meaning I can’t get up, I can’t wake up, I can’t go more than a few hours before I have to lie down again.

You better straighten up, real fucking quick boyfriend otherwise you will be on the other side of me.  Is that what you want?  Is that what you really want?

If you so much as eyeball other women, I will drop you, like that!  I don’t mess around in matters such as this, I am a real fucking serious person, did any of these other motherfuckers get to be my boyfriend, in my mInd, in my head?  No.  Not one of them.

You better figure it out before you’re gone, if only in my mind.

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July 5, 2019

I used to make aerial maps, it’s a bit disheartening.  I used to make aerial maps, it’s in the movie, The English Patient in the character Count Almasy.  I know this man.  And, I would have loved him truly.  I would still love him.  Somehow, he was involved either in the filming or production or with the actor who plays Count Almasy.  Because I see him.  If he was involved at all in the casting of the actor, he would have done it intentionally for me, and not for my brother.  Ralph Fiennes would have been cast for me because of what I did for my brother in removing the brain research.

It’s disheartening because I made maps, and then I am in the line of dialogue with Hana saying, I don’t know anything.  I didn’t know anything anymore after my relationship with my former fiancé.  It’s more than a loss, it’s painful to look at from my mind, let alone others.  How they saw I was no longer worked with correct handlers, and the effect was drastic.

It’s almost like an apology.  The English Patient reads almost like an apology, he would have loved me better than my former fiancé, and it was almost painful to look at me, after my fiancé.

Ownership is referring to my engagement, everyone was opposed to me marry him.  It doesn’t mean anything else, really.

I played capture the flag at sand dunes in Oregon at a youth group church weekend retreat.  They would have been watching to my left as I stood at the top of one of the dunes, I still have the picture in my head.  I remember thinking at the time, they have no idea what they are doing, these kids.  I tried asking them questions, and they just kept running about.  They were not organized, and had no plan, really.  So, I was not completely interested.  They didn’t know what they were doing, that is how it felt to me then.

After that retreat the youth leaders asked me to go my correct age group, youth group.  I was with my brother meaning I was with older kids than myself because I didn’t want to leave my brother, there would have been a man who lived near the church for me to feel this way, they wanted me to go to my grade youth group because – I flirted with the boys.  I always thought that was stupid, stupid reasoning.

The frescos in the movie were painted on walls at a restaurant in Orlando when we first moved here, it would have been in the late eighties.

I was so excited when I saw I made maps, it fun.  It was fun to do.  It’s referenced in Indiana Jones in the map room scene with the staff and the sunlight with the explanation they do not have the other side, too short, I am the short, the short person, the other side meaning, he brain-spoke to me.  That is how he made his maps, and it was fun.  Hardly stressful.  Child’s play.  Like playing hopscotch.

Then, I turned into a woman who knew nothing living in my family’s home, taking care of my mother.  I never liked the overdose scene, I still don’t.  It doesn’t look very intelligent.

What you thought was a black hole or a sink hole in the movie, This Is the End, is really just Hell.  At my command, unleash Hell, from the movie, Gladiator.  The fires in the street outside James Franco’s home, is really about Mt. St. Helen’s erupting.

The street is yours, from the movie, The Quick, And the Dead, is my street in Gresham, Oregon.  That’s me walking to and from school.  The house party at Franco’s house, are the block parties my mother organized in Gresham, Oregon.  It means, I spotted and spoke with adults as a child at certain homes.

There are windows in James Franco’s (this is not a house, it is a brain, mind metaphor) that tell me a man followed me, I must have been with my mother, in Gresham, or Portland, Oregon, to a mall, and I do not like this man.  He is still alive.

The demon possession in the movie, This Is The End, is just brain research.  It looks like nearly if not all zombie movies, demons, Devil’s Advocate, is really talking about brain research.

The line of dialogue in This Is the End, you don’t care about us, is referring to me not caring that celebrities were actually dying, it is intelligence.  A bit difficult to spot.

The cum scene in the movie, between the actors made me laugh because it is dudes just being dudes.

The ax scene with Emma Watson, made me laugh.  This tells me this is a read of me, of what someone thought I would do.  It’s a fireman’s ax, it references Thor and 9/11.  All the firetrucks photographed at The World Trade Center on 9/11.

The code would be in Emma Watson’s body size in the movie This Is The End, as an English actress in reference to what my body size as code was supposed to be, and Almasy giving the maps to the German’s in The English Patient, meaning there was a double agent, and the food references in This is The End meaning America had gotten it wrong with my body size.  And, people knew it.

Katherine giving Almasy her paintings to put in his book is a mirror, this is actually this man that I would love, this man who, this is true, it is how I see him, is as straight as they come, it is to show the intelligence that was given to me when I was born.  It is why Hana has the book at the end of the movie.

One rule that kept us safe, from the movie Moana, has nothing to do with going beyond the reef.  It is in the Old Testament.  One rule is referring to piercings, and specifically, ear piercings.  My mother never had her ears pierced.  One rule that kept us safe, meaning my mother’s ears kept this country and people safe.  An old rule because we live in New Testament times, biblically speaking.

You should know this profile in the news about a woman who loses her fetus, this profile picture of a black woman is of a man I would never give the time of day or any attention to.  He looks sad as in pathetic, looking for attention, he looks disgusting.  Normally, I would just ignore him.  He is not worth me talking to.

David looks like he needs to learn how to be on his own.  I feel he has used me for too long.  I don’t know what he is doing here.  Why does he want to be around or involved at all?  For money?  It doesn’t look like police work to me.  If he wants to show me, he is moving on, that’s great.  I would prefer to never speak to him again or see him anymore.

Honestly, I have no idea why people find me so interesting.  Why people show up, why Hollywood people show up, I have no idea why people are so interested.

Something is wrong, and I am not quite sure how else to explain that.

It looks like the rain is working in Washington, DC.

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July 4, 2019

Here you are again making the same mistakes, again.  After Community College, I was going to go on to complete my bachelor’s degree at the University of South Florida, in theater.  Do you know what program they have at the University of South Florida?  In theater?  A British program, in the Spring.  This is California, all over again, and you denied me access to it, for what reason?  Again?  Scheduling.  Scheduling conflict.

I had enrolled at the university with a student counselor whose name was Merry, like Christmas, and I could not manage or afford it in the Fall semester.  Ironically, I was in the student counselor’s office with a student I had gone to community college with, and I still remember her email address, rainbowspice420@.  I remember it because it is in an opposite or in opposition to my email that meant, without fear and unwavering faith.

I got another job during that Fall semester, in December at Disney, I had planned to take off a year to try and save money for college to go back.  When I got to Disney, they did not allow any flexibility for students in their schedules.  I always felt it was a mistake.  Why wouldn’t a company like Disney want employees to go to school, have degrees, when they would only continue to work within the company, after their degrees were completed?

What did I accomplish at Community College that would have only continued had I been allowed something as simple as a work schedule?  Here you are doing it all over again.

Whose brain matters more?  Whose mind and brain is of the utmost concern?  How many times must I write the effect overnights have on my mind and brain?  I am – again – beyond upset.

This is the pattern you play at work, the first day of the week we get Cherith a little bit mad, then the next day we make her angrier, then angrier again, and then angrier again, until, Cherith feels nothing anymore.  Do you not understand the importance of a reader to be able to feel?

Here I am, been up for hours, and really nothing has been done, little chores have been asked of me and it has taken hours.  I work seven days a week, with no time off to relax, or repair my mind, or allow my mind – to think.  What the hell do you think you are doing?

I give you everything I have every day to other people and get nothing in return for it.  Not really.

You have a problem, you cannot manage because you’ve created a reaction that is beyond your control, you should not be surprised.

I miss my mother something terrible.

Worse, I miss my cats Tuesday and Thursday in a way that is beyond grief.  This tells me something terrible happened when you allowed my cats to be taken from me, and you’ve placed blame on my brother where it doesn’t belong.  I am concerned there aren’t intelligence men being held hostage just because – you’ve taken my cats from me.  You’ve implicated a black woman, a gay white woman documentarian in the process.  It is of extreme concern to me.

I know there is a threat.  You have shown me very little, other than so far; he is unwilling to work with the United States and her allies.  I’ve seen he wants recognition, that is all.  That is not very much.  What do you honestly, want me to write when you’ve given me so little to write?

From what I’ve seen I would bomb the shit out of this motherfucker until he cannot see the light of day.  However, in all truthfulness, I believe I have not been given enough information.  Information about him, location, and his person other than he is not telling the truth to people about compliance.  So, that is why I would bomb the shit of out this asshole until he realizes, I am who I am.

The day is not yet done, so that is all for now.

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July 3, 2019

If anyone wants to know; these people need to be separated.  Separated from the goings-on in these last few years, separated for their own good, and separated for them to grow up, and move on.

I would send Brianna somewhere like a working ranch, a dude ranch, a youth ranch, somewhere like Wyoming or Montana where there is nothing around for many, many miles.  She needs to be separated from David; it destroys David just being around her in a lot of ways.  Like whittling away at him, deep within him, whittling at his soul.  He has been her everything and she has not learned how to be her own best self on her own.  She needs to be around men.  She needs to work, like taking care of big animals, like horses, cows, work a farm and so on.  She needs the physical work of it to help her work out her emotions.  Working on a farm is many, many hours of work, it is not a shift, it is up before the sun, and working into the evening.  It would be best if it was a Christian ranch.  It will take her awhile; it is not a short-term goal.  It will take years, probably.

I love David.  People do not have to stop loving another person to be able to move on.  Love does not have to turn into hate or anger to be able to move on and love another man.

If this is actually true, if you used Edison as a code name for die, son, and used me to see if I was responsible for a death threat to the FBI man, I cannot believe how dumb you people are.  The whole world knows that cannot be true of me.

Edison would be better if he was also, someplace else.  He would do better in a hot and dry climate like Arizona or New Mexico.  He should also work at a youth ranch; he has not done any work as long as I have known him.  He doesn’t need as much physical work as Brianna to get to his emotional work, however, he needs to work.  He would do better if he was mentored with Native Americans.  He is too familiar with a Latin lifestyle and peoples.  I believe he would do better being mentored by a Christian, Native American man.  He has more than a lot of work to do in his mind and brain.  He needs to grow up.  How old is he?  He is no where near being a man.  Also, not a short-term goal.  He needs years.

Courtney should also be separated.  She will not like that, she will be most reluctant to go, that is a big tell in and of its own.  She has been living too high off the hog, quite literally, for too long.  She needs some intense counseling.  I don’t mean, she needs to be treated harshly, she needs to be able to come to grips with her actions.  She would also do better in a more secluded location for some time.  To me, she looks wishy-washy.  No well of truth, no real identity, no core of her being.  I don’t write that to be unkind, I write it so people will take action on her behalf.

It is difficult to stay mad at James Franco, isn’t it?  That is not a bad quality in a human being, it is not a bad characteristic of a man.  The difference is I’ve known David before, I’ve never known James Franco other than virtually.  He is a smart man, obviously.  To me the reason he left the production of all the filming tells me he is more logical.  It is only logical that projects like filming, end, have a timeline, have a finish date, to plan for, to be able to set goals and so on.

If I actually did date James Franco and made him laugh it tells me he needed emotional support, relief, in a cerebral way.  Was he stressed?  Family stressed?  In a cerebral way.  Hollywood bullshit and nonsense are boring to continue to deal with after a while, aren’t they?

Be careful not to confuse the emotional toll these years have had on my person.  Be careful in your reads.  There has been an emotional toll upon my person just by living in such a way, let alone dealing with governmental concerns.

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

 

July 3, 2019

When you go into a store and speak with a person working as an hourly wage employee, what do you say?  The way my parents raised me, the way it feels most truthful to me from my heart, the way that I have gone out of my way for others in so small a way as for someone working an hourly wage, is to put on my Sunday best with sincerity.  That is to say, my Sunday best is a way of saying, on Sunday’s when people and families go to church, they put on their best clothes, manners, and person out of respect for our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

It’s such a small thing, why wouldn’t everyone do it?

I would like this, please.  To me that is a little crass, it is not unmannerly; however, it is not the best English.  To me, the more proper English grammar is to say, May I please have this.  Say it out loud to someone if you cannot hear it in your own head.  Say it differently to someone and then ask them how each sentence makes the other person feel.  Do you know how difficult, and mind-numbing an hourly wage paying job is?  Sometimes you never know how saying something so small can make such a big difference.  Who else is watching while you are talking to someone?

Today, I was about to leave my house when a familiar feeling creeps into my mind.  Something’s wrong.  I didn’t want to leave.  Not afraid, I wanted to protect my home by not leaving it.  I feel this man who wants to harm me, in fact wants to murder me, has a sick, sadistic mind that is not bothered by watching someone like my mother suffer a stroke and not feel compelled to call for help.  This man has lived near me for many years.  How many times I have felt him before is too numerous.

How foolish you would all look if just because you placed this man in front of me in a vehicle, I went into a store and spoke with an hourly wage employee and spoke, I would like…as a way (someone else thinks) of speaking code about a man’s life.  She looks ridiculously dumb to me.

Foolish, dumb, unsophisticated, crass, I cannot begin to describe how dumb and foolish you all look by placing importance in all the wrong places.  Where is the greater threat?  Who is the greater threat?  You look like beggar children hoarding around a foreigner because they look like money and you are asking for a handout rather than doing intelligence work.

Please stop this nonsense.  I cannot abide intelligence looking a fool.  Especially, my own.

Stop being a knit hat.  Where is the source of the communications?  Straight from the heart?  Or, are you using straight people to speak the words because you should not be working in such a way with me at all?  And, everyone knows it.  The world has seen the difference now.

Live are at stakes, intelligence lives are at stake and you playing silly twaddle.  That is not a good look.

AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY!

 

July 3, 2019

The real President of the United States asked for it, and he got it.  Short.

I SEND OUR ENEMIES AND THE ENEMIES OF OUR ALLIES – TO THEIR GRAVES.