WE – DO NOT AGREE!

I have yet to meet the man who is a match for me, so no Master Cleanse that is not a purchase.

I will never love David again.

I never loved 1, 2, or 3.

Dehydrated.

I was proven correct again tonight.  I should have ended my life when I was 18 years old.  There is no point to this life at all whatsoever.  There is nothing that would have changed or made a difference because I was in it.  My family would have gone on, perhaps for the better it couldn’t have been any worse.

I will not go into so much detail.  There is not a point to my life or existence anymore.  I tried to get out from my family burden to have a life, to make a life with a man and I am not allowed or able to.  So, what is the purpose of my life?

I am not allowed to wash my face.  Or have clean soap.  Or use whatever products I like.  Or build a future, or plan for the future.  Or have my animals.  Or anything normal for a woman my age, or anything I would normally do.

I believe the world would be a better place without me in it.

Dehydrated.

If I was not specific enough before, no Eastwood family and friends I am not interested you have only yourselves to blame, and your jelly belly.

From Birth Male Born Men Beards Only

July 31, 2018

Day 1, 582

 

Satan is a liar.

Dehydrated at work – again, last night.

How absolutely terrifying it must be to see me, a woman, sexually confident.  How absolutely terrifying it must be to see my derrière.  How absolutely terrifying it must be to see me defy without shame or malice my gorgeous bum.

I change the black tape for a reason.  In my experience black tape, black beards are used almost exclusively by women.  I will not allow men to be degraded in such a way.  I will not allow men to be degraded in this way.

My work set-up is completely unstable with weekly performance numbers.  Currently, numbers play such a role that firing is possible in a matter of a few weeks.  What business creates and allows such instability to rule and disrupt head?  Just as people walk in and out, on and off the floor, weekly numbers should go away without discussion.  Here is what it creates, my job is not to talk in my head at work, my job is not to use my eyes while at work.

Do not be surprised by my clothing, I am dehydrated.

Blow jobs always.

I will not be reorganizing my garage because of paper towels.

July 30, 2018

Day 1, 581

From Birth Male Born Men Beards Only

I got it, however I will be protecting it from faster than necessary deterioration until it is needed or required.

A few weeks ago, I am standing there looking at the false angel as she is verbally coaching me, but all I see is anger at my writing and defending my Maurice as she is speaking.  My Maurice, Maurice The Handsome – the best behave-ed boy in the whole house who follows me from room to room when I am home.  I will be working look up or around the room to see Maurice has followed me, made a place, fallen asleep or is watching me blink, blink, so glad, so happy he has a person.  Telling me I am his person.  It is important to belong.  And, Maurice has never had a person before.  I was verbally coached because I stood my ground by not allowing others to attack Maurice and turn his image into something he is not.  What are you going to do about that?

You misunderstand something, I remember looking at that man as he said, I love you.  Turning and contorting my face trying to get the man to look as I heard it.  Because it was David Wolfe who said the words, and another man spoke them.  It does not work that way.  Feelings and emotions do not transfer from one person to the next.  I will never love David Wolfe ever again.  He has himself to blame for that.  I have no idea why they did that if not to ruin and destroy that friendship and acquaintance.  I will never love David Wolfe again.  The longer this takes, the more time this goes on and on the worse it gets.  I will never love him again.  He has only himself to blame.

The made me urinate in my pants at work last night because I saw a Keanu Reeves movie.  Basically, calling Keanu Reeves – soft.  What are you going to do about that?

Shutdown last night.  Boom, boom, boom, doors shut, boom, boom, boom, shutting, locking doors nearly all night last night.  Why?  I do not have to write it.  They were surprised I didn’t let them in last night.  Call it instinct, intuition, skill, knowledge, I shut it down before they had the chance to create and cause a problem.  What are you going to do about that?

I do not have to explain this next part in detail.  In my head I start to say, I hate women.  This is not about a charitable organization.  I say in my head, I hate women.  Buzzers, alarms, banging, noises everywhere start to go off.  In my head, I hate women and I catch them.  This is a constant for me every night supporting blow jobs.  I want to know why they do not support blow jobs.  Constantly telling everyone in my head it is his business after all not hers.  What are you going to do about that?

Do not be surprised by the truth.

My authority is here.

My underwear is not a set.

No, that’s a no.  Nopes.  No, I am not dressing like a man.

There is nothing wrong or sinister about tongues, lips, and mouths.  It is the best way to kiss or give blow-jobs.  I am quite skilled with both.

From Birth Male Born Men Beards Only

July 29, 2018

Day 1, 580

Very, very, very serious problem going on if you have not been reading, thank the teacher for that.

No, I am in no way interested in show business, nor have I have been for decades all you have to do is look at my face to understand why, thank the teacher for that.  If you are wondering why I am not writing about stories, food, my cats, or my family, thank the teacher for that.  If you are wondering why my feelings and mind about David Wolfe have turned into ugliness, thank the teacher for that.

If you in any way wonder, why I do not stare at the television it is because I disagree with the purpose and numbers of rate.  In my mind the numbers are too high.  In my mind it does not need to play a part at all.  Why?  Because the numbers are made up on purpose.  It could go away without ever having to be discussed or mentioned again.  Therefore, eliminating a role.  Other co-workers go to the bathroom, take additional breaks, saunter around the floor as if they have all the time in the world, leisurely walk to and fro, all the while I am sweating, breaking my body, killing myself for numbers that fluctuate at the whim of random persons.

The fact that I must sit here and write this next is beyond maddening to me.  Be careful in reading here.  Do not mistake my calm demeanor, and careful wording for complicity.  In what other business is the employee responsible not only for their work, but the work of every person around them?  In what other business is an employee responsible for their supervisor’s work?  It is my job to go around account for every minute and moment of time off task to make sure that what a supervisor or other personnel should be doing?  It is my job to make another person’s job like the water spider’s – easier?!  By doing their work for them?!

I disagree the television should be taken down immediately.  Based on the number alone if you have not been reading otherwise.

I am so beyond at the moment.

If you want to know why my drive-head speak-thinking is not changing, thank the teacher for that.  If you want to know why my t-shirt is not changing, thank the teacher for that.  If you want to know why my shoes are not changing, thank the teacher for that.  If you want to know why my in-head speaking is not changing at work, thank the teacher for that.

If you do now want to know, you should still thank the teacher for that.