Hi,

My name is NOT Kate!  I am in no way any man’s or woman’s beard, baby, cat, dog, horse, or any other such animal.  The very idea of any such nonsense is SO ridiculous that my very precious brain does not and cannot conceive of such a notion.  The thought cannot form in my head.  It is such a waste of time to even have a conversation about.

It is NOT possible to create, force, contrive, or in any way shape or form create something that does not exist.  End of discussion.

I am so sick and tired of the farting and belching and tricks with my food and home.

It was David Wolfe as Alfredo Cruz who told me in the break room at The Container Store, beer is cheaper, but liquor in quicker.  You should have seen the look in his eyes as he spoke this to me.  It was David Wolfe as Alfredo Cruz who was holding the green crunch can with the chevron pattern at The Container Store who was talking to me, almost pleading with his eyes because I was so disgusted anymore with the pretend once I realized that Edison was wearing a skin suit, and that is why nothing ever added up or made sense in all the conversations, touching’s, kissing, amd just everything.  All the walls fell down when I realized that EVERYTHING was fake and faked.  I lost everything I had for David Wolfe because of the deceit.

I just wanted to be loved or even liked enough by a straight man who love women to be seen as sexually desirable and wanted.  Instead I got that thing.

When I realized the deception of the skin suit I understood I would never again be able to date, or have a relationship with a man again.  Because it was not real.  It was all designed to set me up, hurt me, and laugh at me.  I am tired of saying this.  I have said, written, made notes, time and time again since April 2014.

Again, the reason chrome has become swag-tron is to FORCE me to no longer like the things I used to like and enjoy.  I loved The Container Store.  I loved helping people.  I loved David that will not nor never go away – it has only changed the way I see him and nothing more.  I love to be organized, I love to be clean, I love people, on and on, these things are NOT things that can change in any way shape or form.  You change your underwear, or hair do or color, or job, or the man you’re dating, but there are fundamentals that do NOT change.

Anymore, what I see are people who do not have to worry about the brand they use because of a picture on the cover, or the soap, or food, or the description used to sell the product, or any other such nonsense.  I cannot be limited by these ANYMORE!!!!  You cannot make something exist that in no way shape or form ever existed!!!

I cannot be handled by a woman.  I cannot see a movie and believe in any way that it allows a woman or any person access to me simply because they are wearing glasses while they are acting!  It is in no way the means to create for and because there is no such reality for it at all, in any case, by any means, and so on.

I have to go, I know I am forgetting more than I can remember to write in the amount of time given to me.  Oh yeah, just because a company has a logo that says, oh, I don’t know, Yes 2 You, does not in any way shape or form allow them access, give permission, or come into any agreement.  I cannot control the logo another company uses.  It is a ridiculous notion to literally translate something that can mean many different things to many different people.  It is NOT A RULE for which any person should have to live.

Do you know the reason why I left notes at my home behind while working at TCS about wanting to write a one-woman show (Brian Cranston) because I was so disgusted with what was happening I knew I could do it better.  Because I wanted to live my life and not be forced to live alone, and I am tired of having to constantly say a man.  It will allows be a straight man who loves women, I was born that way you cannot alter me differently.

All of your choices and options are not correct, applicable, or valid in my mind!

David, I do believe you are nothing more than a Scrooge.  All you care about is money.  You care nothing for me or you wouldn’t have allowed such access to me and you would have ended it, or never have even begun it to begin with.  You know how upset and miserable I am, distraught and unhappy, and you allow yourself and other to do nothing more than make money off of me.

Here I am again, having to hurry and remember EVERYTHING and EVERYONE and mention it ALL before I leave for work.  Why?!  Because you have an ill functioning, poorly managed, and improperly controlled situation on your hands.

First of all, it is not as well controlled, secure, or stable as you allow yourselves to believe, Lakeland.  I saw it on the dock awhile ago, I saw it again today.  You better be careful because it is more than my life, welfare, and safety you have to answer to, Lakeland.  You invited and allowed a presence to breathe the same air, exist in the same reality as myself and others, but you failed to see the great and grave danger forming, brewing, and building in their minds.

But, I did.

So, again I will say.  Be careful, Lakeland.  You are not as secure as you think and believe you are.  I saw it.

I saw it. Continue reading “Open Letter: 1/15/2018”

Creggan,

I am having more than a few difficulties here at the town house, but before I get to those problems I want to give you some direction.

I have written this to you before, however it has come to my attention that my emails, messaging’s, texts, and so forth have not always been received by the intended person to whom they were addressed.

In this townhouse I have been living a perpetual nightmare.  I have not found the means to support myself, as well as, not being able to participate in a social life as I have no more friends anymore, nor do I have a man really and truly in my life for whom I can spend the rest of my life with.  Not a virtual man.  For nothing else in the world matters if you do not have love.  I have not had a man love me for decades.  In my whole life I have never really been loved.  Using a person as a means to an end, or for entertainment – is not love.

I have come to an end of my endurance for the struggle and ability to continue as if I am ok when I am deeply, deeply emotionally traumatized and depressed.  So, I want it known – I am sending this to you, as well as, publishing it on my website.  If for any reason I end up dead, or hurt I give you the power to sue for wrongful death.  Whether I kill myself, car accident, or some unexplained mystery of a death.  You need to sue for wrongful death.

As to the problems at the townhome.  Every day I come home from work there are problems I find that have to be fixed.

1. There is a buzzing coming from a box in the garage. I have no idea how to get someone to fix that.
2. The water dispenser has stopped working on the refrigerator.
3. The dryer has stopped drying.
4. The lights on the stairwell do not function properly to stay on and off.

These are just the problems that I am unable to take care of or fix myself.  I have attempted several versions to fix the dryer which have not worked.  The garage door has been worked on several times.  I cannot begin to tell you how many locks I have replaced in this house trying to put an end to the abuse.

Enough is enough.

This isolation is killing me.  Not being a part of the real world where I used to have friends.  Not being allowed to date men for real.

I am hurting in a way I cannot describe.  No one hears me or understands the need to end it all.

At this very moment I am exceptionally unwell.  I am so sick.  I have been sick for days.  I can’t get out of bed I am so sick.  So, I am ending this email.  I feel there is more I should share, however I am so sick.

So sick.  My belly is so sick.  I’ve been sick for days now.  Unable to get out of bed.  Bad ice.  Bad food.  No reason to shower or do laundry.  Bad soap.

Painfully sick.

Not writing.

Lakeland,

I am so fucking pissed at you!!  Let me set something straight right now!!!  I SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO GO OUT OF MY WAY to avoid you, or NOT CHOOSE YOU!!!!  Do you have any idea how fucking ridiculous it is that I am CONSTANTLY made to go out of my way?!!

How can you NOT see what a waste of time, energy, resources, and talent it is to constantly set ME against you?!  What the fuck am I doing there if you do not want me there?!

I SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO GO OUT OF MY WAY FOR YOU , LAKELAND!  I SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO BE ASHAMED OF YOU!  I SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO BE SEEN AS LESS THAN THE MOST VALUABLE PERSON, COMMODITY, ASSET, FIGURE, AND PERSON YOU HAVE EVER KNOWN, OR HAVE HAD THE FUCKING PRIVILEDGE OF SPENDING TIME WITH AND KNOWING!!!!!!!!!

You keep me tired to KEEP me from KEEPING YOU HONEST!!!

I am not finished with you!

I will not back down!  

I could have done better!  I could do better!

My whole life I have said this in just about every thing including jobs, movies, acting, writing, performances, directing, and so on – I could have done it better!

And, I ain’t changed liked that!

DO NOT EVEN BEGIN TO TELL ME YOU ARE TOO DUMB, STUPID, AND MORONIC TO UNDERSTAND THE PLAY ON WORDS IN THE TITLE, FUCKER(S)!!

Can the sight of a man wearing a t-shirt be a moment you remember?  Because I remember going to Siesta Key Beach – which is my favorite Florida beach – with Rachel Memorial Day Weekend 2013.  I was late because I worked out in the morning before going to Rachel’s house.  There were more than one unusual sightings for me.  We parked at a church parking lot and walked across?!  Yep, I think that was a plan.  At the end of the day walking back to the car I saw a man wearing a Twentieth Century Fox t-shirt.  It stopped me, it created a snap-shot memory for me.

I cannot believe that I have to write this!

First, I want to say, I am still not writing which is not a good sign or in any way good at all.

STOP this copy cat stupid nonsense and bullshit!!!  I do not write for solitude!  I have never wanted to be alone in my entire life!!!!!!  I have never in my life EVER been alone before moving here.  I write because it is in my head.  I write because I can.

I should never for one moment EVER have to call into question, doubt, guess, find or read clues into purchases, vote for people, read into descriptions, fly or wear certain colors, or in any other way not yet mentioned doubt Lakeland!!!!!!!!!!!  Lakeland should in every single way do better than the best by and to me.  ALWAYS!!!!

David Wolfe you should be very worried right now.  James Franco should never have been in the picture – EVER!  Because if I am unwilling to yell at you at all, it is not good, and you should be very worried.

I want to live free and independently!!  I have not been able to do so since 2012!

Put an end immediately to working off my computer screen and imitating and copying what I watch and read.  I have a better plan.  A much smarter and more sophisticated plan that is better than anything you could copy or think of.  I have been painting, drawing, writing, and creating since before I ever met any of you including David Wolfe.

I will say this: The moment “Bill” at TCS touched me I was immediately repulsed.  I believed he was gay.  Trying to persuade me that sitting around drinking and having dinner could be considered art, or an artist.

SOYLENT GREEN MUST END!!!  Do you not even understand the political and social economical statement that movie was trying to debate and raise?!  Women are not furniture!  People are not slaves to be worked into an early death!  It is about distribution of wealth and equality.  Jesus Christ it is abstract!  I don’t have time to go on!  For fuck sake I cannot believe how fucking stupid this is!

New York and Lakeland you fucking mishandled and mismanaged me!

At the moment the only thing I see in other people is how much more money they have and make more money than me!  When I watch movies what I see in the actors and crew is how they are able to do something they want and enjoy, and I DO NOT!!!!!!!  I see how much more help and well off every one else is!

I am fucking sick of it!

 

I was unable to write Coffee and Breakfast yesterday.

Coffee and Breakfast, as well as, every other titles, series, and other postings have been postponed until further notice.

I have been under the weather which is plain to see it was not by accident it was purposefully planned.  It should never have been allowed to happen.

Until I feel better which includes rest, I will not be writing.  I will be resting my bones for my soul has withered away.

The glow that could not hide that came from within me, emanating out of me – like the New Years photograph – is gone.

Listen to me now, I want to move on from you David.  I have said it time and time again, over and over uttering it under my breath, as well as, thinking it loudly in my head.  However, I will not give up, surrender, deny, ignore, or pretend that those moments were not real.  They are the last real and true memories of moments I have.  As you are the last connection I have to the real world where people actually speak to one another, where they erupt with such laughter they fall off a stool onto the floor.  Where the sight of you full of laughter, taken aback by the surprise of my quick, imaginative, vivid picture, unassuming, and detailed wit allowed me to see you.  It was beautiful.  All I wanted to do was get close to you, to be alone with you which never happened because you were always surrounded by people.

Does anyone want to know why David fell in laughter?  A question went around the table of college schoolmates and friends, Is there such a thing as too big?  A question of size.  A man’s penis.  Debate and answer went around the table when I finally spoke up after reliving an encounter with one of God’s most glorious creations of a cock, yes.  There is such a thing as too big because my jaw does not come unhinged.

Boom.

Drop the mic.

David fell.

If you missed it, a snake can un-hinge its jaw.  Travel show at TCS, Alfredo/David with a snake contact lens laughing, but I had already stopped laughing by then.

I only write this because I believe I have been betrayed which is why I do not feel well now.

I have to go.

Do not have time for coffee or breakfast today, nor do I feel like eating until my body has returned to its former pre-New York self.

Shit storm David.  It will be the only thing I will be writing.

Can I just say I do love babies just not that one.  Babies and children it’s what I wanted to have, and give the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.  Whoever and wherever he might be.  Until, you took it away from me for no reason.  I do not enjoy surprises, I do not react well to them.

But, I will not kill myself writing it does not work that way for me.

So, no food talk.