The Decision

I have arrived at a decision.

Much has been made about my dating and sex life in the last few years.  In fact, it was everyone’s business at one of my jobs, which I can only tell you had such disastrous and devastating results I have sworn off on-line dating entirely.  I ending up dating men I was not even sexually attracted to just so that I could be dating, and be seen dating showing I was moving in a positive direction.

However, when you try dating – and worse still – sleeping with a man/men you are not even attracted to just because you want to be with a man, Ugh!  It is the worst.  Psychologically damaging.

I am in fact, quite old-fashioned.  I believe the man should approach the woman, ask her out, ask for her number, take charge, let her know he is interested, and so forth.

Well, so here is my decision: I have gone celibate.

I will not have sex in any form whether it is masturbation or sexual intercourse until I am in a committed monogamous relationship with a man who wants to actually be in a relationship with me.

Since, I practically repulse all men as has been my experience in the last few years. Those that I do not repulse are already married or committed, I most certainly seal the doom on ever having sex again for the rest of my natural life.

As sad and terrible, or even pathetic as that may sound, I was pushed well beyond while at work today.  It was either give up sex entirely or kill myself.  What would you choose?  Yes, it was that bad at work.  Actually, is was so much worse than I can could ever explain.

I can’t help it that men don’t find me attractive.  I can’t help it that I am only attracted to men.

What’s worse is I feel I am constantly surrounded by nothing but women.

Worse still, the man of my dreams could stop and talk to me, and I might even walk on by – such has been the very bad abuse I’ve endured these last few years.

Such is my doom.