Talking Outloud

Is it really so hard to be able to have a job where it does not matter what road I drive, what lane I drive, what door I go through, where I place my water bottle, what shoes I wear, how I wear my hair, how I walk, where I walk, where I place my feet, what toilet I use, what toilet paper I use, which roll of toilet paper I use, what food I eat, what food I don’t eat, what I drink, where I park, how I park, how my garage is organized, what color I use for something, what product I use for this or that, on and on.

I want my life back in my control.

I should have ignored the people at work.  I should have left the tape on my garage sensors.  The last thing I need and want in my life is more work, hard times, hardship, chaos, confusion, problems, and grief.

I pay for my own internet it shouldn’t be accessed.

I am tired of being told what to buy, when to buy, what time of day to

But, then I could have had a life.  I could have found a job in a store worked my way up to management, or a buyer, or a merchandiser, or a trainer.  But, somehow every single application never seemed to get anywhere.  As if it was being stopped before it could reach the destination.  There is no reason why any business or company wouldn’t want to hire me.

I am tired of protecting you David by not speaking out about you more.  I won’t do it anymore.  I’m calling you out here you can choose to read it and respond or not.  But, I am tired of constantly having to make concessions to you and for you!

Do you not understand I believe you have ruined my life.  For the rest of my life – you are to blame.

All these years I could have been sharing a real life with a man that I loved and more importantly who would love me.  A man who was born a man, will always be a man, and loves women who love men.  Not some phony in a disguise.  Not some play actor wearing a skin suit.  Not some ghost virtually living in my house.  But, a real man.

Years of my life you have taken from me – David!  Years!  For nothing.  All because I made you laugh once?!  I wish I had never met you, and I don’t see that changing.  Because David you are frightened of me.  You are scared to talk to me.  And, I don’t think you have the balls to talk to me which is why you always let me walk on by every time we’ve seen each other.