Declassified Files: A Series of True Events Being Brought To Light – October 11 2017

I had been writing to myself, to others, to persons I know, as well as to persons I’ve only met.  I had been writing to them about events that happened to me, how I feel and felt, etc.  I gave them away believing that they had the power to make something out of it.  However, in doing so I gave away my power.

No one else has the right to tell my story.  If they wanted my story and stories they should have spoken to me without any disguise, proxy, or any other contrivance or barrier.  They should have made a deal, a contract, some form providing NO hidden meanings, or fine print to trip upon, stating clearly and in English terms and payment.  Instead, I had to pay for the privilege of seeing my work given to someone else.  Anger does not cover what I feel.

So, I am taking all the writings I had addressed to someone else and posting them here.  I am taking them from someone else’s hands and placing my work back to me.  If you want it come and get – Do not copy, copy?!

To me it does not matter if this material does not make sense to you, the reader at this point it is more important for me to regain possession of my own work, and words.

Some portions have been left out for my protection.

October 11, 2017

For David Wolfe only:

David,

I despise having to talk to you like this, since I do not wish to speak to you again.  You cannot undo the damage you have done.

1. The toilets at      : I am only able to use the one toilet as it is the only toilet in the whole building that does not have a              in front of it, therefore it is the only toilet without                 .
2. I leave the light on in my garage because it is an               .
3. After having been told off about not walking                  , and for                  , I am no longer rearranging or making any changes whatsoever               . It is dumb and an absolute waste of time.
4. Again, I repeat there is NO REASON WHATSOEVER THAT I SHOULD EVER BE IN FEAR OF MY        !
5. The reason I do not walk in front of        is my experience has been they do nothing but invent ways to hurt me, so I have to spend money to fix it.

Do you know I still miss my Thursday and Tuesday?  And all my belongings.  I still believe I should not have given up the care of my mother.  This life you have done for me is just NOT worth living.  I thought my life was on hold before while I was taking care of her, and I would finally be able to start living and have a life, but you have taken that all from me.  If I had gotten that job at         in 2012 I could have started as a sales girl, but worked my way up to management, or a buyer, or a merchandiser.  I would have been able to take care of myself in my own home where I had created my whole life.  If I had gotten the job at           in 2012 I could have worked myself up to trainer or supervisor and been able to take care of myself in my own home.  I could have put money aside so I could have spent time abroad.

All of this has been designed to make me feel as though I am incapable of taking care of myself financially, but you have created that problem so I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE IN LIFE!!!!!

Do you not understand how painful and hurtful it was to not allow me to actually date men and have a life?!

Do you not understand how hurtful it was to see you ALL the fucking time on your motorcycle?!  You could have let me go and allowed me to date men who found me attractive, so I could have been living a life with love in it.

I remember the game building the railroad – I forget the name of it – where your name was in the credits.

It’s time to really end this fake        and give me back control over my own life.  It is time.

I will be forever grateful for those moments in college, but I cannot go back to them.  I do not see you the same as I did before.  Worse still, I no longer feel you in my heart or being.  I never thought that would go away.  I thought some part of you would remain, however it has been cut out of me.

I cannot tell you how disappointed I am in you that you have allowed people into my home as if you had the right to do so.  Also, I am so disappointed that you allowed them to ruin the taste of my       .  The        , the      , all of it is bad enough but it was personal to take away my           .  Which is what all of this really is – a personal attack.  What my time at          has taught me is that those in charge are afraid, frightened, jealousy, envious, and in all other ways malicious when it comes to my good looks, talent, taste, respect, sexuality, mind, and what was once love for you, David.  It is the only explanation to ruin someone’s looks – envy and jealousy.

I do not understand why I had to                                    .

I remember seeing you and Courtney kissing at the beach.  You two are a perfect couple.  Please leave me alone.

I remember you getting “married” to                       .  I remember you coming into the store as Rene after you unfriended me on facebook.

I so often wonder why you did what you have done.  I’ve thought if you had wanted me to feel more on equal footing with famous people, then your plan has backfired.  If your whole purpose was to humiliate, embarrass, and shame me then your plan succeeded.

I am so tired of talking to you like this.  I am so tired of having to yell at you.  I am so tired of living like this.  I have been more than patient.  Do you not understand that I have gone without a single personal contact, friend, or relationship of any kind for more than 3 ½ years closer to four?  Even field agents have contacts.  And, more importantly they actually agreed to it and signed up for it. I never did nor have.

I hear in my head how this never should have happened.  How there was no cause, or reason, or evidence of any wrong doing, or bad behavior even on my part.  I HEAR THIS               and I know this is not my voice saying this.

Do you know the other night             I was yelled at          for looking at a man and thinking to myself how handsome he looked.  ???!!!  Do you understand how out of control                  that you’ve allowed                 in my own head?!!  What is possibly wrong about thinking another man was attractive.  Even if I was married to the man of my dreams, happily in love, there is nothing wrong with looking at another man and thinking he is good-looking?!  To yell at me for that?!  After all these years of persecution, injustice, humiliation and shame somebody has the nerve to get upset with me IN MY HEAD for seeing beauty in a man?!  It is so disgusting I just want to slit my wrists.  Think about it for just a moment.  Think about it.

Do you know I see                                                                                                                                             – you gotta be kidding me?!

Do you know I saw the look on the face                                  that day at the courthouse, and all I saw was – you mean, this girl?!

Do you have any comprehension of how confusing any of this is?!

I am not yet done, but I am tired.  I need to lie down.  Which is why I know if given the chance I will live the rest of my life in seclusion somehow.  Away from any public life of any kind.

Cherith J Gjestland