I Have Stopped Believing

What a waste of time and money today was.

#1 Because I didn’t get what I wanted.  What I want.  What I am interested in.  The things I like do not matter.

I reach a threshold and then, I am done, fed up, pissed off, and D-O-N-E!

I am done believing in someone else’s rules that do not apply to me.

I got misdirected to a movie at the wrong time and theater.  I am done believing in signs, and double-speak.  I am over getting out-of-the-way and making U-turns because of signs in the roads.

I do not know nor did I ever believe that any man who I have ever known would wait years for while he continued to live a sex-less life.  I have never believed.

The worst dating experience of my entire life which lasted about a year, and I have to continue re-living that experience for YEARS?!!!  You got to be out of your fucking mind?!

David Wolfe, really all I remember anymore – I will no longer allow myself to remember anything else – is all the yelling that happened between us.  You constantly humiliating and embarrassing me, me yelling in response, yelling, yelling, yelling, and nothing more than angry words between us.

Can you imagine what it would be like being followed, being aware that you are being followed – for years?!  I know I stick out like a sore thumb (no pun, no hidden meaning) anymore – no, I think I’ve always had something that called attention to myself.

You know the reason why films have dailies?  So the actors can have some concept of how their character is coming across.  Well, I am no actor, writer, singer, or anything else which is why that doesn’t happen in my world.

It didn’t have to happen like this.  It didn’t have to be a secret.  I could have actually been hired with understanding straight-forward communication instead of trying to make me believe something that never was real.

I will never, never, never believe any famous actor or person knows me beyond they’re getting paid to be placed in front of me.

I am too angry tonight.  I am so over having to remember the past that I ended years ago.

Don’t I ever get to move on?!  I don’t ever get to have a life of my own anymore?

The world had moved on without me.  My heart has done the same.  I have been made to do otherwise.

Oh yeah, guess what I do like the rain, but I also like the sun on shoulders it makes me happy – somethings never change.