August 10, 2017
David Wolfe:
David,
I don’t know who else to send these to since you are the only one I know. I can’t stand living this way, unable to be healthy. Every time I buy something healthy, every time I buy something to help, or heal my skin it is ruined turned into something that has the opposite effect.
I cannot stand having to live off of snacks instead of cooking and eating real food. I am forced to live off of $1.00 frozen dinners and $1.00 pizza as it is all I can afford.
So, you are aware or people are aware when I watched Common – this happens with other movies and viewings – my mind was elsewhere. I wasn’t paying attention to the movie, I was off in my head zoning out. It is the only way I have been able to un-plug from the blue-tooth connection. The connection is a terrible burden on my mind compounded by the vast emptiness of this life I am living separate from the world.
I used to miss you until I had to work with you.
Also, my DVD collection is not entirely my own.
Can I tell you what a terrible kisser Mark was?!! Ugh! Can I tell you none of the men you set me up with were very attractive? Eric, was a great hugger. But, his conversation and lifestyle lacked any depth for me to be interested in him. Adam was the most attractive, but he never showed any interest in me. The same, his conversation lacked any connection. He kept talking about baby-mamma drama that he had with his ex-wife. I still have no idea who or what Gerry was.
Maybe, you thought I wanted or should or wanted to play the field. What I wanted was something real. What I want is a real connection with a man. What I want is real passion and not performance. Because that is all Edison was, me performing. I was aware there was someone else there at all times. I was aware there was something not quite right about him. I didn’t want to play pretend with boys (figure of speech). I wanted a real man to have of my own, spend time with, and consume any time I wanted.
Can I tell you, I believe it was you, David talking through Edison on the third morning? Do you remember me writing previously about how I did not want the third night to happen? Something felt off that time in an even more different way.
But, none of those men were real. You have left me alone for more than five years now. No real man-flesh to have as my own.
Can I tell you, when you, David as Tom had beer with me at the Brass Tap I felt no connection to you at all? I remember Nay. I remember you, David as Nay merchandising the shelves. Your forehead was sweating, kiss the lip – was a tell. The day Nay left, you David reached for me to give me a side hug. I was trying to be professional, it was my job. Business and pleasure do not mix.
Can I tell you, I am unable to close the window in my house? That is not fair to me. It was done purposefully.
Can I tell you, I can never go back the way of the high school? Since it has turned into choosing GAY?!
Las Vegas, never should have happened at the casino. I don’t know how else to say it. I felt tricked and manipulated into going into that casino. I had the worst time walking those streets of Las Vegas. I didn’t understand any of it, or why I was not allowed to eat anywhere I wanted. The only good part was the Grand Canyon and the Sky Walk since I’ve wanted to go there for a long time now. I wanted to ride the train to the Grand Canyon, take the donkey ride down. I wanted to take a trip down the river too.
I remember reading on your MySpace page about you being mugged in New York. I don’t know if that was real or a set-up anymore.
The Tivo commercial, the Kane furniture commercial, I don’t know who that was that set that up. The Tivo commercial was shot at a Best Buy in Carrollwood. I still remember what I wore, it was a turquoise dress with a plaid shirt that matched. The Kane furniture commercial, I was so far in the background no one could see me. That day I remember thinking, I wish I could have brought my mother, she would have enjoyed it. However, her stroke prevented that.
David, you should have protected me.
Can I tell you, I didn’t understand it at the time when I was at Lowe’s in December 2014 that I could have asked for a job? My preference has always been Lowe’s to Home Depot.
Please, stop talking about any of this having to do with love. None of this is love.
All of this is just pretend acting. None of this is real.
You should have let me date for real.
Do you know what this feels like? This feels like working 365 days a week, 24 hours a day without any break of any kind. My mind – truthfully – is in trouble, it is not the same anymore.
Can I tell you, when I was with Edison the tell was hearing, you have no idea what that does to me in reference to me keeping my mouth open while moving my tongue around?
Can I tell you, the reason I didn’t take the flip-fold that was signed by the inventor was I was mad at you?
Can I tell you, I don’t know if this is worthwhile writing you all these things? Can you find a way to let me know?
Can I tell you, I remember the Lasik appointment? The vanilla gorilla – Tosh.O – I believed was the doctor even though I couldn’t see him. Modern family was playing on the television. That could have been Sofia Vergara in the black paint. I just don’t find anyone or anything funny anymore.
Can I tell you, I just like those songs where I get to GRRRRRRR?
Can I tell you how tired I am of having to show my work to teacher? Quick-scan – Emma Watson, black paint, curly haired wig.
Can I tell you, that I remember waiting on a customer at TCS in elfa, I don’t remember the customer at all? The tell was the customer saying how much fun they were having and something to the effect of they couldn’t remember laughing so much before. It wasn’t until the first road trip, outside of New Orleans, having just watched the Insomniac did I make the connection. Dave Attell?
Do you know how ridiculously stupid it is to try and make me jealous when all of these men who have supposedly dated me, or been a part of my life let me know how many women they are fucking? Like I have a fucking choice about having a man that I want in my life. Any attractive available men can’t get anywhere near me.
I feel like writing to you David is useless. I don’t know what choice I have given the alternative.
Cherith J Gjestland
WE - DO NOT AGREE! 