It’s a Brain Thing

He is very far away from me.  There is a sadness there, I question.  It feels like it is not enough for him.

I question his approach to me, I believe, I feel, he should have done differently.  He’s chosen to step back, and coordinate as if I am a member of his team.  Talking at me, telling other’s to handle me as if I am a member of his team.  When he has felt and seen me differently.  So, I question why it is not possible to treat me more like a person with special knowledge and access and less like a person needing to finish tasks, chores, or a list of assignments.

He has grown greatly dissatisfied with the arrangement recently.

He is slightly frightened of me – this is a good thing.

Doubts circle his head.  Does he receive flak because of me.  Because I am only a civilian who comes from nothing?  Yes.

Astonished to find out he wanted me to visualize myself in dresses like those not off a sale rack, at a function where money was so abundant.

Outside a small town in Texas – oh, there are a lot of problems in my head going back to the first drive – I parked at a nursing home.  Why, I don’t know.  I was told to.  Walked around the landscape, through a neighborhood, there was a big cross, a school, more neighborhood, I got back to my car as the sun had just gone down.  The lights of the town below in front of me were twinkling in the dim light.  It was a beautiful picture.

Jerry Jones.  There is an unspoken connection.  He does and gives a lot away for those persons not seen.  A lot.  He feels it is never enough.  He’s probably right.  However, he gives to them.

While at Hilton, a trainer complimented me on my outfit.  I remember because as I can describe it now, it was not a compliment from her.  I was wearing denim overalls with a light sage green cardigan.  I had a scarf around my neck.  Make-up and hair neatly done.  I probably had my Sak’s Fifth Avenue loafers on, the shoes I don’t see.  See, I may have been overweight, yet in my head – I was not.  So, I didn’t read as a heavy woman.

My brain is too tired.  Synapses dulled, hurting, greatly unhappy.

You should know I am a little upset with you.  You are selfish with my time.  Greedy.  Am I disagreeing with you or someone else?

He wanted me to visualize me at a fancy function, in a gown.  It is not just because I wrote about it.  Then, what I get is bowling ball food, food and drink keeping my head unworkable and in bed.  Indigestion.  Bloating and pain.  Body unclean.  Leaving me un-wanting to brain-speak.

Yeah, you have approached me incorrectly.  Because you are dishonest in your feelings.

Lying down again.  Wash cloth on my head.