June 14, 2018

When I first brought home my three cats from the shelter, I was and am still grieving for my Thursie and Toots McGoots.  Thursday and Tuesday.

Sitting at my computer one day, Murphy, this orange and white cute guy of a cat.  Because Murphy is 100% guy.  G-U-Y.  He is all boy and has no problem whatsoever being cute or loving.  Jumped into my lap, curled up purring, and stayed there.

I wept.

Immediately.

I started weeping.

My mother.  How much my mother would have loved to have known a cat like Murphy.  It is what she wanted in a cat, a companion to keep her company.

Some know this story.  My mother had strokes for years.  Mini-strokes.  What was I to do?  I had to respect her wishes.  She didn’t always follow the doctor’s orders.

Once I called the police because she had gone driving, I have no idea how she was able to drive and drive back home.  Not a joke.  True story.  Her head…was, well…she was being protected I saw in her returning home.

When I saw the movie Matrix at the theater, I went because I was invited by a friend.  However, I was uneasy.  A social life is important, so I went.  I called my mother after the movie to check on her, she told me she was fine.  I didn’t believe her.  There was nothing else in her voice to tell me otherwise, I just did not believe her.

Driving home, I was – like a tightening in my lungs where I couldn’t expand my lungs to breathe, I was worried.  I didn’t know what to do.

I found my mother sitting down in the sun room looking out the sliding glass doors.  Her back was to me.  I was talking to her, it wasn’t until I walked in front of her that I saw the skin on the left side of her face had slid off.  Snowball was sitting next to her in the chair.  Curled up next to her because Snowball knew there was something wrong, she did what she could.  She stayed with my mother and didn’t move.

What to do?  How to react?  It was a mini-stroke.

I have not been able to forget the picture it created for me.

At first it looks peaceful.  Looking out the window at the scenery.  Sitting, enjoying the view.  It isn’t until I was able to face her that I saw the destruction and the killing.