Because He Asked It of Me

Because he asked it of me, I thought about it some more.

The truth is, I have no idea who was in charge of punishing me for using the correct toilet.  I would do it again.  I would make sure that I did not use a toilet after speaking in my head to Michelle Obama.  It is more important that criminals are locked up.

It is beyond reprehensible to me to associate a toilet with a person or the color of their skin.

I would do it again.

Yes, I choose correctly when I voted.  My well of truth told me so.  If you hadn’t noticed I was ready long before anyone showed up.  See, I made the connection between the man I saw from Africa and Matt Damon.  Now, how could I do that?!  Did they tell me, or did I do that?!

The great thing about Matt Damon is when I spoke to him while working at Disney the second time my stomach was pulled to my backbone.  He was the opposite of a bloated belly.  I’ll let you go through all his movies to figure out the connections.

The difference was this morning.  No one has any idea how exacting, demanding, difficult, and unlike anything in the world – what they have done to my body and living this kind of life – is like.

He asked it of me this morning.

I would ask you to understand that every single person in the world gets to be mad at me, co-workers, neighbors, people driving by, my employers, former acquaintances, supervisors, managers, people on the street, anyone and everyone gets to be mad at me, yelling at me, saying horrible things, torturing me, hurting me, harming me, depriving me, isolating me, and what I get to do in return – is just take it.

I reach a breaking point.  I am only human.

Me screaming horribleness is usually a breaking point.  Screaming just so somebody will finally hear me.

If you think about it this is more than a problem for me.

What happens when you torture a prisoner to get information?  Do they tell you the truth or do they scream just to be heard?

Remember I did not choose this life, I would leave in an instant never to return.  So, what was the point of all of this?  These years?

I have no idea who was in charge or allowed to be in my head leading up to me blaming Michelle Obama for what happened to my hair.  Whoever was in charge should be fired and not allowed within the premises or anywhere near me.

The same holds true for my weight loss choice.  I was made beyond violently ill because I choose something else than what I was told to do.  I am not trying to lose 50 or 100 pounds again.

I saw him.  He is not a purchase.

Do they not understand that people are not products, objects, brands, items, or for sale?!

I saw him.  There was nothing wrong with him.  However, I chose correctly.  For it I was made violently ill.

Do you understand how many times I have chosen correctly the first time to be made to go through it all over again told to do it differently only to in the end be told I was correct the first time?!

To be yelled at, written up for doing what I thought was extraordinary is beyond my comprehension.  To then be told it was all a performance and not real is beyond hurtful and disappointing for me.  Because the damage caused was most definitely real.