August 8, 2018
Day 1, 590
Male Born Men Only, Beards Only. No Fairy, Gay, No Skirt Wearing, Surgically Altered Men Allowed.
I will not apologize for the preface. This is not discrimination. This is about correctness.
Currently I am doubled over with severe stomach cramps. Why? I have no idea. This has happened repeatedly. All I am able to think of it is nothing but pure meanness at my expense.
All these years, my entire life only amounts to dollar signs in someone else’s eyes. What I buy. Placing women in front of me as if they could ever be a purchase. Placing men in front of me for the same purpose.
I am beyond disheartened. It is beyond repulsive to me. It is mortifying. It is shameful. I am so sickened. What hope could I ever have for a life living in this way?
I am beyond words. Being made to live for years without love at all. Being made to live for years without being able to make love to a man in the flesh. For the entire purpose of setting me up on fake dates that was nothing more than placing names on food products as if people could or should ever be bought or purchases. It’s…it’s…it is so sick in its concept the fact that I have had to live in this way it is not something I would ever do. Because of what it places in the world throughout the universe.
I am nothing more than a something to these people. A something to consume. A something to push food in her mouth. A something to watch et nauseum endless movies with pieced together editing and dialogue trying to make me believe a something that isn’t true.
Not to mention the photograph of my cat that someone has distorted that I will not change because I am still so distraught.
I am so unbearably heart-broken, sick with grief, and distraught. Why should I possibly continue?
I no longer have a purpose in life.