Four Days Off – Something’s Wrong

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September 22, 2018

Need I remind you that since 2014, I have had only 4 days off with pay.  Would you be able – because this is the comparable – to work a television show every day for more than four years with only 4 days off?  I didn’t think so.  Also, people who work on a television show have staff, money and income, and more staff.  What is done to me is a constant upgrade in difficulty for everyday living and my everyday life.

Instead of receiving an order and delivering it as ordered I am at a constant fix this problem, return this item and do it this way instead, do this, then do that, no, do it this way now, no, do it this way now, and so on and so forth.

I am so sick of pizza.  Sick of potato chips.  Sick of junk food and not being able to eat as I would normally.  I heard my brother while at work.  He said, Cherith.  I am behind you, Cherith.  100%.  Of course, I ordered family pizza with a coke zero for more than one reason.  My brother is still my family.

What has happened to my real father?  Something is off there.  I feel nothing.

If you haven’t figured it out I am not interested in being adopted into any family of any sort, any kind, or at all.  It is as if to say my family is not good enough, I am not good enough, and I needed to be adopted by someone I would NEVER WANT AROUND!

Something has been wrong for several hours.  2:01 am.  Then, I understand that a person has been informed of my pizza purchase.  A family purchase.  A family pizza.  I have been so uncomfortable I have been unable to barely move or make noise.  I’ve barely spoken to my cats.

No, I do not believe anyone is able to keep me safe.  Because I am still here.  Still in this complex.

Know this I am going to be very careful with spending until I have my means of transportation back where it belongs.

It is not the day of the week.  It is not the number of the day.  It is for family alone.  I agree with Tim.  David and I are not good together.  I am good for David.  He is better around me.  However, he does not have the same effect upon me.  Just look at me.

Thursday has been used incorrectly in my home in front of the television.  Thursday was never a pusher.  Thursday was relaxed, calm, joyful, bright, happy to be around me, happy to discover things and animals.  And, no I do not and have not believed in pet-mates.  It is beyond disgusting.

Like all of my animals, this is what I give them; the freedom to be themselves, yet mannerly.

Tim has chosen very stable, good family men.  This is what I’ve seen.

I know that David has used the virtual hands.  However, I was unaware of who it was until after the fact.  I did not say, yes you may enter my home, my mind, and my body – ever.  I did not need training wheels.  I did not need to date him or anyone else through another person.  It has done permanent damage that will not be undone.  He could have spoken with me personally, approached me, he never has.  That says more about David than it does about me.  It is a hurt and heart-break that will never heal.  Not to mention isn’t he married?!  He did virtual hands while married?!  Gross!

The only way to get better is for me to move on.

Something feels very wrong again – all around me.

I see how there has been a selling point in this sleeping virtually with me.  Just because your married doesn’t mean you stop fantasizing about other women.  You’re not technically cheating on your wife to fantasize about other women.

Except there is a difference because they do have to do something to be able to see me while I am at home.  I NEVER agree to it.  I NEVER allow it.  I have no choice in the matter.

…something’s wrong.

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