I Do Not Think Like Her, Thank God!

Disclaimer: Men Born Male Only, No Gays, No Skirt Wearing Fairies, No Transgender, No Tires, No Women Allowed!  No African-American men.  This is about properness and correctness.




September 29, 2018

They do not get irony around here.

I am miles and miles down the road because I know they are waiting on me.  I do not think like her, thank God.

I want to know why she has been allowed near me after the atrocities she has been a part of, contributed to and with, and the conspiracies against persons she has been a part of.  It is so disgusting.

She actually threatened the life of David, his loved ones, and his family because I washed my garage door – restoring whites – and drinking white family wine after seeing her disguised as a black man wearing gold glasses and a fake beard, saying in my head, annoying.  Annoying is hardly an insult.  I cleaned to be clean not as revenge.  I do not think like her, thank God.

If any of you have believed that I have completely understood what this driving has been about all these years, you are wrong.  I do not think like that.

I have asked for nothing less than a restraining order, to have her removed, to never have to speak with her again.

I am a better person than her because I still would want nothing than the very best version of herself for her.  One she might not be able to see herself.  I hope and pray I never have to see or hear from her again.  I want her to live her own life away and separate from mine.

I, who have been denied a physical male relationship for almost my whole life.  I am 47 years old and have never been loved by a man and shared a life with him since my very early twenties because of surveillance and their involvement.  It is more than a shame.

My life would be better off if I was dead because this is not living.  Shame on you.  Shame on all of you.  I have been doing this too long.

I wanted nothing more than to be able to tell David how much he meant to me.  After becoming Facebook friends, I fb messaged him about seeing him following me around town.  He denied it and wrote that I was delusional.  I would never treat him in such a way.  I have never treated him in such a way.  I would never treat him as an animal or call him a dog.

The love I had for him does not go away, however a man or any person who has treated me as he has I am not able to think well of anymore.  It was planned to be that way.

Families are imperfect.  People are imperfect.  There is nothing wrong with that.  I am miles and miles down the road, universes away in my mind and do any of you actually think I am able to be reduced to a pizza box?!  Shame on you.  Shame on all of you.  It’s disgusting.

I am not in any way interested in continuing a conversation or working with this woman in any way.  She has more than proven she does not have the capacity for understanding.

There is a reason I said, I am going to take this box away from you.

There is a reason I said, I want to move on.

I am more than disgusted that the public has believed the disguise of all of this.

Do you have any idea the psychological harm it has done to be toilet-trained as an adult?  It says more about her and them than it does about me.

To have my whole work life focused on my underwear says more about them than it does about me.  It says more about their inability to comprehend the psychology behind it.  Then, it does about me.

To be subjected to endless visuals of babies and children after being robbed of my reproductive organs and being denied a life where I can share a physical relationship with a man is nothing more than torture, an attempt at brain-washing, and psychological abuse.

To be subjected to masturbation as the only sex is nothing more than torture.  To be subjected to unknown persons filming or viewing me while masturbating is disgusting.  They have no excuse.

To be presented with endless men in front of me that I am not able to have a physical relationship with, to hear in my head, do you find him sexually attractive?  For the purpose of me going home and masturbating to their image, so she and they can watch the images in my head says more about them than it does about me.  It is so disgusting.  It is so shameful.

How many more lives need to be lost for entertainment?!  I am so disgusted and so ashamed.

I have no idea what David could possible have been thinking in taking part in these years.  I have felt over the last few days him going back in his mind trying to undo the damage, trying to change his present circumstances, either that or I am crazy.

These years should never have happened.  Never.  It should never happen to anyone.  It should never happen again to anyone.

A person who taints and adds bulk to food to keep them miserable, unhappy knowing it is not who they are says more about them then it does about me.

I would never do that to another person.  I would never place sedatives or drug another person’s drink.  I would never add mass to another person’s food.

I am not arguing with you or her.  It is their job to keep me employed not punch me in the face while at work.

I am no longer masturbating!  I am so disgusted that you, every one of you have denied me my right to happiness, a real psychical relationship with a man and the ability to share a life with him.  To be physically intimate with a man that was born a man who loves women who were born female.

I am so uninterested in having to write about this.

I am not interested in writing anymore about the her and the thems.

I would be better off if I was dead, I wouldn’t be living a lie.  Because this life is not worth living.  So, what motivation do I have to continue?

I wish my real family well.


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