Author: Hcdgvbbcfhhg

David, James, David – it is hardly a secret or classified if the whole world knows about it.

Don’t worry David, I won’t speak to you in movies as you did to me and I did in return that time has long since passed.

There is no going back to what was once before.

Communication is what?  And let’s not think too much about that – the spirit of the saying implies actual face to face conversation.  That is to say no disguise, or proxy of any sort, etc.

How you have taken the richness of my love and kindness, and treated me as an animal or a toy without any regard for my wishes.

I am beyond anger anymore.

To Whom It May Concern:

I would like to introduce myself, let you know some things about myself, what you can expect from me, and what I expect in return.  I want to make absolutely certain and understood what I will not tolerate within the workplace, in my free time, in my home, in my life, and in any other way I have not yet mentioned within the context of this letter.  I want to make clear and certain what the spirit of this letter intends if there is any room for doubt, or unmentioned specifics.

In applying for this job, I will not be playing a key role of any kind or sort.  I am unable to pretend I am anyone other than myself.  I will not copy myself after anyone.  I do speak English rather well; however, I do not speak code of any sort.  Also, if you want to know what I am thinking, ask me, I will respond out loud.  You will not have to go so far as the recesses of my brain for any knowledge about me.

I am not a spy, or a secret agent with any skill set.  I am not a dog, or a cat, nor am I any other kind of animal.  I am a middle-aged woman, so the time I was a baby has long since expired, therefore, I do not need to be housebroken, or toilet-trained at all.  It has no place whatsoever in the work place to begin with.

I am not a detective, or an investigator, or a police woman.  I am not a guinea pig, or a lab rat to be researched and tested upon.  I will not need to be told what to eat, when to eat, how much to consume, when to drink, or in any order by management, or by any other means.

I am not an actress.  I do not have the stomach for it.  I am not a singer, or a performer, a painter, an artist, or a writer.  I have a very good brain, so I am not in need to be told what food, clothing, or supplies to purchase.  I do not need to be told how to spend any of my free time, my days off, my vacations, my sick or personal time, or any other time while not on the clock.

Understand this, no person of any sort will be allowed permission into my home while I’m at work, or while I am at home.  Furthermore, no person of any sort will be allowed remote access into my home virtually or any other means – at all.

Good thing for you, I will never be able to be pregnant.  It is an impossibility.  Again, I am unable by any means to become pregnant, carry a baby, or by any other means have a natural child.  I have lost a lot of weight in my life, so you will see I will remain quite slim and healthy.

When driving to work, I will choose the fastest and most cost-effective route.  I will not zig-zag, or choose specific lanes based on anything other than the fastest means possible.  While I am not a race-car driver I will get to work fast and in a safe manner.  I will not be playing a driving game or any sort, nor change lanes for any other reason other than the fastest route possible.

I am looking for employment in an allergy-free environment.  I will accept nothing else.

Competition that creates division, hurt feelings, and in any way alters a person normal bodily function is unacceptable in the workplace.

While I have a light-hearted and good sense of humor, the workplace is not a place for pranks or tricks or any sort.  If humor comes at the expense of a person’s feelings either financial or mental it does not belong in the workplace.  If humor causes humiliation, shame, suffering of any sort, embarrassment, or creates ill-will, or sexual harassment it does not belong in the workplace.

I see great and wonderful things within people, places, animals, and the environment.  I will not allow any good, kind, and wonderful things that I see to be taken from me, turned against me, or in any other way perverted.  Even if someone calls it art.

My vision is unique.  My mind is unique.  As I am – for no one else can be me, but me.

I am a wonderful employee.  No one works harder than me.  I can say this with certainty because no one in the entire world works the way I work.  There is not a single business that wouldn’t profit from my employment.

What I expect from my employment is an allergy-free environment, to be treated as an equal among my peers, with respect for my person, my feelings, my life, to be listened to, to be allowed my own future, and choice with what I want in life, and how I to earn a living.

Thank you in advance for my employment,

How fucking dare you, DKW!

You brought me here under false pretenses!  How can this ever be my home when I have no control over my own body, let alone the privacy of my home when I am away!

This house is not open for you or anyone to enter of any such nature!

You do not need to enter my house to spy on my computer, I will tell you here!

Who would honestly care about whether or not they have seen a celebrity or famous person when the WHOLE purpose of placing them in front of my eyes is for the sole purpose of THEM BEING ABLE TO HUMILIATE ME!  To laugh at me while I am working!

I have been more than patient 2014!  One or two years was three and 1/2 years ago.  But, the truth is THIS has been going on for too many years.  It has been longer than 2012 even though that is when everything started to go into full swing.

I could have found a job – if you had not stopped me, interrupted my computer and internet service.  I could have started somewhere, anywhere and worked my way up, so that I could manage on my own.  But, you have not allowed me to do so!

How fucking dare you!  Lines have been crossed – and you allowed them to do so.

More than inappropriate within the workplace.

How could you treat me so unkind?!

How could you betray me so?!

Overwhelming!  Beyond overwhelming!  You place a burden on me everyday from which I can no longer lift my head.  I do not need a task list, a chore list, projects to do around the house, I do not need to be told what to purchases, or products, or supplies, or anything of the sort.

Give me back my life.

Give me back my freedom.

I will hide in the farthest reaches of the world where no one can find me to humiliate me further.

We all create moments in our lives.  We all have moments where our brain seizes the moments takes a snapshot in our memory to carry with us throughout our lives.  There are two I recall recently that set a reminder to me of what can be created long after the building has been completed.

Travelling is a great way to discover different people, food, love, and discover something new about yourself too.  I am recalling moments when my breath was taken in a gasp of wonder.

Asheville, NC is a beautiful place full of small-town goodness when I was there so many years ago.  Rounding the corner from the dense forest of shaded green, I came into the clearing before The Biltmore Estate.  My mind took a picture as I was struck by the beauty of the building.  How could a person live in such a home of such size and brilliant splendor.

Lucy, I’m home!  

Is what I imagined.  As my mind imagined Lucy and Ricky Ricardo living in The Biltmore Estate where the fireplace is bigger than my kitchen and bathrooms combined.

However, magnificent The Biltmore Estate and Property is I felt a certain melancholy, a sadness, or a unfulfilled desire driven to dust lying everywhere about.  It is remarkably grand.  It is precise and carefully laid-about.  Perhaps it is the burden the Estate demands to stay alive that I felt.

Nevertheless, The Biltmore Estate was a moment witnessed I can not, nor do I want to forget.

My twenty-fifth birthday I got to celebrate with a cruise and a trip.  The cruise kept me up drinking and laughing, so when I started on my trip to Canada I was beat.  Interesting snapshots of the metropolis of Montreal in juxtaposition with cathedrals.  The best potato soup and bread ever at a little diner of a truck stop along the road.  The Victorian house B&B we stayed at before crossing the St. Lawrence River.

On the ferry, crossing the river, standing on the highest perch, I saw Le Chateau Frontenac.  I was struck.  My mind took a snapshot.  It was gloriously magnificent.  Overseeing all around with a grand un-apologetic splendor.  Funnily enough, I still remember the man at the front desk who flirted with me as we checked-in complimenting me on my glasses.  Which I took great trouble in finding the half-tortoise shell/half rim-less glasses that were way too chic and fashionable for the small town and state I arrived from.

There is no doubt in my mind when they started to build on Le Chateau Frontenac it was to create a statement of claim and superiority.

I am still awe-struck.

The great thing about travelling, the reason I travel is more than to create the memories and bring back photos of great times and beautiful places.  I need to smell the air, feel the sun on my skin, the wind in my hair, watch how the sun makes shadows on the pavement.  These are the small things that cannot be taken with a photo, or a blurb on a blog, they can only be felt and witness by the traveller.

Which was me.

It’s a problem when you don’t like the person you are anymore.  I have been turned into someone else’s creation of who they think I can and should be.  But, I can no longer stomach to look at myself in the mirror anymore.  My eyebrows pinch together in hard angry sternness.  The color in my eyes has gone.  I used to receive compliments all the time on the color and shape of my eyes, and the quality that can only be seen and felt first-hand when you meet another person’s gaze has left my heart permanently.

Only a jealous person would be so low as to harm another person to take away their natural good looks.

I am so sick of the abuse I endure because I have no other choice in the matter.

Worse still, I am so sick of the good and lovely, the joy, the kindness, the beauty, the pleasant, the astounding, the sad, and the broken, the lonely, and the afraid I see in others, in my surroundings taken from me as if it is their right to do so.  Then, cast in false disguise, claimed as art and regurgitated back to me as a truth and real.  When I know it is a perverted portrayal.

The me that used to command attention wherever I went because it simply came out from everywhere of my being – has left me entirely.

So, what is there that remains?  A nothing.  A void.

What’s in a name?

Does a name have meaning?

My parents named me after a brook in the bible.  1 Kings 17:3 or 5 depending on the version you’re using.  Elijah sat by the brook Cherith and the ravens fed him.  Because at the time King Ahab was seeking Elijah to kill him for being a believer, spreading the word of God, etc.  As the story goes God told Elijah where to go, where he would be hidden from the wrath of the King, where he would be safe.  My parents believed they had given me a totally unique name.

The next day my father came across a missionary tract he flipped through it, then on the last page was an excerpt from a missionary working in South Africa named Cherith Till.  Ironically, my father was born and raised until he was 16 in South Africa.

So, not so unique after all?  Or, it that God’s way of saying we’re all connected after all?

I’ve looked up the meaning of my name several times.  I’ve never been especially poud, or protective, or worried about my name and it’s pronounciation.  Growing up kids never had a problem with my name or saying it correctly the first time.  It was always adults who struggled with it.  A C-H and a T-H all in one word seemed to confuse people.  I could almost see their brain working.  Do I say the C-H or the T-H?  Cherish, Cheryl, Susan, Sheri, all kinds of versions of my name would I here repeated back to me.  Normally I would correct them a few times and then stop if they still couldn’t get it.  It’s a hard name to pronouce.  I understand.  It goes against the standard Americanized versions of easy names.  Nothing wrong with easy names to pronouce, or American names, I just don’t have one.  So, I never wanted to make a person feel bad if they were unable to get it.

Example: Junior softball.

My mom trying to get me out of the house, she signed me up for softball.  I didn’t ask to, I didn’t want to.  However, after moving from California where I practically lived outdoors to Oregon the weather made it more difficult to enjoy being outside.  I forgot about the day I was supposed to be ready to go to softball practice.  When my ride showed up I was in my room playing with my make-up kit.  You know the kind for kids made out of wax?  Do you know wax make-up is hard to wash off?  My coach was actually my ride, and I went to my first practice with a badly made up face.

My coach could not for the life if him say my name.  The hard C-H and the T-H was just too difficult.  He said how about I call you Sheriff.  Uh-ok.  Fine.  Whatever.  I know my name even if you don’t or can’t say it correctly.  It’s just never been a point of contention.

I like my name.  I think it’s a fine name.

Years later, here I am in Florida.  Here I am still in Florida.  I wanted to move.  I wanted to leave.  I was tired of being here for so long.  I wanted to be somewhere else and see somewhere else.

I was going to move away change my name almost as a way of shedding this oppressive life here.  I had other reasons for wanting to change my name.  How difficult is it to search for the name Cherith and find me?  Not that hard.

Do you know that it’s snowed in Florida before?  It snowed and it stuck on the ground.  Florida was wrapped in a blanket of white for a few hours.  I was 18 years old working at a big retail store that is no longer in business.  Not a single person was in the store because Floridians hardly know how to drive when it rains let alone while its snowing.  Looking out into the early night watching the snow fall under the street lights.  Cleaning the jewelery counter – again, and again.

It was a beautiful scene I play in my head.  I’ve always loved watching it snow.  How it changes the scenery which is usually dull and gray barren of greenery into a prestine landscape.

The story continues…

Oh boy, what a day!

I have been living both night and day and it’s killing me.  I just don’t know how to manage my life anymore since it’s become out of my control.

So, I’m taking back control – as much as possible –  of my life.  I have to go back to being a planner, organizing my day, and preparing my own path for my future.

I have set a budget for myself that I will stick to instead of flying by the seat of my pants, or winging it as it hits me in the face, so to speak.  I need t have my budget followed and respected.  I will use my budget plan and guideline – it is a must.

So many things in my life have changed in these last few years.  My wants for my life have changed.  I am middle-aged, I have to plan for my retirement.  Let alone determine the quality of life I want to have before then.