Author: Dgbcfhn

I am not in a relationship of any kind.

There is no man in my life that I am seeing, dating, or involved with.  A real man does and says so in person.  I am under no understanding of being in any relationship with any man whatsoever.

Here I am running a race against time, yet again.  No wonder I deleted Washington Post.  Any thinking person would choose not to work 5 or 6 hours everyday for free in addition to the 12 hours I already work.

This will have to wait.

A hard-boiled egg and an apple is what I used to take with me every day to work.  Protein and fiber.  Until, I discovered my car was being illegally broken into and my lunch was being tampered with.  I had to stop eating lunch all together.

Two things of the utmost importance: I was being emotionally beaten to death last night while at work.  Draining me of energy.  They lost their fucking mind when I said out loud and, in my head, I want my employer to succeed and business to do well.  Lost their mind.

Know this: I will NEVER disrespect the office or position of any First Lady or Former First Lady by peeing.  Do you understand this thinking?  I verbalized, spoke out-loud when I was being forced and made to use a particular bathroom stall.  I am not a peeing dog, cat, or animal.  I will not stoop so low as to disgrace not just First Ladies, but EVERY single woman and female of my sex, and yes, men too, by allowing such a thing to happen.  It is more important that criminals are caught and locked away than being a peeing animal.

I paid for it with my hair.  Hair they took from my scalp and broke off my long hair.  Michelle Obama, I paid for it with my hair.

I would do it again.

Yes, I was correct in my voting.  It was a good well of truth.

Still keeping secrets, I have worked with Maurice since bringing him home.  He used to walk with his tail tucked under between his legs.  This is not a good thing for a cat.  I’ve talked with him, petted him, told him how much I love him, made him feel special.  Now, he is the boy who plops down on the floor smooshing his face against the door jam and says to me, Cherith what are you doing now?  Are you doing the dishes?  I love my house.  It is so much better than being on the street.

Predictive Program – stop pretending that this is anything more than a program where you use Cherith’s likes and interests enter them into a program to determine what movie or show she is likely to watch next.

This is not personal to anyone or any man.  It is their job, their j-o-b and nothing more.

I am nothing more to any of these men.

Day 1,546 of my imprisonment and separation from the world and men.

No, you can fuck right off, I am not going on the Master cleanse.  If you thought about it, you would understand.

We are going on a diet, so it will be coffee for me.  Have your coffee your way, I will take mine how I like it sugar and milk.  Fat-free and artificially sweetened for now since my way of thinking about food is off the table.

Rice cakes, with peanut butter and grape jelly.

And, all the water I can drink because every day I am denied access to water and food while working leaving me dehydrated and my metabolism off.

We will not be speaking.  Look at my hair line.  I am beyond words with any of you.

I who have done NOTHING but defend the rights of all people and persons and THIS is what I get in return?

Deal Breaker.

I will be dreaming of new men.

Try that for a story, a man trying to earn back the faith, belief, and love a woman gave him.  Good luck with that, all the he’s will need it.  Oh right!  But, they were never real to begin with or I wouldn’t have to live this way!

I do not believe anymore.

There was no reason whatsoever that I should have walked in to find all the authorized only access opened.

I do not believe the events of April 23, 2018 or April 24, 2018 as they had been portrayed to me as real.

I believed them to be real.  I believed in what I was doing – it was not real.

If it was real what I got in return from my employer, from my supervisor was to be YELLED at!

I don’t believe anymore!

I have deleted Washington Post, CNN, BBC news, and Bing from my devices and computer if you want to know the reason why look at my hair line.  I am beyond words at the abuse of power.

I will not be looking around in my car anymore, I do not believe.

It was all a lie, or you wouldn’t have had to cheapen the events.

I am so beyond words of upset.  It is a deal-breaker.  It is more than a gross judgement of error.

Try getting that back, me believing in any of it.

You, every participant fucking lied.

I do not believe anyone I heard was real, anyone talking through someone else was real, I don’t believe I understand people – OR I WOULD BE TREATED DIFFERENTLY AT WORK!  TO BE YELLED AT FOR DOING THE CORRECT THING?!!!

I WILL NEVER BELIEVE AGAIN! 

DEAL BREAKER!

You have no excuse for what you did to my hair.  None.

Justifying your actions after you’ve caused damage is beyond words.  They cause damage, yet never correct their actions or misdeeds.  They never correct a problem.  A credit after a purchase is not the same as correcting a problem – it never equals the same amount.  They never correct the damage done or a problem.

You can fuck off if you think I will ever be wearing a hat to work again!  You will look at the gross damage you caused – for no reason whatsoever!

Stop using David Wolfe!  Stop hiding behind David Wolfe!  They use David Wolfe to create a reality or truths that ARE NOT REAL!

It is only beneficial to me and my employer to believe and want the best for my employer, he should NEVER be my adversary.

They honestly want me to no longer believe in the US military?  That it still has a purpose and function?  That the US no longer needs a military branch?  Are you fucking kidding me?!  Dumbest thing to think of!  Only a copy cat unable to grasp intelligent thought would think otherwise.

I no longer believe in my work.

I want another job.

Day 1,545

I am working on this.  Writing, dreaming, feeling, thinking about food.  It is difficult to say the least.  I get to a point writing in my head when…it all falls away from me.  I don’t want to move.  I don’t want anything.

I would really like to be upset about the loss of my sensuality, but then going to work and being stalked in the bathroom just adds to the problem.  I have no safe places.  Going to work is the last place I want to feel sexualized.  No person should be sexualized – AT WORK!

I should never have had to prove my sex or sexuality.

There is no reason whatsoever for me to have to live like this.  None.  It is immoral.  Decades of my life gone because I have been under surveillance.  Decades gone because being watched kept men away from me.

Before anyone creates another falsehood when I moved back home my family had adopted two cats that had been found in a plastic bag.  Anastasia, Tay-shee for short and Tiffany.

It is with great purposeful intent that I have been kept heavy and uglified, so men will not find me attractive and I will not want to be desired by men.

You have been of the wrong mind-set for me from the beginning.

I wanted to share something different, I am not a machine, feelings and emotions create my reality – not ghosts.

I am used to running 4 or 5 days a week for 45 minutes to an hour AND working out to DVD’s.  I have not been able to go running since 2016.  From 2014 to 2016 it was rough, filled with bad experiences while running.

Forget about code.

Forget about movies.

Forget about everything else…for just a moment.

An espresso and a latte not the quickly hurried lattes at coffee shops with slightly warmed milk, a properly made latte made at the proper temperature with proper proportions of espresso and milk.  In either order with a glass of water.  I baked a crusty country white bread, cut thick on the diagonal to get greater crust, fresh Amish butter slathered to the end of the crust so that the butter drips down here and there.  A generous amount of a wonderful orange marmalade, I made, slathered on the slightly toasted bread.  Toasted just enough so there are browned crusty bits and not completely browned.  Napkins are required for this meal when biting into the toast a drip a butter from the corner of your mouth appears, dab.

We eat outside.  I have an outside dining area that serves many functions that I made on my property.  Driving along, going to auctions and estate sales, I have salvaged and reclaimed wood from barns, farms, and other properties where no one else saw value.

It is a square shaped building on concrete, the walls are not solid, I’ve left out slats and lumber for there to be a breeze that will keep the structure cool – naturally.  The roof is vaulted.  The enormous rectangle table was made also from the reclaimed wood, designed to be taken apart where the table top can be stored on the wall on hooks, and a built-in for the legs.  Allowing the floor to be open for other activities.

There is a wood-burning pizza oven off in the distance with a stone path to it that can be seen from the open views of the open dining room.  There is a fireplace with a mantle on one wall for ambiance and warmth when needed.

On this day I have used my linen tablecloth from Barbados (true story) and my antiques dishes.  While we eat apple blossoms float through the air creating the sense of time – there is no hurry.

Looking around, there are wildflowers I planted next to raspberry bushes and a bubbling bird bath next to a batch of Aspens whose leaves flicker in the sunlight.

That is all I have for now, it could have been much greater.

I will be keeping some secrets between the he’s and I, only they will know where they are in my writings.

I want to live my life, not tell or write to you about it.

When I first adopted Murphy and he curled up in my lap, I told him I was going to get a rocking chair, so he and I could be more comfortable.  I told him I could read a book while he was in my lap enjoying our company, sitting and rocking.  Then, Murphy stopped sitting in my lap until fairly recently.

As if someone heard me talking to my own cat and did not like me connecting, creating a bond, and enjoying myself in my own home.  Do you understand this?  With malice, deceit, and effort while I have been living in this house someone or several people have gone out of their way to make sure I do not enjoy or have a bond with my animals.

It is disgusting.

There has been planned events with the wrong oversight and vision in place.  I had wanted to go see the movie Sicario: Day Of The Soldado, then I looked in the mirror and remembered the malicious and cruel acts of my hair breakage and loss.

You will not be seeing me there.  I am putting a stop to it.

Day 1,544

I am so far behind schedule because I had to take time off to grieve and mourn my life.  I am not creative, nor a thinker surrounded by disorder, chaos, or filth.  So, I am behind yet again.  Unable to go outside, get my packages, or my trash as it is more important to me to get this writing, out of my head to be relieved of it rather than – I am not fucking kidding here – being sent to the showers.

Do you understand this is what they are doing to me?

Sending me to the showers!

Not a single person, company, or agency stops this?!

I work the way I work and not the other way around.  I will neither apologize nor stand down from clarifying and demanding for my rights.  This is not discrimination of any kind to turn it into something it is not is an act of grand dumbness, and nothing more.  As I am having to sit on top of cardboard on my chair because of the damage a person has done improperly to my chair.  Because I dare to write – THE TRUTH!  And not the other way around.

No, I am not going to decode Jungle Book for you, I got it.  I don’t believe it.

Let it be known Murphy’s name upon adoption was Donnie.  I’ll leave you to figure out all the derivatives of the name Donnie.  Murphy with the M under the skull pattern in his fur on his head.

The three boys had so much fun with the strawberry leaves, yummy.  They ate them all.  And, had so much fun!

Lambert’s head has an antler pattern in his fur on his head, but it can be many things.  There is also a skull, it is the smallest and thinnest skull of the three boys, it also can look like a tree.

My brother was born jaundiced.  Some people know this.  Can anyone think of any song lyrics?  My brother and I differ in that my brother takes after our mother’s side of the family and I take after our father.  As far as genes are concerned.

My father’s side of the family is strong and healthy with very few health concerns.  They are Norwegians.  I’ll leave you to the history books if you need to understand more about Norwegians, conquerors, and breeding lines.

Aladdin, I watched only because of one man I saw.  I will write no more about it.

Blood drive, if you wondered why I won’t sign up for a blood drive take a look at my right leg.  I have a bruise on my right calf near my ankle from the first car “accident” that in five years has not yet healed.  I also have a Y shaped spider vein on my right leg.  Yeah, cause that’s normal!

I believe it to be food poisoning.  I do not believe I was anemic and needed surgery.  They did it on purpose.  I will never again believe otherwise.

I will never understand it either why a person or company would want to take away my ability to have children.

I am the last of my blood line.  I will not be able to have an heir.  Is this a royal connection?  If you believe it at all?  Because I will not be able to continue a blood line because I can no longer have children.

I will never understand why they have placed me here without the possibility of being able to have men.

Someone has to pay for the damage done to me.  Someone has to be held responsible for what has happened to me.

You cannot make a person gay.

I am at a loss to understand the reason to be any other purpose for the surgery, this house, and the surgery.

To be clear, I never had cancer.  The reason for my surgery was not because I had cancer.  But, then again there was no reason for me to have surgery either.

So disgusted.

It looked like Brian Wilson in the audience.  I saw him on the side of the road.  At the time, I said I wanted to extend them into my own family.  It’s a brain and heart thing.  I can’t explain.

I saw an ex-wife while driving.  There is so much pain there.

This is a family with a lot of love in it.  There is so much love.

At the time, I said they need to be able to speak to one another because there is so much love.

I heard, does Brian want help?  I said, yes.  The answer has always been yes for him.

I said that what is going on in his head might be manifesting itself physically.

I said it might be helpful to have more than one therapist perhaps at a table discussion, so that Brian could hear more than one person and not feel he is being told what to do.  Allowing him to choose the thinking he finds works best in his well of truth.

But, I am just an hourly wage employee.

There is a woman throwing flowers on stage, there seems to be more than one person as the head doesn’t match the body nor do the mannerisms match the event.

There were actually lots of people.

I have a limit.

It’s like code.  Code is a machine or a program that can function on its own.  Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick…it’s a metered-out mechanism.

I have a limit because it cannot be done in the same way it is used in a room.

Having me go back and write, because they demand of me at my paying job, is not how it is used in a room.  There is more than one type of room.  Some are bigger than others.

The way a person talks to each other in a room in not the same way you might speak to them outside of a room.

There is the young blonde man wearing a sweater who on the surface looks fine, yet why does he look like an orphan to me?  Did he get held?  Talked to?  Cuddled?  Played with while growing up without parents?

It is a big deal that I talked about in my head while at work because the children, children become citizens of our future.  They are the doctors, nurses, lawmakers, and the caregivers when we get old and need help taking care of ourselves.

I could go on another multi-page docket about the need to protect our children…I am behind schedule, I am only one person and yesterday was not good for me.

This one I imagine people have been waiting for although my guess he is not a big breakfast person just like me.  I am not writing it in a Coffee and Breakfast, I am going to do something else there instead.  Wearing a long jacket – there is another song there – he was walking in the background of the theatre – this Russian man.

Thinking of a theory while at work they prompted Whoopi Goldberg’s relative to walk by me in hopes I would share my thought – It must be really threatening for a man to see a woman with and using physical strength.

So, he wore the long jacket because she was wearing a long jacket.

The theory being that if there was a “terrorist-type” criminal being detained, they had a captive audience.  They could stream footage to one or multiple persons being held and detained.

Now, I don’t follow this thinking because it is illogical.

Listen, it is illogical for any person to not want for the betterment of all of man-kind.

However, if a man of a certain thinking saw me with great strength, unashamed how very threatening it would be to his thinking as I would be seen as an equal in thought, in respect, and position.

An equal who could stand beside him.

Let me remind you there is an Old Testament and a New Testament.  We live in New Testament times.

Another essay I could write about the purpose of living by grace, but I would rather write other stories.

At times, I quite despise puzzle pieces.  I am of the complete and absolute understanding that people do not have the complete truth – I do.

When I was trying to sell put family home – I never should have done, I should still be living there – a family, who appeared to be of Indian descent “pretended” to look at my home as if they were going to buy it.

How they lied to my brother.  How they lied to my father.  How they pretended and lied to my mother.

This family, the “grandfather” type ate pistachio’s.  He left pistachio shells throughout my home.  Who does that?  Who walks around a house as if it is the outside?!

Can you un-see a person?

Can you go back in time a never meet a man?  Never see his face or body?  How I wish this was possible.

I don’t believe in this anymore.  I believe it is all tricks and ways of putting information in my head rather than the real thing.  If it was the real thing, I would be getting better communication, credit.

I am writing specifically that this is not real.  Because to me this is real.  There needs to be more done for me, I will write no more about the lack on your end.

I always say it the same way, I always take my calls the same way, I always spiel the same way.  This I said more than once when I worked at Hilton.  I explained to more than one supervisor, it was a strategy I used to make sure I would get my scores the company used as grading to ensure quality.  I said my spiel the same every time so that I did not have to think, there could be no question.  It also allowed my supervisors to have faith in me and my work.  This is not the first time I used this way of working.

Using a former football player was done not for me, or for sports.  I believe they wanted me to write about this for some reason.

When I left Hilton, people know about this, yet it seems not every person involved is aware of this information.  When I left Hilton, I was in shock as I was at such a loss over David Wolfe.  When I returned to school in the fall and he was no longer there it was not the same for me anymore.  He meant so much to me I was in shock that a man in my life was gone – forever.

His best friend Andrew something…did his last name start with an S…I never formally met him.  However, I believe one afternoon after class Andrew followed me to my car calling my name, I didn’t turn around, Andrew gave up and left.

My guess is David missed and needed me too or his friend wouldn’t have tried to contact me.  Perhaps it is best that we never got to be friends again.  I was in shock and mourning a friendship gone.

If you are interested – Fair Game.  Opening montage, blonde woman in black and tan or khaki (for shoes I wore) is me at Hilton, men at back of truck all different pictures edited together, is this the VP of a different color?  Close shot of man’s eyeballs – real video of an interrogation.

Is this a picture of Oliver Stone?

Man, on bus meant to look like a Roy Campbell, eyes, not real color or shadow – FUCKING PROBLEM!

Belly of a man at the airport – HUGE FUCKING PROBLEM!

Operative, I see, I will not tell you the direction.

Are you actually using surveillance footage…of like, Saddam Hussein palace and residence and piecing it into films?  Or just mine?

Goddammit!  Who is facing me at the bar?!

No, I don’t like him.  This man walking opposite of a heavier version of a “me”.  No, no, no, no, no.

These two men at the table…are working?  Watching.  Real.

Don’t tell me that curly-haired boy-man is a real royal?

No, don’t tell me that man wearing a guard’s uniform is not that bad man I think he is.

Execution feet while Bush is speaking?!

I don’t know this spliced together face of the UK, but it is not all that it appears to be,

Mass murderer – you cut his hair and shaved his beard to shame him, tell me he is not a mass murderer.

Bad kid.

Or none of this is real at all.

You should know as I am sending this to my blog, I’ve dumped this information out of my head.  I will not retain it.

How many jobs do you expect me to have and do anyway?

Some people will find this information interesting.  The last grade I finished in public school was ninth.  I was home-schooled for a while went to night school, but the last grade in public school was ninth.  Then, ten years later I went to college.

Day 1,543.