Author: Dgbcfhn

Men Only Read:

I am going to keep this to a minimum because I am making you dinner.

How many times today did my neighbors purposefully wake me up while I slept?  Their ungracious behavior knows no bounds.

This is a breakfast from several days if not weeks ago.

Breakfast: A flax-seed, multigrain waffle or pancake, your choice, with a bit of butter, blueberries, real maple syrup – not the flavored corn syrup you get in the stores, a small bit of whipped cream, grated cinnamon, and sausages.  Coffee of your choice, brewed coffee, cappuccino, or latte served in a mug and saucer.  Cream and sugar, as always.  I am not now, nor ever interested in limiting mine or your decision making in your tastes.

I will not be poisoning you.  I will tell you how disappointing The Phantom Thread was to watch.  Horrifying to watch a couple, as one poisons the other, the other accepts it, then marries them?!  Its appalling.  Disturbing.  I was revolted.

Disgusting.  I was so upset I wish I had not made the purchase.

You have no idea what I am up against if you believed I would have enjoyed that at all.

Eat your food, I will do you no harm.

My men, I want NEVER broken.

I will not want my men hurt, harmed, or injured in any way.  These, my men I want, I insist, I demand to be nothing less than the best versions of themselves they sometimes do not yet know exists.

If you have to hurt the one you love to get them to love you in return – THAT IS NOT LOVE.  THAT IS SICK, AND SICKENING BEHAVIOR.

My men.  I am a staunch supporter for your very best health that does not come at the cost of illness or sickness first.

You have a long day ahead of you.

My heart is saddened and sickened from grief.

I will be of very little comfort to you.

October 11, 2017

For David Wolfe only:

David,

I despise having to talk to you like this, since I do not wish to speak to you again.  You cannot undo the damage you have done.

1. The toilets: I am only able to use the one toilet as it is the only toilet in the whole building that does not have a mirror in front of it, therefore it is the only toilet without itches.
2. I leave the light on in my garage because it is an air purifier.
3. After having been told off about not walking in the designated path, and for turning on the light in the bathroom, I am no longer rearranging or making any changes whatsoever to the bathrooms. It is dumb and an absolute waste of time.
4. Again, I repeat there is NO REASON WHATSOEVER THAT I SHOULD EVER BE IN FEAR OF MY JOB!
5. The reason I do not walk in front of _______ is my experience has been they do nothing but invent ways to hurt me, so I have to spend money to fix it.

Do you know I still miss my Thursday and Tuesday?  And all my belongings.  I still believe I should not have given up the care of my mother.  This life you have done for me is just NOT worth living.  I thought my life was on hold before while I was taking care of her, and I would finally be able to start living and have a life, but you have taken that all from me.  If I had gotten that job at Macy’s in 2012 I could have started as a sales girl, but worked my way up to management, or a buyer, or a merchandiser.  I would have been able to take care of myself in my own home where I had created my whole life.  If I had gotten the job at Progressive in 2012 I could have worked myself up to trainer or supervisor and been able to take care of myself in my own home.  I could have put money aside so I could have spent time abroad.

All of this has been designed to make me feel as though I am incapable of taking care of myself financially, but you have created that problem so I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE IN LIFE!!!!!

Do you not understand how painful and hurtful it was to not allow me to actually date men and have a life?!

Do you not understand how hurtful it was to see you ALL the fucking time on your motorcycle?!  You could have let me go and allowed me to date men who found me attractive, so I could have been living a life with love in it.

I remember the game building the railroad – I forget the name of it – where your name was in the credits.

It’s time to really end this fake reality and give me back control over my own life.  It is time.

I will be forever grateful for those moments in college, but I cannot go back to them.  I do not see you the same as I did before.  Worse still, I no longer feel you in my heart or being.  I never thought that would go away.  I thought some part of you would remain, however it has been cut out of me.

I cannot tell you how disappointed I am in you that you have allowed people into my home as if you had the right to do so.  Also, I am so disappointed that you allowed them to ruin the taste of my Marmite.  The coffee, the cream, all of it is bad enough but it was personal to take away my Marmite.  Which is what all of this really is – a personal attack.  What my time at ______ has taught me is that those in charge are afraid, frightened, jealousy, envious, and in all other ways malicious when it comes to my good looks, talent, taste, respect, sexuality, mind, and what was once love for you, David.  It is the only explanation to ruin someone’s looks – envy and jealousy.

I do not understand why I had to change cable carriers to Bright House.

I remember seeing you and Courtney kissing at the beach.  You two are a perfect couple.  Please leave me alone.

I remember you getting “married” to Amanda at TCS.  I remember you coming into the store as Rene after you unfriended me on facebook.

I so often wondered why you did what you have done.  I’ve thought if you had wanted me to feel more on equal footing with famous people, then your plan has backfired.  If your whole purpose was to humiliate, embarrass, and shame me then your plan succeeded.

I am so tired of talking to you like this.  I am so tired of having to yell at you.  I am so tired of living like this.  I have been more than patient.  Do you not understand that I have gone without a single personal contact, friend, or relationship of any kind for more than 3 ½ years closer to four?  Even field agents have contacts.  And, more importantly they actually agreed to it and signed up for it. I never did nor have.

I hear in my head how this never should have happened.  How there was no cause, or reason, or evidence of any wrong doing, or bad behavior even on my part.  I HEAR THIS IN MY HEAD and I know this is not my voice saying this.

Do you know the other night I was yelled at in my head for looking at a man and thinking to myself how handsome he looked.  ???!!!  Do you understand how out of control these people are that you’ve allowed to speak to me in my own head?!!  What is possibly wrong about thinking another man was attractive.  Even if I was married to the man of my dreams, happily in love, there is nothing wrong with looking at another man and thinking he is good-looking?!  To yell at me for that?!  After all these years of persecution, injustice, humiliation and shame somebody has the nerve to get upset with me IN MY HEAD for seeing beauty in a man?!  It is so disgusting I just want to slit my wrists.  Think about it for just a moment.  Think about it.

Do you know I see the look on all the FBI, or agency men, or I don’t know what to call them I can’t keep all the lingo along with everything else too, and nearly every single time their look is – you gotta be kidding me?!

Do you know I saw the look on the face of the real guards that day at the courthouse, and all I saw was – you mean, this girl?!

Do you have any comprehension of how confusing any of this is?!

I am not yet done, but I am tired.  I need to lie down.  Which is why I know if given the chance I will live the rest of my life in seclusion somehow.  Away from any public life of any kind.

Cherith J Gjestland

October 9, 2017

For David Wolfe only:

David,

I do not wish to write to you in any way since you have brought me to ________ under false pretenses.  However, I will not now nor will I in the future write anything further to the other computer or “_______”.  It should be my feelings above all else that should be taken into consideration which has yet to be done.  After watching Spartacus, it only cemented the first feelings I had about all of this – you have made me feel nothing more than a sex slave to be passed around from man to man.  You most clearly feel nothing for me or you would not allow other men to use me without my consent or permission.

I feel I must write to make certain that I am being held under such false pretense, false employment, and abuse will not take place for me in the future.  Again, I do not have time to do it all in one day before I have to get to work on time.

I will repeat, I should never be in jeopardy of losing my job – EVER.  No one works harder than me.  No one has to do everything that I do!  I must make it look easy or everyone would not try to copy me.

I will not be going to the movies or ordering take-out tomorrow.  I had to use a day to get rest and sleep which speaks more about your treatment of me and how ________ abuses me than I could ever say.

I am so appalled and disgusted by you, David.  Again, I wish I had never met you.  You have forever changed my opinion of you.

In the future, I will not be playing a key role, nor will I have my day ordered by my driving route this has no place whatsoever in the workplace!

You have treated me as a thing instead of the intelligent woman that I am – I cannot forget that.

It is you, David who is afraid of me.  You are afraid to speak to me.  You are afraid to approach me in person and in real, or you would have done so already.  You are the one who closed the door to me when you called me delusional which is of course, why I never approached you or spoke to you whenever I saw you.

Cherith J Gjestland

October 7, 2017

For David Wolfe Only, for David Wolfe’s eyes only:

David!

Your eyes and body do not belong nor do they have my permission to be in my home – Nor does any other person!!!!!!

I do not have time to write to you today!  I do not even want to write to you, however since you are the _________ smile I feel I have no choice.

Do you know that when I went to play tennis with Mark the very site of him creeped me out and gave me the shivers?  I did not wish to drink from his water bottle because he was disgusting!  He took advantage of my good nature and not wishing to appear ungracious.

I know I am going to forget a million things I HAVE to REPORT to you – not that it does a bit of good!!!

I stopped walking along the “___________” because instead of it being a safe place to walk it turned into pet steps – figure it out – which I absolutely HATE!!!

From now on to me you will be nothing but a liar.  You are a fraud.  You are the one who is afraid of me.  Every chance I get I will happily walk away from.  I most truthfully never wish to see or speak to you again.  I remember Home Depot, you disguised as Tommy talking on the phone saying, we’ve met.  Hanging up and shaking your hands so that I had to hold them.  The rest I do not care to mention or remember.  You have no right to decide my life for me.  Whatever I felt before has long since gone in its place is resentment, anger, great unhappiness, and a hardness you will not be able to overcome.

If that was the grandmother – I do not have time to give proper credit at this time – before me on Wednesday then it was a good job.  However, I cannot see which is not a level or fair playing field.  I have said this before I will say it again, I find it appalling to disguise women as men.  I find it to be a nothing more than a means to diminish a woman’s power as if to say feminine cannot be powerful.  I will also say this, I can imagine it might sound interesting to actors to want to play a part in disguise.  However, being on the receiving end of it especially after soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many years of it I find it nothing but tiresome, dull, and boring.

Going back to The Container Store, when Erin kept trying to push Cassie on me my opinion of Erin fell sharply.  She called the store when I was working there a closing shift, she sounded most intoxicated.  She told me to get out of work and meet them at a bar.  I would never do such a thing.  I was appalled!  I found it disgusting!  I was mortified!

I may have wanted to get out of my Plant City house, and see more of life. and different people, and have different experiences, but I am so ashamed of you David to have let people in my life have access to me when you knew better and otherwise.  I can never forget what you have done.  It has forever soured things between us and for me.

I used to feel so upset with myself I could barely look at myself for allowing myself to be soooo deceived.  But, I feel I can allow myself forgiveness.  Since, you had such an unfair advantage over me with all the cameras, the Bluetooth, the mind-control while I slept, etc.

I intend to see another movie, as it feels the only way to replace the race of purchase and entrance into my home, however it will not be on the 6^th or the 13^th.

The only reason for the purple mouse pads is allergy-free.

Cherith J Gjestland

October 4, 2017

For David Wolfe only:

David,

Can you honestly wonder why I never want to see you or Franco ever again?!  Why I will never be able to believe in you the way I once did before?! 

Let me share just a few examples of the misery I’ve had to endure because of you I couldn’t possibly get to all of today with the amount of time I have:

• I have had cat shit placed in various locations where I know my cats would not have done so.
• I have had my contacts and glasses – more than once – altered so that I cannot see.
• I have had more soaps of every variety altered so that I am made to feel degraded.
• What feels like Crisco added to my soap.
• Bulking agents added to my soap.
• Viruses added to my soap.
• Crisco added to my body lotions and face cream.
• Hair growth added to my facial cleansers and face creams.
• My face creams, soaps, makeup, food and beverages altered so that I appear with heavy dark circles under my eyes as though I have been sick and unable to get any beauty rest. All to make me lose my beauty as if someone is afraid or jealous of my natural beauty that cannot be copied and is unique only to me.
• Fungus placed in my shoes.
• My clothes torn, cut, ripped, and hems taken out.
• Clothing altered so that is appears I have either gotten fat, or the clothing has shrunk.
• Bulking agents added to my foods, so even when I am eating less than 1,000 calories a day I am gaining weight.
• Bugs placed in my electrical outlets, light bulbs, televisions, Tivo, X-box, the entire wiring of my home, my car, my radios, my phone – just to name a few.
• I have had my ring replaced with a fake green stone and ring.
• My sauce pan lid stolen.
• Mugs, dishes, coffee pots broken and smashed with the help of the blue tooth.
• Kept up day and night because of the bathroom vents, outside noises, and other various noises in my whole house because of the blue tooth.
• Lied to in my head.
• Made to swallow because of the blue tooth.
• Additives placed in my coffee and food so it no longer has any flavor.
• My chair altered.
• Retrained to live in such a way unlike any other person alive. Having to unplug my internet, computers and phone.
• Locking up my food, clothing, soaps.
• Stink sprayed on my underwear so my business smells like stink.

The more I think about it the more there is to report the crimes to you.

• Forced to share this house with a man and men I do not love nor care about because of the blue tooth.
• I have no privacy of any kind when even while I am sleeping people enter my mind at their will not my own! Can you possibly image what it could feel like to have zero privacy whatsoever – to never be able to decompress and unplug?!
• Forced to live at such poverty because I am unable to find a job with a livable wage. I could have been happy all these years if it hadn’t been for you.
• Grease placed in my bathtub.
• Hair placed in my tub drain.
• My dryer messed with so that my clothes do not dry.
• My bank account information altered and messed with so that I am unable to access funds, etc.
• Associations forced upon me which I neither agree with nor would ever have made myself in order to alter my behavior and route.

I cannot possibly avoid ever single business with an open sign.  I had to return the family lock because of what happened to my last order it is simply too much and I cannot abide the degradation or be a part of it any longer.  I returned the Honeywell locks because it appears – no matter what I say or do is listened to at all and the only reason for beards (which at first were told to me were only men where now it appears it has been men and women) is to enter my home where they are not welcome in the first place.

• Repeatedly humiliated sexually!!
• Spices and food made uneatable.
• Sugars turned into bulking agents.
• Orders placed on-line altered such as the lip paint I ordered from Sephora that was not delivered and another product put in its place which I did and do not want.
• Forced to overpay for car repairs.  My entire paycheck spent on a brake job because of Sneaky Pete.
• Forced to wear certain clothes on certain days.
• Forced to wear clothes I don’t want to.
• Forced to work overtime when there is no work.
• Forced to work in an atmosphere of competition rather than creative co-operation.
• Forced to lose weight.
• Forced to gain weight.
• Forced to starve.
• Forced to lose muscle tone.
• Forced to go dirty.
• Forced to clean.
• Forced to be LATE!!!!

I have to go!  You will not be able to un-do the harm you have done me and my feelings.

Cherith J Gjestland

October 3, 2017

For David Wolfe only:

David,

You will see my face.  I will no longer cover up my face.  Take your stupid, fucking air and shove it up someone else’s nose!!!!!!  You will see the great unhappiness I cannot hide all over my face!  You will see the great harm you have done to me!  You will see the harm done by tampering my products!  You will see my mouth as the corners of my mouth pull down like great anchors of the extreme unhappiness caused by these past few years and working for you!!!

I have never wanted to go undercover, be a secret agent, or go in disguise at all!!

You have brought me to _________ under false pretense!

The reason I have a lock on every door is to keep every person OUT except me!  The reason I have mats are to wipe my feet and nothing more!!!  I have nothing but signs everywhere that read – STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!!!  No one is welcome!  No one is permitted in my home!

I am looking for employment that is NOT based upon my food purchases, what I eat, how I bathe, shower, or fuck!!!  My life is NOT a scorecard for you!

I am seeking employment that is not based upon which side of the garage I enter or exit, or how my garage is organized, or solving problems, or finding cures for germs, or manipulation of my body, or my driving route, or where I buy gas, or the clothes I wear, or the soap I use, ALL OF IT!!!!  None of what has transpired in the last few years which include more than __________ have nothing to do with what is appropriate, or a good place of employment.  It is the very opposite of care!  It is the very opposite of caring for an employee.

I will not be ordering to-go, I will work my _______ because of the tricks you have pulled on my heavy food.  You have no right whatsoever to tell me what to eat, nor do you have any right to make my house, food, and clothes a competition!  Do you honestly have no better way to be creative other than to copy everything of mine????!!!!!!!!!!!!

There needs to be greater bonuses.  You make it impossible for me to be able to earn any bonus!  You have the worst management at _________!!!  You treat your employee terribly!  You bully them rather than communicating with them!  I will say so at the _________________!!!

I am so sick of you!  How could I ever think of you in a positive way anymore after these last few years, and my care and treatment at ___________!!

NOBODY WORKS HARDER THAN ME BECAUSE NO ONE HAS TO LIVE THIS LIFE LIKE ME – BUT ME!!

I am so sick of not being able to write!  I am not done telling you everything you’ve done wrong!

Cherith J Gjestland

October 2, 2017

For David Wolfe only:

David,

I do not have time to write to you today nor do I want to.  But, what is happening at _____________ is atrocious and should be changed and stopped immediately!

Cherith J Gjestland

It is with the gravest of a sadden heart I bring you this breakfast.  The news on Facebook is so damaging, I am at a loss of words.

Let me prepare you breakfast to ease my pain.  There are no more tears.  The well has run dry in that department – for that man.  The repulsive vile and villainous acts cannot be undone nor repaired.

Understand that I am a woman that would make sure you are getting all your vitamins.  God, I miss vitamins.  I miss Super Seed.  I miss my B-vitamins.  I miss being able to run.

I see myself living on some remote island or hard to reach house where provisions must be shipped, or a boat from town, or someplace where no one can harm me anymore.  Where I am free to make my own mind, have my own things, and allowed the friends I do and do NOT want in my life.

The truth is I no longer can see a man sharing a life with me.  Sharing a life with me in the flesh.  The truth is that vision and ideal of marriage with a man who loves me, ugly that I am, ugly legs and all, the horror story of my stomach left me once and for all with the realization that “Edison” was in a bodysuit, skinsuit, strapped on mechanical dong, with someone in his ear telling him what to say, it is such a violation a part of me left me instantly with the knowledge.  Instantly.  Everyone knew too.  Since, I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote, and spoke and spoke and spoke and spoke in my head about it ever since.

I am the ONLY one telling the truth.

I am the only one telling the truth.

Every other person.  Every person involved since The Container Store – HAS LIED.

I will not be eating with you on this one, my heart and mind are sick with grief and sadness.

Breakfast: I miss fresh food.  Real food.  Food that is alive.  I was thinking of making a fruit salad of chopped mangos, papaya (good enzymes in both of those), honeydew melon, cantaloupe, strawberries, pineapple (anti-inflammatory properties and enzymes), and blueberries.  Some lemon juice and real grated coconut mixed.  It might need a little sweetness to bind it all together.  Then, to balance those flavors some fresh baked bread I made full of whole grains.  Real butter, strawberry jam, and bacon.  To make it a little different I wondered what it would taste like to take freshly cooked bacon, then place it on a baking dish drizzle honey over it, then cook it in the oven a bit until the honey crisped.  Sound good?  A pot of rich delicious coffee served in my Irish coffee pot.  Cream and sugar, as always.

I cannot be made to change my taste in coffee because of an album.  That is not how it works.  I believe the artists who created the album are smart enough to understand the distinction without emotion or upset.

While you are eating, let me share with you.  My devastation it seems, knowns no bounds.

While working at Disney the first time, DKW called me at least once a month.  I remember him telling me about MySpace.  When I went to look him up, to find out where he was in his life, I found his YouTube videos he had made with his girlfriend.  One video was of DKW killing his girlfriend.  It ended with her bloody body on the kitchen floor.  Somewhere in the video there was an iPhone.  It is the most I remember of the video.  What I gleaned from the Facebook hearings – if this is correct – then, David Kahit Wolfe purposefully set out to violate my right to bear and have natural children.

David Kahit Wolfe took away, stole from me the ability, the right to have natural children.  To have children naturally.

It is so painful to read this that I cannot cry, or scream, get angry, or yell.  It is beyond words.

I am so appalled, so devastated.

To further compound my grief, it appears that the only reason this information has become public is by an outside entity.  It does not appear that Facebook would have willingly shared or admitted anything otherwise, nor would DKW.

The loss this information brings to me comes at the expense of hearing his name whispered to me while I was in the hospital with my mother.  Whispered, I believe, by God.

I am sickened, sickened, sickened, sickened, sickened, sickened, sickened, sickened, sickened.

No longer will I meet half way, speak to him, or in any way believe in him.  He has had plenty of opportunity to speak to me too, he has chosen not to.

Enough is enough.

If that was DKW I saw while driving, then heard in my head that he loved me and looked to the radio – I will never believe him again.  It is beyond impossible, as I hear shouting outside my window as I write.

It is beyond impossible.

There are no words, no apology, no money, no restoration of my life that can bring back what DKW has taken and stolen from me.  Stolen.

Years of my life – gone.

My mother – gone and dead.  Taken from me.  Dead and buried while I was not able to be there because no one told me until well after the fact, so it could be filmed.

Tuesday and Thursday.

I am sickened.  Sick.  Sick.  Sick.

How does a man get to do this to a woman?

How does anyone get to do this to another person?

How can it be stopped from anyone ever doing it again?

Banging and slamming of doors underneath me, cars revving past me as I write.

Sick.  I am sick with the news.

Let me share of psychological abuse:

• They made me go to court, say and write about my brother. Say I was a victim, yet I have no alternative but rely on my brother as a means of financial support.
• They do not allow me to go running in the daylight because it is too difficult for the Bluetooth to hear my thoughts.
• I have no choice but to hear the voices at lunch time and earlier, yet because of it somebody broke into my home and destroyed property and my toilet paper.
• While watching Brothers the first time, I don’t know how to describe it since I am unable to know everything that takes place. Yet, while watching Brothers the first time, my guess is whoever was wearing the glasses and helmet while I was in my home, sent me into the outer reaches.  My beer and food were dosed and drugged.  Unable to remember parts of the movie, they sent my brain into someone else’s mind with the drugs.  It was traumatic.  It was a deadening of my soul.
• A similar event took place when I recently had to turn off the news from my computer. Whomever was in charge or had the helmet on did damage, I have yet recovered from.  I am uncertain it is retrievable.  It was as if a part of my brain shut-down, snapped, broke off, dumbed me down, it was a terrible, tragic, traumatic event.  Where is the worker’s compensation for that?!
• These so-called rules that CANNOT apply since none apply. These “rules” do not follow straight across the line.  They do not have any logic to them.  One cancels out the other, yet still somebody manages to violate my sanctum.  It is terminable.  I have done nothing wrong.

I will not stop asking for the female father to be denied access, let go of responsibilities, and terminated.

No one understand the precision, the carefulness, the delicacy of the gray matter in a brain.  What doctor do I get to go to for help with this?!

The breaking off of bits of MY BRAIN?! That is destruction that cannot be calculated.

In the midst of this I would interrupt to share arming teachers IS THE DUMBEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD!!!  It is not in any way a solution to a psychological problem and fracture within our society.

I had some of the most interesting teachers in middle school.  My math teacher, I do not recall his name, however the rumor around school was that he was not a teacher for the salary.  He was a wealthy man by family means, but he wanted to teach.  He chose to teach 7^th and 8^th grade math.  Can you imagine?  What person wants to teach middle school.  Such a difficult age.  I remember he had a permanent and a permanent tan from a tanning bed.  He is the only teacher I know who wore parachute pants.  It was the 80’s.  It was the best I have ever done in mathematics.  Because of him.

I have a theory about maths, perhaps from him that math has a rhythm to it, I can see it in my head.  Like a language or music – there is a rhythm I see.

Mr. Haines my history teacher, who the year previous had taken a sabbatical for a year in Egypt.  He too had a perma-tan, who started every class with a joke.  Both he and my math teacher were my favorites.

My language arts teacher who used to be a former model who wore revealing and see-through tops to class.  I remember thinking at the time, what is wrong with her?  I got an A on a speech I gave that I delivered my own way without the help of a strict out-line and notes. I brought the entire class to laughter.  I made a joke about pee, I was middle-school after all.  I had the entire speech as I wanted it to be in my head, and that is what I did in front of the entire class.  A.

Mrs. Weitzel who mistakenly sent me to a remedial reading class that lasted, one class.  I was sent back to regular class after one class.  Being able to read and reading comprehension are two different things, and a teacher should know that.

My principle who liked me if not adored me.

My drama teacher who danced with me around the quad like the King and I – not in any way bad or sexual or perverse.  Because it was a moment.  Toy Shop.  I was in the play Toy Shop then.

Can you imagine what that teacher’s lounge must have been like in the early 80’s?!  That’s a television show.

Arm teachers?!  Give teachers weapons to use in class?!  Dumbest thing I have ever heard!

What the FUCK ever happened to the notion of community and small business?!

Get the FUCK back to grass-roots and a difference WILL BE MADE!

It is a proven fact that works.  Face to face conversations.  Real and true stories shared.  That is what works.

I cannot believe this took me nearly four hours to write.

Enjoy your breakfast.

Perhaps one day I will truly be able to cook for you.

Be well, my men.

 

My Men.

I am claiming these as my men.  These violent, dangerous, capable, cunning, and thinking men.  These men who I am more comfortable with every day.  Who, I would say I have never been uncomfortable with.  I have a treat for you.  A respite for the work you have all done.

I thought of this dinner for my men April 8, 2018.  Please forgive the delay.

Here’s the scene: I thought of a house/cabin/private resort/luxury home away from prying eyes, from loud and noisy neighbors, from cameras and recording equipment, where there is room to roam around the grounds, as well as, all the comforts of a solid home.  Picture it how you would enjoy it.  All I know is the only way I see myself anymore is far a way from this place and everyone I’ve ever known.

No starter for this dinner.  I want you to save room for dessert and as much drinking as you want to enjoy.  As I have to mention – once again until I moved here, having been drugged on numerous occasions (see the post, At the Hands of Women) I am well over the dialogue that has been spreading of a drinking problem.  Simply because I wrote in my blog that I did not drink when I wrote.  I have never in my life, before moving here ever, ever been a black out drinker.  They drugged me to make me black out.  Again, I have just never needed a chemical inducement to find my creative brain.  That’s all.

I have sausage on the brain.  Imagine that.

This woman just wants meat in her mouth.  Come on!  What’s wrong with that?!

Nothing.

I am grilling sausages.  All different meats, flavors, and varieties of bratwurst and sausages.  I am grilling them, so they get the nice all-over, juicy cook.  Creamed onions with fresh grated nutmeg, honey-glazed carrots, and sauerkraut with caraway seeds, potato slices and carrots.  The potato and carrots help to keep the acidity down in the sauerkraut while the carrots add a little sweetness.  No bread or buns for the sausages instead I am making fresh baked pretzels with kosher salt.  Not those frozen things you get in stores or at the mall, real pretzels.  Have you ever had them homemade before?  They are sooooo good.  I believe you will not stop at one.  You see why I am not giving you a starter?

Here is how I imagined it plated: Your dinner plate of sausage, creamed onions, carrots, sauerkraut, and pretzels, then to the side (your left side, your silverware is to your right – civilization) a tray platter of small dishes for all the mustards for which you can choose.  Mustard is a must for sausage.  White wine Dijon mustard, stone-ground mustard, port wine mustard, honey mustard, datil pepper mustard, and perhaps a port wine cheese dip too.

Beer.

Beer is a must with this.  So, I was also thinking of a sampling of beer also.  Line the beer samplings at the front or top of the plate.  Germans make great beers.  I’m thinking at least five samplings of beer from around the world.  A good, light, full of creamy head beer.  Maybe a Saison.  Porter is too heavy.  Craft beer that you cannot always get a grocer.  Something different from everyday because this is my treat to you.

Plenty of full-size glasses if you find a flavor you enjoy and want a specific one.

Just so you know, you did not have to wait for dinner to get a drink.  Plenty of whiskey to go with the dessert either on the rocks, with water, or neat.

Now, while we are eating, I would tell you some stories.  Such as the time I went to New Orleans on vacation in 2015 how I was asked/forced to purchase perfume/cologne – Elizabeth and James – for no other reason than a means to control how much money I would have to spend in New Orleans.  Leaving me unable to frequent or make purchases while on the trip or in Louisiana.

It is significant because it was a way of keeping monies within the state of Florida.  As well as, not allowing me to fund projects as I went on my way.

Also, I was not able to stay at my hotel of choice in New Orleans.  I wanted to stay at The Best Western in New Orleans.  I was made to stay at a hotel connected to The Hard Rock Café.  Just like I wanted to stay at a hotel in Key West that was across the street from The Hemingway House yet was made to stay at a hotel further away because the hotel I wanted to stay at was on Whitehead.  At the time I believed it had something to do with being able to get access to whatever was being filmed.  I believe that is completely untrue.

I should have been allowed to stay where ever I wanted to.

I would tell you of the second time I worked at Disney I was suddenly asked to listen to my new manager, John’s phone calls.  To the right of where he was sitting was a picture of a black baby covered in what looked like Vaseline.  It was horrifying.  Was it Vaseline?  What was it?  It was so disturbing.  I have no idea the point “John” was trying to create.  What it sounded like to me was “Casey” using a voice modifier to make her sound male.  Being forced to endure this charade.  Having to pretend.  It is disturbing because “Casey” should never have been allowed access to me.  Adrian Grenier should never have been allowed access to me.  I should never have been made or viewed as nothing more than an animal to be trained.  IT-IS-CRIMINAL-BEHAVIOR to allow such a thing to ever take place, to be used as entertainment while keeping me a slave.

How are you going to keep such a thing from ever happening to me or any person ever again?

I would ask of you, am I not able or allowed the same privileges and rights as every other citizen of these United States in that I am unable to use toilet paper, or toilet seat covers without risk of disease, punishment, cruelty, or pet problems.  Not allowed to place my water bottle wherever it will not fall without repercussion?  Am, I truly not allowed to safely sit on a toilet seat with protection, use toilet paper like every other person in the entire world?  Even inmates do not have to bring their own toilet paper with them.

I would tell that while watching Ready Player One as soon as the game started when they started collecting coin, I said, I don’t like rules in a game.  I would rather do than follow rules.  I don’t know why they place them in a movie.

I would share with you the time while in college that a boy who was a friend of Caroline’s asked me to go to the shooting range to which I immediately responded, no.  For the truth is, I was afraid I would be good at it.  It goes along with being able to flip a man over my back land him on the other side of me without hurting him, without thinking about it.  Because I knew I could.

A screenplay I wanted to write after my history professor spoke giving me an idea.  My history teacher, this tall lanky man who would put his foot on the desks of the students in front of him at such a severe degree it was like saying, here is my junk.  Behold.  It is the most unbelievable teacher behaviors I’ve witnessed.  It verged on comedy.  I am not sure which he thought was speaking his penis or his mouth.  Anyway, he spoke of female assassins.  How good they were.  How easy to disguise, for who would see a woman as a threat.  I immediately saw this scene play out of a woman walking down the street in the opposite direction from her hit, reach in quickly and subtlety killing instantly with very little movement.  At the time I thought I imagined the scene from which I could create a screenplay.  In my head, I immediately made the woman a bit more glamorous.  I believe now, that I saw in his head what he was recalling.  He was retelling a story told him.  I saw it.  Pre-Sept. 11, 2001

I would remind you of the news story that happened here in Florida where a baby was taken from the parents’ home – I think it was Valrico.  The parents had not shut the garage door.  Each believing the other had shut the garage door, and in the middle of the night – BTW, that woman tonight was some piece of work – someone had taken the baby.  I never believed this story.  Eventually, the parents moved backed to Boston due to neighbor’s harassment’s, media pressure, and so on.  When talking to people, I said well the police must be right if they believe the parents had something to do with the disappearance.  However, there were too many problems that never added up correctly.  I never believed the story at all.

Isn’t there anything to be done to stop this from happening.  To stop this from happening to any person ever again?!

Isn’t there something that can be done to stop such a sting operation from ever happening to another person ever again?!

Dessert: In a graham cracker crust packed with real butter, but not greasy just enough to keep it from being crumbly – Now, I haven’t made this one before I simply thought it up – a sliced apple mixture in a honey bourbon – yeah, hard liquor – glaze.  I was thinking in a simple syrup – homemade – honey bourbon, brown sugar, vanilla simmer that until it is gooey, then place apple slices in the mixture until the apples are fork tender.  Put the apple, honey bourbon glaze in the graham crust.  Sprinkle some coarse Kosher sugar for a little texture, some real whipped cream, not from a can, nope.  Then, fresh cinnamon and nutmeg grated over it.  As a garnish, perhaps some whole vanilla beans that have been charred with a torch, dipped in an egg white wash, then sugared.  I wonder if they would be good.

Eat.  Enjoy.

My men.