January 28, 2019: READ, Too Tired

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January 28, 2019

You should have hired me straight out, without the façade.

That was an admission I saw this morning when I left work, Timothy admitting he and probably others have used me in the past in their military work.  I know without a doubt I am still, better than him.  And he, is exceptional.  I know I am better.

All these DECADES of using me as a governmental employee is the evidence of that.  I am more than an asset.  Obviously, I am more than an hourly wage employee.

The phone reference in BBC’s Sherlock would also reference my mother’s job when she started at EF, Education Foundation and Sandy Hill who lived in San Francisco.  There is a subversive at work, and it is not my mother.  The fastest way to write this, the double-agents, the subversives trying to bring down the United States government started in Oregon.  Oregon, Ore-gone, this mispronunciation used to bother me.  It was probably code.

All persons involved in creating and operating on me, everything involving my surgery, you need to turn yourselves in.  You will never be safe, I see it.  Even after my death, it is there.  Turn yourself in to the authorities.

If I am too tired to even take a shower after work, I am too tired.  Who is actually in charge when none of it is real, anyway?

There is no reason for my life to be set in this manner.  There is no reason I must live my life without people.

It does look the same, not necessarily the same people, it just looks the same.  Whoever manipulated the traffic lights at the intersection where my brother’s car accident was, it looks the same as the 9/11 attacks.

They should not have moved my trash cans from the right to the left last week when I specifically placed them there.

I never really liked that man I dated.  I never loved Michael, I knew it the moment he told me he loved me, I did not love him.  I did love David, many years ago.

Too tired.

January 27, 2019: READ, Read My Face

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January 27, 2019

Read my face.  What does it say to you?  Do I look well-rested?  Well taken care of?  Happy?  Content?  Look at me from when I worked at The Container Store and notice the HUGE difference.  What does that say about the people and the time since then?  Think about it.  Of course, everything should be organized.

If that was Casey I saw yesterday, she needs to be in therapy on a scheduled continual basis.  Anger-management to begin with.  She is like a spoiled child needing constant validation and attention.

Who is this person, someone who has no idea the amount of detail, organization, efficient time-management, and brain thinking it takes to manage a home?  I was more than managing my own home.  There is more than one person here, they are inept.  So, why am I not a manager?

If a person is better being around me, but I am not better around them it is not a good relationship, influence, or person.

I am more than exhausted.  I am so tired, I want to go back to bed and sleep for days – DAYS!  My feet, my whole body, exhausted, tired, in pain, I can barely function.  Barely move.  I am nearly fifty years old.

Did they actually put something in the paint of my San Diego mug simply to be cruel?  To be cruel to me?  They should be in therapy.  Wow.  Nice to know what San Diego State University thinks of me.

Too tired to write anymore.

January 26, 2019: READ, Write

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January 26, 2019

Michael R. White – no H, no Michael, Write.  Somehow this looks like a composite photo.  At first, I want to say you found a photograph, yet these are only pieces, spliced together.  He looks dead to me.  It looks like the photo has been aged to show what he might look like if he was alive today.  That is what it looks like to me.

Is that really going to be the most reliable source, homosexual prostitutes?

How are her feet, by the way?  LESBIAN!  Make her feet uncomfortable.  With varied means of discomfort, walking and standing for hours.  Looks like she – LESBIAN! – needs to be taken more out of her comfort and control zone(s) and area.

If the news about Brexit (breakfast) is literally only about me leaving the International House of Pancakes after ordering an egg-white omelet in the healthy or reduced calorie portion of their menu and coffee in 2014 when I was driving across the country while in California before I had gotten to Los Angeles, Los Angeles was lunchtime.  Then, you misunderstood me.  None of what was around me, every person looking like they are in a movie, everyone pretending to eat as though they are extras in a movie – still, does not make sense to me.

Pretty sure it was a blue and white building.  I do not believe I left because of anyone near by or anyone in the building at the time.  I went to Panera instead and ate my breakfast in the car.

If you have not understood what happens because chatter or whatever is heard just from me being, or living, or visiting a place, you should have just asked me instead.  I could have told you.  I still cannot believe how many people were at the airport when I departed LAX.  It is rather obvious I am not a criminal, or terrorist.  I am; however, exceptional.

Besides being a code-breaker this is something else I have seen as well, a kill machine.  People have seen me as a kill machine.  As an effect people saw in me.

How very English of me, to not scan people every moment I see them, is to say it is rude, I consider it to be rude to look at people as descriptions.  Also, I can turn it off.  I can turn off the brain-thinking.  You have to be able to do that.  You would go insane otherwise, in my opinion.  You would be a computer program otherwise, if you did not.

January 25, 2019: READ, Converted

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January 25, 2019

Converted.  READ: Converted.  This is what I am getting and reading from the information I’ve been given.  Have you seen a decline and not quite understood why?  Converted.  Converted, that’s what happened.  That’s very difficult to believe.

#1 – somebody broke into my home and destroyed my personal property.  I am the only owner and person with access and possession of a key to my home.  If anyone else has a key, they need to turn themselves over to the police.  I most sincerely did not appreciate it.  I do not appreciate any one touching, manipulating, or destroying my property.

#2 – I will destroy you.  As I broke the bottle, I sent a message that said I will destroy you.  Most specifically, I will destroy you, Eel.  I told him, the Eel, I will destroy you.  What happened because of it?!

Did you not quite understand everything that has been going on and popping up on your screen and the chatter you are hearing?

If there was a threat because of my sign that said, Fire Chelsea, Fire Chris it is from that little hustler of a man.  What he did with the trash at that home is the evidence.

What I am seeing, and reading is that it appears the Eel has turned into a believer, a believer of me, a believer in me.  Is this true?  Find out if this is true.  If it is true it is beyond remarkable.

Understand when I look at someone, I am reading closer to what a classical writer of literature does with a sentence and paragraph by way of description, details, and creating an image or picture.  I am not notating the height, build, physical size, color of the clothing, etc.  That is police training.  That is factual notating in a policeman’s notepad.  Of course, I see all the physical details; however, what I see is much greater.  It’s a talent, it cannot be taught.  You either have it or you don’t.  As simple as that.

The crazy spider woman in 47 Ronin looks like that psychotic LESBIAN woman – that is who I told, never come back.

January 25, 2019: READ: KILL ME, PLEASE!

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January 25, 2019

SOMEBODY JUST KILL ME, PLEASE!

SOMEBODY JUST KILL ME INSTEAD!

I HATE THAT JOB!  I HATE THAT JOB!

Somebody put me out of my misery and just kill me!  Kill me!  Kill me!  Please kill me!

I am supposed to sit here and give you all the information, all the details while I am not able to have children, a life of my own, or men that I want in my life?!  Just kill me instead!

No, I am not interested in writing a report – anymore, kill me instead!  I AM BETTER OFF DEAD!

SOMEBODY KILL ME!  SOMEBODY PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY AND KILL ME!

I AM NEVER ALLOWED TO GRIEVE?!  I AM NEVER ALLOWED TO FEEL ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT SOMEBODY ELSE THINKS?!

EVERYBODY ELSE THINKS MY BROTHER IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME?!  JUST KILL ME INSTEAD, PLEASE!  PLEASE, KILL ME!  KILL ME!  LET ME DIE AND KILL ME!

I HATE THAT JOB!  I HATE THIS LIFE!

EVERY PERSON THINKS MY BROTHER IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLD, THEN PLEASE KILL ME!  I NO LONGER HAVE A PURPOSE!  KILL ME!  LET ME DIE!  KILL ME!  KILL ME!  KILL ME!  KILL ME!  KILL ME!  KILL ME!

OBVIOUSLY, THE WORLD IS BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME THAT IS WHAT THE WOMAN THIS MORNING TOLD ME THAT IS WHAT THAT BLACK DELIVERY MAN TOLD ME THIS MORNING, SO JUST KILL ME, PLEASE!

January 24, 2019: READ: Psychosis

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January 24, 2019

You don’t know how many personalities she has?!  Is this true?!

This Lesbian is probably inspiration for the spilt personalities of the character in the movie Split.  They use light in the movie to show how the character changes personalities.  It is most frightening, if this is true, if this woman who tired to be David Wolfe is this same person I yelled, GO!  On Tuesday January 22, 2019 while I was working, she is psychotic at such a level, I don’t think many people have yet seen.

LESBIAN!

Have you ever heard of not being prepared with any information at all to interrogate someone?!  It doesn’t happen!

Out of nowhere while I am working you expected me to interrogate the person who is probably responsible for not only the 9/11 attacks, but countless others?!  ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?!  WHAT A DUMB THING TO DO!

LESBIAN!

If this is the same person, she was not prepared either!  Place her in a straight-jacket, in an all-white room, put her in nothing but white clothing, any person she sees should be in nothing but white.  Place images of people with opaque white eyeballs around her.  Place people dressed in white, white hair, white skin (Powder, the movie reference be careful it is not a literal copy, it all about mind ability), white eyelashes, everything white, white, white, white, over bright the room she is in then bring the light to slightly bright, over bright, slightly bright, not quickly over an amount of time.  She does not need her multiple personalities to emerge, she needs to be out of context, her own control.  None of that is harmful, by the way.  However, it will have an effect.

She does, as I saw it the other night, have fantasies about having sex with her own mother.  So gross!  Psychologists will know how to talk with her about that.  As I saw it the other night, she is sexually aroused by me, by the thought of having killed my mother, by the thought of my mother dead, by the thought of me seeing my mother near death, she wants to have sex with me, my mother, her mother, and other women at the same time, at the moment my mother was near death to climax as someone, like my mother, dies.  Climax as she see’s life leave their eyes.

Think about that for a moment.  This is my mother.  This is me.  I see it in her how she thinks and wants.  Would you be able to continue working?  Would and how well would you be able to continue packing as you have to filter and sort through a mind like that and deal with being ambushed in your workplace?!

LESBIAN!

If you thought that was easy for me to write about, or that I in any way wanted to write about that, you would be wrong.  However, it is what I saw in her.  I, I am nothing like her.

Guess what?  I do not believe that criminals should be allowed the privilege of speaking with me.  I do not believe that criminals doing time in jail or prison for crimes they have committed should in ANY way be allowed to speak with me!  I do not believe it is with good thinking that criminals doing time need an ego boost, or their self-esteem enhanced, or to be nurtured!  They are criminals doing TIME for CRIMES!  It is a punishment!  It is not a day-care!  It is not a therapy session!  JAIL, PRISON IS MEANT TO BE PUNISHMENT!  ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND!  PRISON IS NOT A SOCIAL GATHERING!  PRISON IS MEANT TO HAVE PEOPLE THINK ABOUT THE WRONG THEY’VE DONE!  YOU GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME IF YOU THINK FOR A MOMENT, I AM GOING TO INVOLVE MYSELF WITH ANY OF THESE CRIMINALS!

I am their interrogator!  I am not the guidance counselor!  I am not going to sit around and chat with criminals!  I am not at all interested in their stories!  YOU HAVE FAILED TO UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE!

If this woman who wants me to give criminals therapy is the same woman, Mississippi documentarian, I am beyond exacerbated with her.  We had a Meyer lemon tree outside the window of my mother’s room of our Plant City home.  With the image of her and lemonade it makes her appear as though she was spying on me and my family.

If this Mississippi documentarian is the same woman who gets sent to rehab often, the former lesbian is also making her sick and ill.  She has that effect on her.

If you think a con doing time is in any way going to respect a person who wants to let them TALK?!  YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND!  YOU ARE WRONG!

SHUT THE FUCK UP!  STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO, I OUT-STRATEGIZE YOU!

Dealing with a mentally ill person is not at all the same as dealing with a terrorist, criminal, or really bad guy.  Read the difference.  See the difference in the writing.  I urge every person reading this, use the full capacity of your own brains to not fall into the trap of deception by failing to think for yourself, think better than yourself.

Am I the only one that wonders why we are in Afghanistan if the mind behind the 9/11 attacks was Egyptian?  Egypt doesn’t make sense at all.  Closer to Samarqand, Uzbekistan than Egypt.  Is it only me that believes it is too unbelievable that the mind behind the 9/11 attacks died that day?!  How did the President get to be in Sarasota, Florida on that very day?  To me it says they also wanted to make a connection to my family.  Man, I really don’t want to write these things and events; however, they seem to be true.  My family, my father, my mother, my brother, and myself all went to the beach at Sarasota many, many years ago.  Probably the mid ‘90’s.

LESBIAN!

Be careful, because this is out in the world as well, if anyone denies that I am the one, as in the number one, and then it is placed in a movie?!  People have been hurt and killed to send a message otherwise.

Be really careful, if you think you can break codes, it actually has to mean something to the other person.  If you think you understand codes or translations yet are incorrect with the meaning to the other person then, you’ve FAILED!  IT MUST MEAN SOMETHNG TO THE OTHER PERSON OTHERWISE IT IS MEANINGLESS!  YOU’VE FAILED!

Whatever is on the Pacific Ocean floor from 1965 is most likely the reason the movie Titanic was made.  Where did they film the sinking of the Titanic?  Baja, California.

If you thought you cracked a code of illegal immigrants from Mexico, if you thought the intel you got was smuggling people, you got it WRONG!  It is not people.  It translates to – SOIL.  Literally soil, not ground, not soiled, soil.  What I see is that some people are literally bringing soil over the border and using it as currency.  It could be actual soil being shipped by trucks, mostly what I see is inconsequential amounts of soil.  The work would be in finding out how they are using it as currency.  It is not completely illegal.  If you walk or drive across the border by legal means and then knock the dirt out of our shoes once on the other side – that is what they are doing.  Also, it is a code S-O-I-L, probably companies, rather than names or people.

I did in Oregon dress as a detective for Halloween.  I wore an overcoat and a fedora-type hat.  I just don’t like dressing in costumes that much.  Creating a character for drama, or theater is different.  Halloween is not my favorite holiday either.

I played in the Kittens softball team when I was a child in Oregon, there is a photo of me in my Kittens uniform, wearing a ball cap, with my hair braided on either side.  I was the catcher, until I was sent into the outfield for not catching too many balls.

This is what I see now, they, it appears to be several or many different people watching me, probably with binoculars far enough and hidden enough to not be seen.  They probably yelled or said something as I went to catch the ball, most likely it was in a foreign language.  What it felt like to me was, what was that?!  Causing me to turn away, close my eyes, or flinch because I did not understand what was happening.  Dubious characters because they were not always the same people.  That is the fastest and best way I can write that at the moment.

Worn, weathered would be a good word for him as well.  Perhaps he was just being cautious the other night.  Worn, as in old, as in tired, not elderly, just worn.  As though he has never witnessed exceptional greatness in life to have something so precious, he held onto it so tightly, with all his might, with his everything, so as to never forget that it happened, that it is possible, that there truly is more and something to believe in.  Worn, weathered.

Was he born in Russia, yet lived here in the USA?  And if not lived in Oregon, he has been there or visited Oregon?  The closest would be the hotel owner, or manager of the hotel in Red Sparrow.  If that is what you were asking.  Why?  What did she do?  What did she do to him?!

Is this actually what I understand from what I’ve seen that he, if not this man, then another man believes that there is such a royalty in me that “they” have been disguising me with all this teacher training.  As a way to keep me down or belittle me, for the only purpose of using me as propaganda, and a propaganda machine and image?  Like a Socialist solider or something similar?!  If this is in any way true it is only because they want bad guys to win.  I do not.

This was brought to my mind today, Darth Vader as seen in promotional merchandise could be seen as a profile; however, for me it is Hitchcock.  Hitchcock.  Anybody else see this?

Frank T. Hopkins is very similar in name to a relative on my mother’s side.  What Hidalgo says to me, my mother probably before I was born, probably before my parents married, my mother helped an agency man in such a way that was such a good catch, find, and capture, they probably wanted her to know in some way.  She loved that movie, I used to put it on all the time.  There was a photo of my mother riding bareback on their horse, Marie, in a field of flowers when she was just a child in Carmangay, Alberta, Canada.  I loved that photo.  It has been stolen from my premises.  I want it back!  I want the people charged!

Blue child could be me, as blue is my favorite color.

Perhaps they were taking revenge on my mother if someone else figured out the connection.  Taking revenge on my mother and the other families it is connected to.

Coincidences look too well planned at times, I am not quite sure what to think about all these connections.  My birthstone is a Sapphire.  Princess Diana’s wedding ring.  Prince Charles was older than Diana.  Michael was much older than me.  That is not in anyway to imply physical abuse of any kind.  I am just mentioning the age difference.  I took French in High School.

To me what I see is it really was meant to hurt Dodi, if Diana was hurt it wouldn’t bother them either, but really, they wanted to hurt Dodi Fayed and his family.  Just to cause hurt.  This word I keep seeing, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt.  They didn’t mind that people would or could die either.  Was I correct in the placement of things?  The static position of something like a light post?

If the height of Dodi Fayed is correct on the internet it is too similar to that dangerous man.  It looks like there is a connection there.

My Social Studies teacher at Dexter McCarty middle school told the class on the first day that he had just returned from a year sabbatical in Egypt.  He had a tan that never faded.  He was not a bad teacher.  My Math teacher that had his own money he did not need to work, my Language Arts teacher who used to be a former model all looked placed.  They all had tans.  Tanning booths were very popular at the time.  It looks too much like coincidence to me.  My Language Arts teacher was creepy, weird to me.  What teacher goes to class teaching middle-schoolers with a see-through top on?!  I thought she was creepy.  I thought she was weird.

My Social Studies teacher, my Math teacher both ok.  Language Arts teacher, creepy, weird.

I see there was, fastest way to write this, a subversive who lived in the neighborhood that was up the hill from where I lived.  She would have been around 10, 11, 12, maybe 13 years older than me.  She would have moved there when she graduated college.  She would have gotten married after she graduated college.  She probably went to college in New York.  She would have worked just this side of Portland.  The Gresham side of Portland before it turned into downtown.  She probably worked at a company that shipped, or transported things.  She probably worked in Human Resources or the office portion of the business.  It probably had a similar factory-type layout within the building somewhere.  I see she didn’t think I was very smart or bright because I liked the movie theater in Downtown Gresham rather than the brand-new movie theater Cineplex that had been built on previously undeveloped property.

I simply believed in the character of the building as being important rather than the flash of new construction.

She would have married a man; however, she might have soon divorced after having some children, then having lesbian affairs, or lesbian relationships only.  This could be the same person, or it could be different people.  This could be the same person who probably killed her own child.  Her subversive activities would have started when she went to college, although she had been approached before then.  She is ruthless, cunning, deadly, she could be responsible for my surgery.  As I wrote previously someone had wanted to take away my ability to have children – as a child.

She should be in prison for the rest of her life.

I never got the job at Progressive.  I applied at Progressive Insurance several times, I interviewed, I never got the job at Progressive.

There would be a connection between Michael C. Hall’s cancer, and Dexter McCarty Middle School.  There is and was a lot of activity in the Gresham area.  I will tell you it is because my family has been and is very important.

Australia – Eridunda, Northern Territory, Australia.  What is there?  Because it looks as though there is an underground bunker of some sort that is housing several of the World’s Most Wanted.  Underground.

More than 2500 words.  I am worn out.  Enough.

READ.

January 24, 2019: READ: Mean FBI Man!

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January 24, 2019

Somebody punch that FBI man in the face since I am not allowed near him!

Whose idea was it to bring me back here to Florida?!

Thirty years, I’ve been denied men!  Why?!  Because of him!  How many times has he interviewed me?!  What a lousy son-of-a-bitch!  Mean!

MEAN!

MEAN!  Mean to me!  MEAN!

Stop spilling drinks on me!  MEAN MAN!

I literally see he has seen me as nothing more than a dumb blonde for quite some time!  MEAN!

Do you actually intend to have me live in a glass jar until I die an old maid, or worse, of such loneliness my heart actually stops beating!  MEAN!

MEAN!

JERK! 

JUST LIKE DAVID, MEAN TO ME!

Who is this imbecile with the mania?!  Mania!  MANIA!  MANIA!  I want them gone!