WE – DO NOT AGREE!

Fuck you, you stupid fucking assholes coming into my house while I’m gone spraying my clothes so I constantly smell like urine!!  Fuck You!

You don’t fucking tell me, motherfucker!

I FUCKING TELL YOU!!

You’re fucking time is done!

You’re fucking pressure washing is fucking done!!

Fuck You!

You don’t fucking own me, motherfucker!

I am not fucking property!

I am not property to be owned!

I am not fucking moving out of my fucking way FOR ANYONE EVER AGAIN WHO EVER WALKS IN FRONT OF ME!!!!  YOU BETTER FUCKING HERE ME!

YOU FUCKING JEALOUS FUCKING CUNTS!

YOU’RE DAMN FUCKING RIGHT IT WILL ALWAYS BE FUCKING MEN, IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN FUCKING MEN, IT WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN FUCKING MEN!!

YOU FUCKING TWATS!!!

Because I choose honey?!  FUCK YOU!!

You’re pressure washing days and nights are through!

FUCK YOU!

No means no!

I ain’t fucking moving!

I ain’t fucking backing down either!

You BETTER FUCKING HEAR me with both fucking ears motherfuckers!  My drive is not a measure, or action of my feelings, choice, sentiments, or understanding!

Why the fuck do you think I cover every single fucking camera you place in front of me!

No means No!

No means, you are fucking FIRED!

You have officially been put OUT OF BUSINESS!!

Open house if I do, open house if I don’t – FUCK YOU!!

Let me caution you real fucking quick, motherfucker.  You better stop this stupid fucking nonsense real fucking quick of imitating whatever movie I play on my fucking computer!  That kind of copy cat is the reason why there are mass shootings and violence.

AND, FOR THE LAST AND FINAL TIME – THAT IS NOT FUCKING ART!!!!!!

You stupid, unimaginative motherfuckers!!!

Fuck you if you think I am writing to you about – well, any-fucking-thing anymore!  Coming into my home, destroying property, forcing me to go to a fucking movie after only two hours of sleep?!  How the fuck am I ever supposed to get anywhere on time if I am only ever allowed a few hours of sleep every single fucking day!

Then, you fucking hack my internet to make my bank account go negative!

FUCK YOU!

IT WAS NEVER THAT SHORT STUPID, LITTLE FUCK!!!

I WIPED THE FUCKING FLOOR WITH HIM THAT DAY!!  I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT!  WIPED THE FUCKING FLOOR!

BOOM!

Drop the mic!

Fuck you, for not being able to manage, or handle, or deal with the fucking amazing fucking person I AM!

You have to spray my clothes to make me smell like piss, so that you feel better about yourself.  So, that you feel you have asserted power over me!  Fuck You!

You do not have permission to enter my premises!  You do not have permission to knock a fucking wall down in my bathroom and replace it with a two-way mirror so you can spy on me and look at my naked body!

FUCK YOU!!!

It takes a fucking coward of a man who belittles a woman rather than holding her in esteem, cherishing her as special, protect her, and giving her the power of choice even if it comes at the expense of your own heart-break.

FUCK YOU for being so little, you have no idea how to be great!

I FUCKING DO!

There is no fucking even-flow.  There will never be fucking even-flow!  YOU FUCKING MORONS!

You’re damn fucking right I disagree with you!  You’re damn fucking right I am not turning around for you!

BTW, David Wolfe could have approached me at Panera.  I have done more than my fucking share for David Wolfe.  If he wants to talk to me, he will have to do it himself.  He will have to man up for a change, and not use a fucking middle man.  But, good luck to that because if there are even words spoken between us it will be a shouting match to bring the whole fucking world down on its knees.  The likes of which have never been seen before.

Fuck you James Franco!  You are going to have to finally admit this stupid nonsense of a marriage was to only trick me.  Motherfucker, I know the marriage proposal was never supposed to be you.  Motherfucker, I know you were only trying to trick me with a fucking woman!  I don’t care that I heard you tell me how much you LOVE pussy.  I fucking saw her.  Stop fucking playing me like I am a dumb hick and a bimbo simply because my zip code is not Orange County.

Fuck you, James Franco!

I purposely STOPPED watching, Out Of Time!  YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!

NO MEANS NO – BECAUSE IT IS MY BODY, NOT YOURS!!!

Jesus Christ, and it takes me two fucking hours to get home from the movie theater?!  You got to be fucking kidding me?!  Then, I am supposed to dick around on the fucking phone because you are incapable of following my FUCKING orders!

Out of stock?!  You got to be fucking kidding me!  I am not as fucking blonde as you think I am, motherfucker?!

You know why you have me in a situation where I cannot speak up and fight back with dialogue?!  I would fucking wipe the floor with EVERY single one of you!  There is not a single person alive or dead I would be incapable of wiping the fucking floor with.  Not now!  Not ever!

There is not a single route I take that should ever involve pressure washing!   Irregardless!!

FUCK YOU!!!

No Means No – You do not get to steal my life and get away with it.

No Means No – You do not get to pretend that what I am doing is acting.

No Means No – You do not get to force me to masturbate and then act as though you have won a victory.

No Means No – You do not get to sterilize me, and not take responsibility for your mistake.

No Means No – You do not get to control time so that I am unable to do write at all.

No Means No – You do not get to take my family away from me.

No Means No – You do not get to replace my family with a studio.

No Means No – You do not get to change the color of my skin.

No Means No – You do not get to kill my cats.

No Means No –  You do not have the right to judge, test, or manipulate my sexuality and pretend that is a show, television, or that I ever agreed to any of it.

No Means No –  You do not get to pretend that I have in any way agreed to any of this since before I moved here.

No Means No – You do not get to keep me as a forced slave.

Yuck!

$100 in groceries and what does that get me?!  Coffee, beer, and water.  You got to be fucking kidding me?!  I am living off of turkey sandwiches because of this fucking green neighbor!

Where is the creativity in that?!

It’s un-enjoyable and miserable.  I don’t dream about food anymore.  I’m angry, hurt, and upset.

I want to mention something about The Container Store.

I was remembering when (after all the walls fell down and I realized everything was faked, and staged) David Wolfe as Alfredo Cruz was pretend working with me at the elfa design center when a female customer approached who appeared gay, and Alfredo prompted and urged me to help the customer.  He said, no she’s ok.  Meaning me.  David thought he could judge whether or not I was upset, capable, happy, or enjoyed pretending to wait on customers, especially if they were gay.  Which I never before cared about at all because they never entered into my equation.

You cannot force a person to be or become gay just as you cannot force a person to be or become straight.

So, gay persons – yeah, of course I was polite.  IT WAS MY FUCKING JOB!  Jesus Christ!

But, David with disguise gone because all I saw was David I did not see Alfredo Cruz, broke my heart urging me to help the customer as if it was not hurtful, as if it my was harmful, as if it was not humiliating, as if it was not embarrassing, for I truly saw the way David believed I was, and the way David thought of me.

That moment is how David made me feel.  Worthless.  I will not describe it further as it is not worth mentioning.  I am sick of ranting.  This is something that never should have been.

Here was “Marvin” and “Alfredo” having me wait on gay after gay customer acting as if I was supposed to be happy by this experience.

I will say this again as my story has never waivered or changed, gay persons – YOU DO NOT BELONG IN MY BED!!!!!!  NOT NOW, NOT EVER!!!!

The notion that I would not be polite, kind, or nice to a gay person is so beyond my comprehension I will not even speak to it.

YOU DO NOT BELONG IN MY BED!

There was an “assignment” at The Container Store that was supposed to help me get promoted.  To write about one of the foundation principles and what it means to me.  Mind you, at this point nothing I did was ever good enough – it was a systematic approach used to manage me that has not changed since.

“Erin” spoke to me about the Communication Is Leadership principle which is the one I eventually wrote about.  However, it was and is not my favorite foundation principle.

Let me share with you a little something called Mind Control.  When “Erin” spoke about Communication Is Leadership my brain and my mind went blank.  Now, just a few hours ago I was trying to remember something.  I wanted to picture, remember, see in my head where Panera was located in the mall.  It is something people do, you look in your head remembering where everything goes and went.  But, I could not see.  I could not see in my own head.  I have been to this Panera close to hundreds of times, and I could not see in my own head and mind.  As if I forgot.  When of course, I did not forget.  I was simply not allowed to use my own brain and my own brain power.

Which is why I wrote about that principle.  Which is why so many things have appeared as though it is and was my own idea, purchase, thought, saying, expression when it has not been.  Because the Bluetooth has not been deactivated.  Because he Bluetooth should never have existed.  Because this never should have happened to me.  Because the Bluetooth has not come forward and admitted the mistakes, and taken full responsiblity.

Just as I am having a terrible time writing at this moment because of the sensation in my hands.  Probably because whoever is near by – bluetooth – does not want me to write.  They want me to watch movies, eat, play video games, and masturbate.  Not my idea of a life.

My favorite foundation principle was/is Fill the other guys basket to the brim.  Making money then becomes an easy proposition.  The point being that service and sales are not mutually exclusive.

Still upset about that store because I loved that store.

Still upset about my Tuesday and Thursday.

And, I am not looking forward to today because it is work.  It is not fun.  I have to plan my clothes, my route, my food, and my time.  It is stress.  It is stressful.  It is neither fun nor enjoyable.  And, do I get paid for this work – nope!  Stress!!

I spend all my days off waiting for my paycheck to finally drop because it drops at different times, so I never knew when it will actually be available.  It does not encourage me to write or do anything other than stress out!  Then what happens?!  My whole paycheck is gone in a matter of hours trying to purchase everything I need and am forced to buy, so that for two weeks I feel emotionally deprived of freedom of choice.

Sick.  Just sick to death.

What if someone told you that you were a star?

What if someone told you that you were a star of a radio program?

What if someone told you that you were a star in a movie?

What if someone told you that you were a star in a television show?

What if someone told you that you were a star, but you were never allowed anything the same ever again?  Would you want to be a star?

What if you were told you were a star, but…

• You were never allowed clean soap again.
• You were never allowed your own ideas again.
• You were never allowed to organize your garage the way it makes sense to you, or the way you want it.
• You were never allowed to drive the way you want.
• You were never allowed to navigate your own driving route – anywhere you went.
• You were never allowed the foods you want to eat.
• You were never allowed to watch the movies you want to see.
• You were never allowed to exercise the way you want to exercise.
• You were never allowed the fragrances you want to smell and smell like.
• You were never allowed to see your mother ever again.
• You were never allowed to be at your own mother’s funeral when she died.
• You were never allowed to see your family again.
• You were never allowed friends ever again.
• You were never allowed to eat with people ever again.
• You were never allowed to eat in a break room at work ever again.
• You were never allowed to watch television in your home ever again.
• You were never allowed to have a private home ever again.
• You were never allowed to date men ever again.
• You were never allowed to have a private life ever again.

Would you want to be a star????

…to be continued

Groggy.

Still groggy.

Groggy and overwhelmed by the amount of work to do, the cleaning to be done it feels pointless.

Humiliated by the Virginia mirror.

Why Virginia?  You had no cause.

Humiliated and ashamed.

Sims4, you are taking up too much of my time.

If you think after what happened yesterday that I am going to watch any more Electric Dreams, you are mistaken.

Just like Star Wars is off too.

This is what I mean by allowing situations and circumstances to be allowed it has an effect on everyone and everything else, and how I think, feel, and see next.

How is that someone is allowed to put sleeping powder in my laundry detergent, so that when wearing clothes I am forced to pass out.  Nine hours later and I can barely get out of bed.  Twelve hours later and I am still groggy and cannot function, or get any work done.

I am so tired of having to be fucking pissed every day!

It is not the way business is to be done.  It is not the way any business should be managed.

In case anyone is wondering, this is not The White House, I am not following any of the President’s.

David Wolfe, the absence of my writing to you speaks volumes.

I do not dream in food anymore.

I am about to spread news of my dissatisfaction with companies that do not deliver products I order, problems with products, and issues with products.  Regardless of where I purchase them.  Because no matter from whom, or where I purchase a product should have no bearing on where I buy gas, where I park my car, what door I use to open or close no matter where I am, where I exit from, what lane I use to drive, etc!

HOLLYWOOD, YOU KNOW NOTHING!

FUCKING PISSED!

How does somebody get to have the right to place sleep spray in laundry detergent and deliver it to me!

It will take me weeks, months if not years to get rid of all the problems!  If it can happen to me it can happen to other people.

BEWARE!

I am not done yet!

YUCK!!!!!!!!!!

SHUT THE FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL UP!!!

STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE, YOU STUPID FUCKS!!!!

Still Don’t Feel Well.

Fear and trepidation fill me as Saturday’s approach.

Not a life worth living.

Do Good – Not Evil

Do Good – Deeds

Do Good – Not Harm

Do Good – Works

Do Good – Love, With More Than Everything In You

Do Good – Writing for yourself, for others, for the world, for history to learn from and not repeat itself again and again, and again and again.

Do Good – Art

Do Good – Creative Things

Do Good – Theater

Do Good – Film work

Do Good –  Mindful Thinking

Do Good – Representations

Do Good – Caring for yourself, for others, for the world to know darkness and evil will NOT be tolerated, not now, not ever.

Do Good – Laughter, so the world can know joy exists.  So, every person can see the light from within is impossible to diminish.

Do Good – Health

Do Good – Work

Do Good – Eating

Do Good – Drinking

Do Good – Actions With Purpose

Do Good – Talking and Speaking

Do Good – Active Thoughtful Listening

Do Good – Speeches

Do Good – Loving

Do Good – Relationships

Do Good – Parenting

Do Good – Rest

Do Good – Wakeful Purpose

Do Good – Not Shame

Do Good – Not Humiliation

Do Good – Not Cheating

Do Good – Respect

Do Good – Sincerity

Do Good – Happiness

Do Good – Dreams and Dreaming

Do Good – Serenity

Do Good – Sincere Apologies

Do Good – Holding Your Tongue, so you do not have to apologize later.

Do Good – Without Fear

Do Good – Admitting When You Are Wrong

Do Good – Grace

Do Good – Peace

Do Good – Fighting For What’s Right

Do Good – Balance

Do Good – Beliefs

Do Good – Believing

Do Good – For Every Person Regardless of Sex, Creed, Religion, Color, Nationality, Sexual Orientation, and Body and Shape.

Do Good – Decisions

Do Good – With What You Have

Do Good – Do Not Destroy

Do Good – At preserving what you have, so you do not have to live with regret as some things can never be replaced.